See regular disclaimers and notes in part 1
Special disclaimer: mention of Sweet Valley High, I don't own it, or them, or whatever
Betrayal by the Heart part 11
Diary,
Today just hasn't been going to well. Angel and I still aren't talking, not really, not how we used to. Its like the past couple of months hadn't even happened. We're acquaintances again. It hurts that we are falling apart like this and its all my fault.
Got our report cards today. All A's once more. Somehow this time it doesn't seem as important. Grades haven't been that high on my list since Oz. Funny that when I'm not concentrating on getting grades I do better than I've ever done. I have the time now anyway. With all the freetime I have now that Angel and I barely talk and he being the only person I talk to...Willow has lots of study time these days.
He won't say anything but I know I hurt Angel that night when I told him I needed space. If I had known this was what space felt like I would have never said anything to him. I'm choking on all this space between us. I want to be at the mansion, lying on the sofa, staring into a fire while he reads a book, my head lying on his shoulder. I just want to be close again.
Buffy is still putting the freeze on me, which means Xander, aka lapdog also hasn't spoken to me either. I don't know what the think about it. I've known Xander since like the first grade and Buffy's known him about three years; but he would rather side with her over me. Maybe if I died my hair blonde and stopped wearing actual clothes I could gain his support again.
Sometimes men make me so angry. Especially men when they are around Buffy. Every male in the human race has a thing for her and she uses that to get whatever she wants. Even Giles, not so much in a pedophile kind of way. More like father daughter kind of thing, luckily cause the thought of Giles and Buffy together makes my skin crawl.
Funny, I don't think dating Angel is weird, but he's like five times Giles's age. I guess its because he doesn't look a day over twenty-two. Of course he still has a mind of a two hundred plus vampire, so he wants a relationship in the first place.
That thing with Buffy doesn't even count, that's just a mutual lust.
I never saw it before, but Angel and Buffy have nothing even in common. I know 'opposites attract' but this is ridicules. They don't even have anything to talk about in normal conversation. Buffy probably spends all of their dates bitching about everything bad that's ever happened to her. I mean when she's not sticking her tongue down his throat.
I don't want this to be the end of our friendship but I can feel him drifting away from me, putting distance between himself and potential pain. Angel thinks that I would hurt him.
And I love so much that I can't see sometimes.
I remember about this time last year Buffy was complaining about how she wished to have normal problems. Well now we got problems, right out of Sweet Valley High. If Buffy and I were twins it would be perfect. Sometimes being a teenager is highly overrated.
I just want to make it out of this year without hurting someone. Namely a blond haired slayer who has far to much time on her hands for a savior of the world.
God the doorbell just rang. I have to go.
Willow Anne Rosenburg
