Title:  Saturday Morning

Author:  Velvet Crypt

Email: tirel@pcnuthut.com

Spoilers:  Before Hells Bells 

Disclaimer:  Joss is God. I own nothing.

Rating:  R

 

 

Buffy sat in shock as the door shut behind him. Vaguely, she was aware that she was whimpering, but was too shell shocked to care. ~He left. I offered myself to him and he left. Why? I know he loves me. I know he wants me. What’s wrong with me?~ Her mind spun in circles as she stood up. ~He left. He didn’t want me. I disgusted him. How? Was I too needy? Was I too slutty? Maybe he likes nice girls.~ She mentally rolled her eyes. ~…but then why did he go?~

 

Her legs carried her up the stairs and into the bathroom. She pushed open the door and stared at the person in the mirror. Her blonde hair was mussed, her eyes red with tears. Her skin was flushed, and Buffy bet it had more to do with Spike’s touch than the crying. And her lips. They were full and swollen, a visual reminder of the glorious moment when Spike had returned her touch.

 

Just before he left. The tears that had been trickling out of her eyes suddenly burst through the dam and she began to sob. Sliding down the bathroom door, she huddled into a ball in the doorway and cried.

 

Willow found her in the morning as she stumbled, groggily to the bathroom. She blinked several times to clear the sleep from her eyes and to try to comprehend why Buffy was sleeping on the bathroom floor in a small crumpled ball, tear streaks down her cheeks, when she’d gone to bed with Spike. Kneeling next to her, she smoothed Buffy’s hair off of her face and gently shook her shoulder.

 

“Buffy? Buffy, wake up.” Tara shuffled in the room yawning. Her mouth snapped shut and she raised an eyebrow in Buffy’s direction. Willow shrugged and went back to shaking Buffy’s shoulder. “Buff? Time to get up, honey.”

 

Buffy pried herself out of dream in which Spike was sweetly running a washcloth over her skin as they lay together in a warm bubble bath. She smiled sleepily up at Willow and Tara wondering why they were in the bathroom with her and Spike and then reality came crashing down. Tears filled her eyes again and she flung herself in to Willow’s arms.

 

Willow shushed her, rocking her and petting her hair, while staring in confusion at Tara. Finally, when the worst of the tears had stopped, Tara and Willow led her back to their bed and they curled up under the warm covers. With a witch on either side of her, each holding a hand, Buffy finally calmed down enough to try to speak.

 

“I guess you’re wondering what the hell I was doing in there, huh?” she hiccupped quietly.

 

“Only if you want to tell us, sweetie.” Tara smiled, squeezing her hand. Willow nodded in agreement.

 

“Are you warm enough?” She asked. “Do you want some coffee?” Buffy shook her head.

 

“N-no. I don’t want to move. Don’t leave me, okay?”

 

“Oh, honey, no…we wont’ leave you,” Tara flashed a worried look at her girlfriend. “Do you want to tell us what happened?”

 

“H-he left.” Tears threatened again, but she forced tem back. “He didn’t want me, and he left.”

 

Willow patted her hand. “Of course he wants you, Buffy. He’s in love with you. He’s insanely in love with you. He’s like y-your…love puppy!” Buffy snorted.

 

“He loves me so much that he walked out. We kissed. I told him I trusted him. I told him that I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, and he left. He said he couldn’t explain and he wouldn’t do it. Then he left.”

 

Willow opened her mouth to say something, but Buffy exploded into tears again.

 

“I don’t know what I did wrong.” She sobbed. “I thought he wanted that. Isn’t that like the ‘thing’ that vamps do when they want to be together? Doesn’t that mean they trust each other and love each other? Am I just not lovable? Maybe I’m just not bitable.” She frowned, then shook her head. “Angel wanted to bite me. And Dracula. And the Master. Just not Spike.” She sniffed. “I guess that means it’s ‘loveable’.”

 

“Buffy Anne Summers, you are very loveable!” Willow poked her in the side. “Err, not in a Tara-is-loveable kind of way…but still darn loveable.” Buffy managed a wane smile. Willow returned it and then locked eyes with her.

 

“Buffy, do you…ummm, well, why do you want to have Spike bite you? You said that the biting was what vampire’s do when they trust and love each other. I-I know you aren’t a vampire, but you’re…implying that …well, that you…” She trailed off and looked helplessly at Tara.

 

Tara gently touched Buffy’s chin, drawing her gaze. “Do you love and trust Spike, Buffy? Enough to let him bite you, knowing that if you aren’t 100% sure, that you could be risking your life? Innocent’s lives?…His life? Buffy, if you aren’t sure that you love him like he loves you, you’re risking turning him back into a monster.” She smiled sadly. “And don’t tell me that he is a monster. You know that’s not true anymore.”

 

Buffy’s chin firmed but her eyes softened. “I really haven’t thought of him as a monster in a long time. Sometimes, I let my pride run my mouth. I tried to push him away because I was afraid. I blamed him for being himself. I told him…I told myself…that I couldn’t feel for him because he was a monster. I was wrong, Tara. So wrong. I am the monster. I treat him like crap and chase him away. He stays, though. No matter what I say, how horrible I am to him. He stays and he keeps loving me. Why would anyone want to love me?” she rolled over and buried her head in Willow’s pillow, letting the tears come again.

 

After long minutes of soothingly rubbing her back, Willow and Tara heard the little hiccupping sobs turn into the even breathing of sleep. Silently, they got dressed, gave Buffy a final kiss and headed for the Magick Shop.

 

___________________________________________

 

 

 

The girls stepped into the magic shop, still talking about the bizarre circumstances that surrounded Buffy and Spike.

 

“Hey there, lovely ladies,” Xander called from the table where he was engrossed in a game of rummy with Dawn. Anya looked up from counting her money with a distracted smile and then resumed.

 

The girls took seats next to Xander and Dawn. “I think we have a problem, Xander.” Willow announced. Xander smiled.

 

“Wills, we always have a problem. This is the Hellmouth. That’s kind of it’s job.”

 

“No, I mean from last night.” Xander looked worried, Dawn perked her ears up, and even Anya moved away from the money.

 

“He didn’t…I mean, he’s not…” He stumbled over the words. Tara shook her head.

 

“No, nothing like that. Something even more strange.” She smiled wryly.

 

“He who?” Dawn asked. The others exchanged looks. Dawn sighed. “Let me guess. Though at my age, my sister was killing demons and getting it on with a vampire, I’m far too fragile to discuss naughty things in front of.” She sat back, arms folded.

 

“I think she should hear it.” Anya stated.   Dawn flashed her a grateful look. “I mean, she lives with her, for crying out loud. She’s bound to pick something up.”

 

Tara nodded. “Fine. Dawn, this may be a little hard to accept, but last night…We all got a little drunk and did some things that we normally wouldn’t have done. She blushed. Dawn just looked at her expectantly. “Including your sister. She…well she asked Spike if he would bite her.” Tara let out a huge sigh of relief at finally getting the sentence out.

 

“Did he?” Dawn asked, unfazed.

 

“Um, no…and that is actually the problem.” Willow took over.

 

“That sucks,” Dawn, sighed. “I bet she chickened out, huh? He told her all about the thrall and she freaked.” The others stared at her in astonishment.

 

“Y-you know about the thrall?” Willow asked. Dawn rolled her eyes.

 

“Unlike you guys, I like Spike. I like talking to Spike. He treats me like I actually speak English, not baby talk.” She shrugged. “I asked him once why it had to hurt when someone was bitten. He told me it didn’t always have to hurt. There were two instances that he would be able to bite someone.” Xander leaned forward/

 

“Two?”

 

“Mmm hmmm. One is the thrall, of course. But that marks the human as belonging to the vamp. Kind of like a soul bonding, from what he was saying.” Dawn explained. “The other is during sex.” Their eyes went wide. “If the human is really getting into it, and they can treat the biting just like some other sex play, then it will be just really rough sex,” She finished and saw everyone staring at her. “What?”

 

“Spike told you that?” Xander asked, gritting his teeth. Dawn nodded. “I’, going to kill him. He has no right to tell a 15year old girl about sex.” Dawn snorted.

 

“You’re right, Xander. AI should learn it from the other girls at school who are having sex.” She threw her cards onto the table. “Don’t freak, guys. He followed it up with a lecture that Buffy would have been proud of. All about how I was still too young to be experimenting. That sex was a beautiful gift not to be given lightly. He told me that I should never consider having sex with anyone that didn’t fill every thought in my head, or make me shiver when I saw them, or make me cry at the sound of their name.” She was waving her hands about, mocking the romantic notions.

 

“Then he told me that if I feel all those things, I still had to come to Buffy or him and tell them about it. To make sure that I really understood the consequences. Of course then, he threatened to rip my potential bliss partner limb from limb, drain him dry and dance on his husked corpse if he ever found out I went out and did it without consulting him or Buffy. All in all, I think the message got through.” The others just blinked.

 

“So, why is him not biting her a problem?” She continued.

 

Willow shook herself out of her stupor. “Er, umm…well. Buffy was really upset that he didn’t want to. She cried herself to sleep in the bathroom and now she thinks that she isn’t loveable, or bitable…ummm, but mostly loveable.”

 

“She thinks Spike doesn’t’ want her. That there’s something wrong with her.” Tara took up. “I really think that she’s in love with him.” She finished quietly. Xander made a choking sound. Anya pursed her lips thoughtfully and nodded. Dawn bounced in her chair grinning wildly.

 

The door crashed open and a blanketed figure raced in, slamming the door shut behind him. Once he was sure the sun’s rays were in check, Spike pulled the cover off of his head. Tidying his hair and duster, he grinned at the group.

 

“Cor, what a bunch of solemn gits, except of course for you, Nibblet.” He walked over and ruffled her hair affectingly. “What’s the problem, children?”

 

“What exactly is wrong with Buffy?” Xander began in a huff, surprising the ladies in the room and shocking the hell out of Spike.

 

“Err, I don’t know, mate. What is wrong with Buffy?” the vampire looked warily from face to face.

 

“Xander wants to know why you wouldn’t bite Buffy. You made her cry.” Anya added helpfully. Spike’s face was a study in emotion. Shock, confusion, uncertainty, and finally pain.

 

“She told you?” He pulled up a chair next to Dawn and straddled it. “Well, I’d think you’d all be very happy that I refrained.”

 

“She was devastated, Spike.” Tara said quietly. “She cried herself to sleep on the bathroom floor. Willow found her this morning. She told us that you refused to bite her and then you left. She thinks she’s not…bitable. Or loveable.”

 

Spike just stared at her. “How the hell could she think something like that? Everyone loves her. Every vamp in the world would kill to bite her.”

 

“She doesn’t want every vamp in the world to bite her, Spike.” Willow stated. “Just you. And you won’t do it.”

 

“Ok, forgive me if I sound a bit dense, but what the bloody hell is going on here?” Spike snapped. “The Slayer is your friend, your hero, your…well, she’s really important to you. And you are mad at me, an evil vamp who you’ve hated for years, because I won’t bite her?” He looked around incredulously. “Am I in an alternate dimension?”

 

Tara smiled at his confusion. “Actually, I think we are all a little concerned about it. None of us really understand the significance of this biting. Not the real reason, the reason you won’t do it, or the reason why it has Buffy so unhappy. We just don’t like to see her unhappy and whatever this…thing…is, it really has her unhappy.”

 

Spike dropped his head to his arms, resting on the back of the chair, and sighed. “OK. Let me try to explain. For vampires, biting…leaving a mark, a scar, is rather like presenting someone with a wedding ring. Only, it’s a lot more permanent. You can take a ring off. You can’t get rid of the scar. Not the physical mark, or the mark it makes on your soul.”

 

He held up a hand to forestall any objections, not even noticing that there weren’t any. “I know you thing vamps have no soul. Fine, think whatever you like. I really don’t even know for sure myself. I do know that the mark stains you. No other vamp will touch you. You are property. Claimed. Possessed. Owned.” HE sighed. “Those are all really bad words. It makes it sound like slavery. I suppose it is, to an extent. But, when you are claimed, you feel complete. You feel loved. Nothing else can compare to that feeling.”

 

He smiled wryly. “It’s forever, children. Even after the claim has ‘expired’ for lack of a better word.  After being away from the one who claimed you for a long enough time, the possession fades. Other vamps will see it, they will recognize unclaimed territory again.” His eyes went far away. “But it’s always there. In your soul. You feel it. Every time you see him, it hurts. Knowing that he didn’t want you anymore. That he refused to renew his claim. It’s like a piece of you is gone. One you can’t fill with anything else.”

 

He stared at nothing for long moments, pain and longing evident on every line of his face. The Scoobies sat quietly, hardly daring to breathe. Then he shook it off and shrugged. “There’s no way in all the planes of hell that I’d force that on her. She’d be tied to me forever. And I couldn’t let her go, children.” He warned. “If I claimed her, she would be mine in every sense of the word. I’d never leave her. I’d never let her go…I’d never let her die.” He made eye contact with each of them in turn, making sure they understood just what he meant.

 

“She’d come to hate me. To hate what I made her into. She’d need me. To be near me. To love me. To have me love her. It wouldn’t be a fling, or even a love affair. It would be an eternal binding of her soul to me. I would literally own her. And she’d hate me for it. And so would all of you.” He shook his head and pulled out a cigarette.

 

“Did you tell her that?” Tara asked quietly. “Did you give her the opportunity to make that choice?” Spike laughed harshly.

 

“Luv, she was drunk off her ass, writhing on top of me like a bitch in heat. I really don’t think me giving her the ‘eternity lecture’ at that juncture would have been useful.” Xander gritted his teeth and forced himself to stay seated.

 

“Well, she’s not drunk now,” Dawn chirped. “Go talk to her.”

 

“And what if she says yes, luv?” Spike asked quietly. “Are you willing to bind your sister to me like that? Are they?” He gestured at the Scoobies.

 

“Spike, you are so dense sometimes.” Dawn sighed. “If you love her and she loves you, then this is the logical conclusion. And you aren’t asking me, or Willow, or Xander to stay with you for the rest of eternity. You are asking Buffy. Honestly, as much as we love her and try to protect her, our opinions don’t mean shit.”

 

“Language, Nibblet.” Spike chastised absently. Dawn smiled.

 

“She has to live with herself, and you, after making this decision. She knows that we all love her. No matter what weird thing she gets into. We always have and always will. And you’re not all that weird. At least you love her.” She touched his hand.

 

“Nibblet, when did you get to be so smart?” He asked, a gentle expression on his face.

 

“Well, someone has to be. You’re all running around here like idiots,”

 

“I for one am vowing no more idiocy,” Xander announced. “Spike, tell her. If she agrees, then as much as it pains me to say…bite the hell out of her.” He grinned.

 

Spike blinked at him.

 

“What if she agrees, I do it, and then she wigs out at the last second. I lose me. I override the chip and eat everyone. What then?”

 

“Ok, plan B. Tell her, if she agrees, bite her. If she wigs, we’ll be there to stake you.”

 

“Xander!” Willow cried.

 

“No. No, Red. I agree” Spike forestalled her outburst. “Id I go down, I’m likely to hurt the lot of you first because I’m so familiar with you. And of course, I’d kill Buffy before that.” He shuddered. “No, I’d rather be dust. I agree, Whelp. So, I’ll tell her, and bite her if she asks. But not without you all there to finish me off. You all have t promise, or no deal.”

 

The scoobies each promised.

 

“Fine. Then we meet back at her place tonight.”

___________________________