Title: Dance Away The Heartache
Author: Triggersaurus
Rating: U
Genre: DR/CH/Twins
Summary: Tess gets a place at a prestigous dancing school, but it means
moving out of home at the age of 14
Disclaimer: They're not strictly mine, but when you consider they're not
actually on ER anymore...
Author's Note: Another one of the poll winners from the WIP page on my site
(http://www.geocities.com/er_trig/triggersfics.html)- keep voting, I can't
decide what to do next!

For Jo.




It arrived early on a Saturday morning, in the middle of April. Tess was
outside, eating a slice of toast and throwing sticks to the dog. Kate was
still in bed, and probably would be until about 11. Doug was due back from
the hospital some time soon after leaving unexpectedly the previous night
for an emergency call, and Carol was in the bath. Tess was waiting for
someone to be ready enough to drive her to her dance lesson - she had an
exam coming up within the next two months and the extra coaching lessons on
Saturday mornings werew well worth it. Of course, she had to BE there to
take advantage of it, and at this rate she was going to have to practice in
her own yard. She went back into the house, finishing off the toast, and
yelled up the stairs.

"You ready yet, Mom?"

A muffled response in the negative could be heard faintly, and a head of wet
hair peered around the bathroom doorframe.

"Tess, don't yell. Your sister's still asleep. I'll be there in a few
minutes."

'Yeah, right,' Tess thought. She still had wet hair, which meant she had to
blowdry it, and that always took hours. It was times like this that she was
glad she hadn't inherited her mother's hair. Kate had, but even her hair
wasn't as out-there. Tess had wavy chestnut hair that right at this moment
was pulled back into a tight bun and covered with a liberal amount of hair
gel. 'There's no way you could be a dancer with hair like THAT,' Tess
thought, imagining her mother flouncing around a stage with her hair flying
in sixteen different directions. It was a cringey vision, and she blocked it
out in favour of trying to remember the complex pattern of moves that made
up one of her exam pieces.

"Hey there, Tessy. You waiting for Mom?"

"Yeah...she only just got out of the bath," Tess groaned. Doug dropped into
an armchair and rested his head back on the seat.

"Dad....." Tess sidled up to the chair and sat on the arm as Doug looked at
her. His eyes said 'What do you want?', and Tess knew he had a good idea
what she was about to ask.
"Can you take me to dancing?"

"Ugh, Tess. I just finished an 8 hour shift, and two kids died. You woke me
up last night when you dropped something...what was that?"

"Uh, my desk lamp."

"Well it made one hell of a noise."

Tess smiled at him sweetly, pointedly raising her eyes to the heavens when
the sound of the blow dryer started up.

"Alright, alright. I'll send your Mom to come and pick you up later as a
punishment for being late now. Go on, get in the car."

He brushed her off the arm of the chair and stood up to stretch. Tess ran to
the door where she picked up a sports back bulging with various dance items
and then left the house. Doug went up the stairs slowly and stuck his head
around the doorframe of the bedroom he shared with Carol. She saw his
reflection in the mirror and smiled hello, still drying her hair.
Doug went into the room and clicked the switch on the socket so the power
supply to the blow dryer was lost.

"Doug!"

"Shh. I'm taking Tess so you don't need to rush. You have to pick her up
later though." He kissed her on the cheek and turned to leave.

"Thanks, Doug. How were things at the hospital?"

"Crappy - lost a couple of kids. I gotta run before Tess drives there
herself."

"Okay, see you in a while."

He left the room and descended the stairs. Tess had left the front door open
and he picked up some papers that had blown onto the floor. Putting them
back on the desk, he grabbed his car keys, so quickly discarded when he'd
arrived home, and closed the front door behind him.

"Mornin'"

"Hey. You're up early..."

"Yeah, first Finn started barking, then Tess yelled something at you, then
the car came and went. I gave up trying to go back to sleep."

Carol smiled at her over the cup of coffee she was drinking. "Sorry about
that. Blame your sister. She was late for her dance lesson."

"Don't worry, I'll blame her. What's for breakfast?"

"You say that like I'm going to make you something."

"Aww, Mom. You know your scrambled eggs are the greatest."

"Hah! We're out of eggs."

"Dammit!" Kate sighed heavily, like the end of the world was nigh, and came
around from the counter she had been standing behind. After inspecting the
contents of all the cupboards in the kitchen, she announced, "We need to
shop."

"No kidding. We'll have to go to the store this morning."

"But what am I going to eat for breakfast??"

"Toast? Cereal?"

"I don't feel like those..."
She moped around, checking the cupboards again just in case something had
changed. Giving up, she said mournfully, "I'm going to go and check the
mail."

"Okay. Maybe you'll find some food in that."

"Ha ha."

Kate went out to the mailbox, still in her PJs and bare feet. Happy to find
a letter addressed to her, as well as one to her sister and three for her
parents, she went back inside.

"Here, three for you and Dad, one for Tess, and one for meeeeeeeee!"

"Ugh, bills." Carol looked over the envelopes, pushing them away. "I don't
want to know, if yours is a bill."

"No...ugh! It's junk mail! How do these people get my name? I don't want a
foot spa with thirteen free accessories and a clock radio if I reply in a
week!"

Carol took the leaflet from her and looked at the envelope as well.
"It's probably just one of those companies that are part of something you
belong to...that magazine you subscribe to, did you tick the box on that
form that said "We will pass your name to other companies"?"

"Um. I don't know."

"It's probably that."

"Ooohhh, but I'm so disappointed! I thought I had actual mail. I wonder what
Tess's is."

"Maybe the same thing. Now, if you're not going to eat breakfast, go
shower."

"Mom! I'll shower when I want! Besides, I'm playing hockey this afternoon, I
might as well shower after that instead of before."

"Hmm." Carol gave her a warning look, and went to the sink to wash up her
coffee mug. Kate disappeared up the stairs to get dressed and re-emerged
shortly in jeans and an old, faded black t shirt with 'Portland Children's
Hospital' printed in small letters on the left. As she resumed her hunt for
food, Doug returned, dropping his keys, once again, on the small desk by the
door.

"Hey Dad. You didn't buy any food this morning did you?"

"Food? Wheredya think I'd get the time for that?!"

Kate disappeared into another cupboard, grumbling. Eventually she settled on
a large bag of chips and wandered over to the lounge to sit next to Doug.
He'd put the TV on and was flicking through the channels. Saturday morning
TV was a dissapointment and he gave up.

"Please tell me I don't have to take YOU anywhere in the next half an hour."

"You don't have to take me anywhere in the next half hour..."

"Oh, praise the Lord."

"...as long as you can take me to the rink this afternoon."

"The rink?"

"Yeah, I'm playing hockey."

"A game?"

"No, we're training. The rink got a new coach."

"Training now? They making a team?"

"Don't know. They might make one up but if they do it has to be one boys
team and one girls team, and there's only me, Charlotte and Lucy that go."

"They can't have a mixed team?"

"Not if they want to play in any leagues...and when I'm 15 I can't even
train with the boys because of insurance or something like that. In case we
get hurt."

"That's a stupid system."

"Yeah, but I can see their point because I'd really want to sue someone if
some big guy who looks like a truck crushed me into the wall..."

"You'd just hit him right back, Kate." Carol grinned.

"I couldn't if I was lying bruised and mortally wounded on the ice!"

"You're too tough for that, kiddo." Doug smiled too and took a handful of
chips from the bag Kate was holding.

"Well anyways, can you take me?"

"Sure I can. I might want to watch too, you never know."

"Daaa-aad! Please don't watch! No other kids' parents watch!"

"Oh, I think I might come and watch too. We could take a picnic," Carol
joked to Doug.

"Nooooo! Mom, don't put ideas in his head! You never go and watch Tess at
dance practise..."

"We did when she started! And we go and see all the shows."

"Yeah, but this isn't a match or anything important, and besides Tess
started dancing when she was 5 and ALL the parents watched! Please don't
come? It'd be so embarrassing."

"Alright, alright. Compromise. Ten minutes at the beginning. I just wanna
see what you can do."

"Ten minutes? How about five? Then everyone might just think you're a
cleaner or something."

"Hey! You don't get any more chips for that." Doug snatched the bag away,
smiling.

"ARGH!" Kate, feeling frustrated but trying not to laugh, got up from the
couch and stamped off into the kitchen to get a glass of juice.

"Got that Access bill this morning, Doug."

"Yeugh, you trying to put me off my food?"

"Yeah, so you'll leave some for the rest of us!" Carol grabbed for the bag
but missed as Doug swung it away from her.

"Any other mail come?"

"Kate got some footspa offer-"

"Oh really?!"

"Shut UP!" Kate called from the kitchen.

"-and there's something for Tess too, probably the same thing."

"What time does she finish again?"

"Uhhh...I think it's 11 o'clock. You might want to think about making a
move." Doug nodded at his wristwatch, looking at Carol.

"Yeah. Did she ever say anything about that audition you took her on?"

"Nope. Said it went okay. She was having one of those Adolescent Days."

"Oh, the ones where they just grunt?"

"Yeah."

"HEY!" Her parents were unbearable sometimes, Kate thought to herself.

Kate was in her bedroom, putting up a new poster when she heard her sister
call from downstairs.

"HeeelLLLLLoooOOOOOO! Kath-er-eeeeeeeeene!"

UGH. Kate couldn't stand her full name. She was seriously considering taking
up her mother's birth religion so she could claim a new middle name and be
called by that instead. Something like Madeline, or Christine. Those were
nice names. Picking up a basketball so that she could throw it at Tess, Kate
stuck her head around the door.

"WHAAAT?"

"Hey Kate, come down here." That was her dad. Hurumph. Must be something
important. She bounced the ball along the landing and let it roll down the
stairs in front of her.

"Kate! I've told you not to do that!" Her mom stood by the railings, and
watched her pick up the ball.

"Sorry..."

"C'mere, Kate. Your sister's got some good news."

"What's that?" Her interest piqued, she sat down in an armchair with the
basketball in her lap. Tess stood by the couch, looking like she was going
to burst with excitement. She still had sweatpants on with a green leotard,
and she kept doing little foot movements that were probably some sort of
important step. Normally Kate got on fine with her sister, but those small,
pointy-toed jiggy things really bugged her. She scrunched up her nose with
annoyence, but Tess didn't notice.

"I got into Chelmscoft!!" she squealed and jumped up into the air. "Look!"
She showed them all the letter, printed on fancy embossed paper. Doug picked
her up under one arm and swung her round in a circle before Carol gave her
an enormous hug. Kate sat in her chair and watched, before smiling and
hugging her sister too. Chelmscroft was one of the country's leading junior
ballet schools that Tess had auditioned for on a whim a month ago. By
attending the school, Tess was almost guarenteed a place in one of the big
city ballets when she graduated, which was a dream no-one had ever really
considered plausible until now. One thing bothered Kate though, in the back
of her mind. She was sure that Tess had said it was a boarding school.
Somewhere where all the students had to live all year, apart from holidays.
Did Mom and Dad know? Was Tess going to be moving out of home at the age of
14?? She couldn't imagine what it would be like without her sister there.
Well, she could a little, from the times when she'd been at dancing lessons,
or on school trips. She hadn't even missed her hugely when she hadn't been
there. But living away altogether? What would it be like to start high
school school alone, to come home everyday by herself? Tess had always done
everything like that with her, if not through choice then just because it
was convenient. Having a twin around meant you always had soemone to talk
to, and someone who you could talk to about stuff at home. She didn't want
to lose her twin to some horrible, stuffy boarding school. She could feel
her eyes puddling and the lump in her throat making swallowing difficult.

"'Scuse me..." she left the room with her head down and rounded the corner
to the bathroom at a jog. She didn't want them to see her crying when they
were so happy. Shutting the door behind her and flipping the lock, she sat
down on the tiles leaning against the door and let the tears flow. 'This is
stupid,' she kept telling herself. tess' dream had come true and she was
sitting there sobbing like someone had died. She grabbed a piece of toilet
paper to wipe her nose and tried to stop crying with a deep, shaky breath.
Standing up, she had a look in the mirror. Her eyes were red and watery
still, and although she thought she'd stopped crying, rogue tears kept
trickling from the corners of her eyes. Thinking she was lucky not to be
Tess, who wore mascara on dancing days, only made her feel worse again, so
she tried to think of happier things. Just as she was almost smiling at the
memory of the time her mom fell in the lake, someone knocked on the door.

"Kate? You okay honey?"

"Yeah...I'm just, uh, washing my hands." Her voice was hoarse and there was
no way that her mom would buy the excuse, but hopefully it was a clear
enough signal for them to leave her alone for a while.

"I don't know...she said she was washing her hands."

"For ten minutes?"

She could hear the muffled conversation through the door and started running
the taps loudly.

"Hey, Kate. Unlock the door, sweetheart."

It was times like this that hearing her dad's voice just made her want to
cry more. The tears that had been threatening to form in her eyes wobbled
over the edge and ran down her cheeks again and she could hear Tess now too,
which only made her feel more pathetic. Unable to speak, she sat down on the
floor again.

"Kate? Are you hurt? C'mon, I can't help if I don't know what's wrong."

"I'm-" she gulped in some air, "-fine." It was just about the understatement
of the entire century but they were clearly not getting the message. Or were
they? She could hear muttering but no clear words over the sound of her own
sniffing and breathing. The sounds outside died away and she let a shaky
breath out. Now she could just calm down and let her face sort itself out
before going upstairs to her room again. She wrung the tissue in her hand
until it started to disintergrate on the floor. She picked up the little
pieces, dropping them into the toilet bowl one by one. As she dropped the
last couple in, there was a softer knock that before on the door.

"Kate? Mom's gone to the store with Tess."

"Okay..." she said, shakily.

"You want to tell me what's up?"

She stayed silent, not trusting herself to say anything in case she started
crying again, but she reached up and flicked the lock. The door opened a
moment later, and Doug stood in the frame.

"C'mon," he held his hand out to her, "get up from down there, come and sit
out here."

Not wanting to leave the strange sanctuary of her place of privacy, Kate
shook her head, looking down at the blue tiles and fighting back the need to
cry again.

After standing for a bit like that, Doug saw that it wasn't going to happen
and crouched down in front of her.
"What is it, huh? Don't want to see yuour sister go?"

The release of someone actually saying it out loud was too much for Kate and
the tears, sobs and anguish she had been holding inside successfully broke
the emotional dam as she looked up at Doug and nodded heavily before
crawling across the floor to where he was crouched.

"It's not fair," she sobbed into his arm as he let her hang on as if she was
drowning.

"I know, kiddo, I know." The fact that Kate was the only one who had
emotionally let go and aknowledged the fact that their daughter was leaving
home at the tender age of 14 hit home hard as Doug rocked his youngest
daughter and tried not to let tears spring to his own eyes.

The summer passed too quickly for everyone's liking, in a whirl of camps,
vacations and volunteering. Both girls attended the same camp for two weeks,
taking part in as many activities as they could manage - including chasing
their male counterparts, and occassionally more senior lifeguards. Carol
found it amusing to watch on Visiting Day, Doug tried to find it amusing but
had to resist the powerful protective waves inside him. All four of them
went on vacation for a week shortly afterwards, to the mountains. They
rented a log cabin and enjoyed the break from the normal rushing around.
When they returned home, the girls each chose to volunteer at the two
hospitals their parents worked in. Kate in order to try and help her decide
what to do with her life, and Tess to be like her sister - or at least
that's what she informed her mom and dad. The truth behind it was that she
knew there was a young med. student who had just started working in the ER
at the General, and having met him twice she had a real crush on him. Kate
found it hysterical that her sister was going to be stalking this guy every
Tuesday and Thursday morning for the next four weeks. Although she had to
admit, he was hot. She would be working at the Children's Hospital, where
her father worked. She volunteered on the neo-natal wards, where she made up
baby formula for those who could eat, or fetched extra blankets and small
fold-out cots for worried parents. She had chosen only to work one day a
week, on Tuesdays. That meant she could spend the rest of her time with
friends, doing what she wanted - which usually involved sport of some kind.
They spent time at the ice rink, orginally to learn to play hockey, but now
because Kate was dating one of the guys they trained with and he practically
lived there. He was called Martin, and was about twice the size of Kate,
which was one of the many reasons she had chosen not to introduce him to her
parents. She was convinced they would freak, if not because she was dating
anyone, then because he looked more like 18 than 15. She hadn't even told
Tess, in case she used it as a blackmail technique.

Tess, meanwhile, still used up a lot of her time going to dance lessons. She
would be leaving shortly but kept attending anyway, and did her last exam
two weeks before she was due to move away. The dance classes she attended,
held in a small church hall, we're full of talk about her, and whether
they'd see her on stage in a city ballet in years to come. On her last day
there, her whole class presented her with a giant good luck card and a bunch
of flowers. When Carol went to collect her that night, she couldn't see her
daughter behind her gifts. Over the summer, it was clear that since Tess had
got the acceptance letter, they had all been trying to block out the thought
of her leaving, Tess included. Although she hadn't stopped talking about
what she was going to do when she got there, and what she would be taking,
and who she might meet, somewhere inside her there was a cavernous pit the
she never ventured near the edge of. Leaving home, and going to Chelmscroft
felt like two different things in her mind and she didn't care to consider
the first one. The prospect was too daunting. She knew Kate had made the
connection, and her reaction had scared her - if that's how Kate felt, how
would she feel? It was as if she was on the outside looking in.

The day had come for Tess to depart for the ballet school. It was a week
before Kate started high school for the first time, and the letter had said
it was so that the students could get to know each other and the school
before starting lessons. They had all agreed that it sounded like a good
time. Upstairs in Tess' room sat three huge cases, two rucksacks and a large
carrier bag, full of her clothes, possessions and dance wear. Downstairs,
three more carrier bags of her favourite snack foods, coats, and extra bits
and pieces Carol kept thinking of, sat by the couch. They had agreed, with
Tess, that only Carol would take her there. Doug had to work, and Kate had
said she had friends coming round. They all knew that wasn't true and that
the genuine reason was more along the lines of wanting it all to be over as
soon as possible. But no-one said anything. Doug DID have to work, but if he
had asked he could have taken the morning off with no problems. He didn't
want to prolong the agony either. Carol, on the other hand, wanted every
last possible minute with her daughter that she could get. Tess was only
going to be living half an hour away, and she could come home every weekend
if she wanted to. But it was such a huge step, Carol thought. Her baby was
leaving home already. She'd never expected to have to deal with this until
Tess and Kate went to college. But here they were. Her first daughter wanted
to be a ballerina. And by sending her to this school, she would achieve her
dream - wasn't that what everyone wanted? To get to that ultimate place, the
one you'd always dreamed of? Carol couldn't help but draw parallels with her
own move to the west coast, leaving her own mother behind. Okay, so she was
29 when it happened. But that didn't matter. It was the same principle.

Everyone was lurking around downstairs when everything let loose. Doug had
moved all the bags down and loaded the car for Carol. He sat on the edge of
the couch. Carol, in the kitchen, was making a snack that she knew no-one
would eat. Kate was looking out of a window at the lake with a tennis ball
in her hand, picking the yellow fluff off it. Tess had gone upstairs to
check her room one last time, and it was on her descent that suddenly they
all snapped free. Seeing the tear-stained face returning from her bedroom,
the face that they had known for fourteen years, seen through pain, joy,
disaster, love and achievement, seen through every little moment you could
ever imagine, and suddenly knowing that there was going to be an enormous
part of her life that they would now miss, caused an explosion of emotion.
Tess burst into tears right on the bottom step and Doug went to hold her,
his own eyes dropping tears at the same time. In the kitchen, Carol covered
her mouth with one hand, sobbing silently and Kate joined her there, hugging
her tight from her need to to comfort and be comforted. Tess was the first
one to break free from Doug's grasp, and called to her sister.

"Kate..." Kate let go of Carol and walked across the lunge slowly, wiping at
her wet cheeks.

"Can you look after Cassie for me?" She held out a small stuffed bear, no
bigger than her hand. It was yellow underneath the years of dirt and grime
and Kate had one exactly the same. A present from Mark Greene when they were
born. They had no recollection of it, but the small bears had gone
everywhere with them for the better part of three years, and still now when
they were away on trips.

"Why aren't you taking her with you?" Kate sniffed, taking the bear.

"I don't want to lose her. Please can you keep her?"

"Yeah..." They both dissolved in tears again and Tess hugged Kate hard,
always the initiator of any physical contact between them. Kate bawled into
her twin's shoulder, "Don't go Tess, please. I want you to stay here." The
words were so muffled and Tess was crying too hard herself to hear them,
that Kate took the lack of response as confirmation of the truth and cried
harder. Doug stood by the stairs, wiping the corner of one eye with a
finger, and holding his other arm out to Carol who had ventured out of the
kitchen.

"I can't believe this, Doug," she said through her tears.

"Neither can I, sweetie, but it's happening."

In front of them, the twins pulled apart, Kate stepping back and looked at
her parents sadly before turning back to Tess.

"I suppose you should go now...or else you're going to miss enrollment." She
wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve, but her eyes kept streaming.

"I know," Tess said and looked towards Carol and Doug.

"Okay. Give me a moment to go and wash my face." Carol jogged up the stairs
to the bathroom, running free of Doug's arm. He pushed his own hair back,
taking a deep breath in.

"You all ready?"

"Nope..." This time Tess smiled through her tears at him, and they went
outside to the car. Standing there in the morning sun, the day could have
been mistaken for any other. Doug looked around at the trees and the
slightly cloudy sky.

His attention turned back to Tess, who was shovelling bags to make enough
space for her to sit in. As she climbed back out of the car again, he
addressed her.

"Tessie, listen to me. You know, if there's ever a problem, if you ever want
to come home, you can just call and we'll be there in a second. Yo know my
pager number if I'm not home. I don't care what the problem is, just call,
okay?"

"Okay." Tess bit her bottom lip.

"We're all going to miss you so much." Doug wrapped around her again, one
last time as Carol left the house, car keys jangling at her side, and Kate
not far behind her.

Tess slid into her seat in the car and Doug closed the door for her as Kate
joined him. Carol started the engine and started to pull away. A tear fell
from every eye in the family at that same point, as Tess waved goodbye from
the rear window of the car, until it was just a dot in the distance.



©Triggersaurus 2001