(Untitled) taking suggestions on the title
By Elena
spunkie_2003@yahoo.com

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. I know this. All the people at NBC and
Constant Entertainment and Michael Crichton not only have that pleasure
but are rolling in the dough they make from them. Life isn't fair
(sighs to self). On a happier note, I do own Katelyn Willis, who you
will meet later on. Please don't use her without my consent (though I
doubt I'll see that happen)

SPOILERS: Last episode seen was "May Day" but contains spoilers for "Be
Still My Heart," "All in the Family," and "Be Patient"   Takes place
after "Be Patient"

Lyrics from "Inside Us All" by Creed



- John Carter entered the ER for what seemed (and could have been) the
millionth time. This time, it felt different. He was met at the front
desk by Peter Benton, his mentor and current doctor, who helped him
into the wheelchair. Passing by his friends and co-workers, he was met
with muted smiles and good luck messages. He gave them wide grins and
thank you's, hiding his true feelings. They didn't need to be exposed to it.
>When I'm all alone
>And no one else is there
>Waiting by the phone
>To remind me I'm still here
>When shadows paint the scenes
>Where spotlights used to fall
>And I'm left wondering
>Is it really worth it all

-Benton wheeled him into a post op room, tossed him a hospital gown,
and told him he'd be back in fifteen minutes. He gave him a dry remark
and a smile. Listlessly, he removed his clothing, his eyes
deliberately avoiding his scars. He pulled on the gown and climbed
into the hospital bed. He stared at the ceiling and became lost in
thought. Benton came in with a nurse, who smiled warmly and called him
John. He rattled off post op orders and told Carter he'd come and
visit him later. He exited as the nurse inserted an IV and began to
administer meds. He looked down at the floor, noting it's color and
pattern. Suddenly, his mind was elsewhere.

The room was dark, and he was on the floor. It was cold against his
cheek, and he tried to get away, but all his efforts seemed futile.
His eyes wandered across the blood still glistening on the blue and
white checked tile, into the eyes of Lucy Knight. They pleaded with
him to do something, anything, but he couldn't. He slipped into a
silent world where nothing existed but darkness.

-Mark Greene entered the room, looking at the subdued resident. He had
just finished his shift, and decided to visit him before he left for
Elizabeth's. Carter didn't seem to notice he had entered. He knew
that his young friend must be replaying the horrific events that led to
his hospitalization in his mind, something he had done many times
himself. Armed with recent sports knowledge, he let out a cheery "How
are we today?" and walked across the room.

-Greene's entrance had startled him, but it was a welcome distraction.
It wasn't like he enjoyed remembering, but he couldn't help it. "Its
the way things work," he said to himself. "It's how you feel when
you've killed someone." He carried on a half hearted conversation with
Greene, wanting to escape. Both of them knew that the other didn't
know what to say, and both denied it. Benton entered to break the
awkwardness, and allowed Greene an easy escape.
-"How are you feeling, Carter?"
-"Fine"
-"Ready for tomorrow?"
-"I've been ready since Valentine's Day." Benton chuckled, and Carter
gave a small laugh. He began to remember more of that fateful day.

A light shone in his eye, and he jerked his head away. People were
swarming all around him. They all seemed so scared,that it scared him.
He recognized Deb and Luka and Lydia and Abby. Benton was there too,
looking more scared than any of them. He was moving, and they were
talking to him. He couldn't understand what they were saying. Then he
was on a table with lots of beeping machines. Benton was reassuring
him, telling him he'd be okay. He was sure he'd be okay, with Benton
there. Next he knew, he was in pain in a bed, with a colostomy. And
without Lucy. She had died. He knew it in his heart, but denied it as
long as he could. But she was dead. Dead, dead, dead...

"Carter? Carter, are you all right? Carter!"

"Hmm?" he hadn't realized he had drifted off slightly.

"Are you feeling ok?"

"yeah. Just anxious about tomorrow morning."

"If you say so.  Just get some sleep tonight. Before you know it,
you'll be bag free."

"Yippee."

Benton gave a chuckle. "See ya later." A nurse came in and injected
him with something that made him feel wonderfully light. 'They must
think I'll have trouble getting to sleep.' he thought. Soon, he was off
in a dream.

Part two to be completed at a later time. Comments, good or bad, can be
sent to the e-mail address by my name or posted here. Once again, I'll
mention that I am taking title suggestions. Here is a small tidbit of
what's coming up to help you with guesses:

Carter meets a woman (Katelyn Willis) in an odd sort of way
Physical therapy will play a part.
He will return to work, but "Under Control" and everything after it
will not play a part in it whatsoever.

Thanks!!