In The Palm Of Her Hand
Part Two
By Cimerene
cimerene@gci.net

A new Kerry Weaver fanfic. This fic takes place before and after the season finale.

Disclaimer: This fanfic is PG! All characters belong to the creators of E.R. I have cheerfully borrowed them for a while, and will put them back when I'm done playing with them. My editor is out of town and my Beta reader had a slight emergency.. so please excuse the lousy grammar (I did spell check first though.. grin)

The song is Ravine by Ace of Base

And without much further ado.



Have you heard?

Have you heard? About this girl who was ripped up by her roots.
Have you heard? What she learned?

Like humility - you win when you lose.

Anne Weaver sat beside the hospital bed watching her only daughter. For nearly 2 weeks now, she'd been here sitting, waiting for her daughter to wake up. Her husband, David, had stayed for the first few days, then returned to his ministry. He still checked in with Anne daily, sometimes even hourly.

Anne found herself merely enduring her days, the light and sunshine that had been there before, seemed to have left her life. It was difficult, she often thought, having her life turned from the most mundane to the most horrific.

She remembered sitting at home with David the night it happened. They both subconsciously waited for Kerry to come home from her date. It had been such a quiet evening, David worked on his sermon for the following Sunday, and she had finally been able to get some work done on her quilt, when the phone rang.  It was a call that would shatter their world.

The worries started then.

Worries about Kerry being disabled for life. Or that her hospital stay would prolong the career in medicine that she had been dreaming of for so long. Or the most horrifying worry of all, that her little girl might never wake again.  

Anne sat by her daughters bed blinking away tears. The doctors had all assured her that Kerry could come out of her coma at any time, but Anne knew that every day that passed her daughters chances of awakening grew slimmer. Yet Anne, despite all the odds, kept her faith strong. Her belief that her daughter would awaken was just as strong as the day she heard the news.

Today, however, the doubts crept in. She overheard two nurses in the hallway, wondering how long it would be before they "pulled the plug". The harsh words had reverberated endlessly through Anne's brain. All the doubts and fears she had been trying to squash for so long, came back to haunt her.

Her daughters face seemed translucent it was so pale. Her short red hair had been cropped even more than normal to accommodate a rather large bandage that covered most of forehead and part of her left eye.

She watched as a nurse entered the room, smiled softly at her, then efficiently changed the IV bag. Neither woman spoke, after all, Anne thought to herself, there really wasn't much to say anymore.

Anne watched the heart machine beeping continuously. She thought of how tired she was of listening to the monotonous machine. At first it was a comfort, a way of telling that, yes, her daughter was still alive. Now it was just another reminder to her, that her baby might never awaken.

The doctors had cautioned her that if Kerry did wake up, her physical limitations could be extremely severe.  But Kerry was her little girl. The little girl that she had taught to roller-skate, then to ride a bike. The little girl, who when brought home on the day of her adoption, had been subjected to constant pictures being taken of her, enough to fill at least three photo albums.

Her baby, now a stubborn teenager, lay motionless, unable to move or breath on her own. The doctors couldn't tell Anne if Kerry knew that her mother even in the room with her. Somewhere in Anne heart, she knew that Kerry was going to wake up, and surprise everyone, at least that's what she told herself. Two weeks of waiting had started the doubts and then the fears. She started to question her belief about Kerry's awakening. On one occasion she had even considered actually considered signing the order to terminate her daughters life.

It was with these thoughts in mind that she leaned against her daughters bedside rails and started to speak softly.

"Button, you need to make a decision. If you like where you are then you need to stay there, but I'm asking you. I'm asking you as your mother, to please come back to me. If you can't," she stopped and waited for her tears to abate. "If you can't, honey, then remember this. Daddy and I will be there as soon as we can."

Anne softly patted Kerry's hands watching as her silent body breathed on machines, took on sustenance from the machines, was alive because of the machines. She silently turned away. "I'll see you in the morning. I love you." She quietly left the room.

3 am. (later that same evening)


I have learned. I have learned!
The most horrifying nights have an end.
I was hurt, I was lost.

In the dark I found a way to a friend

I am standing here in my ravine. Once again I see a piece of the sky.
And my joy'll never be denied 'Cause I was meant to be here -
the only place on earth, where you are near. Where you are near.



"Why didn't you call me sooner? I knew I should have stayed here.." Anne Weaver entered the room, her hand firmly clutching her husbands. Their excitement shone clearly in their eyes, joy almost overwhelming to the doctor. 

"Mr. and Mrs. Weaver, we need to talk for a few minutes before you go in." Doctor Sheffield eyes were wide and compassionate.

"She's awake, your nurse called me and told me she was awake." Anne spoke excitedly, trying to contain her impatience.

"Mrs. Weaver. Do you remember when we spoke earlier about what the possible side affects could be?" He paused, not sure how to proceed. Anne looked at the doctor, her fear was clearly etched on her face.

"Tell me!" She ordered the doctor, then braced herself, waiting for the news she knew would shatter her life.

"Along with the medical problems I outlined to you earlier, Kerry also appears to have amnesia." He watched as Mrs. Weaver felt behind her and gripped her husbands hand for a brief moment of comfort. Before dropping it then pushing her way past the doctor into her daughters room. Just to see her daughter awake, with a look of confusion and terror upon her face. 

Kerry glanced at the woman who stood before her. She felt as if she should know her. "Hello" Her speech was slow and stilted, her voice husky with a disuse. "Do I know you?"

Anne sadly smiled, slow tears running down her face. "I'm your mother."

Kerry looked at her for a long moment unsure what to say. "Oh."

The silence in the room grew for quite a while before she spoke again. She glanced at the tall man standing behind the crying woman. Her eyes caught the tall mans nod at her unspoken question.

"The nurse said it was a car accident…" she said slowly, as if each word were an extreme effort for her speak. She waited calmly for the woman before her to acknowledge her statement.

"You were on a date with your boyfriend, he lost control of the car." Anne began before she stopped.

Kerry sat quietly absorbing the information before speaking. "Was he hurt?" she asked curiously.

"He's fine, a slight concussion, but otherwise fine." David replied to her question.

Anne struggled to contain her tears, she had prayed so long and so hard for her daughter to regain consciousness, the last thing she expected, was for Kerry to have amnesia. The door opened softly as the doctor Anne had been talking to earlier, softly told them it was time for leave, that Kerry needed her rest. Anne watched as he injected medication through her daughters IV then left the room. Leaving Anne, almost grateful for the interruption, still at a complete and utter loss for words.

several weeks later

Was a flower, so frail - And I let the trees grow wild around me.
Grew so high, hid the sky - Shaded everything I needed to see.

Then one night, someone came, took a knife an ripped me up by my roots.
Tossed astray, far away. In my darkest night I started to pray.
I am standing here in my ravine.

"Dr. Sheffield, I'm not quite sure I understand. Why won't a conventional treatment work for her?" Anne questioned the doctor before her. When Kerry had been brought into this very same hospital several weeks ago. It had been Dr. Sheffield who had calmed her fears.

"Kerry's head trauma was much more severe than we originally estimated." He began…

"But she's regained most of her memory, she's remembers more every day." Anne said quietly a hint of desperation on her voice.

"She is making progress, but as you know the head trauma she sustained will affect her entire life. The best we can do at this point is to help her overcome her limitations, and the only way we can do this is, is to pursue aggressive treatments. The treatment that Dr. Craig outlined is the best way we know of in treating Kerry's unique problems." He paused then put his hand on her shoulder in sympathy. "Did Dr. Craig speak to you about some of the problems she might encounter?"

Anne simply nodded. Her mind replayed the litany of items the neurologist had outlined for her. Such items as obsessive compulsive disorders, erratic emotional displays, and the ever present worry about whether or not her daughter would ever walk again, speech impediments, the list that reverberated around her head seemed unending. It wasn't enough that her daughter had almost died on her, now she had to watch her face the enormous task of getting better, and knowing that she would never be whole again.

Once again I see a piece of the sky
And my joy'll never be denied 'Cause I was meant to be here -
The only place on earth Where you are near - where you are near

Why do you, why do you ask? Why I'm not blaming my god?
I'll tell you, I'll tell you what - He was the only one there

Kerry glared at her mother then threw the metal lunch plate across the room. "I don't care if I never eat again, I hate this food!" her frustration at the moment caused her temper to soar to new levels.

Anne frowned then walked over to the mess her daughter had started. "Kerry Ann, if you throw one more tray on the floor, I'm taking your radio out of this room." She scooped the mess back on to the tray then placed it out of her daughters reach, onto a small chair in the corner. Still annoyed at her daughter, she contemplated taking the radio now then looked up to see Kerry crying softly.

"Mommy, I can't do anything.." Kerry sobbed softly wrapping her arms around her waste. "I try to… but I can't..." Kerry's tears dripped silently down her arms, cascading down her face.

"Why did GOD do this to me! Why? What did I do to deserve this?" she cried, then suddenly looked up and glared at her mother. "and don't tell me that he gives us just as much as we can bear, because today I don't want to bear this."

Anne sat beside her daughter and softly smoothed back her short red hair. Her mind absently noticing the small scar as her fingers passed it. Her daughter had always had a erratic temper, but the accident and the trauma to her head had made her unpredictable temper even more unpredictable. "Anything else bothering you honey?" her mom asked softly.

"Jeff hasn't been by to visit not even once. My friends don't come over anymore. They don't want to deal with a lousy cripple." Kerry cried out.

"Stop that!" her mother ordered, then forced Kerry to look her in the face. "You stop that kind of talk right this minute young lady. So what if Jeff doesn't come to visit. Honey, if that's the kind of guy he is, we certainly don't want him to visit in the first place."

She paused to make sure her daughter was listening,  "And as to your friends. Friends who desert you in your time of need aren't friends." She watched as her daughter struggled to get control of her emotions. "Give them time, the shock of the accident probably scared them, later they will probably show up in droves to surprise you." She watched as Kerry wiped her tears on her hospital gown. Then straightened up, the look of bitterness she now wore was harder for Anne to take then the tears from before.

Kerry thought about her friends, friends who had come to visit before now left her totally alone. She twitched the blanket that covered the large body cast that she wore. The time between her friends visits had become more and more pronounced. Till slowly, eventually, they stopped coming altogether. 

Life for teenagers revolved around their school and their friends and their activities. But for Kerry, her life revolved around a hospital routines. She knew the first names of most of the doctors and nurses who worked there.  She could tell you who was on duty and when, her months of enforced stay had marked a profound change in her. Before she had been rather outgoing, but now, now was a different matter. 

I am standing here in my ravine.
Once again I see a piece of the sky
And my joy'll never be denied
'Cause I was meant to be here -
The only place on earth
Where you are near - where you are near



"Guess what?" David asked as he entered his daughters hospital room.

"Elvis is coming to town?" Kerry said then quirked her eyebrows at him slightly.

"Ha ha. With that kind of attitude missy, I'm not sure I want to tell you!" he watched as her eyes narrowed slightly.

"Maybe now I don't want to know!" Kerry told him as she lay back and waited for his rebuttal.

Anne shook her head, these two were to much alike.

"Quit teasing her David and tell her the good news." Anne calmly stated before pushing her husband out of the way.

"I'm not going to tell her I'm going to show her." David said calmly before scooping up his daughters slight form and placing her gently into her wheelchair. "Mother, we'll meet you at the car."

Anne watched as Kerry started laughing freely for the first time in months, a genuine smile upon her face. She took the small box she had with her and started placing the items from her daughters room in it. Her long hospital stay finally coming to an end. 

Stopping at the reception area, Anne completed the necessary paperwork, then walked outside to find her husband pretending to jump a curb with her daughter in her wheelchair, laughing hysterically. She almost shouted out for him to behave, but seeing her daughter smile in a way she hadn't seen in quite a while, she held her peace. She eyed a nearby nurse who had come to bring the wheelchair back inside, they both grinned. She walked up to the car door and watched as David bade Kerry to close her eyes so she wouldn't see her surprise to soon. She smiled as her strong husband gently placed their light daughter in the car. He put her seat belt on and teased her slightly about her surprise before placing a small black and white kitten on Kerry's lap. The look on Kerry's face was worth the scratches the tiny kitten had given on the way over.

Anne smiled as she approached the car slowly, her husband opened the door and waited for his wife to enter the vehicle. He watched as she suddenly hugged him swiftly then entered the car.

It was days like this, she thought, as they drove away from the hospital. Days, where the sun shone softly upon the earth, that she truly felt the joy of God's presence. She knew instinctively that there were going to be many more days of pain and hardship still to come. But feeling the warm sunshine and hearing the purr of a tiny kitten being held by her daughter in the back seat of the car, was more than enough happiness for her.

--
My Life is an open book, but finding the right page to turn to could be a bit difficult~
Atkins June 13, 99 176/151/125
http://www.geocities.com/cimerene/
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