Part One
By Pebbles
Pebbles@ukgateway.net
Luka leant heavily against the doorframe, half in and half out of the room. For a moment he fought the urge to withdraw and find a quiet corner in the bar but he hadn’t come all this way just to drink alone. Somewhere among the crowds of wedding guests filling the hotel reception room were his friends. His height gave him quite an advantage in scanning the room and it wasn’t long before he spotted Carter way over the other side.
Carefully, Luka began to make his way across the room. Groups of people parted before him, the tall Croatian doctor cutting an imposing figure clad from head to foot in a dark pewter grey Versace suit. He mumbled apologies and thanks in turn as he negotiated his way, avoiding nudging wineglasses or stepping on toes.
"Hey Carter!" He announced his arrival "It’s getting pretty cramped in here"
"Luka, you made it. Thought you’d got stuck in the lobby" John Carter smiled, relieved that he was not going to have to entertain Kerry alone.
"Where’s Kerry?" Luka inquired.
"She’s over there – congratulating the bride and groom."
Luka followed Carter’s gaze to where the wedding party were gathered. There was no mistaking Elizabeth Corday-Greene resplendent in ivory silk. Her auburn hair piled on top of her head and adorned with a cloud of voile. Beside her stood Mark looking both proud and uncomfortable in his morning suit. The cravat riding high up his neck and the wing-collar tickling him under the chin.
"They make a lovely couple, don’t they?" Carter commented.
Luka didn’t answer, lost for a moment in his thoughts. How could you attend a wedding and not remember your own wedding day. The setting, the customs may vary in their details but ultimately the essence of the matter – the bride and groom making their vows to each other in the presence of their friends and family: it was the same. After the ceremony Luka had excused himself to take a walk in the fresh air. Although it was mid-November the day was mild and the colours of the moors quite breath-taking. It had taken him a while to regain his composure which was why he had only just now rejoined the others.
Meanwhile Kerry Weaver was deep in conversation with Elizabeth. "I’m afraid my mother has gone completely over the top. I don’t even know half of the people here! I have managed to get her to seat you all together though and quite near to the top table." Elizabeth was apologising.
"Don’t worry about us, were having a wonderful time. This is your special day. You enjoy it." Kerry reassured her "I must say this is a beautiful place – I’ve never been to England before. I had no idea what to expect."
"Well this is just one small part but Dartmoor has always been a special favourite of our family and we actually used to come to this hotel for our holidays when I was a child." Elizabeth frowned briefly "I am sorry that we couldn’t get you rooms here for tonight but the Holne Chase Hotel is really very nice and only about ten miles away."
"Now, Elizabeth stop worrying! We’re fine. Really I ought to let you greet the rest of your guests. I’ll let the others know where we’re seated – see you later!" Kerry kissed the taller woman on the cheek "And you look wonderful!"
"Thank you!" Elizabeth mouthed.
Kerry worked her way back across the room to where she had left John Carter and was pleased to see that Luka had joined them. "Well I found out that were going to have the meal in a marquee just out the back there." She gestured to the other side of the crowded room. "And were all seated together quite close to the wedding party"
"Well done Kerry, got us all organised then!" Carter teased her gently.
Luka smiled too, noticing that Kerry was blushing slightly – something he’d never seen her do before. He thought that she was looking quite stunning in a lilac silk dress with tiny spaghetti straps. And despite Carter’s remark she had in fact been remarkably laid back throughout the weekend trip. She had even let Carter take charge of arranging the flights and car rental which was why they had ended up with a Fiat Punto – surely the smallest car Luka had had the misfortune to try and fold his legs into.
"It looks like people are beginning to make their way to the tables now, shall we join them?" Kerry suggested. Luka just nodded in agreement. He and Carter followed her out through the double doors and into a vast marquee, which was almost filled with circular tables. The wedding party was seated at a rectangular table, which was slightly elevated on a plinth. At the opposite end there was an area for dancing and an array of instruments were awaiting the arrival of the band.
After a quick perusal of the place markers on a couple of tables Kerry found their table which was set for five people. Glancing at the other settings Kerry emitted a sharp intake of breath.
"What is it?" Carter looked at her curiously.
"I had no idea!" She exclaimed, "Elizabeth didn’t say anything…..."
Carter leant over and read the place cards that Kerry was staring at. "Doug Ross and Carol Hathaway!" He exclaimed. "I didn’t see them at the ceremony." He glanced over at Luka to see his reaction. Luka’s face was unfathomable. "Well this certainly is a surprise. I wonder where they’ve got to?" Carter kept up his monologue.
Kerry sat down in the chair that Luka had pulled back for her hanging her crutch on its arm. "I can’t believe it’s six months since Carol left. The girls must have grown a lot. Perhaps they couldn’t come after all…." Kerry’s voice trailed off, realising that she was babbling. Luka did not appear to be affected by the revelation. She was not sure how she expected him to react. After Carol had left he had certainly gone through a particularly low patch but she was still not sure how much it had to do with Carol and how much it was due to other events at work.
Luka studied the flower arrangement at the centre of the table intently. He was aware that the other two were feeling uncomfortable on his behalf. He smiled to himself, strange how concerned they all were about the state of his heart after Carol had dumped him when they never seamed to give a second thought to how he had coped with the loss of his wife and children. He couldn’t blame them for that as most of them knew little or nothing about his previous life. He preferred it that way after all.
Very soon a bevy of waiters and waitresses were swarming between the tables with the first course. Luka poured the wine, which was a very fine Chablis, and they tucked into blinis with smoked salmon and cheddar cheese. "God, I was starving!" Carter mumbled between mouthfuls.
"Mmmm, me too and this is very good" Luka agreed. Kerry looked from one to the other and smiled. She was not going to get much conversation out of these two until they had filled their stomachs.
"Maybe if you had reserved the hire car in advance we might have had time to stop for breakfast" She chided Carter gently.
A hand on her shoulder startled Kerry. Looking up she met the soft brown eyes of her former charge nurse, Carol Hathaway. "Carol! It’s so good to see you" Kerry pulled herself to her feet and opened her arms to embrace her friend.
"It’s good to see you too, Kerry. How are you?" Carol gave her a brief hug. "Carter!" Carol moved round to embrace the young doctor who she had not seen since before his sojourn in rehab. "You’re looking good!" She kissed him on both cheeks.
"You’re looking pretty good yourself!" He countered admiring the elegant dress she wore which showed off her figure. No one would guess that she were a mother of 12-month-old twins. Carol then turned her attention to Luka who was on his feet beside Carter.
"Luka!" Carol smiled up into his face. Luka just opened his arms and enfolded her in a tight hug. For a moment she buried her head in his chest and then lifted her face to look at him. Luka bent slightly and kissed her gently on her forehead.
"I am glad to see you." He said at last, his voice even. A warm smile on his lips.
"Hey Doug!" Carter was the first to greet his former colleague who had just reached the table "Long time, no see!"
"Carter!" Doug shook his hand vigorously, simultaneously slapping him on the shoulder with his other hand. "Christ Carter, Carol told me about, you know…umm. You’re looking good man!" The older man pulled Carter into a tight hug trying to express how glad he was to see him looking so well again. Then they broke apart looking both happy and embarrassed by the show of emotion.
"Doug" Kerry interrupted the display of male bonding, offering her hand. Doug took it and raised it to his lips, kissing it briefly. He gave her one of his trade mark wicked smiles. "Kerry, you look ravishing!"
"Thank you Doug, you don’t look bad yourself." She smiled momentarily then turned to Luka "Doug, you haven’t met Luka Kovac. Luka, this is Doug Ross."
There was a moment of silence whilst the two men appraised each other. Luka was the first to offer his hand. "Pleased to meet you Doug" The name sounded strange on his lips.
"Yeah." Doug shook his hand trying to be civil but failing to disguise his unease. He couldn’t help noticing the way the man had embraced and kissed Carol just now.
Carol was very aware of the tension between the two men. "Shall we sit down?" She suggested. Luka automatically pulled out Carol’s chair for her and then Kerry’s. Doug took note of this as he sat down between Carol and Carter. Having seen the ladies seated comfortably Luka caught the attention of a passing waiter.
"Excuse me, these guests have only just arrived could you see that they get their first course?"
"Certainly sir" the waiter rushed off to do his bidding.
At last, Luka sat down between Carol and Kerry. He offered to fill Doug and Carol’s glasses. "Thank you, Luka" Carol accepted the wine. Doug shook his head. When the waiter returned with their food, Doug asked him to get him a Jack Daniel’s from the bar. Luka noticed that he didn’t ask if anyone else wanted to place an order.
The conversation soon got going as Doug and Carol made friendly enquiries about various friends from the County ER. "Haleh took some persuading but she finally accepted the position of Charge Nurse." Kerry was saying.
"And she’s taken to it like a duck to water!" Carter laughed, recollecting how she had already got all the residents under her thumb.
"Doug and I are staying at the Holne Chase Hotel." Carol commented
"Yes, we are too." Kerry rejoined.
"You are? Right, well we hadn’t realised how far it was from here and although I’d arranged to have someone mind the girls there it took us longer to get away and we got lost. I just can’t believe we came all this way and missed the actual ceremony!"
Doug just shrugged. "Well we’re here now aren’t we? Maybe Mark and Elizabeth didn’t notice!" The main course was now being served and Doug leant back in his chair to catch the arm of a passing waiter. "Yo buddy, get me another Jack Daniel’s will you?" This time he remembered the others. "Anyone else want something from the bar?" There were no takers.
"So are you guys here just for the weekend?" Carter asked Carol.
"No we plan to take a tour of the South West. We’ve got a week so we hope to get to Lands End, see the Mayflower steps at Plymouth and then move up to Bath and Stratford-on-Avon before flying home from London."
"I wish we had time to travel a bit but we could only get away for 48 hours. After all with Mark, Luka and myself here – it leaves County a bit short of Attendings!" Kerry shrugged.
Doug glanced across at Luka. "You’re an ER Attending?" It was the first remark that he had made directly to Luka.
"Yeah, that’s right." Luka nodded.
"Oh, strange Carol never mentioned you."
Kerry shot a glance at Carol who was studiously playing with the food on her plate. Luka had visibly stiffened. Only Carter seamed unfazed by the comment. "Yeah, Luka’s been with us since, what last fall?" He looked at Kerry and Luka for confirmation. Kerry nodded. Carter went on. "It was Luka who brought Carol in when she was in labour. Christ that was scary – I’ll never forget that day!" He shook his head as he recalled the scene outside in the snow as Luka dropped to his knees, an unconscious Carol in his arms. "Yeah lucky for Carol he was there – not many men could have carried her in like that!" Just as he finished Carter realised that he had probably made a faux pas.
There was a long silence. Doug glared at Carol who kept her eyes down on her meal. Luka poured each of them another glass of wine before draining his own glass. Kerry pushed her chair back. "I’m just going to go find the ladies room." She looked meaningfully at the other woman. "Carol?"
"I’ll come with you Kerry." She rose and followed Kerry who seemed to be leaning more heavily on her crutch than before.
"Have you not mentioned Luka to Doug at all?" Kerry laid straight in as soon as they entered the ladies room.
"No, I …" Carol tried to gather her thoughts "I guess I meant to but it never came up and well I guess after a while it didn’t seem very important." Her look belied her words.
"I’m surprised at you Carol. You’ve always played everything straight in you professional life. This doesn’t seem like you." Kerry was obviously disappointed in her.
"I suppose I never thought they would meet – I didn’t know he was going to be here!" Carol became defensive "And it’s not as if anything happened between us anyway!"
Kerry looked surprised at this revelation. "Didn’t it?"
"No! Well, I kissed him once and he kissed me once! It was hardly ‘an affair’!" Carol was adamant.
"Well I guess your going to have to convince Doug of that!" Kerry couldn’t keep the anger out of her voice. There was no doubt that the relationship had meant more to Luka than Carol. Sometimes she just wanted to grab hold of the younger woman and shake her. Didn’t she realise what she had? Doug was not Kerry’s idea of an ideal partner but he was the father of Carol’s children and obviously loved her. Luka had obviously fallen under her spell as had other men in the past – was she trying to alienate them all?
Kerry sighed. "Well were going to have to make the best of it as were stuck together for the next few hours."
"I’m sorry Kerry, I never imagined…." Carol shrugged.
"It’s Luka you should be apologising to! And Doug." Kerry added as an after thought.
The two women used the toilets and then touched up their hair and makeup in silence. Finally Carol spoke. "You look really beautiful in that dress Kerry" The older woman blushed, all her irritation with Carol evaporating despite herself.
"Thank you – I bought it especially for the wedding." Carol gave her a sidelong glance. She had never seen Kerry look anything like this before. It wasn’t just the dress, which was incredibly feminine and sexy, or the carefully applied make up. She was kind of sparkly. Her eyes shone. Perhaps she had new contact lenses?
When the two women finally rejoined their table the band had begun to play and two or three couples were already dancing. Doug had left the table to chat with Mark and Elizabeth, leaving Luka and Carter alone.
"Carter, would you indulge an old lady and take her for a spin around the dance floor?" Kerry tried to inject as much cheerfulness in her voice as possible.
"Yes, yes of course Kerry. It would by my pleasure." He was on his feet straight away, relieved to take a break from the stiff atmosphere at the table.
As soon as they had gone Carol turned to Luka "I’m sorry Luka. I didn’t mean to……to cause you any embarrassment." She hesitated, searching for the right words. Luka interrupted her train of thought.
"So you didn’t tell him about me?" It was more a statement than a question. Carol shot him a glance.
"No, I……I didn’t. There wasn’t a right moment and then, well there was not much to tell" Carol winced as she spoke realising that Luka might not agree.
"You were probably right." His words surprised Carol. "It was not really ‘a relationship’ was it? Just the potential for one – on my part anyway." Luka’s eyes looked a little wistful as he remembered the time she had kissed him whilst waiting for the car to be towed away. He shrugged. "It is in the past – let’s leave it there, yes?"
Carol smiled with relief. "I think that would be best." They sat for a moment in silence.
"So, how are the girls? It must be their birthday soon." Luka restarted the conversation.
"Yes, next week. I can’t believe it’s been a year. So much has happened."
"And you have no regrets – about moving to Seattle?" He studied her face as she answered.
"No, none at all. I guess I was pretty stupid to hold out so long. I’m sorry if I hurt you in the process but I really did appreciate your friendship."
"Me too. And you didn’t do me any permanent damage." He laughed. "I have more friends now. Mark started being nice to me after you left! He and Elizabeth kept inviting me out for meals – I had to give in eventually! I don’t think Peter Benton and I will ever see eye to eye but on the whole I feel like part of the family now." He gazed across the room to where Kerry and Carter were dancing.
He felt a tightening in his throat as he watched them move across the floor, clasped together – Carter supporting Kerry so she could leave go of her crutch. They made an attractive couple. He thought that he would like to hold Kerry like that, feel the lightness of her body pressed against his. His wandering thoughts were rudely interrupted by the return of Doug to the table.
Ignoring Luka completely he asked Carol to dance with him. As they moved towards the dance floor he began to quiz Carol about Luka. "I’ve been finding out a bit more about your Dr Kovac from Mark. Funny you didn’t mention him to me." He spun her around and then pulled her tight towards him.
"There wasn’t much to say, Doug. We were friends. He helped me out sometimes with the girls. End of story." Carol hoped that this would be enough but at the same time doubted it. Doug had been drinking steadily since they arrived at the reception and she knew him too well.
"Yeah, so what’s all this about him fixing your water heater?" Doug’s tone was still smooth but Carol was wary.
"Just that. It broke. He fixed it. Really Doug, you’re trying to make something out of nothing. He’s a very nice man and he misses his family."
"Oh yeah, so he was trying to muscle in on you and the girls!"
"No Doug, he’s not like that. Look can’t you just leave it and enjoy the evening? It’s a long time since we went out dancing," She stroked the nape of his neck and for a while he seamed to relent.
Meanwhile Mark and Elizabeth who had just returned from the dance floor joined Luka at the table. He stood up and formally congratulated Mark on his marriage. "I’m sorry I didn’t speak to you earlier but there was such a crowd back there. I couldn’t get anywhere near!"
"Yeah," Mark replied "for a while I thought we were going to get crushed in the stampede!"
Elizabeth joined in "Well now that everyone has been fed we can relax a little."
"Mark, could I have your permission to dance with your bride?" Luka grinned, softening the formality of his request.
Mark smirked. "Well, you did promise to obey me, right? Go dance with Luka then, wench!" Elizabeth pretended to look outraged but slipped her arm through Luka’s and let him lead her back to the dance floor. He took her hand in his and placed his other on the small of her back, manoeuvring her assuredly amongst the other couples on the floor.
"You didn’t mention that you had invited Carol and Doug Ross" Luka brought up the subject calmly.
"I’m sorry, Luka. Mark wanted them here very much but I was afraid you wouldn’t come if you knew." Elizabeth’s apology sounded sincere. "Would you have?"
Luka thought for a moment. "Yes, I would have. Carol didn’t break my heart you know. I wasn’t in love with her then and I’m not now – despite what everyone seams to think."
Elizabeth frowned. "But you can’t deny that you were upset after she left?"
"No, but it was more complicated than that. I admit that I did feel romantic notions about her. It was the first time that I had felt anything since my wife……." He broke off searching for words to express what he felt. "I made myself vulnerable and afterwards I tried to shut myself off again." He smiled down at Elizabeth. "But you wouldn’t let me!"
"Damn right we wouldn’t!" Elizabeth looked up into her friend’s face. "We all need friends, we couldn’t let you suffer alone." Luka held her a little more tightly as they glided around the dance floor.
"Perhaps you should have let Carol know I was going to be here." He continued "It appears that she had not told Doug anything about me."
"Oh!" Elizabeth was surprised.
The music stopped for a moment. The band had finished their first set and now a disc jockey took over the entertainment. Luka thanked Elizabeth for dancing with him. Carter and Kerry joined them at the side of the dance floor. "How about we exchange partners?" Carter suggested.
"If you’re not too tired Kerry?" Luka enquired.
Kerry was feeling a little sore after dancing through three numbers with John but she wasn’t going to pass up a chance to dance with Luka so easily. "No. I’m fine, really."
Elizabeth and Carter were already back on the floor. Luka took Kerry in his arms, carefully supporting her right side so that barely any weight bore down on her bad leg. Her left hand he clasped in his own, marvelling at how small and delicate her fingers were. Neither spoke for a long time. Kerry kept her eyes focussed on the top button of his jacket and then shut them completely, enjoying the sensation of almost floating on air. The song was an old Joan Armatrading track from the 70s: ‘Willow’. As Kerry listened to the words she thought that she would remember this moment forever.
…..You’ve got something missing?
I’ll help you….you can be sure.
And if you want to be alone,
Someone to share a laugh
Whatever you want me to
All you’ve got to do is ask.
"You’re very quiet Kerry." Luka’s voice was very soft, close by her ear.
"Yeah, just listening to the words."
"Mmm me too."
……Come running to me
When things get out of hand.
Running to me
When it’s more than you can stand.
I said I’m strong…..
Willing
to be a shelter
In a storm
Your willow, Oh Willow…
The last few bars of the music played out and Kerry reluctantly came back down to earth. Although they had stopped dancing, Luka continued to hold her – just rocking slightly as if to some internal beat. There was a sudden noise as a chair was scrapped across the floor and the spell was broken.
"Thank you Kerry." Luka was leading her off the floor and back to the table. She felt she could not trust her voice to reply, just let herself be led meekly back to the others.
End of Part 1