The Devil in Disguises
Chapter Fourteen - Room Of Frustration
By Ayoe
ayoe.lang@get2net.dk

"ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure. However this story may not be used, distributed or archived without the permission of the author.  
Rated: NC17 - harsh language and sexual contents.

A HUGE thanks to my excellent editor Cathy Roberts...don't know what I should do without you!!! 

How much did he remember? 

"I remember you usually call me Dr. Carter," he hissed. 

Lucy leaned back in the chair. "Okay. What's the last thing you remember?" 

John knew what that was. Making love to Kerry Weaver. He knew he was very much in love with her, but wasn't sure who knew. He was pretty sure Lucy wasn't one of them. 

"I don't think that's any of your business," he snapped. 

"But you do remember Kerry, right?" she asked, making John frown. "I mean, you remember you were…. involved, right?"  

John slowly nodded. "That's the last thing I remember actually."  

"I would hope so," she winked. Apparently everybody knew and it seemed like they approved. "But…you don't remember what happened?" 

"No…." he hesitated. 

She sighed and looked at him with sad eyes. "I know this might seem strange, but we'd actually become very good friends." Her eyes were filling with tears. John felt his stomach cramp up. 

"I was so scared when I heard about you. It was like I was loosing my brother…. but now it seems that somehow I did."  

Suddenly a voice echoed in his head. This time it was Lucy's. "You're like…. a brother to me, John." Then a flash made him close his eyes. It was the basement at Kerry's place. He was hugging Lucy. 

"I was…hugging you??" he whispered, searching his mind. He suddenly felt Lucy's arms around him and hugged her like in his memory. He could smell her hair and felt her warmth. Suddenly he felt something. 

"Does this help?" Lucy whispered. 

He felt scared…? Really scared, But it had nothing to do with Lucy. It was something else. He started to shake. In his mind he could hear voices, like whispers far away. But those weren't what scared him either. Lucy held him really close. His body was shaking and he was sobbing uncontrollably.

"You are scared, but do you know why?" 

"I…I have to go upstairs," he whispered. 

"Who's upstairs?" 

John gasped for his breath. "I don't know…" 

"You know." 

"Benton?" he hesitated. 

"Benton's there. Anyone else?" 

John swallowed. "Doug…? Doug and Carol?" 

"Yes, they are both there." 

"They're there to…support me. I'm so scared." 

"I know, John. There's something you have to do." “Yes, I have to do something, but I don’t want to

“But you have to. You’re the only one who can.”

“He’s laughing.” John heard the ice-cold laughter once more.

“But he’s not up there. Your friends are.”

“Who is he?” John whispered.

“Where’s Kerry?”

John didn’t really know. “She’s…. not up there.”

“No. She’s somewhere else.”

“Who is he?” John begged to know.

Lucy was gently stroking his back. Her touch made him feel safe. It was the past that scared him.

“His name is Steven.”

“Steven?!” John recalled, tasting the name. A bitter taste.

“He was once a part of Kerry’s life.”

“Her father!!!” John realised. “She was so scared.” John broke lose of Lucy’s grip and looked into her eyes. “She was so scared, Lucy. She said he was sick – mental. She was afraid he would hurt her.” John’s mind was remembering faster than he could speak. “He took her. We made love. I went to work. The girl!!!”

Lucy was carefully watching him, nodding.

“She was a mess. Doug and I…she was gone!!! He took her!!! Then Reggie. Steven phoned, wanting money.” John froze.

“John? Are you okay?”

“The alley,” John whispered. Lucy took his hands. “The alley!” He couldn’t breath. Images flashed through his mind.

“John?”

He wasn’t in the hospital. He was in a dark, cold alley in downtown Chicago. His eyes were blank, out of focus.

“Jesus…. Kerry.”

Lucy whimpered when John squeezed her hands, reacting to the shock he just had. His eyes came back in focus. He saw the hurt look in Lucy’s eyes and released her hands.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay…”

“Kerry?! What happened to Kerry??!!!”

“John?”

“He shot me!!!! WHERE’S KERRY???”

“It’s okay. It’s okay...”

John was trying to get out of the bed when Benton entered the room. “Carter?” He looked at Lucy, frowning.

"He remembers," she informed Benton.

“KERRY!!!???” John screamed, desperately trying to get past Benton but, the man grabbed him and held him tight.

“Let me GO!” But the man’s arms held him close, not letting loose. John started to cry. He felt helpless, but at the same time he knew the arms wouldn’t hurt him - only help him – so he let loose…and cried…and the arms comforted him. A deep voice whispered soothing words and John cried.

They sat on the bed. Lucy on one side, Benton on the other. She was holding his hands, he was stroking his back. John couldn’t stop crying.

“I remember everything. Until…. the bullet.

“It’s okay,” Benton said.

“NO! I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO KERRY!!!”

“It’s okay,” Benton repeated. John looked at him.

“I’m okay.”

John jumped. He stood so fast the pain made him dizzy. The soft hand supported him.

“Kerry?!” he whispered.

Then the room went black.