Walking After You
Part Two - Everyone's a Victim
By Kitty
angelpixiedust@bolt.com

Ok, this continues on from "Walking After You," and as I said before, if I screw up any of the terms, or character profiles, or spell the word surgery wrong then feel free to tell me and hurl abuse at my poor story telling abilities. I do still have a day job.

Anyway, none of the characters were misused or abused, and will be returned back to those wonderful people down at ER in due time. I have not received any money for writing this, and was not hoping to put ER out of business or give it a bad name, so without further due please read on...

"What I would do for a coffee," Mark impishly told Carter smiling. He sat down on one of the stools, and watched him hopefully.

Carter smiled, allowing his feet to hung lazily over the armchair on which he had sprawled myself on since the start of his lunch break, with only coffee and the occasional nurse for company. "You want to refill mine while you're at it?"

He smiled, giving in to making it himself. "So how's your day been?"

"A pain in the arse" Carter said quietly.

"Would I be wrong in saying some fiery red-head takes some responsibility for that?" He asked mischievously.

Carter smiled, "Oh yeah."

Mark was still attempting to turn the coffee machine on, when he turned to face him. The nurses loved that about doctors, they could perform countless miracles on the dead and the dying, yet a coffee machine could render them into total idiots. "I'm sure she'll be fine once she settles in. It is only her fourth week."

He raised an eyebrow surprised. "Feels like an eternity. It's not that she's bad. She's just not all that good either." Carter paused, taking another sip of him lukewarm coffee. "Screws up on labs, screws up on diagnosis, screws up in prognosis, screws up with spinals, and so on and so on... "

He had managed to get a decent amount of coffee in his cup, and looked over at Carter sympathetically. "She really is trying Carter. It must be pretty hard working with one of the best on our team. She has a lot to live up to."

"John!" Amy called out in an attempt to attract Carter. He appeared to be deep in thought about an x-ray he was examining. "Carter!" this time he turned to face her, and on seeing that it was her his face took on a serious tone.

"Amy, to what force do I owe this pleasure?" He said, avoiding eye contact. He had no time for her, his patient was in dire need of surgery, he'd had no sleep again last night, and he wasn't looking forward to editing over her mistakes with a magic marker. "I'm busy. Can't it wait until I'm not?"

She couldn't miss the way he had lowered his voice, very condescendingly when she had appeared. I really have to work on my timing, she thought. "My patient is complaining of a severe tightening in his chest, x-rays and CAT scans are normal, blood pressure is 80/50 and his pulse is at 90. Bright lights are also causing him trouble, I've tried giving him a spinal tap to test for meningitis but blood keeps getting into the fluid. I've tried everything, I was wondering if you could help." She sighed feeling embarrassed at not being able to handle her own patient.

"Meningitis huh?" He led her out into the halls, "And you only felt that it was necessary to tell me this now?" He stopped outside her patient's room.

"I told you about his symptoms when he arrived, you told me that I was doing great, and that you'd pop by later. It's been two hours Carter, is this late enough?" she said cutting into him.

He hesitated before entering the room in order to see the patient. Ok, so he had been a little sluggish today, and it was wrong of him to leave her unattended, but she should have called if he was needed. "There's a suture-job I need to take care of, a pelvic exam and ultrasound I need to do, a patient I need to write discharge instructions for, and one I am waiting to get labs back on. I am already compromising patient care by making folks wait longer than they should, and now this-which you should have taken care of -I have had no time to deal with your incompetence," He told her coldly as he went in.

She remained were she was, stunned, shocked and irritated. Did he really just say those words? They shared the same shifts, the same lack of sleep and food, and around the same number of patients. If she was incompetent, it was only because he had taught her how. Her temper and mood both being very shaky, she headed up to the kitchens.

"Great. No pie left for the new girl," she muttered leaving the café. She had heard some of the other interns say something about there being a nice view from the roof, so she headed up there, whining and bitching to herself.

The view was great from up there. She stood and watched as several ambulances pulled up in front of her. She could see the Parkway from there. Cars clocking along at something like seventy miles an hour, going here and there. She watched people on the sidewalk below. She could actually paint a visual picture, in her mind of the trauma rooms down stairs. Scary.

The fresh air felt great against her clammy skin. Only now did she realize how nerve racking today had been. She had seen seven patients in the past few hours, assisted in three traumas and felt useless in countless others. She smiled nonetheless. It felt great to actually be doing what she had spent years training for. She loved her job.

It was also nice to be alone. Shutting herself off from the ordered chaos-taking place below her. No heart monitors, cries of pain, chatting, phones, and breathing apparatus constantly having a go at her. It was funny how much noise was needed to create deathly silence.

Several more hours and she could relax completely. She needed to see how her overdose patient was doing in the ICU, and then report back to Dr. Carter. Great.

"Needed a break, huh?" a man's voice inquired.

She jumped, startled, turning to face the person. "Didn't mean to scare you." She remembered his name being Dave. He was tall, not Carter tall, but a lot taller than her. He had a boyish face and big brown eyes; he was also smiling, which made a change from all the frowns of disapproval she'd received that day.

She returned it. "Guess I'm just a little tense. I'm new here."

"It's always a nightmare." He told her, She nodded a little shy. "So how's it been?"

She shrugged, putting on a fake display of non-chalance. "Almost killed a guy. Had to wrestle a patient for some spinal fluid-twice -the guy turns out be healthy, and listened as a girl gave a visual account of a rape. Oh, and there was that all too memorable coffee moment the other day, plus I still have no idea where the ICU is." She shrugged, "But other than that I'm having a blast." Dave laughed, and she felt a lot more comfortable.

"Yeah? I take it Carter hasn't given you El Grande tour then?" She shook her head. "Carter's been a little preoccupied lately, ever since the attack. He's a good guy really."

She smiled, taken by his honesty. "Carter was attacked?"

He seemed a little mystified that she didn't already know. "He and his previous intern. They were attacked by one of her mentally ill patients. You don't know the story?"

She shook her head.

He focused on something way, way behind her. "Yeah, her name was Lucy. She was cute, y'know, always willing to help out, Carter and her had had a little trouble with the whole communication thing though." He paused to smile. " Last Valentines, Lucy gets a patient, his symptoms a little cloudy...but whose aren't. Could be meningitis, a psychological problem, so they give him a spinal tap. Well, the results came back negative so they waited for a psych counsel to come down. He was left alone for I'd say half an hour. Gets his hand on a knife. He turns out to have schizophrenia, and on seeing Lucy he stabs her...as revenge for the spinal... Until she's unconscious. Nobody can hear her cries for help, because of the um, the music we have on to celebrate Valentine's... It was a slow night. So Carter, unknowing of all this enters the room, and gets dealt in a similar fashion. We discovered them about five-ten minutes later." He stopped, his voice a little hurt.

She listened to him, in stunned silence. Carter and his ex-intern attacked, by a patient. "Did she transfer after that?"

He looked away. "Um, no. She died from the attack. Carter's been giving himself a hard time over it."

She didn't know what to say. She muttered something about needing to see a patient, and began walking back to the ER. Carter had been attacked-in this hospital. His medical student had died. She heard Dave calling her.

He was smiling, "You still want to see the ICU?"

"Home sweet home," Abby muttered, putting on her jacket.

"I wish," Amy replied, taking a few more sips of steaming coffee, trying to keep herself alert enough to survive the next few hours, and in turn hope her patients survived.

"Carter still giving you grief?" She asked her, a little surprised.

Amy smiled. "You know Carter, never one to cut a new girl some slack."

She smiled, and then continued packing her bag with a smirk across her face. "What's so funny?" Amy asked curiously.

She looked away, "Oh it's nothing, I just assumed, that, well y'know. You and Carter."

Amy laughed astounded. "Oh no," she said correcting her terrible error in judgment. <Carter and me?!> "It's great he manages to stay in the same vicinity as me. In fact it's a wonder." She paused still reeling from her flippant comment. "Why would you think that I was into Carter?"

She smiled, looking away, "Nothing." She hesitated, cocking her eyebrows back, "It wasn't you."

Wasn't me? No, I know it wasn't me, Amy thought, but then who, damn it, who? "What...did someone say something?" She said trying to sound like it didn't perturb her in the slightest. That Carter and her being paired off together didn't make her want to hurl unimaginably. She suppressed her laughter.

Abby still had that smirk attached to her face, "I meant, it wasn't you I was jumping to conclusions about."

These tight little circles we're spinning in are giving me a headache, Amy thought wearily. "Why? Has he said something?"

Abby is beyond feeling awkward, and looked at Amy, without really looking at her. "Well it was just that I heard that he was, well, he had a thing about students. Apparently he and his last student got on pretty well, if you know what I mean." She paused, glancing down at Amy's amused face. "And from the way he is constantly arguing with you, I thought that maybe Carter had a thing for you. I was even beginning to think that Kerry had paired you two up on purpose." She picked up her bag, biting her lip. "My mistake I guess."

You bet your pretty little arse it is, Amy thought sarcastically. We barely acknowledge each other, let alone want to shag one another. It's too great. The best thing she had heard all day.

The smirk was now attached to her face, but she still put on her fake display of non-chalance. "Oh yeah, your mistake."

She watched numbly as the peaks and lows began to smooth out. The beeping is less insistent, and quickly transposes into one harsh, penetrating pitch. The doctors have already begun to peel off their gloves, and the time of death has already dried on her chart. The girl's eyes are closed, and she looks pale and tiny beneath all the many tubes and monitors attached to her. Her hand is still clenched. Her mouth was ajar, as though she had attempted one final breath. The nurses begin removing the blood surrounding her features, and the tubes surrounding her veins. All she does is watch. She was as big a victim as the girl beneath the tubes.

She had never seen anyone die before. She had seen her father lying in a casket, with flowers, and church bells surrounding his death. But two minutes ago was the fist time that she'd actually seen a person go from existing to not existing.

Some of the nurses gave her concerned looks, and she realizes how long she has been sitting there, simply watching. She picks herself up slowly, her surroundings distant and faded. She entered the doctors lounge, and before she could control herself, felt her Oreos breakfast hurtle itself into the bin. Her body heaved until nothing remained. She became aware of a hand on her shoulder, and accepted the tissue that it handed to her, wiping herself with it.

"Fist time huh?" Carter asked her softly. Her mouth tasted of stomach acids and chocolate. She nodded, and smiled sincerely at his understanding. She took a few sips from the glass of water he gave her and sat down. Her hands trembled slightly as she put it down.

She tried to compose herself as he watched her. No sir, she thought, I'm not a kid. "Boy do I feel really stupid." She smiled at him, ashamed at her own naivety. "I'm training to become a doctor. What did I think that I would do all day? Sit around and kiss people better?"

He smiled. "It's hard. I mean you never get used to it. But like you said it's all part of the job. You've just have to learn to accept that you can't perform miracles. And that that has nothing to do with your value as a doctor."

She smiled at his sentiment.

He smiled at her, his large brown eyes somehow comforting. "So you want to come along back to the E.D with me? Got a lot of broken bones, and souls needing mending."

She looked at him, and then out into the hectic hallways of the ED. "Mind if I sit this one out?"

He shook his head understandingly. "Sure thing."

"Gossip is very bad for the soul," Abby quipped sarcastically at the nursing station. The staff members turned to face her, all of them seemingly deep in conversation, amidst working. She propped herself against one of the cabinets, and grinned. "Anyone I would know?"

"We're not gossiping Abby, we're discussing. There's a difference." One of the older nurses told her. At the moment there were four of them, two nurses, a med student and Abby. Signing charts, making phone calls and 'discussing.' "It's about Carter, if you must know."

"So?" Abby said conspiratively, "Prey tell."

The med student smiled. "We were just wondering, what, or-" she cocked her eyebrows back mischievously, "More importantly whom, has brought the spring back into his step."

"Whom huh?" Abby asked them. "OK, let me see if I can help with this one. How about that new nurse down at the pediatrics unit? Y'know the cute blonde one who chews way too much gum than can be healthy?"

"She's married," the younger nurse put in covering the receiver of the phone.

"Maybe he's got himself a pet," The med student inquired.

Abby laughed, and was suddenly blindsided by inspiration. "Oooh, I've got it that petite red-head. It has to be!"

They all nodded approvingly. "Isn't she the new intern... Carter's new intern?"

Carter and Amy passed by the station, the staffs previous banter silenced, as they watched the two, intrigued, and suspicious as to their behavior towards each other. Carter seemed to be assessing a patient, and the redhead was listening to him, jotting down some notes in the patients chart. The girl paused in front of their nosy co-workers, to get a coke from one of the machines. He leant against the coke machine, and they shared a smile. They then passed the station and into one of the Exam rooms, laughing about a comment that the girl had made.

The four of them eyed each other, cheeky smiles in full bloom. "An intern huh? That guys becoming a little too predictable."

"Doesn't she go against all his blonde history?"

"Red. Maybe he's going for something to match his temper," Abby said quietly.

"Psych counsel been to see that patient of yours yet?" Mark asked Carter as they traded patient details, in between the handling of said patients.

He shook his head, "Nope, still waiting up on them. Some guy apparently wanted to jump from the third floor. Guess suicidal folks are a higher priority than depressed teens."

"Didn't think there was a difference." Mark said smiling. He paused to lean against a wall, and sign the chart that he had been carrying around. "So how's Amy doing as of late? Still scratching her nails against your blackboard?"

Carter smiled distantly. "Amy? I think the girl might actually be growing on me."

Mark looked up at him, a comical puzzled look plastered across his face. "Yeah? What happened to the vision of failure you were telling me about? Tell me has Carter finally developed patience?"

He smiled. "I wouldn't go that far Mark." Carter turned to address a nurse that was questioning him about a patient, paused and looked up at Mark playfully. "Hell we're still trying to find me a pulse."

"Good luck with that one," Mark retorted after him as he left.

"This place is really lovely," Amy muttered, her breath forming little clouds of steam as she spoke. She held herself closely, seeking warmth from the bitter night air.

He nodded, "The ultimate medical student get-away."

She smiled, a little perplexed. "You interned here?"

He nodded, "Yup, Benton was my supervisor. Oh what great times we had," He said sarcastically.

"Benton's a surgeon...You wanted to do surgery too huh?"

He gave her another nod. "I wasn't cut out for it I guess. I always needed to know how a patient was doing. It would drive Benton crazy."

She smiled, "I can imagine." She paused sitting down next to him, their backs against the city. "Just like I drive you crazy down here in trauma right?"

He laughed guiltily, "You could say that."

Part of her is hurt that he has admitted that she is a pretty lousy intern, another part is grateful that someone finally has. "That bad huh?" He is still smiling. "Y'know the only reason that I wanted to become a doctor was because of my dad."

"He a doctor?"

She shook her head. "No, he was a lawyer...died of lung cancer when I was ten. That was what made me want to become a Doctor."

"You wanted to become a Florence Nightingale to all those with cancer?" He asked her puzzled.

She shook her head again. "The doctors who treated him were so lovely. They would let me and my sister sit with my dad way past visiting hours. They all seemed to care so much. One night, my dad's heartbeat became irregular, the cancer had of course very near swallowed it up by then...and the doctors stayed with my family until the early hours of the morning, comforting us, playing with my brother and I...it was nice. He died that night...I mean I saw him die that night. I just stood at the door and watched him die. Heart monitors still send shivers up my spine." She paused smiling, "I never told anyone that."

He looked at her, and she realized that it was a look that he has never given her. He understands. "I'm sure your dad would be very proud of you."

She laughed, "I don't think anything could be proud of the way I do medicine. I officially suck... So your turn, why'd you become a Doctor?"

He looked at her, putting on a straight face. "You know how it is. Wanting to cure the sick, mend broken souls, make the world a better place for all humanity."

She laughed. "The good guy fight against all evil huh? Sounds like a lost cause."

"They always are." He told her pointedly, and she suddenly remembered what Dave told her several days ago.

"You don't have much luck with interns do you?" She muttered softly.

He looked at her as though she has just stumbled across something he'd rather forget. He smiles, "That, or I suck as a teacher." She smiled. His gaze becomes distant, and he almost seems to forget that she is even there. "Lucy was a good student. I never told her that. If I had just paid more attention to her concerns that day..."

She was silent, but gave him a steady gaze. "We would still be having this conversation. Carter, what happened was beyond your control. I'm pretty sure that if Mark, or Luka, or even Weaver had been supervising that day, then they'd be sitting exactly where you are today. You can't blame yourself."

He seems a little comforted by what she has to say, and she in turn feels comforted that she is finally helping one person feel better. He looks down at his watch, "Didn't you say something about dinner reservations after work?"

Her mind raced. Oh yeah, dinner plans with the delectable Jamie. Her heart sunk. For one she was enjoying becoming friends with Carter. Two, Jamie's drunken rages had started to really affect her. All she could think about was how a bottle of wine could make him hate her so much.

"Not looking forward to it?" He said noticing her derailed thought process.

She dragged the palms of her hands against her face, suddenly exhausted. "You miss nothing do you?"

Now it was his turn to play the concerned friend. "Moving too fast?"

She laughed; she hadn't heard that one since high school. "No. It's just..." She looked at him; would he understand? "He likes to drink. A lot. So far, nothing major has happened... A few slaps, a few harsh words...but I guess it scares me."

She waited anxiously to hear Carter's reaction. "But you still love him, right?"

"Right. I don't know why. I mean I know I shouldn't..."

He smiled, a gentle, kind smile. "Hey, that's the funny thing about being human. Your feelings can't be turned off at the flick of a switch."

They sat silently for a few minutes. It wasn't awkward, but thoughtful. Amy analyzing her relationship with Jamie, and he in turn thinking about... Lucy she assumed, but from the far off look in his eyes she couldn't be too sure. She quietly put her arm around his shoulder.

He smiled, this time with warmth, as though just returning to Earth, and County. "You want to stay up here for a bit? My date's no real loss. We can just talk-if you want." He seemed to appreciate that, and nodded warmly, placing one of his own, warm arms around her shoulder.

Carol looked at the registration list on her almost-useful computer system. "Pablo is back," she announced to those Doctors sitting back at the South nursing station.

"Aw, c'mon - he was just here yesterday," Carter said. "You're kidding, right?"

In answer, she gestured eloquently at the screen. She's not kidding.

"Crap. Okay, I'll take him."

Pablo was one of County's many, many frequent fliers. He lived somewhere close to the hospital, and seemed to have a predilection for getting incredibly, dangerously drunk. They generally tanked him up with IV fluid turned yellow by a cocktail of thiamine, folic acid and multi-vitamins, and let him sober up. Pablo's unique trait was that he swung rapidly from being incredibly abusive to full of love for the world, serenading the entire department with pretty fair renditions of crooner's ballads from the forties and fifties. Then he turned mean again.

He walked into the room, accompanied by Amy. She didn't have any patients at the moment, so why not?

"Hey Pablo! What's going on?"

"Aw, ya fuckin' cocksucker, I'm dying, and no one's helping me!"

"We're here to help you, buddy. What's happening?"

"I fuckin' toldja, I'm DYING ya sonuvabitch!" he yelled.

Amy looked at him, grins, and then says to him, "Pablo - that's not very nice language."

He swung his head to the other side of the bed and squinted at her, noticing for the first time that Carter was not the only other person in the room. He looked back at Carter. "She's alo' more beu'ful 'n you are," he announced.

"She sure is. Now what's bothering you?"

"Hey - do you like her?"

Carter looked back at him, and his mind raced for a moment.

"Wudja marry her?"

He was still in a bit of a daze.

"Hey - wudja fuck 'er?"

The room snapped back into focus.

"That's a personal question, Pablo."

"Fuck you, ya cocksucker," he slurred.

They walked out of the room. "That's Pablo, ladies and gentlemen," He told her, "how about a big round of applause?" She grinned again, and reached for a new chart. He prayed she didn't notice that he had managed to completely derail his train of thought in there.

"Jamie, I'm going to go to sleep now," Amy said watching him warily. He was sitting in the middle of their bed, one hand clutching at a brown paper bag, one of many he has sported today, his face twisted into one of anger. He looked up at her, almost acknowledging her presence. "Why don't we both go to sleep now?"

"I said, where the fuck did you put my money. HUH? Where the fuck is my money?" He was trying to get up, but the alcohol swirling around inside his head seemed to be affecting his balance.

"James...you spent that money...today, remember?" Amy said quietly.

He was supporting himself against the bed, and looked at her wildly, shaking his head. "Shut up!! Fucking liar...I know you spent it...Where the fuck is it?!!" He began rifling through the purse that she had dropped there when she had come home, emptying it of all she had. He started laughing as he found her money, and credit cards. Knowing that she was going to be pissed off.

She headed over to him, attempting to snatch the money and cards off him, before he could do anything with them. Until her paycheck came through it was all that she had. He was all too aware of this. Bad move Amy, she thought as she felt his hand make contact with her head, finding herself sprawled across the foot of her bed. She raised a hand to her head, the tears that she had been suppressing all night starting to come.

It isn't the first time, he had hit her so hard, but it still hurt to think that she loved the guy so much. "Jamie? Why are you doing this to me?" She muttered, picking herself up, knowing that he had no answer. She approached her purse again with caution, but he was too busy counting all her money to notice. She found her car keys, and tucked them into her back pocket. "Jamie I'm going to go for a walk, until you calm down OK?"

His head jerked up, and one of his hands grabbed hold of her shoulder. "Fuck you. You aren't fucking going anywhere. Not until you tell me where the fuck you put my money. I had more than this. Now where the FUCK is it?!! Huh? Tell me that?"

She ignored how hard his hands were gripping at her shoulder, and she ignored how much she wanted to crawl into a small ball and die. "Jamie," She whispered, "Tell me you love me. Tell me that...and I might remember where I saw your money."

His cold eyes looked into hers. He doesn't say anything. He just stares at her like she's some stupid kid. "Fuck you." He said releasing his hold on her, and shoving her at the same time. "Fuck you."

Once again, this is not the end of it all, and if you do want to see it. The end, that is then, feel free to read, "Giving the Girl a Break." But don't be getting your hopes up yet, as that also isn't the End of it all.