Let It Rain
Part Four
By Kitty
angelpixiedust@bolt.com

DISCLAMER: "ER," the characters and situations depicted within are the property of Warner Brothers Television, Amblin Entertainment, Constant c Productions, NBC, etc. They are borrowed without permission, but without the intent of infringement. The story presented here is written solely for entertainment purposes, and the author is making no profit.

This takes place a few weeks after "May Day". John Carter is in Rehab in Atlanta, GA: Let it Rain

John is making plans to move into his new home over the weekend before he returns to the ER after a 12-week leave of absence for rehab in Atlanta.

John making arrangements for his belongings to be moved to his new home. “Yes. Will you be available in two weeks? A medium size van will do. Enough for 4 rooms of furniture. OK, I’ll fax over a complete list of the items to be moved. Thank you.” John hung up the phone. Well that’s one detail taken care of. Guess I’d better call Peter and Kerry next. Peter first though.

“Hello, this is Benton. I’m not available to take your call. Please leave a message. Thanks. Beeeeeeeeeeep.”

“Hi Peter. This is Carter. Just wanted to say thanks, man. Thanks for...” John’s voice begins to crack - John swallows hard and pauses... “well for everything. I’ll see you on Monday. I’ve got some good news for ya. Well, I’ll catch you later.”

John dials the phone. “ER” the person on the other end replies.

“Randi, is that you? Hey, it’s Carter.”

“Carter. Oh my God! How are you?” Randi says as a few people who have overheard her start to gather around the desk.

“Fine. I’m good. Hey is Kerry or Mark there?”

“Na.” Randi said while smacking her gum. “Mark’s off today. Said something about his daughter being in town this weekend or whatever. Kerry’s around here somewhere. Want me to page her?”

“Yes, could you?” John asks as Randi puts him on hold.

“This is Dr. Weaver.”

“Hi Kerry. It’s Carter.”

“Carter. Hey. How are you? Where are you?”

“I’m back in Chicago at Gamma’s house. I was just calling to say thanks and ask when you and Mark want to meet with me?”

“I knew you were due back soon but... anyway. We are both on tomorrow. Can you come in Sunday?” Kerry’s tone changed from friend to boss.

“Sure. Is noon OK? I have something to do in the morning.” John asked.

“Sure. That’ll be fine. We have a lot to discuss.” she said in a very grim tone.

“Dr. Weaver, there’s a GSW to the abdomen coming in. ETA 3 minutes.” a voice cried out in the background.

Sounding a bit apprehensive John said, “Yeah, I figured.” Oh boy here comes the disciplinary action.

“Carter.... It’s good to have you back with us. It’ll be good to have you back in the ER. Gotta go. See you tomorrow.” There was silence.

John hung up the phone not knowing how to feel about the meeting tomorrow. On one hand, Kerry and Mark would have to set limitations on what he could and could not do. What sort of restrictions? Oh God, not chart review!!! On the other, she said, good to have you back. Back in the ER. So definitely coming back. Whew! That’s a relief.

County General ER

How many times had John walked this route before? So many times over the years he couldn’t remember. He’d wanted to forget the times he had walked here in pain or a drug induced fog. But that can never be; must never forget. Always keep that time, the suffering in mind. So not to do it again.

Well here goes noth.......a lot.

The automatic double doors open from the ambulance bay and across the threshold of the ER. Carter is back. Welcome back Carter!

“Hey Dr. Carter” came from Randi as she threw her arms around his neck and gave him a sloppy kiss. “Carter, welcome back. Good to see you.” Chuni smiled at him and rubbed his arm. Haleh said “Come here you. We missed you honey!” and hugged him enthusiastically. John was overwhelmed by these affectionate greetings.

“Thanks y’all.” John said with a tone of sincere gratitude.

“Y’all? YAAAAAWWWWWLLLLL? Oh my God. Carter goes down South for a few weeks and comes back one of those good ol’ boys.” Malucci cackled and ribbed John in a sarcastic mimic. “Seriously, it’s good to see you man!”

“Hey Malucci. Thanks. Don’t you have some patients to overhaul? Tune up maybe?” John retorted. They both laughed and smiled.

“Hey Randi, where’s Kerry?” John asked.

“Check curtain three.” Then she turned back to what she was trying to do. John thought to himself. Curtain three, it had to be curtain three. OK time to face the demons, the fire. He stuck his hand in his pocket and drew strength from the small figurine he always kept with him. It was never far from his grasp ever since she gave it to him.

Flash back to the Rehab Center in Atlanta

Frustrated. Tired. Emotionally exhausting is what I’d call how I was feeling. I got slammed in group therapy today. Group therapy, HA! They ought to call it GANG therapy. I can’t believe how far the therapist let it go before telling the rest of the group to back off. Uhgggggg! Man I need a cigarette.

So I went outside to bum a smoke. I hadn’t brought any with me and could get any from any other outside source. No! I can’t do this. Using substance of any kind to deal with my negative emotions is going to get me into trouble again. I’ll go for a long walk. I guess I’m so pissed because what they had to say hit too close to home. It was true and I didn’t want to hear it. Besides, it was almost time to meet Ash. Suddenly feeling both excited and apprehensive, I walked out into the garden.

For the first time in the weeks we had been meeting, we arrived at the oak tree at exactly the same time. It seemed so weird. Symbolic. As if we were reaching a common ground. Getting in synch with each other. But I wasn’t going to be satisfied until she opened up to me. Today’s the day. I can feel it.

There were no words. Instinctively we stood only inches apart. I could smell the faint scent of lavender. God she smelled so good. I could feel my heart beating faster and other parts of my body responding to her presence. She looked well rested and gorgeous.

She kissed me on each cheek and without a word we sat down in the shade.

“You look like you got the sleep you needed. In fact, you look phenomenal.” I said as I ran my hand from Ash’s shoulder, down her arm and to her hand.

“Yes, I feel so much better.” She replied as she squeezed my hand back.

“How’s the patient you were so involved with? The suicidal girl?”

“She’s doing much better. I think she’s going to be OK. How about you? How’s your therapy going.”

“It’s been a bit of a struggle lately. Gang therapy was enlightening today.”

“Gang therapy. Now that’s a new one. I hadn’t heard that one before. You ER docs are so twisted.” she said as we both broke out into peals of laughter.

“It’s so good to know I can come here and be with you, Ash. It makes the agony bearable.”

“Me too John. I adore our meetings. You’ve come to mean a lot to me. I hope you are feeling the same.”

“Are you asking if I care for you? Well that should be obvious. Yes. Quite a lot. However, I don’t know how to bring this up so I’ll just come out and say it.”

“OK John. Go ahead. You can ask me anything.” As soon as she said it I could tell she regretted it.

“We’ve been meeting here for a few weeks now and from time to time, we’ve come close to taking things further. You know I care about you and want to continue and even deepen our relationship. But you’ve got to let me in. Tell me what is buried underneath your calm exterior. What’s haunting you Ash?” Well I said it! What’s she going to tell me?

She looked off into the distance, took a long, deep breath and began to speak timidly;

“A few years ago, the summer before my internship, I tried..” she looked into my eyes like a deer caught in the headlights. I held her hand and told her it was OK. Go on. You can tell me. She closed her eyes and continued;

“I tried to kill myself. It was a foolish thing to do. The guilt built up on me and I got drunk one night and swallowed a handful of Valium. My roommate found me and called 911. I spent months in treatment and had to put off my internship for a whole year. Thankfully, I was able to get a placement in Psych. I never even knew I wanted Psych until that.”

“Ash, oh Ash. Thank God you failed.” I pulled her to me knowing how hard it had been for her to tell me. I stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. All the time wondering why. It didn’t make sense. That wouldn’t explain the scars. Why did she feel guilty? Just when I was about to ask for more details she began to speak again.

“I’m sorry for hiding that from you. I didn’t know how knowing what you know now would affect you. Us.” she said as she unburdened herself of this secret.

“Your family must have been so worried about you.” Just then I felt her body tense and her breathing quicken. Oh my. I had stumbled onto something. She had never really told me anything about them except their names. Robert, her father. Nathalie, her mother. And her brother’s name was Bobby too. What about her family?

“Well, they” she swallowed hard and broke from my embrace. “They, they...” tears were forming in her eyes. “They were the reason for my guilt.”

“What? Why” I said. Just as she was about to tell me, her cell phone rang.

Excuse me, she said while pressing the button to receive the call.

“Hello. Oui. Ah, Jean-Paul! Comment allez-vous?” She speaks French! Oh my gosh! Guess I’m finding out more today than I bargained for. I listened to her conversation trying to understand what she was saying.

“Tres bien, merci. She paused, stood up and began walking away from me “Que! No! No, no. Mon Dieu!” Her words trailed off as she walked away. I could see that she was very concerned about whatever she was discussing. As she returned to me, she was finishing her conversation. I started to feel a twinge of jealousy. Who the hell was Jean-Paul?

“Je comprends. Oui. Je vous en prie. Je t’aime. Je t’aime. Au revoir.”

Who the hell is Jean-Paul and why does she love him?! I knew very little French but I did know that phrase.

“John I have to leave town for a few days. I have to go to Paris. I’ll be back by Sunday.” she turned to leave and I grabbed her by the arm.

“Wait just a minute! The mysteries never cease. Why are you going? Who is Jean-Paul? I’m not letting you leave until you give me some answers!” I started to feel my blood boil. I don’t know if it was because I just heard the woman I’m falling in love with tell another man she loves him or if I was getting frustrated with not knowing her as well as I’d like.

Ash, realizing I meant every word, sat back down and started to explain.

“Jean-Paul is my uncle. My mother’s brother, from Paris. My mother’s family is from France. Marcella, Jean-Paul’s wife, died last night of an aneurysm and he needs me. They have three small children and he knows he needs help. He was always there for me. Now it is my turn. Please understand John. I have to go to him.” she pleaded with me.

“Of course. You have to go. I understand.” I said as I stroked her face. She smiled tenderly and appreciatively as she leaned over and kissed my lips. We held tightly to one another and then she broke our embrace.

“Before I go. Here John. I’ve got something for you but haven’t had the chance to give it to you until now. I want you to have it before I go.” she said as she handed me a small package wrapped in pale blue tissue.

“What is it?” I asked.

“It is a jade carving. The Phoenix. The Phoenix is the bird of the city of Atlanta. Legend says that the bird is the symbol of rebirth. New life.

Rises, from the fire, life’s test
Rise from the Ash
Rebuild, strong
Start a new way of living, a new life.

May this bring out the strength you’ve shown that was always in you.”

I looked at it in amazement. She really nailed it right on the head. I was visibly moved. I grasp it in my hand and kissed her. Thanking her for sharing this with me.

“I felt like you needed this now. You are at the turning point in you recovery and I knew that time was right.” she said as she brushed the hair from my forehead.

“I’ve really got to go now and talk to Dr. Knight. I’ve got to ask for a few days off to go to Paris and make my travel arrangements. I will miss you. I’ll stop by before my flight if you’d like.”

“Yes, I’d like that very much. Please be careful and come back soon, OK?” I gave her one last long kiss and she turned and walked away.

Back outside the door of curtain three

John took one last look at the Phoenix , placed it back into his pocket and pushed the door open.

Rise, from the fire, life’s test

To be continued...