Impact of a Tragedy
Part 28
By Cari
cxcarleo@naz.edu

This is the next part of the series, starting on December 1. I have to warn you that it is sad, violent, and everything in between, but also necessary. If you don't like violence, e-mail me for a summary of what happened.

I do not own any of the characters and make no money from their use. I cannot find any source information for the poem that I use at the beginning. If anyone knows what it is from so I can properly credit it, please let me know. The songs are "Dear John" by Styx and "Friends" by Michael W. Smith.

As always, thanks to Rachel for allowing me to bounce ideas off her and Jo for her editing help. This piece would not exist without their help.

Note: I don't know where this mall is relative to where in Chicago County is supposed to be so I chose this mall at random.



We sit beneath the night sky
By the whisper of the windsong...
In the quiet of darkness.
And they are never far.

Those we have loved and cherished,
Those who have changed our lives
In some small or profound way
Are closer than we know,

Because it is their light
That shines in our world.
It is the brilliance of their souls
That makes our night sky glow.

"Doug, good, you're here. We need you for a trauma coming in. A gunman opened fire at Harper Court (http://www.harpercourt.com/) and there are at least six wounded. They're splitting them up between here and Mercy, the three that are most critical are coming to us because we're closer," Mark said as he prepared the ER for the incoming trauma.

"What's the ETA? Any pedes? Who else is on?"

"5-7 minutes. I don't have the details yet. Kovac, Carter and Malucci are on. I already called both Peter and Don down here because I don't know what we will need. Let's clear Exam 1 in case we need the third room."

"OK, I'll take care of that and round up anyone else who is on so we're ready to meet the paramedics. If we're getting the critical cases, we need to be ready to move."

Five minutes later, they heard the first ambulance pull up and Mark and Doug ran to meet the paramedics. "What do you have?" Mark asked urgently as he saw the paramedics doing CPR.

"Young girl, 5 or 6. Four gunshots, one to the head, one to the chest, and two to the lower extremities. Started one liter saline in the field and she arrested. We were able to bring her back once but then she arrested again en route. Down time is 3 minutes."

"I got this one," Doug said, barely taking a moment to look at the patient as they wheeled her into Trauma One. "Haleh, and Abby, come with me."

As they wheeled the gurney in, a second ambulance pulled up and Luka asked, "What do you have?"

"Male in his thirties. Two gunshot wounds to the chest..."

Mark didn't even listen the rest of what the paramedics said. "Take him to Trauma 2."

The last critical patient brought in was a woman in her 30s with three gunshot wounds to the head, chest and abdomen. "She's just barely alive," the paramedics said.

"Exam 1," Luka said, running in behind them. He then yelled to Jerry at the desk, "Get anyone who is free into one of the rooms, we need help."

The gunshot to the young girl's head had hit the brain and she had very little chance for survival. Her face was covered with blood and Doug had been so focused on the care and trying to save her that he barely looked at her face until he looked at her upper arm and saw a temporary tattoo of a small dragon. It was then that he asked Haleh, "Can you clean off her face a little?" At that point, they had been bagging her for 7 minutes and it had been nearly five since the most recent dose of epi.

Once she cleared some of the blood from her face, Doug gasped at what he saw. He backed away from the table and asked Haleh, "Can you get someone in here? I..."

"Of course," she said, seeing what he did.

She came back into the room momentarily with Carter, "Dr. Ross, what do you need?"

"Can you call it?"

"Of course." Carter walked over to the body and said, "Time of Death, 11:15." He turned to look at Doug, but Doug had already bolted the room.

Mark had seen him run out to the ambulance bay and followed him. He saw Doug sitting against the wall with his head on his knees. "Doug, what's the matter? Did you lose the patient?"

Doug wouldn't look up but just said a muffled "Yes."

"It's so sad when it was a young girl. I'm glad they took the shooter to Mercy, I would have had a hard time working on him. It was bad enough working on the three victims. The one I was working on made it to the OR, but they don't know if they can save the woman Kovac is working on."

"Go try to help," Doug said.

"Are you sure? Do you need to talk?"

"I'd actually rather be alone right now," Doug said looking up for the first time.

Mark had just reached the door to Exam 1 where the female patient was being treated when he saw Luka walk out with a dejected look on his face. "Mark, Kerry was looking for you. She's at the desk."

"OK thanks, did your patient make it?"

"No," Luka said quickly.

Mark then saw Kerry walking toward him and she appeared to be leaning heavily on her crutch. They walked into Exam 2 and Kerry shut the door. "How much do you know?" she asked.

"About what?" Mark asked, confused. Kerry sighed, for this was going to be difficult. "Does this have anything to do with why Doug looks like he's had the life sucked out of him?" Mark continued.

"Did he tell you about his patient?"

"No, and I only saw her briefly when they wheeled her in. I do know that she didn't make it."

"It's someone we know."

A panicked look crossed Mark's face and he said, "It wasn't..."

Kerry nodded sadly and put her hand on Mark's forearm. "It was, Doug didn't even realize it at first."

"Who was she with?" Mark asked fearfully.

"Susan," Kerry said softly.

"Please tell me that she was taken to Mercy and that she wasn't Luka's patient."

"I wish I could," Kerry said, a tear sliding down her cheek.

Mark's hands found a box of exam gloves on the counter and sent them flying across the room before he swore and attempted to calm down. After a minute or two, he removed his hands from his eyes and asked, "Does anyone know yet?"

"Carter, Luka, and some of the nurses for sure. I'm sure the news has spread though. We should let those who are coming in now know."

"And I have to tell Elizabeth somehow," Mark said.

A few minutes later, Mark walked into the lounge and saw Carol. "Hey," he said. "Have you seen Doug?"

"Not yet, I just got here. Why?"

"He was out in the ambulance bay. Let's see if we can find him."

"But I'm on now."

"It's OK, it's pretty quiet and this is more important."

"Is he OK?" Carol looked more intently at Mark and asked, "Are you OK?"

"Let's go find Doug."

"Mark, please tell me what's going on," Carol pleaded.

"I will," Mark said as they went in search of Doug.

Less than five minutes later, they walked onto the roof. Doug was sitting on the ground leaning against the building. He was throwing small pebbles at his feet and Carol could see that his eyes were red. "What happened? Are you OK?" she asked, kneeling next to him.

"I should have been able to save her," Doug said, taking one of Carol's hands in his.

She reached behind him and gently rubbed his back. "Tough patient?" she asked.

Doug looked up at Mark and realized that no one had told Carol yet. "Come here," Doug said, standing up and extending his arms out to Carol.

"I want to know what's going on."

"I'll tell you, but come here," Doug said.

"It's really bad, isn't it?" Carol asked, moving into Doug's arms as he wrapped her in his arms.

"Did you hear about the shooting at the mall?"

"Only briefly on the radio on my way in. Were the victims brought here?"

"Some-I had to treat a 5 year old girl with four gunshot wounds. She arrested twice in the field and was all but gone when she came in, but I did my best. There was so much blood and debris; I could barely see her face. But then, I saw her arm, there was a tattoo of a small pink dragon..."

"NO!" Carol shrieked. "NO!"

Doug wrapped his arms around her even tighter and said, "I wish I didn't have to be the one to break this to you."

Carol cried into Doug's shoulder and asked tearfully, "And Susan?"

Doug looked over Carol's head to Mark who sadly shook his head. Carol understood what the silence meant and began to punch Doug's back. Doug didn't say anything, just buried his head in Carol's hair and rubbed her back as he let his own tears flow.

After a few minutes, Carol pulled back and asked Mark, "How are you holding up?"

"I'm numb, it's the only way I can manage right now." he said. "I still have to tell Elizabeth."

Carol walked over and gave Mark a hug as Doug asked, "When are you off?"

"Not for another three hours."

"Go home now, I'll cover for you. I was supposed to be off, but I can't face the house right now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, we'll call you later."

"Thanks."

About 20 minutes later, Mark pulled up to the house and walked inside. Elizabeth was sitting on the couch but she stood up as Mark walked over to her. Mark hugged her as best he could given that she was very pregnant. She sensed his hesitancy to pull away and knew that something was wrong because he was home so early. She put her arms around him and said, "I heard about the shootings. It was just on the news that the three most critical were taken to County and I was waiting to get called in."

"There was no need, only one even made it to the OR. Were the victims' names on the news?"

"No, why?"

Mark pulled away from Elizabeth and sat down on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Elizabeth walked over, and began to rub his lower back. "Would I know the names?" she asked softly.

"Two of them," Mark said, before he had to stop to choke back the tears he had been holding in since he got the news. Elizabeth didn't push him, just waited until he was ready. Once he composed himself he said quietly, "Susan and Suzy."

Once the words were out, there was no holding back the tears. "Oh my god," Elizabeth said, before the tears hit her. Mark took Elizabeth into his arms and they comforted each other.

It was about an hour and a half later and it was pretty quiet. Doug was sitting at the desk looking over some charts when all of a sudden half of a sandwich appeared in front of him. "I couldn't finish it," Carol said, also putting down a can of Coke. "And I thought you might be hungry," she added.

"Thanks," Doug said, putting an arm around her waist. "How are you holding up?"

"OK, I'm trying to get by by focusing on work but it's kind of hard since it's so quiet. That's why Haleh and I went over to Docs. We needed to get out of here for a little while and we didn't want to stay in the lounge."

"It's quiet because although we didn't close to trauma, Mercy and Rush are aware of the situation and they offered to handle the load."

"That's good. I think the staff meeting is going to be rough though."

"Staff meeting?"

"I just ran into Kerry and she told me that Mark is on his way back for a meeting to discuss the situation with the staff. Do you know what we need to do?"

"What?"

"Break the news to Rosemarie."

"She knows. Apparently the news reported that one of the victims was a doctor from County so she called my cell phone."

"How did she seem?"

"Heartbroken, but in shock. She was afraid that it had been me since I was late coming home. I don't think it had really hit her. I asked if she was going to be OK until we got home and she said she would."

"It hasn't totally hit me yet either. It will when I go upstairs when we get home though."

About 15 minutes later, Kerry, Doug, Carol, Mark, Elizabeth, Luka, Carter, Lydia, and Haleh were around the desk. Mark said, "I'm going to make this quick because I don't think the news has really sunk in for any of us yet. It's a terrible shock, and a great loss. Suzy was so young, and Susan was a great friend to all of us." Mark paused as his voice began to waver with emotion. Elizabeth reached her hand around his waist and took his hand in hers.

After a few seconds, he continued, "We're obviously going to be short staffed for a little while. I'd really appreciate everyone working together to cover the shifts until everything is under control. In addition, psych has several additional doctors on this week if anyone wants to talk to them. Does anyone else have anything to add?"

No one did, as they were all still in shock and the crowed began to disperse as people either left because their shift was over or they went to take care of something. Carol was sitting at the desk and asked Mark, "Did you still want to meet about nurses schedules?"

"I forgot about that," Mark said. "We might as well since we're both here. Elizabeth, do you mind if I stay a little while longer?"

"No, I was thinking about going with Doug to the funeral home to work on the arrangements. I will see you at home later," she said, giving Mark a kiss. "What time should I expect you home?"

"Within the hour most likely."

"OK, I have my pager if you need anything."

"Thank you."

Elizabeth got home around 4 PM, and the house was quiet. It had started to snow so she took off her shoes at the door and padded quietly through the house. As she walked into the bedroom, she saw Mark, apparently asleep, laying on his side and facing away from the door. She changed into a pair of his sweats and a t-shirt and crawled into bed to lay down with him. As she saw his face, she saw that he wasn't sleeping but rather had tears running down his cheeks. Elizabeth took one of his hands in hers and rubbed his back with the other. "Let it go," she said softly.

"Will you lay with me for a while?" Mark asked, his voice full of emotion.

"Of course, I'm right here," Elizabeth said, kissing his cheek lightly. "I can't say I know what you're going through, but I'll help you in any way I can."

"Thank you," he said. "The best thing you can do is just stay with me, I don't want to be alone right now."

"I don't blame you, you've lost so much in the past eighteen months, it must be pretty overwhelming," Elizabeth said. "And Susan had just come back into your life."

"And then with Suzy being involved too," Mark said before fully losing his composure and beginning to cry harder. Elizabeth didn't say anything, just rubbed his back and let him hold her close.

About an hour later, Elizabeth was feeling very hungry. She hated to leave Mark but at the same time knew that she needed to eat. She got up quietly and padded across the cold floor. From the freezer, she took a Rubbermaid container of chicken soup and put it in a pot on the stove. She took the dry clothes from the dryer and put them into a laundry basket. Bringing the basket into the kitchen, she began to fold the laundry as she watched the soup. A few minutes later she felt hands on her shoulders. "I knew I smelled something good," Mark said.

"It will be ready in about 10 minutes, did you sleep OK?"

"Pretty well, thank you for laying down with me earlier, it really helped."

"I'm glad. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up, I was afraid my stomach rumbling would wake you," Elizabeth said with a smile.

"It's OK, but you should be resting, not cooking and doing laundry."

"I didn't do anything strenuous, I promise."

"OK," Mark said with a smile. "Now you go sit, I'll finish dinner."

Around 7 PM, Carol walked into the house carrying a pizza. She put it on the table and went off in search of Doug or Rosemarie. Doug was in Emma's room, reading to her in the rocking chair. Carol walked over, gave Doug and Emma a kiss and said, "I'm going to lay down for a few minutes."

"Are you OK?" he asked, seeing her red-rimmed eyes.

"I just need a few minutes," Carol said, her voice wavering. "It's all starting to hit me..."

"OK, I'll come get you when we're ready to eat," Doug said, recognizing that Carol needed a few moments alone.

About 10 minutes later, Rosemarie walked into the kitchen where Doug was setting the table. "How's Carol holding up? I heard her come in."

"So so. She wanted to be alone for a few minutes, but I was just going to get her to eat as soon as I finished setting the table."

"Go ahead, I'll finish up in here."

Doug walked quietly into the bedroom and saw Carol laying on her stomach with her face buried in the pillows. Doug sat down next to her on the bed and began to lightly rub her back. Carol turned her face to look at Doug and said, "I'm sorry I..."

"Don't apologize, you needed to let it go."

"I've been fighting the tears all day," Carol said, wiping her eyes. "Work was so hard because Susan should have come on an hour or so ago and..."

"Oh baby," Doug said, lifting Carol into his arms.

"And then I drove past the mall on the way home, I don't think I'll ever be able to shop there again." Carol paused for a few seconds to collect herself and asked, "How is Rosemarie taking it? I didn't see her when I go home."

"Pretty hard, she's finishing up getting dinner ready. Do you feel like eating?"

"No, but I know I have to," Carol said, laying her hand on her stomach. "I need to take care of this little one."

Two days later, Doug, Carol, Rosemarie, Mark, Elizabeth, Kerry, Jeanie Boulet, Don Anspaugh, Carter, Benton, Haleh, Lydia, and Chuny, among others, sat in the hospital chapel. Several small bouquets of flowers lined the sides of the chapel and in front was an enlarged photo of Susan and Suzy taken at the lake this past summer. After they filed in, Rosemarie whispered to Doug, "I heard that Susan's family lived in the area. Are they here?"

"They used to live in Chicago but moved to Pennsylvania a few years ago. But they are here today. The man and women next to Mark are her parents. Her sister died a few years ago."

After everyone was settled, Mark walked up to the front of the room, clutching note cards. He stepped behind a podium and said, "Thank you all for coming. I'm glad we were able to do this here at the hospital to enable almost everyone to come. Plus it is fitting because this is where most of us first met Susan and Suzy. I am going to start out saying a few words, but I encourage everyone to contribute." Mark paused to collect himself, before continuing, "Susan was one of my best friends during her first time here at County, as many of you know. She and I, we could talk about most anything and it crushed me when she left for Phoenix a little more than four years ago. Only earlier this year, she came back to us, after a rough spell, and it was almost as if she had never left. We picked up where we left off, I was happy to have her back because she was almost like a sister to me." Mark paused again as his voice wavered. "Just a few short days ago, she and Suzy were taken from us very suddenly. There was no warning, no time for good-byes. I wish more than anything that I had the chance to say a lot that I never said, that I hope she knew. I'm going to take this chance now to say those words, and Susan, I hope you're listening," Mark said, looking upwards as a tear began to trickle down his cheek.

"From when we first met, I knew we had the potential to be good friends, for you were always someone I could talk to. I think you are so strong to have made it through all that you did. You are a fighter, and I know you fought this too. You and Suzy are still together, and you will take care of her as you always have. I'm going to miss you very much, but I know you and Suzy are watching over us. Take good care of yourself and we'll pick up again right where we left off when I see you again. I..I heard this song on the radio soon after I heard the news and I just wanted to play it in your honor," Mark finished as he pressed play. Music filled the room as he sat down and was comforted by Elizabeth who wrapped her arms around him and pulled his head to her shoulder, "That was beautiful," she whispered.


Dear John I knew you
About as well as anyone
We were the wild ones
So sure those days would never end
Now they're only memories my friend

Dear John I'll see you
Some day again

I swear I saw you
On a crowded street today
I almost called your name
Thinking of all those yesterdays
Heaven help me
How I miss my friend


Kerry surprised most of the audience by being the next one to walk up to the podium. "I too was sad when Susan left for Phoenix because despite our differences, I knew we were losing a great doctor. So when Robert told me she interviewed for the junior attending position in February, I was thrilled that the Board decided to give it to her. We only had eight months with her back with us, and I hope we made the best of those months. Suzy's death was a tragedy as well, a life cut so short. We see tragedies on a daily basis, but when it hits home like this..." Kerry trailed off, unable to continue her thought. "I just hope you two know you will never be forgotten," Kerry finished.

As she walked back to her seat, Mark reached for her arm and said, "Thank you." As she took her seat, she allowed tears to fall from her eyes and Jeanie reached an arm around her shoulder to comfort her.

Carter was the next to walk up to the podium; "I met Dr. Lewis when I first came to County as a med student. One of my first memories of her was after I'd been here only a few weeks, and she and Dr. Greene saw fit to put a cast on my leg while I slept. We shared a laugh after that and many other laughs. Dr. Lewis was the type of person you knew you could always go to
and she would always listen. Like many of you, I remember when Suzy was born. She was a brilliant young girl who entertained us all. Dr. Lewis, you are a great person and will be missed immensely, Suzy as well," Carter finished before quickly taking his seat.

As Carter sat down, Doug whispered to Carol, "Did you want to go up?"

"Im not sure I can get through it without breaking down."

"That's ok if you do, everyone will understand. I just know you had a beautiful speech prepared and I think it would be wonderful if you shared it."

"OK," she assented. "I want to do this for Susan."

Carol's voice cracked with emotion from the very beginning. "Susan, you were my best friend from soon after we met. We have so many great memories, but one that stands out was tanning on the hospital roof, we were so crazy. I was so happy when you came back to Chicago earlier this year. Sharing a house was a lot of fun, and I'm going to miss you more than you know. Suzy, I'm going to miss all the great pictures you made for Uncle Doug and I. I loved your stories. The house is going to be far too quiet without the two of you there," Carol said, before succumbing to tears.

She made it back to her seat and Doug pulled her into his arms. "You did great sweetie,"

Each of those in the room took their turn going up to the podium, speaking their piece, while the music played softly in the background.

Packing up the dreams of God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say "never"
Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.

-October 13, 2000

:)
Cari

http://carianne.homepage.com

"So understand
Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Face up make your stand
And realize you're living in the golden years"
--"Wasted Years" -Iron Maiden