I Dreamed A Dream
Part Nineteen - Feeling Fear
By Breigh
breighbers@juno.com

Ok, this series needs explanation, and here's one:
This series starts around 6 years after "The Storm". When Doug left Carol was pregnant, and she decided to not tell him about the baby. Instead of having twin girls, she had twin boys, Ben and Joel. (You might not like the idea now, but trust me, it grows on you as the series goes along. Also, this story is one of my first, and the next ones are a lot better developed, and they're better than this one, this is just the one that explains everything and gets you into the series.) One day Doug comes back to Chicago for a conference and finds Carol and he meets the two little boys that he never knew he had, and that's where it all starts! Feedback is always appreciated, send mail to: Breighbers@juno.com

Doug and Carol fear that something bay be wrong with their unborn daughters.

Hey! Ok, this story takes place 3 days after the last one (it's October 18th). I know that the time gaps between stories haven't been too great, but hopefully either after this story, or the next one, I can start skipping ahead by at least weeks. Well, Justin has shown no progress, good or bad. Doug called his mother, and they decided to take bone marrow from her and freeze it until Justin is ready for it. Ben and Joel are doing well, as is Carol. She is now 16 and a half weeks (4 1/2 months). I guess that's really all there is to know! Oh, and Thanks to Jenn for the title! :)

"Hey Doug." Mark greeted him as he walked into the lounge. Doug was sitting at the table looking through car brochures. "What are you doing?" He asked as he walked over and plopped down on the couch.

"I'm looking through these car brochures." Doug said holding them up. "Carol needs a bigger car because of the four kids." He explained.

"Ah…so what are her choices?" Mark asked getting up and sitting across from him.

"She doesn't want a van. So we've narrowed it down to two. It's either the maroon Ford Expedition…" He said as he handed Mark the brochure for the Expedition. "Or, the Champaign Toyota Land Cruiser." He said as he handed him the other brochure.

"I like the Expedition…but what about you? How are you going to fit them all in your car?" Mark asked as he flipped through the pages.

"Well, we can't all go in my car at one time. We'll have to take this car wherever we go as a family, but if it's just me and the kids, then we can fit in my car. I'll put the babies car seats in the back, and one of the boys can sit back there with them, and the other can sit in the front."

"And when you have Justin?" Mark questioned.

"Then I'll have to take Carol's car." He said grabbing the brochures back from Mark. "How's Elizabeth doing?"

"Pretty good." Mark said with a nod. "We thought of a name for the baby."

"Really? But you don't know if it's going to be a boy or a girl, do you?"

"No, but we thought of one for each. If it's a boy we're naming him after my dad, and Elizabeth likes the name Michael, so it's going to be David Michael."

"That's cute."

"Yeah, I liked it too."

"And if it's a girl?" Doug asked getting up and going over to place the brochures in his locker.

"McKayla Leigh."

"Also very cute." Doug agreed.

"But what about you guys? I never heard what you two picked." Mark said sitting back.

"Really? I thought we already told you guys."

"Nope." Mark said shaking his head.

"Ok, well one is Hailie Mackenzie, and the other is Tess Bayleigh."

"And boys?"

"But they're girls."

"You know sometimes they screw up." Mark said as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, if they do, then one is Luke Jacob, and the other is Zachary Owen."

"I liked Zach, but we wanted to name him after my dad." Mark didn't get to say anything else before Carol burst through the door.

"Uh Doug, can I talk to you for a second?" She asked as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Is everything alright?" He asked noticing that her voice was shaky.

"Uh-huh." She said nodding. But Doug could tell that she was lying.

"Ok, let's go." Doug said heading over to her. "Mark, I'll talk to you later." Doug said holding the door open with his hand as Carol headed off down the hallway.

"Yeah…sure." He said with a nod as Doug chased after Carol. She headed into an empty exam room, and Doug followed. He closed the door behind him, and the blinds were already shut. Carol started pacing, and Doug heard as she started to cry.

"They haven't kicked." She said stopping and looking over at Doug.

"Who? The babies?" He asked taking a step towards her. She just nodded. "For how long?"

"Since the night they were keeping me up. When Justin got put in the hospital." She said in a panic as tears fell down her cheeks.

"Three days!" He asked as he started to panic. He saw as this just made Carol more upset.

"Doug, do you think…" She started as Doug walked over and took her into his arms. He held her tightly and rubbed his fingers through her hair. He didn't get to say anything before Haleh came in.

"Doug, there you…" She started, but then she saw that he was holding Carol. He glanced over at her, but Carol didn't move.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Uh, there's a kid coming in…but I'll have Carter get it." She said as she slowly stepped out of the room.

"Let's do an ultra sound." Doug said as Carol stepped back and nodded.

"I brought the machine in." She said pointing over to the ultra sound machine.

"Ok, well let's see." He said going over and locking the door as Carol walked over and got up on the bed. She took off her scrub jacket, pulled up her shirt, and pulled down her pants just enough to reveal her stomach. Doug wheeled the machine over and put the gel on her stomach. She flinched a little at the coldness, but then she was ok. Doug turned on the machine and waited a few minutes before moving it over her stomach. For a little while they heard nothing, and Carol reached over and placed her hand on Doug's arm.

"Please…please…" She said in an almost whisper. After a few minutes Doug started to get disgusted, and he dropped the machine, and pushed it across the floor in a huff. He stepped away and ran his hands through his hair as he exhaled heavily.

"I can't see anything on the damn machine!" He yelled angrily.

"Why? Shouldn't we be able to hear the heartbeats?" She asked sitting up.

"I'll be back." He said storming out. He ran right into Mark.

"Whoa…Doug, is everything alright?" Mark asked grabbing his arms.

"Is there a fetal heart monitor anywhere?" He asked looking up and down the hallway.

"Why? Is something wrong with the babies?" Mark asked.

"Just…where is one?" He asked as he started to get annoyed.

"Uh, check exam 6, I saw it in there earlier…do you need any help?"

"No, I got it." He said running off towards exam 6. A few minutes later he emerged pushing the heart monitor. Quickly he ran down the hall, and then into the exam room where Carol was. She was sitting on the bed with a hand placed over her stomach. The tears that were once falling down her cheeks were no more. Doug said nothing as he walked over and turned on the machine. Carol laid down and Doug put the monitor around her stomach. He then moved the little black heart monitor's around to try to find a heartbeat. After about 2 minutes he still couldn't find one, and he looked over and saw as Carol almost lost it again. He reached down with one hand and rubbed her thigh gently, and after a few minutes he continued moving the monitor to try to find a heartbeat. "Have you had any cramping, or spotting?" He asked as he bit his bottom lip.

"A little cramping yesterday, but nothing major." She said shaking her head.

"And you haven't felt anything in 3 days?" Doug asked sighing and flicking off the heart monitor as Carol's eyes grew wide.

"Doug…why are you turning it off?" She asked as he unstrapped it from around her stomach.

"Because I can't find anything. We have to call Dr. McLucas and see when she can see us. She can try to get a heart beat, and she may have to do a vaginal ultra sound." He said wiping off her stomach.

"Doug, you don't think we lost them…do you?" She asked in a daze as she sat up and pulled her shirt down, and then pulled her pants up.

"I don't know." He said shrugging. "I was never good at reading those things." He said pointing over to the ultra sound machine. "And I could just be too frustrated to find the heartbeat. They could be there, I just may not be looking at the right spots." He said reaching over and caressing her face. Carol nodded as Doug's beeper went off. "It's Justin…I was supposed to bring lunch up to him." He said glancing down at it and then reaching over and rubbing Carol's arm. "Don't panic yet…call Dr. McLucas and make the appointment for as soon as we can get it, and we'll see then." He said as he leaned over and kissed Carol sweetly on the cheek.

"Ok." She said nodding.

"And why don't you take a break now, you're pretty shook up. I would go with you, but I have to go get food and bring it up to Justin. The hospital food makes him sick, and Michelle is working. Go down by the water, maybe Elizabeth would want to go with you." He suggested.

"Yeah, maybe I'll do that." She said with a sad smile. Doug leaned over and kissed her once again before walking out of the exam room.

"Here you go sir." Doug said as he set Justin's lunch down in front of him. He got him a cup of soup and a sandwich from Doc's. "It's not the best, but it's better than what they serve you here." He commented.

"Thanks Dad." Justin said as he began eating.

"How are you feeling today?" He asked as he got up and looked over everything.

"They said my fever isn't as high…and I can breath better."

"Are you still coughing a lot?"

"Not as much." He said shaking his head.

"Good." Doug said nodding. "I brought you this." Doug said taking out a car magazine and handing it to Justin.

"Thanks…I was getting pretty bored." He said placing it on the table next to him as he took a bite of his sandwich.

"Nothin' on TV?"

"Some talk shows." He shrugged. "My sister married my brother, and they have kids with 8 legs." He said making fun of the TV shows. Doug laughed and nodded in agreement.

"They do have some pretty crazy topics." Doug agreed.

"You ok? You don't look too hot." Justin noticed. As he took a sip of his soup.

"Well, thank you." Doug said with a laugh as he pulled up his chair and plopped down. He rubbed his hands over his eyes and then back through his hair.

"No prob…but what's up?"

"There may be a problem with the babies."

"Huh?" Justin asked as he wiped his mouth.

"The babies, they haven't kicked in a while. Carol's really upset, and I couldn't find a heartbeat when I did the ultra sound, or when I checked with the heart monitor." He sighed.

"So what do you think is wrong?"

"I hope that maybe they just haven't moved for some reason, and I can't get a heartbeat on any of the monitor's. But I don't know." He said in dismay.

"So then you think they like died or something?" He asked as nicely as possible.

"I don't know. I hope not." He said shaking his head. "God I don't know what we would do. Carol would be so upset." He said as he began to twiddle his thumbs.

"That would be horrible." Justin agreed.

"Shit!" Doug said as his pager went off once again and he jumped up out of the chair.

"Whoa Dad." Justin laughed.

"Don't repeat that." He warned.

"Dad, I'm almost 15, there are things I could do that are much worse than saying shit."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Doug agreed. "But it's the ER. There must be a trauma coming in, and I've been gone for quite a while."

"Do they know about me?" Justin asked leaning back in his bed.

"Some of them. But I don't really like my business to be all over the hospital if it doesn't have to be."

"Oh."

"Uh-huh. Well I've got to go. I'll come up before I leave, and if I can get any more breaks."

"Ok…my mom and Uncle Adam are going to be coming over later too." Justin told him before he got another page.

"Alright, I've really got to go now." Doug said looking down at his pager.

"Bye." Justin said with a tiny wave.

"Hey, maybe I'll have Helen bring the boys over later and they can come up here." Doug added as he headed over to the door.

"Cool."

"Bye." Doug called before running out of the room.

As Doug walked down the hallway he saw Ben and Joel sitting on the counter. Joel had the phone in his hands, and Ben was eating a Twinkie. He looked at Jerry and saw as he devoured the other Twinkie.

"What are you guys doing here?" He asked going over to the desk.

"Finally!" Joel said rolling his eyes as he set the phone down. "I've only paged you like 8 million gazillion times." He said looking over at Doug.

"What are you doing here?" Doug asked again as he walked over and lifted the down off the counter.

"You didn't pick us up." Ben shrugged.

"What do you mean I didn't pick you up? It's only 2 o'clock. You don't get done school until 3." Doug stated.

"Not today. We had early dismissal." Joel said with an attitude.

"Oh god guys…that was today?" Doug asked looking down at them.

"Yeah, and you forgot." Ben said wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"Well then how did you get here?"

"Ethan's mom drove us." Joel said as he walked over and grabbed his backpack off a chair in the waiting area.

"Ethan?" Doug asked as he guided the boys into the lounge.

"Yeah, he's on my hockey team." Ben said as he walked over and flicked on the TV. "His mom was late too, so she dropped us off."

"And you came in here yourself?"

"No…Elizabeth was comin' back from lunch, and she told Ethan's mom that she would watch us." Joel explained.

"Yeah, but then she got called to see some sick person, and we stayed with Jerry, and paged you." Ben said sitting down.

"Why didn't you get mom?" Doug asked.

"She ain't here." Just as Ben said this Carol came into the lounge.

"Hey guys…what are you doing here?" She asked looking at them.

"They had an early dismissal. I was just about to call your mother to pick them up." Doug explained.

"Oh." Carol said with a nod as she headed over to her locker and put her jacket away.

"Where have you been?" Doug asked in a whisper so that the boys couldn't hear.

"Walking…and thinking." She said with a sigh.

"Still nothing?" Doug asked caressing the side of her face.

"Nothing." She said shaking her head back and forth. "But I have an appointment for tomorrow at 11." She said with a sad smile as Haleh burst through the door.

"Doug, Carol, we've got an M.V.A coming in. There's an E.TA. 4 minutes." She told them.

"We'll be right there." Doug said glancing over at the boys.

"I'll call my mom." Carol said walking over to the phone, and Doug walked over to the boys.

"Homework…now." Doug said pointing over to the table.

"Can we just watch this first?" Joel asked.

"No, you know the rule, your homework comes first." Doug said as he walked over and turned off the TV. Carol just finished talking to her mother when Haleh burst through the door once again.

"They just pulled up! We need you guys!" She yelled.

"Do your homework!" Doug yelled as he ran out of the lounge.

"Stay right there, Grandma is going to be here in 15 minutes!" Carol called as she headed out to take the incoming trauma. She walked out just as Mark and Benton were taking a woman into a trauma room, and a paramedic was carrying two babies in. They were each in a baby carrier. Carol took one, and Doug took the other. They were two little girls; they couldn't have been any more than 4 months. Their heads were covered with dark hair, and one was bawling.

"Hannah and Darby Kessler- 4 months old. Backseat passengers, responsive from the scene, good breath sounds." The paramedic told them as Doug headed off to trauma 2 and Carol followed. Carol set the little girl she was carrying down on the table, and Doug set down the little girl he was carrying.

"Thanks, we got it from here." Doug said as he started examining both girls. Carol rubbed her hand gently over Darby's head to try to calm her down.

"It's ok sweetie." She said softly.

"They look ok." Doug concluded as he finished up checking Darby.

"What about this cut?" Carol asked raising Hannah's arm and showing Doug a slice that was in it.

"I'll wrap it up, but I don't think it needs stitches." He said rubbing his hand over the baby's head.

"I'll go get some gauze." Carol said before walking out of the trauma room. As she came out she saw that they were moving the girls mother's up to surgery, and then Mark walked up next to her.

"How are the girls?" He asked snapping off his gloves.

"They're ok. One has a cut on her arm, but it's not too deep…Doug's got them." She said turning back and glancing into the trauma room.

"Chuny got in touch with the father, he's on his way over." Mark told her.

"Ok." Carol said with a nod.

"Twin girls, huh? Must make you think about what your going to be doing in a few months." Mark said putting his hand on Carol's shoulder. And once again the fear she had been battling all day came back to her. She did think of her unborn daughters when she saw the two twin girls. And not until then did she realize how great it was going to be again. How great it was going to be to have two little girls, and how fun it would be to dress them up and take them out. But now she was scared that she wouldn't have the opportunity. And even though she had only been carrying them for a little over four months she didn't know what she would do without them. She already had a bond with them, even though they weren't here yet, and she wasn't ready to loose that. Carol bit her bottom lip and shook her head.

"Send the father back when he gets here." Carol said as she headed off to get some gauze. She found some and then returned to the trauma room to see Doug playing with the two little girls. He turned as he saw her come in. She silently walked over next to him, and placed the gauze down on the gurney next to the babies. He gently moved his arm over and wrapped it around her, and then he rubbed his hand up and down her arm. Doug then leaned over and sweetly kissed her temple.

"I can't wait until ours get here." He said admiring the twins. Carol just nodded as she moved her hand over her stomach and nodded. Doug moved his hand up and rubbed his fingers through her hair. "Everything is going to work out baby, I promise." Doug said just as a man ran in the room.

"Oh god…are they alright?" He asked running over to the girls. Carol stepped back, and Doug looked over at the man.

"Yeah, they're fine. I'm going to wrap Hannah's arm because she's got a tiny slice, but it doesn't need stitches." Doug said as he reached over and grabbed the gauze.

"Oh thank God." He said as he leaned down and kissed each of the girls on their forehead. Doug looked over to Carol and the two exchanged a sad smile as Joel and Ben walked up to the doorway.

"Mom, Dad?" Ben asked quietly. Carol walked over and put a hand on each of their backs and directed them away from the trauma room.

"We know we were supposed 'da stay in the lounge, but Grandma's here, and we wanted to tell you that we're leaving." Joel said adjusting his backpack.

"Ok guys…did you do all your homework?" Carol asked looking down at both of them.

"Yep!" They both answered at the same time.

"Alright then. Go ahead with Grandma, and either Dad, or me will be by later to pick you guys up." She said before bending down and hugging each of them tightly. "I love you guys."

"Love you too Ma." Both boys said before running off.

"I brought you a glass or iced tea." Doug said walking into their room. The boys were each asleep and Carol was lying on the bed just staring at the ceiling.

"Thank you." She said taking it and taking a sip before setting it down on the table by the bed.

"Your appointments at 11 tomorrow, right?" Doug asked getting into bed.

"Yeah…you can make it right? I mean you'll be there? I don't want to go without you…" She rambled nervously.

"Yes, I'll be there." Doug said tucking a loose curl behind Carol's ear.

"I'm just…" She said as she placed her hand over her stomach.

"I know." Doug said leaning over and kissing her sweetly.

"No…they kicked, and a strong one!" She said excitedly.

"They did?" Doug asked springing up.

"Yeah…they did." Carol said more subdued as she sighed deeply and then started laughing. Doug joined in her laughter and then kissed her once again, this time more passionately.

"Thank God." Doug said placing his hand over stomach and moving it around. "I didn't want to make you worry, but I was so scared." He admitted.

"I know you were." Carol said rubbing the hand that wasn't on her stomach through Doug's hair. Doug nodded, and they both laughed happily.

"We should still go to the doctor's though, just to make sure everything's alright."

"I will, but why do you think they didn't do anything for 3 days?" She asked.

"They may have moved, or kicked, but it could have been too light for you to feel it." Doug answered.

"Maybe." She shrugged. "But I'm just glad they're moving now."

"So am I." He said once again leaning down and gently kissing her lips.