Liz could feel Max tightening his arms around her protectively as her voice drifted off, and felt him nuzzling his face into her neck, kissing it gently. One of his hands slid down to her stomach, covering it lightly. Liz stared at his hand in amazement for a long moment. She always knew he was capable of amazing things, but to know that she was alive today because of him…

"I almost lost you." Max murmured, his voice muffled, as he kept his face buried against her skin. "I almost lost you before I even had you."

"But you didn't." Liz replied gently, covering his hand with her own, and rubbing it comfortingly. "You saved me, Max…you're the reason I'm alive today." Picking up his hand, Liz brought it to her lips, gently kissing his knuckles. "Thank you, Max."

Max gently glided his lips across her chin towards her lips, gently connecting them in a sweet kiss. "I love you." Max whispered against her lips, kissing her one last time. Pulling back he smiled softly. "That wasn't half bad…why don't you continue."

Max and Liz soon found themselves entangled in Liz's perspective on their slowly budding relationship. Max found himself smiling slightly at Liz's younger self's view on himself, on how even from her words she was coming to life, even just writing his name…and he couldn't help feeling blown away to learn that Liz, at least at one point in her life, was just as obsessed with Max as he was with her.

Max found his heart going out to Liz as he found himself learning how Liz easily accepted Max, but how completely she struggled with his secret, with the realization that it completely changed her life. When she finally came to terms with all of it, realizing that her life would never be normal again, Max knew it was an important moment in Liz's life…and he couldn't help wondering if he had helped her through it all.

That was the one thing that concerned Max…how personal Liz's journal was. It was filled cover to cover with Liz's personal thoughts, and in reality told very few details about their lives. Still, from Liz's word, there was very little tragedy involved in their early relationship. It seemed to be filled with a lot of longing, a lot of unfulfilled desire. As far as Max could tell, they hadn't even kissed yet, even though they'd both obviously been devoted to each other for months.

One single journal entry changed it all.

12/15/99

I feel…numb. I don't even know how to describe it. How can everything change so quickly?

I'm not doing a very good job of expressing myself here…my mind is just so whirled right now…I've been crying for about an hour, and I just need to vent this somewhere…

Max broke up with me.

I know, I know…I hadn't even written that we were together yet. Like I said, it all happened so fast. It's been two nights…only two nights. That night, when the heat wave broke, Max kissed me for the first time. I feel so hypocritical talking about it now, because that night I was so convinced that we weren't ready for it…but then it happened, and my whole world changed.

Kissing Max was…well, it was incredible. It was exactly how I had expected it to be…mind blowing, earth shattering…life changing. The moment he kissed me, it confirmed all my suspicions that he was the one, the one that Grandma Claudia always used to talk about…my soulmate. Any doubts in my mind were gone in that one instant.

The next night he took me out on our first date. Mind you, it got broken up early by the latest alien issue, Michael's sickness…but up until that moment, everything was perfect. We went out for dinner, we danced…it was like the rest of the world disappeared, and it was just me and Max, completely in love.

And then Michael got sick…and I got scared…and it all built up to this one moment, this one moment inside of Max where he got so scared that he ran.

I'm so torn…one moment I'm so angry with Max for this, and the next minute I'm so sad…lonely…but I love him so much and I'm just want him to work past this and come back to me.

I'm not scared anymore…I just hope that Max feels the same way soon.

"Wow." Liz murmured, as she fingered the next page of the book, trying to decide whether or not to continue.

"I was an idiot." Max replied with certainty, kissing Liz softly on the crown of her head. "Now I couldn't even imagine choosing not to be with you...."

"I know." Liz sighed. "And it's in the past, Max. It happened…and by the sound of it I understood in my own way, as much as it hurt. But I don't think that this is the big, bad thing that we've been waiting for. Although I imagine, knowing Maria, that she was probably upset with you for hurting me, I can't imagine her being so against us just over a measly break up."

"No…probably not." Max agreed softly. "Why don't we keep going."

They read on, enthralled by their own story from Liz's perspective, as she talked briefly about Max's search for clues on his past, and their slow, steady reunion, which eventually climaxed when they spent a night together in the desert…after finding an alien artifact.

Liz had waited for Max through all his doubts, and it had paid off…they were together, and happy, as proven by Liz's giddy accounts of their dates, and pretty much every moment they spent together. The story warmed both their hearts, as they knew without a doubt that they were as close then as they both were now.

Again it was a single journal entry that left both Max and Liz speechless.

4/17/00

I…God…it's so hard to write. I can barely form words…I'm trying so hard to get it out, how I'm feeling right now…but I don't even know if I can. As it is I've been sitting here for about an hour, pen in hand, and it's taken me this long to even start writing…I've never had so much trouble expressing myself before.

My heart is aching, so much…like there's this sick feeling in my chest, and there's absolutely nothing but the images in my head and the pain that accompanies them. I just…I feel physically sick. I want to go throw up, but I know I'm not sick…it just…it hurt so much.

I know what it is I'm feeling too…and that makes it all the more difficult.

My heart is breaking.

Max Evans broke my heart tonight.

He…came to me tonight and said the sweetest things, about how there would never be anyone else for him, but me. I was the only one…now I can't help wondering if our whole relationship has been a lie…can I trust anything he says anymore?

I guess I should just say it…none of this makes any sense without it.

He kissed her. I saw it with my own eyes…less than five minutes after leaving here…he kissed Tess.

I can't…I have to stop…I can't write about this anymore. It just hurts too much.

This time there was no delay. Liz turned the page quickly and read the date of the next entry in shock.

"I didn't write again for a year!" Liz exclaimed. "There's absolutely nothing after that."

Max was silent behind her, and Liz flipped the page again without reading. "I basically gave up writing! There's only two more entries!" She suddenly noticed the uncanny lack of response from behind her, and turned to study him. "Max? Are you okay?" He was sitting there staring off into space, a distant look in his eyes.

"Max?" Liz asked again. "What's wrong?"

There was a long pause, before Max weakly explained. "I…I can't believe I would do something like that to you."

Liz averted her eyes, suddenly awkward as well. "It's over a year in the past Max…and you're not the same person that you were before…"

"Liz…I cheated on you." Max exploded. "That's…it's just wrong. I feel sick inside just thinking about it now."

"Yes…it's wrong…but it’s over, Max. You have no reason to feel guilty." Liz insisted. "You don't even remember doing these things."

"God…no wonder Maria hates me." Max continued, almost as if he didn't hear her. Liz shook her head in frustration at Max's response, and firmly grasped his face in her hands, forcing him to meet her eyes.

"Max…it isn't you, all right?" Liz pressed. "And regardless, it's in the past. Don't let it effect us now."

Max let his eyes slide shut, silently agonizing to himself as he let out a deep breath, trying desperately to relax.

"I know, Liz." He finally stated softly. "I know it's in the past, and I know I can't remember doing these things…but I can't help it…I can't help feeling that I hurt you, that it's something I did… I can't help thinking that if I was the kind of person who would hurt you so effortlessly, than maybe Maria's right, and I'm not the best person for you."

This time it was Liz who stiffened, and Max waited patiently for her response…although when it finally came it took him completely by surprise.

Liz slapped him. Hard. Across the face, leaving a bright pink welt on his cheek, that left her feeling a slight satisfaction as she began to scream at him.

"Don't you dare talk that way." Liz exclaimed angrily. "Don't even think that you're going to walk away from this just because you found out that you made some huge mistake in the past. We are in this together, Max Evans! We have invested ourselves in each other at this point, and I am not letting you go that easily, do you understand me?"

Max nodded weakly in response.

"Good." Liz replied firmly. "Now let's go over the facts here. We know you kissed Tess. We know I got upset…but we don't know what came of it. We don't know if we let it come between us in the long run. We don't know what initiated that kiss."

"Just that it happened is bad enough." Max argued, but he froze at the sharp look Liz gave him at his words.

"It shouldn't have happened." Liz agreed. "But think of what else we know about this Tess person. We know that at some point in time I tried to get you two together…some time when we weren't a couple…and we don't know if that happened first, or if it was a later occurrence…so maybe there was more going on there than what meets the eye."

"You're right." Max softly agreed. "We're definitely missing some facts here."

"It's too bad we can't choose what flashes we want to get." Liz chuckled softly. "Otherwise I would have to demand the answers immediately."

"What happened a year later?" Max asked curiously, and Liz reopened the journal and began to read.

"It's pretty short." Liz noticed softly as she read the two paragraphs aloud softly.

It's April 27th. I'm Liz Parker and I think I've figured out why I haven't written in this journal in nearly a year. It's just ironic that I would figure something out really deep from like the least deep guy in America.

We try to live responsible, logical lives. But we can't tell our hearts how to feel. Sometimes our hearts lead us to places we never thought we wanted to go. And sometimes are hearts can be the sweetest, gentlest things we have. Sometimes are hearts can make us feel miserable, angry, excited and confused. All at once. But at least my heart is open. And I'm writing again. I'm feeling. I'm breathing.

This time it was Liz's turn to stiffen, and try to fight down the whirl of emotions that had overtaken her mind.

"Okay…something definitely changed in a year." Max replied nervously.

"Yeah." Liz murmured distantly, as she tried to process it all.

"What are you thinking?" Max asked curiously.

"I'm thinking that I want to know what changed to the point that some other guy would effect me. I…there's a million words I would use to describe you, Max, and deep would definitely be on the list…you have so much depth I find it almost amazing…there's so much to you. So if I'm talking about a guy that isn't deep…that means a guy other than you. I got involved with someone else."

"We must have been more broken up than either of us thought." Max murmured. "If I went to Tess, and you to some other guy…and it sounds…" Max hesitated before continuing. "It sounds like he helped you through a rough time."

Liz nodded silently, the concern apparent on her face, before Max replied so softly that Liz almost didn't hear him. "I wish I had been there for you."

"Me too." Liz replied gently, seeking out Max's hand and squeezing it softly. "Me too." She repeated, fighting back the tears that were threatening to surface.

"Do you want to continue?" Max asked her curiously.

"Yeah…that's a good idea. It's the last one…"

July 20, 2001

It’s strange how much things can change. How one day life seems so complicated, but at the same time you have everything you want in the world, and how although things are complicated, you wouldn’t change a thing about your life…then suddenly, out of nowhere…it’s all gone. And how one minute, everything seems so horrible, you can’t imagine how everything could possibly get any worse…until it does.

A few months ago I was convinced that I had hit rock bottom, that my life had completely fallen apart...that things had spun totally out of my control, and I hate feeling that powerless over my own destiny. The thing is, that day I had no idea how much worse things would get.

Now, in retrospective, I realize how naïve I was, how stupid…because today, I know without a doubt that my life couldn’t get any worse.

I’ve lost everything now. There’s nothing left for me to live for. I’m just going through the motions of my life. I’m numb, just a shell of the person I used to be, and the irony of it all is that I know I have the capability to repair my life, just by opening myself up to him…by giving him another chance. All I have to do is say the words…but every time the opportunity presents itself, I shut down. I can’t do it, as much as I know that I need to.

I’m just stuck…

"Wow." Max murmured.

"I was in so much pain." Liz gasped softly. "I guess that guy didn't do as much for me as I was trying to make myself believe…"

"July 20th." Max softly mused. "That's right before we lost our memories."

"Three days before…" Liz confirmed, her mind reeling with that knowledge.

"So that was your reaction to whatever has Maria and Isabel so worked up." Max realized suddenly, stiffening again. "God, Liz…did you ever stop to think that maybe you wouldn't want to be with me if you got your memory back? Look at what you're saying here…I hurt you so much it was barely forgivable…whatever I did was that bad."

"No Max." Liz replied hesitantly. "Look at the other words that I'm saying…I was struggling. I wanted to forgive you, but I couldn't. I was trying to…maybe that's why we were both out in Frazier Woods…maybe we were finally talking things out."

"But we can't know for sure." Max insisted. "Maybe we were fighting…maybe something happened while we fought…maybe I did something with my powers in a moment of frustration, and maybe that initiated the memory loss."

"Or maybe we were getting back together!" Liz erupted angrily. "Max…we can't jump to conclusions. We don't know what happened…maybe we were fighting, maybe we were kissing…we're not going to know until it all comes back, and there is absolutely no reason why we should change our present relationship based on assumptions about the past."

"Or maybe we should slow things down…what if we're getting in too deep, and we get our memories back and it makes things harder on us?" Max quietly argued.

"That's a risk I'm willing to take." Liz stubbornly announced. "Are you?"

Max slowly detangled himself from her embrace, and stood up, slowly moving away from her.

"I don't know…I just…I need some time to think." Max admitted. "Why don't I head home, sleep on things…and you should probably do the same…make sure this is what you want. Tomorrow night we'll go on our date, and maybe…maybe then we'll see how things are going."

Liz nodded. "Maybe that's a good idea. We probably just need time to absorb all of this."

She stood and crossed the balcony to Max, hesitantly reaching up to caress his cheek. "Good night, Max." She whispered softly, leaning up and brushing her lips across his, before turning away and heading into her bedroom.

"Good night, Liz." Max replied, like a prayer whispered on his lips as he watched her disappear into the house.

Turning to climb over the ledge, Max felt a cold hand clenching his heart, as he realized what she was saying all night…that he was letting the past dictate his decisions again. Suddenly he found himself filled with regrets, realizing that he needed to make it up to Liz…for both the past and the present.

Smiling softly to himself as he let his feet hit the cement, and headed for his car, Max began making his plans for the date.