*4*

You want to know what gets me the most?

Maybe if I grew up in a different time, in a different place, I would have turned out differently.

If I was just born a few months later, my parents would have had time to move. But no, they couldn't move, it would be too much stress on the baby. "We'll just move later," they lied to themselves. "Maybe after the baby is born."

You guessed it.

They never did.

It turns out babies can be really expensive. So what better than to open a themed restaurant in the alien capital of the world?

"What about California?" Maria wants to know.

"Too many palm trees." Says Alex.

Maria and Alex. The two redeeming qualities of Roswell. If I had been born a few months later, I never would have known them.

We're picking out colleges. Most people pick out colleges by what they want to major in.

Not us.

First we have to decide on a state, on a city.

When we leave, we're leaving together.

"What about Oregon, or what about...what about Seattle."

Alex nods, "Lets go somewhere cold."

"Yea." That's me adding my two cents.

Maria is wearing her orange shirt. It must be Tuesday. She only wears her orange shirt when she's in a good mood and she's only in a good mood on Tuesday. She calls it color therapy.

Speaking of therapy......"I have to go."

"Me too," says Maria, "I have to go meet Isabel."

I don't think Maria minds working with Isabel. Isabel isn't as bad as she used to be. See, when all this alien stuff came about and Roswell went the way of the damned, everyone was looking for the three most suspicious people.

Not me. I was looking for the three guiltiest people. And Isabel, she's got guilt written all over her face.

I think they feel guilty because of all the people accused of being aliens. It ruined a lot of people. Isabel got quieter, lost all her friends.

And since Maria is on her own personal mission to save the students of West Roswell high, she'll probably try to save Isabel.

I wonder if Maria is going to Max's house.

Who cares, it's therapy time.

I go to therapy because a lot of the kids in Roswell go to therapy. And since my mom is always jumping on the parenting bandwagon, she signed me up.

Therapy is fun, because I get to lie a lot. See, my therapist, Dr. Amos, he was always looking for something wrong with me.

Do I do drugs?

Nope.

Do I have any memories of child sexual abuse?

Nope.

He got frustrated because he couldn't find a single underlying problem. Not that I cause trouble a lot, but he thinks that at least one traumatic event has happened to every person.

So I started making up stuff.

I told him I saw my best friend get hit by a train.

'Oh Really?' He said.

Yep, and when I was six my mom left me in a pool and I almost drowned.

'Interesting' he said.

And did I mention I was adopted?

My official diagnosis? Pathological Liar.

It's perfect, it's freaking perfect. A week later I leaned forward secretively and said, 'Did you know that there are aliens among us?'

'Are there?' he asked.

Yep, and I know exactly who they are.

I like Dr. Amos. He goes with the flow. He lets me talk about all my 'lies' in detail because he thinks my lies are a clue into my 'unconscious mind'.

'Unconscious mind' is a psychological, hoity-toity term for 'truths you're not willing to admit to yourself'.

Denial. Repression. You learn a lot of these words in therapy.

I think Dr. Amos really gets off on this kind of stuff.

So here I am in his big fluffy armchair.

"My friend Tess wants to kill somebody."

"Who does she want to kill?"

"I'm not telling you."

I'm so slick. See, I don't know who Tess wants to kill. I'm making him think I know to get him frustrated. Psychologists have this confidentiality contract, If you don't mention a specific person that is targeted for murder, then they can't report it to the police. It's fucked up, but that's the way it goes.

I can tell him that Tess has a gun, has a motive, and knows exactly who she's going to kill. I can even tell him they day she plans to do it. But if I don't tell him the name of the victim, then he can't do a damn thing about it.

Sucks to be you, Dr. Amos.

Of course, this is all for my sick pleasure, I doubt he would do anything anyway, me being a pathological liar and all.

"Tess is your friend now?" he asks.

"Did I say that?"

"Yes."

"Well, I did help her after she got hit by that car, she was really grateful."

"She got hit by a car?"

"Yea," I nod, "One of the aliens hit her with his car."

He leans back in frustration. He gets frustrated about the aliens because he can't figure out what aliens are a metaphor for in my life: My sense of isolation? My dislike of the state of the world?

Close, Dr. Amos, but no banana.

"She's fine though," I reassure him, "The alien healed her, he's in love with her, you know."

"Is he?"

"Yes, she's all he thinks about, he can't even remember my name because his head is so full of Tess Tess Tess."

Dr. Amos leans forward and taps the tips of his fingers together, "This bothers you?"

"Wouldn't it bother you?"

"Are we talking about me now?"

Beating around the bush is what psychologists do best.

I'm gonna try to change the subject now, "I can read his mind."

"The alien?"

"Yes."

"What does he think about?"

"Tess."

"Do you need to read his mind to know he's thinking about Tess?"

"No, you can tell anyway."

"So why do you read his mind?"

"Because it's interesting"

"You find Tess interesting?"

"I find his version of Tess interesting."

"You find him interesting?"

Dr. Amos is starting to piss me off. "No, he's slow you know, I think he's mentally retarded, and did I mention he's gay?"

Dr. Amos furrows his brow, "I thought he was in love with Tess."

Whoops.

I look Dr. Amos straight in the eye. I can't let him get the upper hand. "Tess is really a boy."

It wasn't a good idea to say that because now Dr. Amos is going to either think I'm gay or that I have gender identity disorder.

I know exactly how he thinks. Maybe he should be the one in the hot seat.

It's okay. If things start getting weird I can always discontinue the therapy. I'm 18 now, so I can do that. It's a good thing too because he can't tell my parents anything that I say.

"So Dr. Amos, do you think I should help Tess kill somebody?"

Dr. Amos frowns, he knows I'm joking but he hates joking about death, "No."

I nod, "You're the expert, Doc."

----------------------------------

It's Tuesday night. Tess called in sick so I have to work for her.

The regulars are here. And if Max asks me why I'm not Tess, I think I'll strangle him.

"Hi welcome to the Crashdown Cafe my name is Liz I will be your friendly waitress our soup of the day is vegetable can I get you something to drink or are you ready to order."

Max opens his mouth to speak at his menu. I'm not sure if he's going to order or ask about Tess. How about I just stop this before it starts? "Tess called in sick, if you have a problem with me serving you I can get Courtney to take your order."

The group looks taken aback. I'm feeling a little embarrassed. "I was going to say," Max says looking down, "That we should maybe meet and work on Bio tomorrow."

Oh.

"Sure...where at?"

I wonder what his house looks like. I wonder what his room looks like. Maybe if I see his room he'll seem like a real person.

"Can we just meet here after school?"

He has a weird voice, it's really like, breathy.

"I guess."

"Parker," I turn my head to see Tess walking towards me. I bet Max is having a heart attack. I wonder what she's doing here. She walks up to me and grabs my hand. "We're going to a party this weekend."

She's got a fresh bruise on her cheek. Guess what: it's not from the car accident.

"We are?"

I hate parties.

She squeezes my hand a little, "Yep." She looks down at Max and smiles her little fake smile. Max looks like he's about to get run over by a truck. "You should come too Max," she says, "It'll be fun."

Yea, sure it will Tess.

It's really subtle when Max freaks out. His body gets all rigid. His eyes widen slightly. If you weren't looking at him close enough you wouldn't be able to tell.

I wonder what Tess is up to.

I wonder if Max will show up. I'm sure he will, he'd probably do anything for her.

I wonder....I wonder if Max would kill for her.

TBC...