The epilogue, this is where I give you closure.

Closure, this is where I leave you with that feeling of satisfaction that you've learned something new. This is where I leave you with that take home message, compacted into five words or less, that you can write on your notebook and read every day. Or maybe you can paint it above a sign and hang in on your doorway, or maybe you can do nothing and forget about it.

This is where I tie everything up, begging and end, into a perfect little package.

This is where I tell you how perfect my life has become, how the spinning never spun again, how I never lied again, grew up, had kids, how my grass never turned yellow, how my drains never got clogged.

Well I hope you're not too disappointed.

It's only been two weeks and my sense of insight isn't that great. This is a part of the process, you know, trying not to tell my own future.

So here we have it, if you listen hard enough you'll know that I lie again.

It's not as bad as it sounds.

Listen up: A lie is a judgment call, it all just depends on the situation.

I taught you how to lie before, step by step, now I teach you something new.

I don't know what it's called, but it has a process, a series of steps that will fit perfectly into that package that I'm calling closure.

--------------------------------------------

I'm working right now, so is Tess, Courtney, and Maria. Friday night so only the regulars are here.

Notice how life settings always repeat themselves. Maybe it's tradition, maybe it's that I've lived here for so long that all the settings have to be the same, I'm not sure.

One thing I'm sure of is that traditions change after big mega-events like the one's we've all just had.

About the regulars....

The regulars are the people that feel sorry for the working class and decided to bring the party to the Crashdown Cafe. Specifically, the regulars are the woman who sits in the corner (Her name is Debbie, she's not so insane after all, it's just that sometimes her dog talks through her...and her parents are Russian spies, it's true, she told me), Max and his posse (which consists of Isabel, Michael, and Alex), Eddie, and Kyle.

Of course, Max is only here because he knows that I'm working.

Of course, Eddie is only here because he knows that Courtney is working (apparently he found someone that turns him down more than I do).

None of us want to leave town all that bad just yet, there are certain things that Roswell needs to know.

Or, not know, as the case may be.

I'll explain later, right now I must pretend to work.

Me and Tess lean our backs against the counter, sending googly eyes and evil smiles to our respective partners in crime.

It's enough to make everyone else want to hurl.

We're getting used to the teasing, the prodding, the all around confusion. Who knew Liz Parker would find love in Roswell? Not me....and now I'm down 20 bucks.

How's this for a moral: Never bet money on your love life.

I can hear Courtney and Maria having a sister fight, stacking tubs of ketchup in the back room.

Tess nudges me with her elbow, she says, "Are we having fun yet."

Tess, my one regret, and I think she knows it.

I say, "We went through a lot, to get here."

She sighs, "What happened, happened."

"Are you really ready for this, right here? Right now?"

She nods, because she knows what I'm talking about, because she's ready to listen. Me and Tess, we have these cryptic conversations like this because, at this point, it's the only way she can talk about what happened to her. She can't use the exact words, the brutally honest phrases.

She says, "The butterfly flaps it's wings, Liz, what would you do differently, where would you end up?"

She's talking about the butterfly effect. One situation causing another causing another causing another. What would I do differently? What if it changed the place where I was at today?

There's this one thing I would do differently. It may have caused Tess to never become friends with Max, she might never have made him feel worthy, which may have caused him to never go to that party, and so on, and so forth.

I say, "I would report him, the minute I knew."

Tess, she shakes her head, she says, "I would have hated you."

"I would risk that."

"And you and Max?"

I pause, "Yea, I would risk that too."

"Because of the guilt?"

"Because of the guilt."

Then Tess hugs me. She hasn't done this yet because she's still getting used to human contact and not feeling like a monster. She says, "You could still be miserable right now, you would have so many more regrets than you do now, you'd still be killing yourself with guilt."

And I guess she's right.

See, how this all started was we all wanted something to kill.

We all wanted to kill the thing that was making us an alien.

For me and Max, it was something inside. We became the guilt and the lie and the alien.

We embodied alienation.

Tess wanted to kill the pain, the monster. She's dealing now that the monster is locked up.

You could say we're all dealing.

You could say we're all repenting and getting on with it.

Tess, she says, "I owe you."

I say, "Someone I know needs freedom from guilt."

She says, "Done."

------------------------------------------------

"Did you move my lamp? Who moved my lamp?"

"Are we talking about you now?"

"We are if you moved my lamp."

"Max did it."

Max raises his eyebrows and gives me this look.

I smile, "Did you know it's Max's birthday tomorrow?"

Dr. Amos says, "Who moved my paperweight?"

Max says, "Liz did."

Dr. Amos says, "I thought your birthday was five months ago."

"It was."

I smack Max on the arm.

Max goes, "Did you know that Liz has six toes? It's really gross, I try to convince her to keep her socks on at all times, but you know...sometimes...the clothing just comes flying off...."

Dr. Amos clears his throat.

I go, "Yesterday, Eddie inhaled a pixie stick, it was awesome, he's still blowing blue snot out of his nose."

Max goes, "I think it's a pool thing, never take Liz to a public pool, especially when there are young children present."

Dr. Amos moves his paperweight.

I go, "Okay Mr. I'm-just-doing-some-pull-ups, he walks around his house shirtless 24-7 saying, hey baby, look at my big manly muscles, then he's like, hey my parents are downstairs, then he's like, ohh don't you wanna touch my big manly muscles, then he's like, ohh too bad."

Max goes, "I've never played the 'my parents are downstairs card'"

"Sure you did."

"Oh yea? When?"

"Umm...like...last Friday."

Dr. Amos moves his lamp.

Max says, "Okay...you we're working last Friday."

"Oh yeah....Thursday then."

"You gotta wear the antennas tomorrow."

"Hah."

"It's my birthday, you're supposed to wear the antennas all day."

"Perv."

Max shakes his head.

I say, "Do you believe this guy Doc?"

Dr. Amos smiles at me.

Then it all goes quiet.

I go, "Hi."

Dr. Amos goes, "Hi."

"So...."

Dr. Amos waves his hand around, "Oh, don't mind me, carry on."

"Oh Doc, not another hissy fit."

He shakes his head.

"Are you feeling unloved? We'll try harder."

Dr. Amos says, "I think we should start scheduling separate appointments again."

I throw my hands in the air, "OH, Doc, I forgot to tell you, turns out Max is human after all. You know, he's missing the telltale I'm-a-Klingon mark. I could have sworn I saw it but, poof, it's gone. Do you wanna see?"

Dr. Amos says, "No thank you Liz."

I shrug, "It was really X-rated anyway. Hey Doc? I really think this therapy is helping me a lot."

-------------------------------------------

Maria is wearing her orange shirt, so it must be Tuesday. You know the drill.

She says to me, "You do realize that you don't go to school here anymore?"

I say, "Oh yea, did the school paper come out yet?"

"Yea, they passed it out in first period."

"You didn't read it?"

Alex says, "You smell like...paint."

I say, "Weird."

"You're up to something."

"Nu uh."

"Where are you going?"

"I'll be back."

I walk down the hall of the school that I don't go to anymore.

I need to find the school paper. The deal is that I'm no journalist so I hope I got my point across.

Max sees me in the hallway, he smiles at me - that one smile - and he says, "What are you doing here?"

"Truthfully?"

"Truthfully."

"Plotting against you."

"Sounds dangerous."

"Well, you know me."

He grabs my wrist and tugs me a little closer, he says, "You smell like...paint."

I shrug.

Down the hallway, there's this tizzy and flurry of people. Eddie is passing out the school paper. He walks up to us and hands Max a paper and says, "Did you hear it was a hoax?"

Max goes, "What was a hoax?"

Eddie goes, "It's kind of depressing, I could have sworn I was one of them."

Max, he goes, "What was a hoax?"

Eddie goes, "Party at my house tonight."

Max goes, "What was a hoax?"

Eddie walks off.

Max, he's looking kind of disturbed, he goes, "Liz....Liz Liz....What was a hoax."

I go, "Oh....you know...that alien thing...total rumor."

His face drops, he says, "Huh?"

I point to the paper, "Read."

So he reads.

The thing is that I should have thought of this so much sooner.

Oh well, what happens, happens.

So what is he reading?

A very hot story by yours truly, with all my claims to fame I really can't go wrong.

I'm president of the science club, I'm Tess's friend, who isn't gonna believe me?

So in this story, the president of the science club does a very empirical study on the make up of the material in that cave.

The president of the science club, what did she find? Well, she found your average, everyday materials. Stuff you can find around the house. She even gives tips on how to make an alien cave in your very own back yard.

I say, "That upside-down cone thing, Tess painted it purple, I hope you don't mind."

Max goes, "......"

"She thought it looked better that way, then we added green polka dots...did you know that only like, five people have really actually seen the cave? Not including you guys."

Max goes, ".........."

"So I got some of that alien goop crap on my hands, am I gonna go all special now?"

Max reads, "...metal you can find from a junkyard covered with paint, a couple kids probably fooled around in the desert and made this big alien hoax, who knew?"

Here's the kicker: Even if there's someone out there that doesn't believe this, which I'm sure there are, It doesn't matter.

Because this is all something that Roswell needed to know.

It began as a rumor and it ends as a rumor. I'm just tying up the beginning and the end here.

Am I good or am I good?

Max, he opens his mouth and he goes, "....."

Then, he pulls me into the eraser room.

I say, "What did they say about us being in here?"

Max says, "You...." He cups my face in his hands and starts kissing all over my face, "are a genius?"

"I think it was more along the lines of....'stop making out in the eraser room'."

"Do you think it'll work?"

I nod, "You know Tess with all her power in society, she's helping me out, she thinks I did this for myself."

Max smiles and bites his lower lip and leans forward so that our foreheads are touching, he says, "Liz......."

I look up at him and I say, "So happy birthday....."

This is what me and Max are like.

A third of the time we're like second graders, teasing each other relentlessly.

Another third of the time we're like this tragic Romeo and Juliet, drinking each other's air and looking into each other's souls.

Another third of the time....we're umm....uhh....use your imagination.

Yeah.

Anyway.....

----------------------------------------------

Oh, how history repeats itself over and over and over with the smallest of variations.

A group of my friends sit in a circle before me.

Only this time, I'm in the circle too.

Only this time, nothing is spinning.

This is what I call living in the world.

It's not about going out and acting fake and changing my entire personality so that more people like me. It's about opening my eyes, looking around, finding things in people that I wouldn't normally see if I was stuck inside my head.

Roswell has changed, but not how you think.

It's changed in our heads.

We see it as it is now, it's just a place, a place where the people see it wrong and now they're starting to see it right.

It's still not so great, there's still nothing to do. But the hate that we heard, in between the words, inside the silence, we put that there, and then we took it away.

You could just trip on the healthiness of it all.

See, I'm still me.

Maria says, "What about Humboldt."

Kyle says, "That could work."

Alex says, "Too college-ish."

Isabel says, "This is so unrealistic, are we really all going to move together?"

Max says, "Yes."

Tess says, "How are we going to find a college that's not college-ish?"

Alex says, "Good point."

Michael with a deadpan voice, he says, "This is so sweet, I think I'm gonna cry."

Maria slaps him on the arm.

Eddie goes, "I need a Kleenex."

Courtney goes, "You're such a fucking idiot Eddie."

Eddie smiles.

I go, "Hey, have you guys ever been nowhere?"

Max grins.

So me, I'm sitting here saying: Closure, you can shove it.

I don't think I'll give you my closure package. I think that this isn't over.

I think I'll just not close this off like some part of my life is ending or some part of my life is beginning.

I think It's just gonna keep on going, and spinning, and causing things to happen.

And over and over and over.

You know, like a wheel on a car, or a bottle, or someone's mind, or someone's life.

The ending, this is where I give you that five words or less deal, leave you with that warm, fuzzy feeling that you know something new.

Do you feel it yet?

Wonderful.

So how's this for an ending: .........