*20*

Spin.

Lots of things spin.

Rollercoasters, lives, minds, bottles.

Right now, what happens to be spinning is the wheels on Max's jeep as he quasi-kidnaps me.

Of course, I'm a willing participant, but that doesn't make it any less scary. I don't know how fast or slow I want this to go. I don't know what he has to say in order to make me stay in Roswell.

He's sweet, you know, like he is in my diluted little fantasies. But it's different in real life. I don't know how to be the center of someone's attention. I have no clue how to take a compliment other than to refute or deny it. I didn't know what he saw in Tess and I equally don't know what he sees in me. And while I would love to know all this, there's no way in hell I'm going to ask.

This isn't a self-esteem thing, I don't think. I know I don't look like a wildebeest and maybe I'm fun to be around and yeah, I saved his ass a couple times.

But why me, and why here and why now? Was I just in the right place at the right time?

He's quiet now as we drive past the outskirts of Roswell. His gaze steadied on the road ahead of us. He's got that look, you know the one, the quiet, contemplative, stoic one that drives all the girls crazy. The one you would pay millions of dollars for just for a peek inside.

This is how he usually is in the Crashdown, and at school. I actually have seen him laugh and smile and be evil, that was a rare thing. But I was his best friend, I guess it just came along with the territory.

"Having second thoughts?" I ask.

He glances at me stubbornly, "No, are you?"

"If you are you can turn around, I won't say a thing, It's still not too late."

He shakes his head, "I'm not turning around, I'm just thinking about where I should start. And try as you might, your not gonna convince me that I don't like you."

"Where you should start what?"

"Apologizing."

We get on the 285 North.

He shifts into a higher gear and his arm pushes a little out of his shirt. His arms, there something about his arms, you know, like you just wanna bite 'em.

When did I become such a girly girl?

He smiles and says, "I've never groveled before, I've never even come close."

"Well please don't start on my account."

He glances at me doubtfully, "I have a feeling your not gonna let me off easily."

I look out the window, "Let you off. Consider yourself let off."

"Why are you so uncomfortable?"

"I'm not."

"Liz, you're sitting as far away from me as you can."

He's right, I'm plastered against door.

He says, "I hate this."

"Hate what."

"I hate feeling like some perverted kidnapper."

"That's a second thought, turn around."

I know, I know: Get with the picture Liz, be the cute little girlfriend we all know you can be.

Max takes a hand from the steering wheel and slides it down his face, "I am not having second thoughts, you're not being yourself, you're closing off."

"Maybe that's just the way I am."

He shakes his head, "That's not the way you were with me."

It's one of those statements that you know is right, so you just shut up.

He pulls off the highway, "We need gas."

I fish the little skeleton and alien out of my pocket. This is us you know, almost. Max is the alien, this is his secret, this is why he punishes himself. I'm not the skeleton yet, I could be. First I have to expose myself, right down to the bone. Put all my secrets on display for him to see like he has with me.

Skeletons have no secrets, they tell no lies, they can't close themselves off. Exposure, they have no places to hide anything. Me? I have plenty.

Max returns with a huge bag of who knows what.

He sifts through the bag and says, "We've got water, soda, Cornuts, ummmm...chocolate? Gum..."

"What kind of chocolate."

"M&M's" he says pulling out the little brown bag.

"OOHH." I reach for it but he pulls away.

He says, "First, you have to promise to be nice."

"My chocolate."

"Your not big on sharing, are you."

I smile, "Mine."

He rolls his eyes, "Fine, fine. Today it's chocolate, tomorrow you'll be wanting my car, my house."

I say, "Your money."

He nods, "My money."

"Your book collection."

"Your ruthless."

"Don't I know it."

Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe I just flirted with Max Evans.

That doesn't mean I'm ready to let everything go just yet.

He pumps the gas and we get back on the 285 north. I don't know, call it self-punishment, but there are certain things I need to know.

"So did you and Tess get it on."

I see a slight frown pass over his face, leave it to me to ruin a perfect best buddy moment.

He says, "No...we just.."

"Made out a lot?"

He shifts in his seat uncomfortably.

I say, "Dry humping, groping?"

"Liz."

"You did not have sexual relations with that woman."

"Stop it."

"Sure you didn't, President Evans."

"We kissed."

"Where."

"Where?"

"Yea, where."

"Ummm...at my house?"

"That's not what I meant, I'm talking body parts here."

"Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, wait a second, Liz, we kissed, there was no removed clothing."

"Oh." I say, "What about wandering hands."

"There was no groping."

"You know, I made out with Eddie."

"You did?"

"Yea, you jealous?"

He raises his eyebrows, " Yes!"

"I'm just kidding."

"Oh.....good."

I nod.

He nods.

We drive.

"What are you going to tell your parents?" I ask.

He shrugs, "I don't know yet, you?"

"I'm gonna tell them to call the cops, I've been kidnapped."

"You're having fun and you know it."

"Possibly. I'll just say I went camping, they don't care, I was about to move out anyway. You're missing school."

"Three days, big deal."

"That's very delinquent of you."

"Where should we stay?"

"Stay?"

"Yea, tonight."

"Stay the night?"

He says, "The middle of Arizona is about halfway, we might want to go a little further than that."

I say, "In a hotel?"

"Yea."

"Together?"

He smiles, "Well I was thinking maybe I could get a room and you could sleep in the car."

I say, "Good idea."

"This is fun."

"Yea, so don't ruin it."

"Let me apologize."

"Knock yourself out."

"Don't freak out."

"Who, me?"

Inside, my stomach is doing a kickflip 180 double ollie nosegrind.

He takes a deep, shaky breath. The kind that people take when they're about to say something big.

He says, "I've never had...so much fun...with anyone...in my entire life." He looks out the window, that's what people do when their giving out a big dose of truth. "I mean...you knew about me.....God this is embarrassing."

"Then stop."

"I didn't plan this either, okay? But I like you Liz, in that scary, nervous, I-hope-you-forgive-me-soon kind of way."

I swallow.

"And Tess, she doesn't even compare, Liz. I mean, she's nice and pretty and all but you...... you...I don't even...know how to describe it. When I was in that pool with you....I was so....."

"Horny?"

GAH. I just can't keep my stupid mouth shut.

He smiles, "Well that too. I was confused. You read the file Liz, Tess was nothing but an unhealthy preoccupation. And it took me....way too long....to realize how...amazing you were. And then you almost died and......and then you saved me."

He glances at me, "You saved me from everything Liz. So forgive me already, cause this friendship thing? It's great and everything but it's really not satisfying my needs here."

"Your needs being?"

"You."

I close my eyes because I'm getting chills now. The lingering kind that won't go away, and when they do go away another one comes.

I say, "She has purple bras."

"Huh?"

"Tess has purple lace bras."

"Ummm....okay."

"Mine are white."

He laughs.

I say, "Cotton to be exact, is that going to be a problem?"

"Well," he says, "You could just show me and we can get this matter cleared up immediately."

"Very funny."

"We went from apologizing to talking about your underwear, so pardon me if I have a hard time concentrating."

Max is having sexual thoughts about yours truly. If the earth opened up and swallowed me whole, I wouldn't be surprised.

I say, "Are you always this honest."

"I'm never this honest, ever."

I close my eyes and listen to the hum of the engine. In the rear view mirror, I can see the wheel spinning around and around. Maybe fantasies and love from afar aren't so great after all. They're less scary, but there not so great. I just hope I can get my foot out of my mouth long enough to let myself be happy.

"Maybe I should be honest too."

"That would be nice."

I say, "Let's get to the hotel first."

He nods.

I say, "I lie a lot."

"I know."

"It's getting kind of old."

He says, "Okay."

I say, "Wanna hear a teensy weensy secret?"

"Yea."

"Promise you won't get mad."

"I promise."

"I told Tara Fisher you were gay."