*10*

I am plastered to a brick wall, in a shadow.

And I swear to god I hear the theme song of Mission Impossible playing.

'Cause we weren't expecting a security guard.

I'm wearing one of Max's black beanies. I figured that if I was going to get all spyish on Dr.Amos's ass then I would go all the way, black beanie and all.

Max keeps laughing at me because it's way too big and is constantly falling over my eyes.

I feel like I should be carrying a gun against my face and wearing black leather pants, barking out orders as to how we are going to proceed.

I like this. This feels good. I should break the law more often. It's like lying, but on a grander scale.

"SHHHHH." I tell Max as the side of the cap slips over my left eye.

He stifles his laughter, "Yes cap'n. You act like you've done this before."

Max is so ruining my spy mood.

"Shut up, I think he's coming."

'He' happens to be the security guard that is walking around the building with a flashlight. We made it around to the back, and if he comes back here, we're screwed.

We make ourselves as flat as we can against the wall.

"You have done this before, haven't you."

Max is really getting a kick out of this.

"No, but I've thought about it a lot, keep moving."

We slide along the wall towards the window.

"It's that one," I say.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

I basically have the blueprints for this place memorized. Thank god Dr. Amos is on the first story. The Sunny Glen Center for Mental Health has three stories. The first floor is dedicated to your average, everyday wacko. People like me and Max. The second floor is for the people on meds that have to stay a little longer. There is a pharmacy on the second floor, probably a couple white padded rooms. If Tess were to go to Sunny Glen, she would probably head straight for the second floor.

Just kidding, I love Tess. No, really.

The third floor is administration. You only go to the third floor to see the head honcho before treatment begins, to discuss your goals and payment.

The first goal they made for me was to 'establish a framework for treatment through open discourse of problems or areas of concern.' (Huh?)

They're second goal? Let's just get that damn girl to stop lying.

Not likely, oh great ones.

While I have been lost in the inner workings of Sunny Glen, Max has taken it upon himself to open the window with his alien powers.

He thinks that I don't know this.

He doesn't know I have the uncanny ability to think and observe from the corner of my eye at the same time.

"That was easy," I say.

"It was unlocked."

Ha ha ha.

Who's the liar now, Max?

He uses his big, manly arms to push me through the window, then himself.

Oh yes, we are so sneaky.

We are in.

When Max closes the window, it makes a really loud slamming noise.

"Shit." He says.

A beam of light drifts across the window.

"Hide." He says.

I push Dr. Amos's chair out of the way and scramble under the desk, Max follows. It's too crowded so were both rolled into balls, clutching our knees against our chests.

Max's shoe is touching mine.

"Is he coming?" I ask.

"I think so."

We hold our breaths as we see the beam of light shooting through the window to the office wall, around the overstuffed maroon chairs, to the desk.

I think Dr. Amos should invest in some miniblinds.

Max shoulder is still hanging in view and he crams himself under the desk as much as he can.

"This is insane." He whispers.

"No," I say, " We're insane."

When the light disappears, I peek my head out from under the desk, "I think he's gone."

"We need to be careful." Max says this to me like I don't know it.

I twist my upper body and reach around to open the drawer.

I know which drawer my file is in because I'm always watching when Dr. Amos puts it away.

Parker, Elizabeth Anne.

That would be me.

Evans, Maxwell Philip.

Ha, it says Maxwell, that's funny.

"Here you go, Maxwell" I say as I hand him his file.

He glances at my file and smiles, "Thank you very much, Elizabeth"

I swear, when I get a little older, I'm changing my name to Liz, officially.

Well, lets see what Dr. Amos thinks my problem is.

We quiet down as we begin to sift through our files.

Instead of Liz, it says "patient". Instead of Tess, it says "T."

When it talks about aliens, it says "aliens." But when it talks about 'the' alien (guess who), it says "A."

Psychologists take fucked up notes like this just in case a couple of nutjob teenagers decide to break into their offices on a Sunday night to read each other's files.

'Confidentiality,' Dr. Amos says, 'is of the utmost importance.'

Most of my file is really boring. He goes into the possible implications of my lies. It's mostly wrong. I try to find the more interesting parts.

"Denial" this, blah blah blah. "Repression" that, blah blah.

Come on Dr. Amos, give me something I can work with.

"Repression of romantic feelings towards A."

Huh?

What the hell is this?

I read a little further down, "Patient expressed extreme hate towards A. in today's session. Yet the discourse lately has been about nothing but A. I sense that patient may be harboring extreme and conflicting romantic feelings towards A. Patient identifies A. with aliens, which may mean that patient senses and identifies with the possible feelings of isolation that she perceives in A."

Umm...

"Patient may be in denial of feelings of jealousy towards T., who apparently is the object of A.'s affection. Patient talks about T. in unfavorable light and lessens the significance of T.'s problems."

That's bullshit, I do not.

This is all stupid and boring and wrong.

Max groans down at his file, "How's yours?" he asks.

"Pretty uninsightful, Yours?"

"Same."

I want to read his file. I want to read his file badly. I need to read his file. I sift through mine once more, I really don't think that he would draw much from it if he read it, it's too cryptic. Except for the last page, where Dr. Amos describes the events of the car accident. That would totally give me away.

I have to read his file though.

"Maybe we should trade," Max says.

I nod and hand him my file, "Just don't read the last page."

"Why not?"

"Just don't, okay?"

He nods as I grab for his file, "Wait a second," he says, pulling his file away, "I'm not sure about this."

"Come on."

"Umm...there's a lot about...."

"About Tess?" His eyes widen to saucers, "Yea, no shit, sherlock, its no big secret."

He frowns nervously, "It isn't?"

"Where's Tess," I say, "This is Tess's section, your not Tess, is any of this ringing a bell, Max?"

And then he says, and this is classic: "Oh."

Yea, OH is right, Maxwell Phillip Evans.

He reluctantly gives me his file.

Max's file is full of interesting information.

It reads like the DSMV-IV so let me translate for you:

Max has an unhealthy preoccupation with Tess. Like we didn't know this.

I wonder why Max has just an 'unhealthy preoccupation' and I have 'repressed romantic feelings', if anything, it's the other way around.

Anyway, moving on...

Max has a big ol' secret (mmmhmmm). This cause a flurry of bad things, isolation, remorse, low self-esteem yada yada yada. Max expressed the realization that he becomes attached to and extremely desires objects that he can't have. This was a large breakthrough because Max realized this on his own accord (go Max). This may explain his preoccupation with Tess (what?). Max is a freaking lunatic (it doesn't really say that, I'm just screwing with ya).

This is very, very interesting, read: Max wants Tess cause he knows he can't have her. Whatever will he do now?

I turn the page.

More translation: When asked what he would do if he actually obtained object of desire, Max became irritable and reported that this would never happen. If that happened, he said "Hell would freeze over." I (Dr. Amos) think that perhaps Max does not want to obtain object of desire, that he places more emphasis on the fight than on the cause. Still, I do not know this for sure, perhaps time will tell. When asked if any other girls showed an interest in him, he replied "what other girls?" This leads me to believe that his unhealthy preoccupation has grown, and may be distorting his view of reality (gee, you think?)

This is good stuff, I read down a little further, passing up some stuff about family conflict.

Max reports, at this point, that his greatest fear would be telling his secret to Tess. We still have not made any leeway into what this secret may be. I assume that it is large. So large that it causes feelings of self-hatred that may cause Max to desire impossible things, things that he may never have because he does not feel worthy enough to have them. This desire may be a form of self-punishment. I propose that this secret may be some sort of crime that he has committed (wrong), or it may possibly arise from events beyond his control (bingo).

Wow, Max is crazier than I thought. He's nuttier than a bag of...well...nuts.

"Jesus Liz, your crazier than I thought."

Hehe, "For example?"

"For example," he raises his eyebrows, "You told Dr. Amos that your parents are Russian spies, and that you have six toes?"

I smirk, "That one's true."

He smirks back, "I'd like to see that."

"Maybe later. And what about you?" I continue, "I'm not the one with the tabasco sauce fetish."

"It's good stuff," he says, returning his eyes to my file.

Read away, Max Evans, your not going to find any of me in there. I wonder why he's so interested in the first place.

"You talk a lot about aliens," he says nervously.

"Yea I do," I say, "I was abducted, you know."

"Right." he says. I think he's getting used to my random lies. He swallows, "It says you know who the aliens are."

"Everyone has their suspicions."

"And who does everyone suspect?"

"You."

Oh beautiful satisfaction. If you could just see the look on his face. "Don't worry," I say as I lean forward secretively, "I know who the alien's really are."

And he is so completely confused. "Who."

"Me."

"Is that so?"

"That's so."

As he shifts uncomfortably, any inkling of a bad mood that I have flies out the window. "I really wish you wouldn't say anything though, it's really hard, being this way, hiding from everything, wishing for things I don't need."

"Is it," he whispers.

I am really getting to him. Peeling back layers and layers in a matter of seconds.

"Yea, maybe you can relate," I say, "I don't really think it matters who the aliens are anyway."

Am I trying to comfort him now? Why am I trying to comfort him?

"Why not."

"Huh?"

"Why don't you think it matters."

"Oh...because...I'm just as normal as you, you're just as normal as me." I say, without knowing why.

His eyes dance back to my file, in what seems like a hurried attempt to change the subject and pretend he doesn't care. He smiles, "Repressed romantic feelings?"

"Don't go there." I say.

"Jealousy? Of Tess?"

"No."

"Liz, do you like Kyle?"

"NO, God no."

"MmmmHmmm," he says.

Then he smirks, and I would like to smack that smirk right off his face. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Huh?"

"You'd just love it if I took Kyle of your hands for you, so you could have Tess all to yourself."

His smirk disappears. "What?"

"Stop playing stupid."

"That's not what I meant by it, Liz."

You know when your heart starts beating so fast that you can like, see the blood running through your veins.

"Well for your information, I do not have repressed romantic feelings for Kyle, in fact, I just spent the entire afternoon watching his life go down the tubes cause you were off boinking his girlfriend all night."

"We didn't do anything....we just..."

"I don't care what you did."

"Then why are you getting so mad?"

Cause I obviously care. Time to get down to the nitty gritty, I say.

"Do you really think Tess is the kind of person you can tell all your secrets to, Max?"

He's getting mad now too, "Of course not."

"Then why..."

"That's the point, Liz. With her, I can pretend like I don't have secrets, she has secrets too, we don't have to talk about things like that."

I smile incredulously. He's completely missing the point. "Why the hell do you think she's paying so much attention to you now? Mark my words Max, she's gonna start telling you her secrets and your probably not going to like them."

This is where the denial should come in, "I don't know what your talking about," he says.

See, told you.

"I'm leaving now," he says.

"Go for it."

"Aren't you coming?"

"No."

When I get really angry, I shut down, lies come pouring forth.

"I'm sleeping here," I say, "I live here, you know."

"Liz."

"Surprise, Dr. Amos is really my Dad, it's a small world after all."

"Liz, come on."

"He's an alien too, you know, an alien Daddy, you know when aliens mate they bite off each others heads like praying mantis'"

He doesn't respond.

"That's why my mom's dead. Nancy Parker is just a figment of your imagination."

He looks down at his lap and he gets this weird look in his eyes, then he looks up at my forehead. "You saw, didn't you."

"Saw?"

"You saw what happened to Tess, it was right in front of your house....I should have known, you made up that story about the stock room."

"I saw nothing of the sort, Max Evens, now go before I blast you with my alien power."

"God, why didn't you tell anybody?"

Spin spin spinny spin spin. Get me out of here.

"I have a headache."

"Okay," he grabs my hand, "let's get out of here, okay?"

Let go of my hand.

"Okay." I say.

Everything is fuzzy now as he pushes me out the window. Everything hurts.

I keep thinking about repressed romantic feelings, about unhealthy preoccupations.

I know it's unhealthy to lie to yourself like this.

But really now, where would telling the truth get me. Nowhere I tell you. He's still got his unhealthy preoccupations. Telling the truth has never gotten me anywhere.

I can't tell the truth, not just yet.

Part 11