Finding Yourself
Part 5

Liz sat quietly as she listened to Max go on about the information he’d found at Brody’s late last night. Apparently, satellite feedback had shown a small crater embedded in the desert outside Phoenix. According to all the charts Max had worked up on wind velocities and trajectory courses, this was the most probable location for the Granolith.

"Alright, this trip is going to take a few days, maybe a week, so I created a cover story with school and parents. We’ll leave first thing in the morning."

Liz listened to them make plans about hotels and time tables and her anger began to build. How could he do this to her? She’d thought he’d remembered their anniversary, and instead he’d merely planned another meeting, another trip to find Tess and the child they created together. She had to face facts. She was nothing more than a tool to find Tess.

"I’m not going."

Conversation continued around her, no one having heard her. But Kyle had been watching Liz ever since she had walked in the door. He’d watched as her heart had shattered right there in the hallway. Something was going on with her.

He examined her carefully now as Max talked. The dark circles around her eyes had grown larger, her eyes appearing to sink in. She had lost weight too. He hadn’t realized how much until she’d shed her baggy clothes for the dress she now wore. She looked to be nothing but skin and bones. He cursed himself for not noticing earlier. He, like everyone else had been wrapped up in the death of Alex and Tess’s betrayal, and hadn’t noticed how it affected anyone other than Max. For the first time in months, he saw sparks of life in her eyes, sparks of anger. It looked as though she had reached her breaking point.

"I think Liz has something to say."

Max and the others looked up for the first time when Kyle raised his voice. All eyes turned to Liz.

"Not that anyone cares, but I’m not going with you this time."

"Don’t be silly. Of course you are." Maria dismissed her friend’s response easily. But Max looked up and saw Liz for the first time that night, maybe even in months. For some reason, she was pissed. And it was directed right at him.

"Liz, what’s wrong?"

Liz stood now. "What’s wrong? You want to know what’s wrong? Everything. How about that?"

"Okay, if you want we can talk about this tomorrow on the way to Phoenix. We really need to leave early in the morning."

"You’re not listening. But that doesn’t really surprise me anymore. I’m not going to Phoenix. You don’t need me."

Max approached her carefully. How could she think that? "Of course we need you."

"Who? The team or you? Max, you haven’t even looked at me, let alone asked for my opinion in months now. The only thing you need me for is information on the Granolith. I know you’re hoping I know more. But you know what? I don’t."

"But you knew about the Granolith before anyone told you."

"Is that it? You want to know all the dirty secrets I have left? Fine. The reason I knew about the Granolith’s power before any of you is because Max told me." Maria was giving her warning glares, but Liz no longer cared. Nothing mattered anymore. Max had broken her for the last time. There was nothing else to lose.

"In the future, there would have been a war. Tess would have left Roswell and everyone would have died. Except for the two of us. So, we sent you back in time to last year, the night you serenaded me to be exact, to fix things. To make Tess stay and for you to fall out of love with me. All he tome me was that it was dangerous if in your enemies’ hands. That was all I knew. All I know. Except that Alex’s death is every bit as much my fault as Tess’s, as well as you two conceiving a child."

"How can you say that?" Max was struggling to keep up. Time Travel? Wars were fought? None of this was making sense, but Liz was still yelling at him.

"Don’t you see? If I hadn’t pushed you away, we would have slept together that night and none of this would ever have happened. It’s my fault Alex wasn’t alive to see his eighteenth birthday or go to that concert with Isabel. And because I pushed you towards Tess, we fought and you turned to her for comfort. I can’t forget that, Max. I’ve tried, but I can’t."

Max’s heart broke looking at Liz on the verge of tears. He moved toward her to take her in his arms and she side stepped him, wrapping her arms around her body. A pain sliced deep in his heart. Liz had never done that before.

"No, don’t touch me. I’m done with this, with all of it. You know, I actually thought you remembered. I was foolish enough to think that maybe you would give me just one night. But you couldn’t even do that."

"Liz, please, what are you talking about?"

"Today, Max. Do you know what today is?"

Max thought hard. Obviously today was important. It was Tuesday. Nothing significant there. What was the date? He had a hard time keeping track of things like that lately.

Liz watched him struggle to figure it out. "It’s September 18th, Max. It’s our anniversary."

Max’s face twisted in horror. God, how could he have forgotten today? Now that he looked back, it was obvious. Liz was dressed up. She had thought he was taking her somewhere and he had forgotten all about today and brought her to another meeting to talk about Tess and his child. Again, he reached out for her and she stepped backwards.

"Liz, I’m sorry. I’m an ass. Let me make it up to you."

Liz shook her head. "How? And why should you for that matter? After all, what’s an anniversary without a relationship to go along with it?"

An arrow straight to his heart, but Max accepted it. Why had it taken him so long to see the pain she was in? "Of course we have a relationship."

"Do we? We’re not lovers. Hell, we’re not even friends anymore. When’s the last time you even looked at me, Max? Really looked at me. I took a look in my mirror this morning and you know what I saw? A stranger. I don’t eat, I can’t sleep. I have to weigh every decision I make in terms of what sort of cataclysmic event it will cause. I don’t even know who I am anymore. But I know that I don’t like it. And I know that I don’t like you anymore either. The person you’ve become is someone I don’t recognize either. How is that a relationship?

Max didn’t know what to say. He was indeed looking at her for the first time. Had she been feeling these things all along? "Liz…" he trailed off, not knowing what the hell he could say now that would make things better. When was the last time he had put her first in anything? Longer than he could remember.

Liz shook her head, knowing the tears would start to flow soon. She’d be damned if she’d breakdown in front of them. Without a word, she ran out the front door, slamming it behind her.