Finding Yourself
Part 2

Liz’s usually stoic face crumbled. "Leaving? What do you mean? Why?"

"I don’t know where and as to why…why not? There’s really not much in this town, no excitement, no intrigue. Don’t you ever dream about going somewhere new and exciting? About traveling to places you’ve only read about?"

Liz smiled now, a trace of sadness in her eyes. "Yeah, once." That was before everything had come crashing down, before Alex had died and Max had slept with Tess.

Sean was excited. "See? I knew you did. Come with me. It’ll be fun, just you and me on the open road, never stopping until we’ve seen and done everything to be seen and done."

Liz shook her head. "Sean, you can’t just skip out of town. What about all the trouble you’d be in?"

"I turned 21 a few days ago. I’m free to go." He spoke gently, not wanting her to know his sadness at being forgotten.

The familiar twinges of guilt settled themselves over Liz’s heart. She hadn’t known, hadn’t even talked to Sean since the last time she’d needed something. She’d used him and tossed him aside and he didn’t care. He wanted to take her away from here, away from all the memories, the grief and the endless searching for Tess. But how could she? How could she leave Max? Or Maria? "I’m sorry, Sean, but I can’t. I’m starting my senior year tomorrow. I have school and a job and family and-"

"Max."

Liz nodded sadly. "Yeah."

"I understand you saying no, I do. Really, I expected it. But you’re wrong to stay for him."

"Sean, you don’t really understand the whole situation."

"Maybe not, but do you know what I do see? He doesn’t appreciate you. You knock yourself out for him and he pushed you aside until he needs you. What would he do, Liz if it came down to a choice between you and that blonde he’s been hanging around? Would he leave you for her? Does he even know how much pain you’re in? How long has it been since he looked into your eyes and really saw what was there? I know you still miss Alex and I also know there’s more than you’re telling me, but you deserve so much better than that. If he can’t give that to you, let him go. But if he can give you your smile back, then stay here."

Liz closed her eyes as tears threatened to overflow. How was it that Sean was the only one to know she was dying inside? Max used to be able to see into her soul and fix things before she ever knew they were wrong. Now, he glazed over her emotions if it didn’t help with his search.

She’d tried to tell Maria once a month ago that she wanted to leave, that she needed to. But Maria had clung to her, begging her not to go. She had just lost Alex, how could she lose Liz too? So, she had stayed, pushing back the depression that threatened to engulf her until she could no longer do it. What did anything matter anymore?

"I don’t know what I want anymore. But I know I have to stay. I’m needed here."

"They need you here, but what about what you need? Has anyone asked you that lately? I’m not saying you have to leave with me, but for gods sake, Liz, leave. Don’t let them kill you. I remember the little girl with such spark, such life. You knew what you wanted and you went after it. Don’t settle."

"You should go." His words were making her feel things she didn’t want.

"You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, Liz Parker. Don’t let them break you. Be selfish for once. Find the person you wanted to be, the person Alex wanted you to be, and do whatever it takes to get there." He looked at her one last time, knowing he would burn this last image of her into his memory. He could have loved this girl. Now, it would be a regret, a what-if. He turned to head for the stairs when he felt a hand on his arm.

Liz was out of her chair as fast as she could scramble. She couldn’t let him go like that. She threw herself into his arms and took a moment of comfort. "I’m going to miss you." And she would. He had been a friend when she had desperately needed one most. "I love you, Sean, but-"

"Not that way. Yeah, I got it." He tossed her a lopsided grin. "Take care of yourself, Parker. Find your smile, it can be beautiful. And if you ever need a traveling buddy…" He let the offer hand. Then he was slipping out of her arms and down the stairs without a second glance.

Liz stood alone, wrapping her arms around herself as a sudden chill hit her body. She knew sleep wouldn’t come easy tonight.