Finding Yourself
Part 12

Maria steeled up all her courage as she sat in her parked Jetta outside of the Evans residence. She knew the Evans were out shopping, so that just left her Isabel to deal with. Max had been well guarded by his sister, making sure that no one hurt her still fragile brother. Well, Isabel hadn’t dealt with Maria yet. She would just march up there and demand to see Max. Or she could just go through the window like Liz used to. The more she thought about it, the better the second way sounded. Yep, there was something to be said for the coward’s way out of a situation.

More nervous now than she thought possible, Maria climbed out of her car and across the well manicured front lawn. Sadly, she already knew which window was Max’s. When had they begun using windows more often than doors?

A quick pass around the house showed her that Isabel was watching television in the living room alone. That meant Max must be in his room. Maria carefully picked her way around the house and in front of Max’s window. It was now or never.

Not bothering to knock, Maria slid the window open and poked her head through. Max was on his bed, sleeping by the looks of it. Deciding it was better this way, Maria set about climbing through to his bedroom. Succeeding with only minor scrapes, she approached the side of the bed.

"Max, wake up." Maria whispered, but received no response.

Poking him in the ribs, she tried again. "Max, I need to talk to you."

Max groaned and rolled over, burying his face under his pillow. "Go away, Maria. I already told Isabel I don’t want to talk to anyone."

Maria felt her anger rise to the surface. Did he really think he was going to get away with that? "Max Evans, I don’t give a damn what you want. I’m here to talk to you and you’re going to get up and listen to me."

Max pulled the pillow from over his head, turning pleading eyes to Maria. "Please, Maria, you understand, don’t you?"

"Oh yeah, I understand alright. Those sad eyes may work on Isabel, but not on me, not anymore. It’ll be less embarrassing if you just get up and dressed on your own, but I’m not leaving here without you."

"I’m not going anywhere."

"Wanna bet? Max, you’ve been holed up in here for weeks now and we’ve let you. Hell, I’ve done the same thing, so I know how easy it is. But it’s time for that to stop. Both of us need to wake up and have a talk."

Max saw the gleam in her eyes. Maria was in the mood to talk and she looked pissed. He’d wondered how long it was going to take for his friends to blame him for Liz’s disappearance. He supposed he owed her at least the chance to get it out of her system. "Give me a minute."

Maria watched as Max climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans, not bothering to tuck in his shirt. They had all stopped living, and they were about to begin again. She took a glance around his room and found that it wasn’t much better than Max’s appearance. "First thing we do after we get back and you shower is clean this place up."

Max ignored her jibe. "I assume you didn’t go through Isabel?"

"Uh, no the window, actually."

Max nodded. He really didn’t feel like going through Isabel much himself. He loved her, but when she played mother hen, she could be stifling. Together, they climbed out the window and slipped into Maria’s Jetta. The window was down and Max found that he enjoyed the feel of fresh air as they raced down the highway. It had felt like ages since he had breathed it in. "Where are we going?"

But Maria didn’t answer. She was trying to figure out what she was going to say and if she would still have a friend in Max when she was through. They drove in silence for the trip out to the desert.

Max immediately recognized the surroundings. She was taking him to the bluff where they used to have their meetings, back before Tess, before Destiny, before they had hurt each other.

Sure enough, Maria slowed the car and parked, jumping out of the car. Nerves drove her forward as she paced the bluff.

Max followed her slowly. "Look, Maria, I know you’re angry with me. You have every right to be."

She whirled to face him. "You’re damn right I’m angry with you. And thank you for giving me your permission, your highness."

Max’s spine stiffened. "That’s not necessary, Maria."

"Isn’t it? Isn’t that what this is all about? You give commands and we follow? The Great King and his lowly servants? You tried to command Liz from leaving Roswell to find out the truth about Alex. You commanded Isabel not to leave for school. Who knows what else you’ve done, because you haven’t talked to me in months. Did that work out for you? Did you get better results with threats and demands? Liz was right. Look at us. Look at what all of us have become. Ever since Alex died things have been wrong. Liz knew it, but none of us believed her. You made her feel guilty, drew a line in the sand between us all. And none of us chose her. I’m to blame for how I treated her too, but she was right. She knew Alex better than the rest of us and she believed in him. I don’t know about you, but I’ve lost my faith in everything. And I know how scared and alone I’ve been. Your world wasn’t the only one that was shaken up, Max."

Max stood tall, afraid to move for fear of breaking down and never being able to regain his footing. "I’m sorry, Maria. I haven’t been there for you. You lost both of them."

"This isn’t about me." Maria felt her anger draining away. She still wasn’t done with Max, but this wasn’t the time for the fierce storm of her anger. There would come a day when she would let him have it, but not today. She needed to get their group back on track. "No, you weren’t there for me. But you know who else you haven’t been there for? Your son."

Max’s eyes flared. "I don’t want to talk about that." He couldn’t. The guilt was too much. How could he help anyone if he couldn’t even help himself?

"Well, guess what? I do. Liz left because she wanted you to be able to concentrate day and night to find him, to get the Granolith back so that it won’t be a threat to your people. What about them? Would you condemn millions of people because you got your heart broken?"

Max winced. He’d never had a furious Maria before, angry yes, but furious no. "That’s not fair."

"You’re right, it’s not. Look at yourself. Is this what you want to be like? Do you want to just exist, waiting for the day maybe when Liz comes back? Cause I can tell you she’s not going to break down and come running home. She’s lost too. But if she does come back around one day to see what we’re up to, this isn’t the Max she’s going to come running home too. She fell in love with the Max that was self-assured, that was a friend, and that cared about those around him. And you’re not him anymore. Maybe you never will be again, but maybe you can be someone better. Maybe we all can." She softened, knowing she was getting through to him.

"If you want, you can spend the rest of your life lying in bed playing what-if games in your head. Or you can get up and take your life back. Find the Granolith, your son. And if the only way to save him is to return home, then go home. That’s why she left, Max. So you could be your own person. You need to face the consequences of your actions. She may be gone for good."

Max’s features reflected nothing but pain. "I don’t know how to do it without her."

"Then we’ll figure it out together. I’m not going to leave you alone. I may kick you in the ass every now and then, but I’ll be here whenever you want to talk about her and Alex. I don’t want there to be awkward silence whenever their names are brought up. We need to be a team again, you, me, Isabel, Michael, and Kyle."

Max groaned. "He has to hate me."

Maria nodded her head. "I think so. But if you want his help, you’ll have to prove to him that he’s wrong about you. Prove to him that you can be a friend. Kyle was hurt too, you know. He thought of her as a sister. We all were burned by Tess. But I’m not going to let her ruin anymore of our lives. Liz asked me not to."

"Did she say that in her letter? What else did it say? Do you mind talking about it?" He had to know more about what she had been feeling.

"I don’t know. Max, she was so hurt. She just kept writing about how lonely and scared and empty she’d been without Alex. It tore her up having people think he’d killed himself. She knew how much life was in him. She wrote about how she knew if she didn’t leave she would regret it her whole life. She wants to live, to find out what normal looks like. And she wants the chance to find out if her love for you is the best kind or the kind that only kills you slowly. She said she would write to me sometime, not anytime soon, but she wouldn’t disappear completely." Maria looked down at her feet. "If she does, I’m not going to tell you. Just like I won’t tell her how you are if I ever have the chance to write to her. You both need time apart."

Max looked at Maria’s defeated form and realized she was right. He had been spoiled and selfish. Everyone else had been hurt and they had moved on. Somehow, he would find a way to move on, for Isabel and Michael, for Maria, for his son, for himself. Liz had believed in him the way she had believed in Alex, and he wouldn’t waste that. What was the point in her leaving if nothing good came out of it?

"Where do I begin?"

Maria looked up into Max’s eyes. There was still sadness, but a determination also swam in his depths. Had she gotten through? "I have the updated reports from the satellite feeds in the car."

Max nodded. "Will you help me go through them?"

Maria smiled a real smile. "I would love to." But she still had to know where they stood. "Max, are we okay? I didn’t want to be too hard on you and I’m still angry, but can we be friends?"

Max closed the distance between them and pulled Maria into a tight hug. "We will be again. I promise to work on it if you promise to kick me in the head if I get caught up in myself again."

"Deal." Maria broke away from him and together they set about the task of pinning down the most likely place for the Granolith.