Chapter 24

"I think I really screwed up, Liz," he confessed, glancing sideways at her.

"What do you mean, Max?" She asked apprehensively.

He could only close his eyes, and wish it had all played out so differently—could only long to protect Liz from what he was about to say.

"Protect me from what, Max?" He could hear the fear in her voice now, and her hand had begun to tremble slightly within his own. "Please just tell me," she pleaded.

She knew, Liz. About us… he answered in a hushed voice. "I don’t know how, but she just knew," he said, running a tired hand across his eyes.

"What did she say?" Liz asked, as she turned toward him more fully where they sat together on the rocks.

"Well, she kept staring at me all through last period with this strange expression on her face. Then after class, she came over to me and asked if I wanted to study together this afternoon, and I said that I couldn’t."

"Because you were meeting me," Liz finished quietly.

"But I didn’t tell her that, Liz," he looked at her meaningfully. "I didn’t—but she just looked at me with this awful expression and said, ‘you’re back with her, aren’t you?’"

"And what did you say?" Liz asked, her voice tense.

Max groaned. How could he have been so stupid? Why hadn’t he just lied?

You told her….

He nodded silently, and Liz drew in a quick, gasping breath.

Oh, Max. No. She winced at the awful realization.

"She said she couldn’t keep going on like this," he continued. "Trying to convince me of my destiny if I didn’t want to see it."

Max gazed at Liz, and couldn’t believe the fear he saw flickering in her eyes.

"She’s going to leave, Max," she said, and he noticed that all the color had quickly drained from her face.

"No," he shook his head firmly. "I won’t believe that… she’s just upset right now."

"Did you tell her that we need to talk? That there are things we want to tell her?"

Max grew silent for a moment, and knew this would be the hardest part to share with Liz—the part that would unsettle her the most about their future.

"She said she didn’t care—didn’t want to hear it, and that she was done with all of us."

Liz drew a sharp breath in and Max felt a wave of pain hit him squarely in the chest. Everything Liz had been through—all that she’d been willing to suffer by pushing him toward Tess—had just been undone. None of it had served any purpose, because of his own stupid actions.

Max, you can’t blame yourself. She reassured him softly, placing her hand on his thigh. He stared at it a moment, and noticed her wedding ring. She was his wife—in multiple lifetimes now—not Tess. Why should he have had to lie? He traced his finger along the gold band. He hadn’t wanted to deny what Liz was to him any longer, especially not now.

"I just don’t see how she knew," she said softly.

"Liz, I think somehow… well, that she knew just by looking at me," he whispered meaningfully.

He met her eyes, feeling suddenly very vulnerable…almost shy.

I think somehow… maybe I look different because of… and his voice trailed off. How could he suddenly feel so awkward with this woman he’d been so intimate with?

What do you mean, Max? She pressed him gently, squeezing his hand within her own.

Do you think what happened between us might be visible somehow? He asked softly.

Liz shivered at his words, and studied his face for a long moment. Then she reached her hand to his cheek, and stroked it lightly beneath her palm. He felt her soothing his very soul, just with her quiet touch. Then she dropped her eyes a moment, and he sensed her own sudden shyness.

I don’t know, she finally whispered. I know that I am changed…profoundly changed by you…by this. Maybe it is evident.

We’ve mated Liz…something totally alien. Maybe Tess sensed it somehow.

Liz’s eyes met his for one long moment, her face flushing slightly, and he felt their connection leap a bit, as fire rippled between them. Yes, this had changed them at the deepest level—and she was literally part of him now, why shouldn’t he look different…transformed somehow?

"Or maybe it was just the fact that I went around grinning like a complete idiot all day," he lamented. "I should have been more careful."

Tremendous remorse welled up within him, and he felt it ricochet through their bond, then shoot back toward him.

She stroked her fingers lightly across his cheek, and his skin grew hot beneath her touch.

Healing… the slightest trace of healing had flowed from her. His heart shifted a bit within him, and all the self-accusation dissipated from within his soul.

"You know, Max, we’ve never had a really good handle on what Tess’s abilities even are—maybe she was able to read your mind or something."

"Maybe," he replied and bowed his head somberly. "But whatever the reason, she does know." He sighed heavily. "And that’s not all Liz—there’s more."

"What else?" He could hear her apprehension, could feel it building within her.

"She told me that I’d just used her… that I’d only come running to her when you’d slept with Kyle… that I was stupid to go back to you after what you’d done… oh it was endless the things she said."

He glanced at Liz, and saw anger flash in her dark eyes. "But the one recurring theme was that I’d lead her on this past week,"

There was silence for a long moment, and Max sensed fury growing within Liz, begin rumbling through their bond a bit.

"Did you?" Liz’s voice was tense.

"Liz!" he cried, "How can you even ask me that?"

"Well…you did think I’d slept with Kyle," she answered in a small voice.

"I didn’t do anything…she was a friend to me that night—that was it."

He suddenly felt his own anger begin to churn inside. This was what Tess always did to them—she made them begin to doubt one another, question everything.

Liz stood quickly and began pacing. Another wave of emotions hit him… unbearable heartache, fear of losing him…anxiety about their future.

And then intense, roiling anger slammed him full force-- anger that he knew had been building within Liz for months now. He watched her pace, and saw that her hands were shaking slightly, as she balled them into tight little fists. Finally, she stopped just beside where he sat, and gazed down at him, her eyes absolutely blazing with the emotions he felt simmering through her.

"It’s so completely unfair!" she shouted, and the words echoed across the desert below them. "Excuse me, but let me just add that it’s completely fucking unfair!"

He flinched because he didn’t think he’d ever heard Liz swear like that—and then he had the bizarre urge to laugh, even with as upset as they both were.

He’d seen Liz really angry before, but nothing like this—and he’d certainly not been privy to exactly how her inner terrain felt at those times. This was scalding, white hot rage that he suspected she’d needed to release for many months now. These were the things she’d felt ever since the day they’d parted six months ago, and then the emotions had only escalated with the advent of his future self. She’d been through so much, and had carried such heavy burdens on her small shoulders.

His burdens. She’d borne every one of them.

His supposed destiny had wrought endless heartache within her.

She squatted beside him on the rock. "Don’t you think it’s unfair, Max? Don’t you?" she pressed, her voice raw with emotion. "All we’ve ever wanted was to love each other, be together…and Tess just keeps raising up, over and over like some many headed hydra."

He reached a soothing hand to her, stroking it the length of her arm.

Shh… he whispered across her skin. Shh…sweetheart. He saw her shiver a little in response.

How can this ever work out, Max? It’s like it always has to end the same place—with Tess hurt and leaving…and that means she’ll end up betraying…. Her voice faded, suddenly small and hopeless. "You, Max. She’ll betray you."

"Not just me, Liz. All of us."

"But it is you, Max—don’t you see? And that’s what breaks my heart the most," she finished, her voice cracking slightly.

Then he realized that she wasn’t just upset at the unfairness of the situation, but that it killed her to think of Tess betraying him, hurting him in any way. He understood that emotion very well, because he wanted nothing more than to shield her from all this pain.

"Liz, we’re going to talk to her. I believe Marco’s letter—that if she understands her true destiny it will change things. It’s just that right now she doesn’t know."

"What if she leaves before we can get through to her? What if she won’t listen?"

She sat beside him again and stared into his eyes. He wanted to reassure her, calm her heart, but he wasn’t totally convinced that Tess would listen, either.

"We have to believe that she will," he said firmly.

He slipped his arm around Liz’s shoulders—her skin had grown so cool from the dusk desert air around them. Their bond, which was normally such a source of warmth, had also cooled significantly. He could barely feel her anymore at all, and it left him feeling lonely for her. He pulled her close against him, nestling his face in her silky hair.

"Liz, we’ll go to her tonight. Once we leave, okay?" he breathed against her. "Let’s stay strong…remember what we’re fighting for," he finished softly.

Just remember that I love you…that you’ll always be safe in my arms. He began softly releasing strength into her, forging her more closely to himself. They had to be united—even Marco had said that—and it applied to the two of them as well, not just the group.

He pulled her toward him across their connection. Come closer, sweetheart…closer, he whispered. And he felt her settle deeply within him, more near than he’d even hoped. It was like she’d curled up right inside of him, and he sighed, savoring it.

And suddenly, he really did believe they could persuade Tess of the truth.


Tess sat glumly on the sofa beside Kyle, watching television. She wasn’t watching really, just staring, but Kyle hadn’t seemed to notice. It had made her feel just a little bit better when she’d walked in the Valentis’ house late that afternoon, and he’d greeted her with his usual ridiculous jokes. He’d actually made her laugh a few times, and she’d reflected sadly that he really was the only friend she had in Roswell.

Why should she stay in this boring town? There were so many places where she could make a fresh start, and at least there’d be more to do than in Roswell, New Mexico. Like Los Angeles.

She’d been there once with Nasedo, and had thought she might want to live there one day. She’d skated on the Santa Monica pier of all things. Who’d have thought that Tess Harding could actually do something so carefree--and human—as just roller-skate? Nasedo had shaken his head in bewilderment when he’d discovered her that day.

But it wasn’t that she’d expected a life full of moments like that—it had been a rarity, the ocean breeze blowing her hair back, and the taste of the salty air on her tongue…

Kyle changed the station abruptly, ending her little reverie. Just as well. She had no business dreaming about unrealistic things like that day in Santa Monica--she needed to come up with a plan because her life in Roswell wasn’t working anymore.

She couldn’t go on loving Max like this, because it was slowly tearing her apart.

Why did she always feel so incredibly drawn to him? It was undeniable—she was compelled to him, knew she was meant to be by his side. She didn’t really remember any details of their former life together, or their love. She only really remembered one thing—that she’d been willing to die for him a thousand times over. And how could you possibly feel that for someone if you hadn’t loved them? If you hadn’t been sworn to them in every possible way?

She shook her head slightly, trying to clear it.

Damn Max Evans. He just didn’t get it, and she was tired of trying to force him to see the truth.

And while she was at it, damn Liz Parker, too. She was the real problem.

Why had it taken Nasedo so long to find Max? If they’d just gotten to Roswell sooner, then Liz wouldn’t have displaced her--Max would have known who she really was. He would have loved her then, but now… it was just too late.


Max turned the jeep down the Valentis’ street, and Liz felt her stomach grow queasy. There was no way around it—this wasn’t going to be pleasant. Not for Max, not for Tess—and definitely not for her. She felt like she was about to face her greatest demon, and wondered if she was really strong enough to come out on the other side. Her heart beat quickly within her at the thought, and her palms grew slightly sweaty.

Max had been reassuring her the whole way back into town. Not with words necessarily, but with his heart. He’d refused to break their connection when they’d left the cave, and had quietly imparted strength to her for the entire drive here. He’d whispered her name, emblazoned her soul with his caresses, and she’d felt enveloped by peace for most of the way. Until the last few blocks, and now her resolve was beginning to fail her.

"Max, we’ve got to break this before we see her," she reminded him.

He smiled at her softly in the darkness. "I know," he admitted. "I just wanted to stay like this as long as we could."

She slowly released him, feeling the energy dim between them, but he pulled her back for one last moment. I love you, Liz. Just remember that tonight, no matter what happens. And then he’d quickly made the break, leaving a steady, golden hum resonating through her whole body.

He pulled the jeep alongside the curb, and shut the engine off. Liz drew in a strengthening breath, and then released it heavily.

"Here we go," he said resolutely. "You ready?"

"As ready as I’m going to be," she replied, opening the car door.

As she stepped onto the Valentis’ dew-soaked lawn, she thought of the old clichéd line from Nietzsche… When you look into the abyss, the abyss looks back at you. In this case, the abyss had blonde hair, blue eyes, and a ridiculously perfect body—and the abyss wanted the love of her life as its own.