Chapter 19

"Max, you’re right," Liz whispered, pulling him tightly against her. She needed to be physically close, with what she intended to say. "About what’s happened between us." She buried her face against his chest, and felt his heartbeat increase slightly as she nestled against his warmth.

Hmm… was all he whispered in reply, and she felt just how sated he was, as he began pressing light kisses against the top of her forehead.

Sated yet definitely needing more of her… all of her. His hands began their hungry exploration underneath her shirt again. He traced fiery paths all along her backside, teasing her as his warm hands drew ever more close to her breasts. Then the connection spun out between them anew, and her skin came alive with Max, as raw electric current shot all through her… and she felt it answer through him at the same moment. He cried out her name softly, as his mouth quickly found her own. She felt his desperation for her, and it only fueled her own burning need.

Everything between them seemed to build and grow, as the emotions shot back and forth across the connection. Every feeling within them was answered in the other, as the sensations rippled across their bond, creating a feverish momentum between them.

I want you, Liz. God, how I want you. And then he deepened the kiss, and somehow as he explored her mouth with his own, he was both gentle and rough all at once. She felt his hand cup her breast, and he began teasing her nipples through the soft cotton of her bra. She instantly sprang to life beneath his touch, and heard a quiet groan escape from him in response.

Their kisses grew deeper and then he trailed his wet mouth down her throat to her collarbone, nipping at her exposed flesh there. Her own cry caught in her throat, and she tangled her fingers rougly through his hair, kissing his forehead, his eyebrows. She wanted to shower him with all the amazing passion she felt growing within her.

She wanted him to know exactly what he did to her… what his body did to hers.

And the funny thing was, the more heated this physical dimension became, their connection seemed to grow quieter, allowing this other lovemaking to take precedence. The bond was still simmering there, just more muted and moody—but she knew it would spring to life at the slightest provocation.

Liz gasped quickly for air. He was literally taking her breath away—this was taking her breath away—and her own physical need for him was beginning to overwhelm her. A thought began surfacing in her mind, though, pressing at her slightly-- she’d wanted to tell him about that night a week ago. For some reason it had seemed important for him to know before they made love… she considered stopping what was unfolding so that he would know, but he just kept coaxing her further. His hands were all over her, and she felt his hot fingers slip just beneath the thin fabric of her bra… Max’s skin against her own.

God, she couldn’t stop this right now even if she tried.

It’s so beautiful, he breathed across the connection. She felt a little thrill race between them at his words. Your soul is so beautiful, he continued, pressing his face into her hair. Did you know that I can see it? Joined with mine? He asked, his voice full of reverential wonder.

She smiled and answered him softly, with all the awe she felt in her own heart. "And we’re joined together forever now."

She felt their connection give a quick leap at her words—but was surprised to sense a sudden melancholy change within him, as something restless and uncertain tried to surface.

What was she was sensing from him? It bothered her that she couldn’t identify it.

But then she recognized his emotions…fear… doubt… suddenly even in the midst of this amazing joining.

" You’re so beautiful," she quickly reassured him. She wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled him more tightly to her. His own hands stilled against her, and he slipped his fingers from within her bra, wrapping them loosely around her waist.

This change had been so unexpected… and she felt the heat between them dropping by quick degrees. But somehow she knew this had to happen, that it was part of what was unfolding between them.

He was struggling with something--that much was certain--Liz felt it pressing in on him…on both of them. And yet there was silence. Finally, she heard him across their connection, so very tentative.

Are you scared, Liz? I mean I don’t want… this…to frighten you.

She smiled faintly, peace enveloping her as she identified what was troubling him. Max, I already told you I could never be afraid of you.

He rushed ahead, his thoughts and impressions quickly encompassing her. I know, but this bond…what’s forming is so alien… She felt his brief hesitation, his insecurity. God, there’s no other way to say it, Liz. It’s just totally alien, what’s happened here…between us. He wrestled with something, and then it surfaced.

His words were so hushed, so vulnerable, they nearly killed her. Maybe you didn’t want it…

She pulled slightly away, and met his gaze. How could he even think she didn’t want him… want this? She saw tears shining in his eyes…and raw fear, as he pushed further. Maybe you weren’t ready for this much between us….

And then she felt his panic, as it sped across their bond, hitting her full force. He was terrified now… afraid of how open he’d become to her… desperately insecure that she might walk away.

Again, like that day at the cave.

Like when he’d thought she’d slept with Kyle.

Understanding dawned within her as she gazed into Max’s golden eyes, swimming with so many volatile emotions. It seemed that in the wake of their souls joining, all the dark hidden places were becoming illuminated, more quickly than either of them could even grasp – as if they simply had to be. A cleansing was required, and all the remaining barriers needed to be washed away forever between the two of them--only then would this union become perfection. Because now that their souls had been forged together as one, there was simply no room for secrets--only total illumination.

Liz pressed forward, determined to make him know her heart.

Max, I’m feeling and sensing every single thing that you are. How could it be anything but amazing to me? Thoughts and impressions were speeding through her mind, her heart-- she simply couldn’t stop them now.

She drew his hand to her chest, and pressed it against her heart. I want this… I want you, Max. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.

Liz… he stared down at the floor for a moment, and she felt a weight press in on her—there was something more. He was still wrestling within himself--trying to hide something, yet desperately wanting to reveal it. She placed a hand tenderly on his shoulder. "What?" she encouraged him, even though she was already sensing his coming words. But she waited for him to speak his heart to her. He needed to say it--this was crucial to the bond forging between them, getting past this barrier within him.

His eyebrows drew together for a moment, and she felt the struggle within him--desire to reveal his last hidden place.

Then in the quietest voice he said, "I once told you that you make me human," he paused and tentatively met her gaze. She smiled, nodding softly, and knew that with each word he spoke, this was the final joining of their bond. He had to voice his deepest fears about being intimate with her.

"But I’ve never told you that you make me more alien," he finished in a fierce whisper, looking away from her. You awaken things within me, Liz…

She cupped his face, turning it back toward her, so that he would meet her gaze.

Max…

Still, he stared down. Max, she repeated more insistently. Finally, he raised his eyes slowly to meet her own.

I love you. All of you…she said, squeezing his hand tightly, willing him to hear her with his heart.

He closed his eyes, and a rush of emotions passed from him as he continued. This… mating of our souls… I like how alien it feels. And that scares me because it’s something so wild… I mean, my God, we just mated. That’s not even human. And his eyes flew to hers and the connection leapt a little between them… it had been dormant for moments now, overridden by their words, their need to communicate on a different plane. His words continued to rush out, falling one upon the other in such rapid succession, she could hardly make them all out in her mind.

And there’s something else I’ve never told you… ever since you’ve been in my life, my powers have… increased. God, I can’t pretend to understand what you do to me, Liz.

Max, she started slowly, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. She wanted to soothe him, wanted to heal him like he’d healed her so many times now. Oh, where to begin?

Something’s been awakening in me, too, Max… it has been for a long time. And all I know, is that I want every part of you, and if… you’re changing me, making me like you, then I love that, too.

His eyes flew to hers and were absolutely radiant as he gazed at her. And then suddenly in one very swift movement, he was kissing her, crushing his lips against hers, and the passion exploding between them was raw, desperate. She felt the connection expanding…wildfire, electricity began passing between them, shooting between them as sparks became a roaring blaze.

No. Not yet, she commanded, speaking to the bond that wanted to erupt between them, but as soon as she’d thought the words, his lips stilled against her own. Oh, no…he thought she’d meant him.

Max, all this doubt has to end here. Today. And I’m not finished telling you everything you need to hear. She pulled away from him slightly, and looked up into his eyes. "There’s more you need to know."

All secrets needed to be brought to light…there would only be truth and illumination between them on this night when they sealed their hearts and minds together permanently.

She felt the doubt in him try to resurface, but pushed it away from her. He was going to know everything right now… and then she was going to ask him to make love to her, long and slow as he placed that final brand upon their union. When he marked her permanently, once and for all as his life mate—just as she would him.

She turned away from him slightly, and stared down at her hands. Her pulse grew more rapid…. Oh, where to begin?

"Max, you know I didn’t sleep with Kyle," she said quietly, glancing sideways at him. He nodded, his expression serious—yet trusting and open.

"What you don’t know is why I lied to you about it," she continued.

Liz, we don’t need to talk about that now. I know you… and I know it had something to do with… me.

She turned to him in utter shock.

How do you know?

I saw myself… during the connection. I don’t understand yet, but I know I did see myself… and I know that somehow I hurt you terribly. I felt it. His last words were soft, barely more than a whisper echoing in her mind.

"Max, you have to know before we make love… I want everything totally open between us."

"Okay," he replied gently, caressing his hand down the length of her arm. She felt a little answer of energy within her body, but pressed it aside—she wanted to be free of the deception, needed it more than her next breath. She didn’t want anything separating them, and so the truth began to spill forth.

You used the granolith and came to me from the future… from the year 2014… and asked me to make you fall out of love with me. That’s why we made it look like I’d slept with Kyle, because we were trying to push you away from me…I kept trying to make you let go of me…all those horrible things I said about not wanting to die for you, but you just wouldn’t…and it was the only thing I could think of…. Liz’s words were rushing out now, overlapping and tumbling forth--and she didn’t even stop to question whether she was making any sense. You asked me to push you toward Tess…

She glanced up at him, and saw something flash in his eyes. She was surprised to see anger there. Was he angry at her? Did he not believe her?

He clenched his jaw tightly, and she saw a muscle twitch slightly there. He knit his brows together as he stared at some place over her shoulder, away from her. Panic began to rise within her… and their connection had cooled so, she wasn’t sure what he was thinking. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, running a shaky hand through his hair.

"Max, what are you thinking right now?" She asked fearfully. "Please tell me what you’re thinking."

His eyes swept the room, and then met her own. She could see the anger roiling quietly within him—saw it in the way his amber eyes had darkened.

"Why would I do something like that to you?" He ground out. "What possible reason could I have for hurting you so?"

Oh, God… his anger was at himself.

"No, Max." She shook her head fervently, and moved closer to him. "You don’t understand."

"What don’t I understand? That I asked you to do something…" his words trailed off for a moment, as he cast his eyes around the room. "That you should never have had to do. How could I have intentionally hurt you so, knowing how much everything with Tess had already hurt you."

Because you had to… you had no other choice.

His eyes flitted quickly to her own, and the golden depths shifted again.

She left Roswell… because of what happened between us. And the four of you weren’t as strong because you made a complete unit, and your enemies had overtaken Earth… you were desperate Max. The future version of you was absolutely desperate… everyone was dying. But we just went about changing things the wrong way.

Max was silent for a very long moment, and stared down at their intertwined fingers. She wasn’t sure what he was feeling, so she reached for the connection and felt it spring roughly to life. It was different, almost violent as it came alive between them—it was shot full of Max’s roiling anger…and it hit her with full force, causing her body to shudder.

And then it spun in a new direction and just as quickly gentled. He cupped her face within the palm of his hand, and touched his forehead lightly against her own.

"What happened between us, Liz?" His voice was a prayer, a mere breath.

She closed her eyes because this was where they’d been leading all along.

We made love the night of Gomez… when you came to my room.

And then she was silent… the connection was silent for the briefest moment, and every detail within her room came sharply into focus. The late afternoon sunlight filtering across her floor, the stars of David on the wall, the curtain fluttering lazily in the breeze… moments became an eternity.

You told me that was when things between us were cemented, she finally continued. And that’s how I know we’re right about this joining between us, Max. Your future self didn’t tell me that…but I know in my heart that’s what you were trying to avoid, so that Tess wouldn’t leave.

Again, more silence.

She glanced up at him tentatively, but his eyes were tightly closed.

What was he thinking?

But before she could question him, he sprang suddenly from the bed and knelt in front of her. He took her hands tenderly within his own, pressing them quickly to his lips.

"Oh, Liz…can you forgive me? For doing such a terrible thing to you?" He stared up at her, caressing her hands within his own, and she felt a little shiver cross her skin. "For how I treated you afterward… in Copper Summit?"

She leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against his forehead. There’s nothing to forgive…nothing, Max. But I can’t live without you, I know it more than ever now.

We’ll find a way to deal with Tess… to keep her from leaving, he promised urgently.

She shivered slightly at his words. In all that had happened this afternoon, she hadn’t really allowed herself to think about Tess. She sensed that Max felt her anxiety, and he pressed a reassuring hand against her thigh.

"We will figure this out with her… we can tell her what we know."

Liz covered his hand with her own, and nodded slowly. She felt their connection wooing her, and as she glanced up into Max’s eyes, realized he was calling it forth. He wanted it to come alive again. Slowly, he rose to his feet, and settled next to her on the edge of the bed.

"Liz…" his voice was husky and deep. He drew his face within a mere breath of her own, and she heard his thought as it passed across their bond. There are no more secrets…now let me make you completely my own. Let me give myself fully to you.

Her cheeks flamed quickly at his words, and she felt the warmth radiate throughout her whole body. Because now they were laid bare to one another… and they were going to belong to each other in every possible way.

Her eyes locked with his own, their ragged breaths falling into a single rhythm… and she listened to the silence that surrounded the moment. Their moment…. And finally she answered him softly, in the only way she possibly could.

"Make love to me, Max," she whispered hoarsely. "Please just make love to me."