Part 7
Max waited until Liz was gone before turning his attention back to the box on the bed. He shook his head in amazement as he stared down at what felt like Mecca to him: a box filled to the brim with Liz’s personal thought and experiences from the past ten years. There had to be at least a dozen books lying there…and Max knew exactly where he wanted to start.
He picked up a book and opened it, pleased to find that Liz had dated the inside cover of each journal for the year that it had covered. There was a book a year, each new one starting every September.
Max looked down at the box slightly confused….a journal a year…but there were more than ten journals in the box. Spying the one that looked the most worn, Max pulled it out and opened it to the first entry.
September 23rd. Journal entry one. I'm Liz Parker and five days ago I died…
Smiling to himself, Max closed the book in his hands. The journals dated back all the way to their Sophomore year of high school…when that fateful bullet had brought Max and Liz’s lives together. But Max knew the high school years…he had been there…he wanted to start reading from the moment that he walked out of Liz’s life.
He searched through the box some more until he finally found the journal labeled September 15, 2002 to September 30, 2003.
Settling himself down on the edge of the bed, Max opened the book to its first entry.
9/15/02
Dear Max,
Well, I arrived at Stanford today, just as I was supposed to. Here I am, sitting in a strange room on a strange bed, surrounded by boxes upon boxes of my personal belongings, and I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life.
I’m not supposed to be alone right now, Max. You’re supposed to be here with me, sitting beside me holding my hand as I write, helping me unpack, showering me with love. You’re so good at that…good at making me feel special.
But I don’t feel special right now. I feel scared and alone. I’ve never been able to imagine my life without you, Max, and now I’m sitting here faced with the harsh reality of it, and I’m absolutely terrified. I don’t know how I’m going to make it without you. I don’t know if I’m strong enough.
Why did you have to go?
I feel stupid for even saying that. I know why you had to go…it’s your duty, your responsibility to your people. I just hope to God that wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you’re safe, and you’re getting done whatever it is that you need to do so that you can come home to me soon.
Until that day comes, I’ll be sitting here waiting for you, writing you these letters so that maybe, someday I’ll be able to give them to you. And until then I’ll be dreaming of you constantly. I love you.
Forever Yours, Liz
Max closed the journal and stared down at it as he turned it again and again in his hands. His mind was numb, and he was only slightly aware of the tears that were shining brightly in his eyes.
For the first time he was beginning to fully comprehend the pain that he made Liz suffer through…and he was beginning to realize just how dedicated she was to him. After she left, her journals, instead of being a personal log of her thoughts and feelings instead became a book of letters from her to him, sharing everything with him that she wanted him to experience with her while he was gone.
He understood now what she meant when she said that the journal’s were his…in a sense they were.
He flipped the journal open once more to sit and engulf himself in its next entry.
9/16/02
Dearest Max,
Well, this place is slowly, but surely starting to feel a bit more like home. There are still boxes everywhere of course, but I’m slowly starting to sort through all my junk, and get settled in here.
I have a balcony! The first time I noticed that I laughed out loud, remembering back to all of our memories that we’ve made on my balcony back home. This one is nothing like that one…it’s tiny actually…no room for lawn chairs or anything. It’s just a small outcrop outside my window, and it’s fenced in with metal bars, but it’s large enough that I can bring out my pillow and blanket, and sit out here on the cold cement to write in my journal…just like I used to back home.
I’m out there right now…it’s late, dark... It’s a pretty clear night, and I’m staring up at the stars…they’re shining so brightly tonight, Max. I can’t help wondering which one is yours…how far you really are. I suppose they all feel just as far away, but it would be nice to know. I think I’m just going to pick one…claim a star as yours, just so that when I stare up at the night sky I can just talk to you, and feel that maybe I’m reaching something, even though I know you’re not hearing me.
Tomorrow I’m going to be doing my orientation…I’m actually going to get out there, see what this place has to offer. It’s really exciting Max…I mean, I’m finally here…college. I wish you were here with me. I just know you would love it so much.
Sometimes when I think about everything that you should be experiencing, and I know you’re missing, I just get so angry Max. You’re getting cheated out of the simple pleasures of a normal life. I just know that someday this will all be over though, and you’ll finally get your chance to experience everything that you deserve Max. You know I’ll be here when that day comes, walking by your side the every step of the way. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you so much and I wish that you were here.
All my love, Liz.
Max shut the journal again with a surge of mixed emotions flying through him at once. He hated hearing how unhappy Liz was without him, how much his absence was tearing her up. Liz never deserved to go through all the pain he put her through…
But on the other hand, he loved reading her journals, experiencing her past, and understanding what she went through without him. It was like opening himself up to her mind…he loved Liz deeply, and he knew he was seeing a part of her that no one else would ever see…it made him glow with happiness.
Looking up at the clock, Max made a quick decision…it was now nearly nine in the morning…he had three hours until he had to be waiting back here for Liz.
Sliding the journal in his hands into his bag with his textbooks, Max slung the bag over his shoulder and headed out of the apartment. Making sure that the hallway was completely empty, Max slid one glowing hand over the door, locking it, and then headed down to the street.
The morning fog was just beginning to burn off as Max found himself strolling down the busy street among the dozens of pedestrians hurrying from shop to shop. It was a few blocks down Castro Street to the Muni station, so only a few minutes later, Max found himself hopping on a train heading out of the city.
Max and Liz had the good luck of finding themselves on the same college campus, but unfortunately their homes were miles apart. While Liz’s was right in the middle of the big city, Max lived just outside of the city limits, in the smaller suburb of Daly City. Just a few days earlier he had signed a lease for a small apartment there, and had just barely gotten himself settled down there in time to start school.
Max let himself into his apartment, making sure to lock the door behind him, and headed back to his bedroom. He threw his bag onto his bed, and collapsed beside it with a loud, relaxed sigh.
Eyes locked on the ceiling as Max lost himself in thought. He couldn’t help wondering what his neighbors would think about the quiet man who moved into the building if they knew the truth about him. It didn’t sound quite so weird when you were talking about aliens living in Roswell, New Mexico, but San Francisco? No one ever mentally attached aliens to the city by the bay. But here he was, a living breathing alien who had just returned to earth from his home planet, lying on his bed in his San Francisco apartment, dreaming about the love of his life who was teaching biology classes a few miles away.
At the first thought of Liz, Max sat up, and looked over to his bedside stand, smiling softly at the sight before him…reminding him once again of the amazing connection between him and his dreamgirl. There, sitting on his bedside table was a mirror image of Liz’s bedside table…his copy of the beautiful picture of him and Liz that Maria had taken all the years before. He had retrieved it from his home in Roswell on his brief stay there before heading out to the West Coast. It warmed his heart to know that the same picture meant so much to them both.
Jumping to life, Max headed to the bathroom for a shower…he needed to freshen up for his afternoon with Liz…anything for her.
Part 8