Natalie Buchanan walked into her small room in the Bayberry Inn. Life wasn’t getting any better. She threw her purse down on a chair, and then pulled out her laptop, sat on her bed and began to type in her journal.
Well, it’s been awhile I know, but life’s been...a mess. Well here’s the update. My own mother is trying to set me up for a huge fall. Yeah that’s right. My mother. Who’s mother would do such a thing, you ask? Apparently mine. I don’t get it either, Cris and I think she’s slipped back into her DID state.
Cris. Best and worst thing in my life. Huge oxymoron I know. I’m leaning more towards the best, because, well he’s Cris. Cris believes in me, even when I don’t. He’s helping me to clear my name because he thinks I’m worth it. He’s my best friend, ever. And it means everything, but then...I think I’m falling for him.
And what’s the problem you ask? Oh do you want the list? His perfect, pretty (in that cute supermodel kinda way), blond, smart, never done anything wrong so I’m allowed to pass judgement on everyone, chippy of a girlfriend Jen. I honestly don’t know what he sees in her, but I’ll let it go. She supposedly makes him happy, and I want that for him. If anyone deserves happiness it’s Cristian. Then there’s the ex, my sister in a way, who thinks I’m trash, scum and dog s*** all rolled into one, and thinks that I am the root of all evil, who Cris trusts. Why? I don’t know? You think you’d stop trusting someone after they screwed someone else, got knocked up, and then proceeded to choose that other person over you. But you know, that’s just me. (And who the hell wouldn’t choose Cris?) Then there’s Rex who’s willing to side with his new sister, see former explanation, ‘cause well, she’s so much better than me. And my ex-boyfriend, who decided that well hell, why not jump on the Jessica wagon. Natalie who? Not to mention Al the psychopath. We won’t go there right now.
Anyway, the problem with Cris. We’ve made out like three times. Okay, two. The middle thing was one kiss, so it doesn’t count. The first one was, well, if we hadn’t stopped we would have consummated a non-existent relationship. And I’m honestly glad we stopped, ‘cause we were both hurting, and if we’d done it then I don’t think the relationship we have now would have ever been possible. And the last time, well, lets just say, we were working out the tension between us, and we haven’t talked about it. Any of it.
But then, who am I going to talk to about this? Mommy dearest, yeah over my dead body, which just might happen. Seth, who’s trying to get me to admit I’m doing something wrong, yeah sounds like fun. Saint Jessica. There’s an idea. I can hear her now. "Run Cris, run the other way. She’s going to try and kill you too." Jen the drip? Actually I would so enjoy seeing the look on her face if I did tell her. But that would upset Cris, and I can’t do that. I can’t lose him. And the only human being I would ever think to confide in is, that’s right you guessed it, Cristian.
And in the end, wouldn’t dating him do that? I lose everyone eventually. I have this great fear that eventually Cris is going to start listening to everyone else and leave me behind.
Natalie quickly closed her laptop as she heard a noise. Her door opened effortlessly, revealing Cristian on the other side. "Hey." He said with that accent that made her think things she shouldn’t.
"Cris." Natalie said trying to sound casual.
Cristian’s brow was knotted together with concern. "I wanted to see how you were doing. Are you okay?" He came to sit on the bed, laying his hand gently on her arm.
Natalie put on her sarcastic smile which Cristian was so used to by now. "My mother is just trying to ruin my life, and people think I tried to kill Jen on top of pushing my stepfather, who is the only person in this town besides you that actually likes me, what could be better?"
"Natalie." Cristian said in his usual warning way that he used whenever she was getting too negitive.
"It’s okay Cristian. This is my life, welcome to it."
"You don’t deserve any of this Natalie." He told her honestly, and she could see in his eyes that he believed what he was saying completely.
She tried to keep the tears in, and managed to succeed, although it took a lot of effort. "Thank you for believing in me." She broke her gaze away from his and began to play with the bedspread. "I’d understand if you won’t give them my alibi."
"What?" Cristian asked confused.
"For the fire." Natalie explained, turning her face up, but not really looking at him. "You were with me when the fire started, remember? I completely understand you not wanting Jen to find out that you were here, with me, alone."
"Natalie." Did she honestly think he could do that to her.
"It’s okay Cris really." She said trying desperately to get him to understand, to admit that that was what he was going to do. "I mean you and Jen have this really great thing going on, and I don’t want you to ruin that over me. You’ve done enough of that already."
"Natalie, Jen and I-"
"Are going to make it." She interrupted. "I’m not going to ruin this for you Cris. Ruining your life is the last thing I want to do."
"I know Nat. Hey, look at me." He said, placing two fingers underneath her chin and forcing her to look him dead in the eyes. "I do what I think is best Nat, helping you is."
Natalie looked at him with wonder. "Where did you come from?"
Cris smiled. "My Mami and Papi."
Natalie hit him playfully. "That’s not what I meant."
"I know." He said as his voice turned serious yet again.
They sat in silence for a few moments, not knowing what to say. "Well you better go." Natalie said, breaking the silence.
Cristian looked slightly uncomfortable. "Yeah, umm, I’ll see you tomorrow."
"Ok."
"Bye." Cris said, heading out the door.
"Bye Cris." Natalie said as the door closed.
Cristian Vega walked into his family diner with a million thoughts nagging at him. The most prominent one was Natalie. He couldn’t seem to get her out of his thoughts.
"Hola mi hijo." His mother called out upon seeing him walk through the door.
"Hi Mami." Cristian said removing his jacket, feeling extremely comfortable. It was always nice to know some things hadn’t changed on him.
"What have you been up to lately Cris?" Carlotta asked, giving him a quick kiss as she walked back behind the counter. "You haven’t been around much."
"I’ve been helping a friend." Cristain responded taking a seat at the counter across from Carlotta.
"Natalie?" Carlotta asked raising her eyebrow in questioning irritation. It was no secret that she didn’t believe that Natalie was the best thing for her youngest child, and when it came to what was best for her children, she was vicious.
"Mami, don’t start." Cris said irritated himself. He knew what his family, and practically the entire town thought of Natalie, and his friendship with her. "I get enough about this from ‘Tonio."
Carlotta decided to try and reason with her son, not sure whether or not it would work, but figuring it was worth a shot. "You and Jen have finally been given a chance to be happy Cristian." She pointed out. "I know how hard you fought for that relationship. I just don’t understand-"
"What Mami?" Cris interrupted. "That someone like Natalie could mean something to me, that I could be her friend."
"Oh, mi hijo." Carlotta said on a sigh, placing her hand over his on the counter, realizing how far wrong she’d gone. Regardless of what she thought, her sons would do as they pleased. "You know I did not mean it like that."
"I think you did. People thought horrible things of Tonio because of what he’d done, or supposedly done. Everyone’s found a way to look past who Tonio was, why can’t they see past Natalie’s outer image. Why can’t they just accept that ."
"Because she’s trouble Cris."
Cristian had taken enough from his brother over the past few weeks and was tired of it. He knew that his mother and brother meant well, but that didn’t make them right, or give them the right. "And you have a right to talk? El Leon, head of the Prides, Carlo Hessler’s gofer." Cristian spat, throwing back his brother’s crimes at him.
Antonio’s eyes darkened as his brother took shots that were known to set him on edge. "That was a long time ago."
"You were trouble all the same. People should have just stayed away?" Cris asked, moving closer towards his brother, not afraid of a confrontation, one that would probably lead to a fight on the diner floor.
Antonio didn’t back down, but moved closer himself. "Don’t even talk about any of that Cris, it’s the past." His said, his voice harsh.
"Mi Dios!" Carlotta exclaimed from behind the counter, breaking them out of the fight they were angling for. "Will you two ever grow up?"
Cristain grabbed his jacked and rose, heading for the door. "I’m going to go. I’ll se you later." He left without giving either of them to reply.
Cristian walked to his apartment above the Break Bar in record time. He was angry with everyone. They all wanted to know what he saw in her. He honestly couldn’t help but wonder what they didn’t.
Yes Natalie was hard to get to know, and there had been a time when he hadn’t thought much of her either, but there was something about Natalie. Because in the end Natalie would come through. Where her loyalties lied she was fierce about protecting them. And her biggest one was to him.
There was a connection between them that neither of them liked to discuss. And in spite of that, she was pushing him to Jen. If she was who they all wanted to believe she was, she would have tried to seduce him by now. Not that he necessarily needed that kind of help.
"Cristian." Jen’s crisp voice echoed through the room.
"Jen?" What was she doing here? Last time he’d seen her she’d been furious with him. He stood up and began to walk towards her.
"We need to talk." Jen said, brushing right past him, planting herself in the middle of the room.
"Alright. Have a seat. Do you want anything to drink?" He asked heading to the fridge. He was shocked and pleased that she would come to him. Maybe she was coming around.
"No." Jen was still standing. She wasn’t about to do this sitting down. "This is about Natalie." The mention of Natalie’s name made Cristian’s body tense instantly.
"For God's Sake Jen, can’t you just leave it alone?" Cristian asked, turning to look at her.
"No Cristian, no I can’t. She tried to kill me, or at least to burn my father’s house down. She’s a danger to herself and others. Something has to be done."
"What are you suggesting?" He asked, his eyes narrowing.
Jen instantly became nervous, playing with her fingernails and looking down. "There are some nice facilities in the area, and-" She managed to choke out softly before Cristian realized what she was saying.
"And you want me to help commit her to a mental institution!" He exploded. He could harely believe what he was hearing. "I cannot believe you Jen."
"What do you want me to do Cristian?" Jen asked, the tears beginning to fall down her face. "She’s crazy."
"She didn’t start that fire." Cristian said, his voice was cold and harsh.
"Just because you want to believe in her, doesn’t mean that you should." Jen said bitterly.
"She didn’t do it." Cristian said, once again trying to get Jen to see the truth.
"And how can you be so sure?"
And now was the moment he had to decide. Did he lie to Jen and destroy Natalie, or did he tell the truth. He realized that even if he didn’t lie, he’d lose Jen anyway for just siding with Natalie. He hated to hurt Jen, but it was necessary. "Because I was with her, for most of the day. Around the time the fire started I was in her hotel room, with her. She never left my sight Jen. She couldn’t have done it."
The words took a moment to register in Jen’s brain, but when they did the message was loud and clear. "How could you Cris!?" She cried out. "How could you do this to me? Well you know what, you just go right ahead and be happy with the psychotic slut. Don’t come crawling back to me when she ruins you though. Do you understand me Cristian Vega? We’re through." She took off the necklace that had once meant so much, the one with the quarry rock on it and left it on the counter before walking out the door and slamming it behind her.
Cristian acknowledged the end of something that had meant the world to him. Something that he had fought to keep. But in the end, it was easier to let go of his relationship with Jen than it would have been to let go of the one he had with Natalie, and he couldn’t help but question why.
Was it because Natalie had been hurt more in her life than anyone ever should have been? That she didn’t trust anyone or anything to stand by her when she needed them. Did he feel that he had to be the one who wouldn’t fail her where everyone else would? Or was there something more on top of that?
Natalie sat in her bed, well the bed of her hotel room, her pajama bottoms and a tank top on, and thought of Cristian. She could still feel his lips on hers, and the way it felt when their bodies were pressed close together.
God she shouldn’t be thinking of this! But then again, why not? It wasn’t like it was going to happen again. The least a girl could get to do would be to dream a little. Especially if the man were tall, dark and handsome. Not to mention Latino with an accent to die for. Yeah, and sweet as anything to boot. The man of anyone’s dreams.
Natalie was shocked out of her revelry by knocking at her door. She got up and opened it, shocked to see a very flustered, very pissed off Jen on the other side.
"We need to talk." Jen said, pushing violently past Natalie.
"Did I invite you in? Did I even invite you over?" Natalie asked angrily. Who the hell did Jen think she was?
Jen plastered a fake smile across her face. "I just wanted to congratulate you on your victory." She said in a fake sweet voice.
"What are you talking about?" Natalie asked angry and confused.
"Cristian. He’s completely and totally yours." Jen continued in with the fake smile and fake voice. "I mean, he chooses you over me every time, and he’s willing to believe in you while we all know what you are Natalie." Jen said the last comment as a coldness entered her voice.
"And just what is that?" Natalie said, her chin coming up.
"A worthless little girl who never deserved anyone or anything least of all love." Jen spat out.
"Well thank you for your analysis." Natalie said, looking at Jen as if she were scum, telling herself not to fall apart. That was exactly what Jen wanted and the last thing she wanted to do.
"And in case you were wondering, Cristian just pities you. You are some little bird with a broken wing to him. Poor little Natalie." Jen sneered.
"Get out." Natalie yelled pointing at the door. "I didn’t invite you in here, I didn’t seduce your boyfriend. What he does with his free time is his choice, and if he’d rather spend it with me than with you then you better start asking yourself some pretty serious questions." Natalie felt a satisfaction from being able to slam something like that in Jen’s face.
"You’re a bitch and a slut, and one of these days Natalie it’s going to catch up with you."
"Right back at you babe. I think your day has already come."
"I will be in the front row when they convict you for your crimes Natalie. That attitude of yours won’t hold up in jail."
"Go." Natalie said again, pointing at the door.
Natalie held her composure until Jen was out the door. After that she collapsed on the floor sobbing. As much as she could pull off pissed off and strong, Jen had hit her where it hurt worst, in her secret fears. And Jen had known it too. Hearing the words out of someone’s mouth all over again brought the old worries and fears out full force. She found she couldn’t move, or stop crying so she stayed where she was on the floor, continuing with the sobs that wrenched her small frame.
Cristian showed up about ten minutes later. He knew Jen was mad, and that she might try and confront Natalie, or someone else would find out and talk to Natalie about it. He wanted to be the one to tell her what had happened between he and Jen. And maybe even to discuss what was going on between the two of them.
He stopped short upon hearing the sound of Natalie’s sobs. He touched the door to knock on it, but it opened effortlessly instead. And once it did he was struck with the horrifying sight of Natalie curled up in a ball on the floor as she cried.
"Natalie, Natalie! What is it? What happened?" Cristian asked, immediately going down on his knees the floor next to her and holding her tightly against him.
Natalie couldn’t speak, she could only hold on for dear life. Her brain wasn’t functioning. All she knew was that there were a pair of strong arms around her sending her support. Cristian moved his hands up and down her back trying to sooth her, and murmured words in Spanish that he had heard so often as a boy. He knew there was nothing he could do but hold her now, and let her calm down all on her own. Hopefully it was enough.
Eventually Natalie managed to regain some composure. She pulled away from Cristian and looked up at him. "You shouldn’t be here Cristian. I’m not worth it. I’m not worth any of it."
Cristian became even more concerned upon hearing Natalie’s words, and his brow seemed to knit even further together. She hadn’t sounded this self- depreciating in awhile. "Where is this coming from?" He asked with obvious concern as he wiped the tears from her cheeks.
Natalie decided that anger was better than tears for right now. "Why did you tear apart your relationship for the likes of me huh?" She asked, pushing away from him and standing up. "I mean I’m fun for a roll in the sack or two, but in the long run I’d never last."
There was way too much to process in those to sentences. He decided to start with the ‘tearing apart a relationship part.’ "Did you talk to Jen? What did she say?"
"She was right Cris. I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve anyone, or their love. I probably even deserve the way Viki’s treating me."
"Stop it Natalie!" Cristian could hardly believe what he was hearing. No one could actually believe that they deserved what was happening to Natalie. No one would ever deserve that.
"What Cristian?" Natalie asked hopelessly, continuing with the feelings of pain and masking them with anger. "Explain to me that I’m wrong. I mean sure you’ve spent more time with me than your girlfriend in the past couple of months, and sure you’ve started a few things with me, make out sessions to be exact, with no intention of ever leaving her."
So that was part of the problem, he thought, holding back the sigh that he knew she didn’t want to hear. "Sit down Natalie."
"I really don’t-" Natalie protested.
"Sit!" Cristian practically barked.
Natalie was shocked by the forceful, angry tone and sat down, wondering what was going to come out of him next. She sat, but didn’t look at him as he sat next to her. She didn’t know what to do about him and this entire situation yet.
"First of all Jen and I have been halfway over for a long time Natalie. We were trying to recapture something that we’d destroyed, I don’t think we ever really had a prayer of getting it back. I was planning on talking to you about us earlier, and again when I came over this time, after I’d told you about Jen and I, but as I can clearly see Jen has already beaten me to it."
"Are you going to tell me that you don’t care that it’s over between you and Jen?" Natalie asked, not believeing for a second that Cristian could be this accepting of the whole thing. She could still remember how angry he was when he found out that she’d known that Al could walk, and that they’d had a deal.
"Of course I care. And yeah it hurts, but not as much as I thought it would."
"So what? You want to move directly into a relationship with me. Does that make me the re-bound girl, or did you never really care about Jen all that much."
"Natalie, I haven’t even discussed what my plans are. Stop jumping to conclusions."
"I’m sorry. See-"
"Just stop Natalie." He didn’t want to hear her talk about herself the way he knew she was about to. It hurt him to know that the events of her life had caused her to think so little of herself. "Just let me talk for awhile."
"Okay."
"Jen and I got into it this evening. She wanted me to help admit you to a mental institution."
"What!?" Natalie exclaimed. Well then the chippy deserved everything she’d gotten upon coming over, along with the end of her relationship with Cristian.
"Just let me get through this. I blew up at her. I’ve always hated the fact that she could never respect our friendship, or you. Then she got on about how you started the fire, and I kinda told her about our alibi."
"Kinda how?" Natalie asked, slanting her eyes at Cristian.
"As in I was here. I didn’t elaborate, and I’m sure she jumped to conclusions. I needed her, and I guess I need everyone else, to know that you’re innocent. I know you thought I wasn’t willing to tell her about where I was, but who would I be if I didn’t Nat?" He asked, knowing whoever that would have made him, he wouldn’t have liked it. "What kind of person would I be if I left my best friend out in the cold?"
"What? Best friend?" She asked, shocked again. When had she become his best friend.
"It works both ways Natalie." Cris said, smiling a little for the first time since he had arrived at her room that night. "You are the only person I actually confide in anymore. The end was coming for Jen and I, I just hadn’t seen it..." He paused taking a moment to think about it. "hadn’t wanted to see it." He corrected. "And so while it hurts, it’s not as painful as it was the first time around."
"And then on us?" She prodded, wanting to know what he was thinking in reference to them.
Cristian sighed. This was where it all got blurry. "I don’t know Natalie. I care about you. And you have this way of...you mean more to me than anyone has in a long time okay? I know it was wrong to start things with you that you didn’t think I was going to finish, and that I didn’t know what I was going to do about, especially the two times I was with Jen, but...There’s something between us Natalie, and I can’t ignore it."
"Can we do whatever it is we’re going to do slow? I don’t know how good I’d be in a relationship."
"Yeah. I think we both need slow. I don’t know if we can do it, but we can try." He said, tucking a stray hair behind Natalie’s ear.
"Thank you Cris, for everything." Natalie said, her eyes speaking volumes.
"No problem Nat." Cris said, he then moved to get up.
"Don’t go Cris." Natalie said, placing a hand on his arm, hating the fact that she might have sounded desperate, but knowing that she needed to do this. "Don’t leave me tonight. Just stay here and hold me please. I need you."
Cristian simply nodded and laid down on the bed with her, her back against his front, holding her close.