"Mommy, I had a really weird dream," six year old Natalie Balsom said to her mother, Roxanne.
"What do I care?" she asked, slumping onto the couch in a drunken manner.
"I...I don't know," the girl stuttered, her eyes clouding over with sadness as she exited the living room. Once in her bedroom, she heaved a great sigh. "Who were those people?" she asked herself. "And why do I think I know them?"
Natalie Buchanan sighed. "What if I did do it, though? No one can prove I didn't," she said in anger, to her only friend, Cristian Vega.
"I can prove it," he told her, referring to whether or not she had been the person to push her step father, Ben Davidson, through his bedroom window.
"How?" she asked, sitting on her bed at the Bayberry Inn.
He shook his head, "I'll find a way."
"No! Who else could have done it? No one. It had to me, I did it," she spoke more to herself.
"I don't believe that."
"Why not?" she breathed.
"Because I know you, and I know you would never do something like that. You're a good person."
"It was another person. My alter. The killer," she declared.
"Natalie, you don't have D. I. D."
"You don't know that. My mother had it."
"Your not your mother. Plus you told me it is not hereditary."
"It's not. But...."
"But what?" he asked.
"But what else could the explanation be?"
~~~~~Dr. Ben Davidson tossed in his half sleep. Part of him was trying to remember, and the other half was. In his hazy dream he could see flashes of red. Red hair. Gasping, he exited his sleep state. "Red hair?" he asked himself. "Natalie. Natalie has red hair," he said, just as his wife Viki entered the bedroom.
"What was that, Darling?" she asked, her voice dripping in false concern.
"I remembered something," he told her.
Her eyes grew wide in panic, but quickly hid it. "Oh, really? Well, whatever it may be, I'm sure....."
"I remembered red hair," he interrupted.
"Really?" she asked with hope.
"Yes."
"Natalie has red hair," she hinted.
"I know. I thought of that. But, but, do you think that Natalie could have pushed me?" he asked in disbelief.
"Yes," she said firmly. "That poor girl has had such a hard childhood, growing up with that monster of a mother, Roxanne. She's simply not stable," Viki decided.
"What are saying?" Ben asked in confusion.
"I'm saying, that I think Natalie did indeed push you through that window."
~~~~~"I don't know. But we'll find out. I won't let you go down for a crime you did not commit."
"But what if I did?" she repeated.
"Natalie........." he sighed.
"What?" she asked in disgust.
"Why are you ready to turn yourself in for this?"
"What are you saying? Are you suggesting I want to go to prison for this. That I want to be punished?"
"No, that's not what I meant."
"Really? 'Cus it sure sounded that way to me," she snapped.
~~~~~"But why?" Ben asked.
"Why? Any number of reasons why," she answered vaguely.
"It doesn't make sense to me."
"Ben, you just came out of a coma, many things don't make much sense."
He sighed in frustration. "I just wish I could remember!"
~~~~~"Natalie, listen to me."
She sighed.
"I don't think you are trying to pin this on yourself. But if you keep at this D. I. D. theory, we might never learn the truth."
"We might never have learned the truth," a man's voice echoed in her mind. She shook her head violently.
"Natalie?" Cristian asked in concern.
She blinked. "What?"
"Are you all right?"
Sighing, she replied, "Yeah, I guess."
His eyes studied her for another moment.
"You're right, I guess. Maybe me trying to convince you I have D. I. D. is setting us back," she said, not really believing it.
"All right."
"You should probably go. It's getting late," she advised him.
"I'm not leaving you here alone like this," he told her.
"I'm fine. Really," she tried to convince him.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Positive," she told him.
He reluctantly agreed. "I'll see you in the morning," he promised, exiting.
Once alone, she sighed deeply. "I'm fine," she repeated.
Niki Smith paced quickly though the bedroom of Viki and Ben. She had to make Ben think his step-daughter pushed him. "I've got it!" she exclaimed, rushing out to the hallway.
~~~~~Cristian knocked on Natalie's door early the next morning. After a moments without answering, he knocked again. "Natalie," he called softly, so not to wake the other people at the Bayberry Inn. Still, nothing. He sighed, and tried the door, even though he assumed it was locked. To his surprise, it was open.
He entered and looked around. The room looked exactly the way he had left it. The bed had not been slept in, and the maids did not come 'till noon. "Natalie," he called again, this time louder as he looked into the bathroom, hoping she was there. Worried, he dialed her cell phone number. It rang a few times, before the voice mail picked up. "Damn," he muttered, leaving the Inn. He sighed as he got into his car. "She must be at Llanfair," he told himself, driving towards there.
~~~~~Natalie entered Llanfair. She tried to sleep last night, but strange voices invaded her sleep. "Who were they?" she whispered to herself, going up the stairs. She'd come by to pick up some more clothes. Once she reached her bedroom, she noticed the door closed. "That's funny. Lois usually leaves it open to air it out," she spoke to herself, shrugging as she opened the door. She gasped when she saw what was on the other side.
~~~~~Cristian pulled into the long driveway and got out. Her car was parked a few feet away. Deciding she would not take too long, he sat back inside his vehicle and waited.
~~~~~"What are you doing?!" Natalie demanded, seeing her mother in her room. The furniture has been overturned and the curtains pulled down. Her dresser had been emptied and her clothing was everywhere. Viki was sitting on the bed, writing on something.
Niki gasped, and tucked the paper away. "Oh, Natalie! Someone, someone must have broke in. I found your room like this when I woke up."
She did not believe her for a second. Llanfair was full of security. "What were you writing?"
"Writing? What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about the paper you just stuck behind your back," she said in anger, walking towards her. She looked at her for a moment and then pulled the piece out from under the pillow. She read it quickly. "How could you do this?" she asked when she was finished.
"Do what? I most certainly did not write this!" she swore.
"Don't lie to me. Why would you do this unless you were...." she stopped, her words choking her as she realized what was going on. "You--You were going to kill me, and make it look like suicide," she accused, holding out the note, which told of how Natalie had to end her life, because of the guilt she carried around from trying to kill her step-father.
"You got me!" Niki admitted, now using her regular voice. "And by the way, I'm not your mother, Victoria Lord Davidson, I'm her alter, Niki. Niki Smith."
Nat took a step back in fear. "What?" she asked, confused.
"You heard me. I'm Niki Smith!"
Another realization dawned on her. "You pushed Ben. You did it!"
"Yeah...So?" she asked, standing up.
Natalie tried to push down her anger, she had to remember her mother, her real mother, was still locked inside. "I'm getting you help," she said softly, as if she was talking to Viki as she took out her cell phone and started to dial.
"No you don't," Niki told her, pushing the phone out of her hands. "I gotta keep you quite," she declared.
~~~~~Cristian sighed, drumming his fingers on the wheel, waiting for Natalie to emerge from her home when he heard a sharp, female, scream coming from the house. In a spilt second, he was out of his car and headed up the main stairs to Nat's room. He flung the door opened and gasped.
Niki had her hands around Natalie's neck, using all her strength to choke the life out of her. Cris rushed in, taking a deep breath as he pushed the two apart.
Niki stumbled backwards, but fought to keep her balance as Natalie took in three long breaths before she said: "Cris! She's not Viki, she's not my mother. She's-She's Niki Smith. She pushed Ben!"
He nodded, instantly grasped the older woman's wrists, making sure she could not run. "Call the police," he demanded.
She nodded and retrieved her phone. In a few short minutes, the cops came in, took the three downtown, and began the questioning.
~~~~~Natalie sighed, tears running freely down her face as she watched her mother, or who ever she was, board a plane with officers. They were heading off to a mental institution in Europe. Nat shook her head and wiped away at her eyes, turning to face Seth, Jess, Rex, and Cristian.
"I can't believe this. I-I don't understand it. How could we over look something like this? How could...." Jessica started, her hands running through her hair.
"None of us knew, Jess. Don't blame yourself," Seth comforted her.
She shook her head as he led her away.
"You all right, Natty?" Rex asked.
She nodded. "I will be," she declared, hugging him.
"I'll give you a few minutes," he told her, leaving to catch up with the others.
Nat turned back around and walked over to Cris. She sighed. "Thank you. For everything. For believing in me, for staying with me."
He wanted to tell her it was no problem, he loved every moment with her, he loved her. But he merely said: "Natalie, you're welcome."
"I don't know what I would have done without you," she told him, as those same words ran through her head in the form of another female voice. She swallowed and tried to speak, but fainted instead in his arms.
"Exhaustion. Mental and physical," Dr. Wolek concluded.
"Well, that's understandable. Considering everything she's been through," Cris spoke, emerging from the corner. After Natalie had fainted, he instantly rushed her to the E.R. where her uncle took control over the situation.
Natalie stirred, having already woken once. "What happened?"
"You fainted," Larry told her, going to her bedside.
"I did?"
"At the airport," Cristian added.
She moaned as the night's events played back in her head. "Viki," she sighed and turned to her side.
"Nat, Natalie, it's going to be okay," he comforted her as Dr. Wolek left to draw up paper work.
"No, it won't. My mother isn't my mother. She's some psycho who framed me for attempted murder. She tried to make me think I had D.I.D. What kind of person can stay locked up while their children are being hurt? She's my Mom. She should be here for me," she told him, ending in tears.
"You can't blame your Mom for this. She has no control over it," he defended Mrs. Davidson.
She sighed in anger. "I know. I-I just need someone, anyone to blame," she admitted.
"Blame Niki."
Natalie rolled her eyes and sat up. "Why are you here?"
"Because I want to be."
"You should be with Jen. That's where you belong."
"I belong where I want to be. I wanna be here."
She raised a questioning eyebrow, obviously confused by his statement.
"Natalie, I have to tell you something. I.........."
"This is where you've been all night? With her?" Jen's voice interrupted from the doorway.
"Jen," he turned to face her.
"What's wrong with her?" she asked in disgust.
"Come with me," he demanded, leading her out of the room.
"Cris! I've been calling all over town looking for you and you were with her!"
"She's been through a lot tonight."
"Oh yeah, I'm sure."
He sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Her mother has D.I.D., you know that. She's not Mrs. Davidson. She's an alter. Niki Smith--she pushed Dr. Davidson."
Her jaw dropped. "What?"
"Yeah, she tried to kill Nat tonight. She would have too, if I was not there."
"Then it's a good thing you were! Oh Cris, I'm so sorry for the way I've acted," she apologized, hugging him tightly.
"It's---it's okay, Jen," he told her, pulling away and explained why Nat was in the hospital.
After listening, Jen said: "I want to make it up to her. I've been such a witch and poor Natalie was going through so much. I feel awful. I'm going to do something for her. Maybe when she gets out of here we can get together for dinner. It's the least I can do for her."
"That sounds like a great idea," he agreed. "I'm going to go check on her," he decided, heading back into her room.
"Oh, I'll come too!" Jen said quickly, jogging to catch up.
He sighed. "You know what? I think she needs her rest."
"You're right," she nodded, taking his hand and leading his away from the door. He looked back, lowering his eyes as he followed her.
Natalie sighed. She hated being cooped up in the hospital. She would have much rather been putting her life back together after Niki tore it apart. She stirred uncomfortably, thinking there was no reason for her to be there any longer when the door opened and Jessica walked in. "Hi," she greeted softly, making sure her "sister" was awake.
"Hey," Natalie replied, her voice hoarse with sleep.
"How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Fine. I can go home, I'm fine," she swore.
"You need your rest."
"I can rest at home," Natalie pointed out.
She sighed and smiled alittle. "Natalie, we--we need to talk."
She sat up and looked into Jessica's eyes for a moment, trying to figure her out.
"I should have been there. I should have known. There you were, your life falling apart, and I just stood by and watched, so clueless. If I would have known...." she stopped, not used to expressing feelings to Natalie.
"You would have helped," she finished. "I know," she told her as she was pulled into a tight hug.
"Now, you really do need some rest."
Natalie moaned. "Okay," she agreed reluctantly, settling back into her bed.
"I'll see about trying to get you released soon," she promised as she left the room.
Nat smiled. For the first time, she felt like she had a sister, who really, somewhere deep down, loved her. With that thought running through her mind, she drifted back to sleep.
"I was misguided. I could never have a life with her. You are the one I truly love."
"Oh! Oh, I love you, too. I am so happy that you have come back to me. Forever. You and I. Forever."
Natalie gasped, coming out of her haunting dream. She shot up, her heart beating at a fast pace.
"Nat? Natalie? Are you all right?"
"Cris?" she asked confused.
"Are you OK?" he repeated.
"I'm fine. Just a bad dream. What time is it?"
He glanced at his watch. "It's going on one."
"Wow, I've slept all day almost."
"You needed to catch up on your rest," he reminded her.
"Yeah," she sighed, and laid back down. "Any word on when I'm getting out?"
"The doctors are saying probably sometime tomorrow."
"I can't wait. I just want to go home. I need to start picking up the pieces. School is starting soon, too."
"Yeah. Look, Natalie, we need to talk."
"About what?" she asked.
"Us."
She swallowed hard. This was it. He was going to tell her that all the mixed signals he had been sending her all chalked up to a mere friendship. Nothing more. He didn't love her. She didn't know if she could handle it. After all her mother had just put her through, Cristian telling her he was in love with Jen would kill her. Her throat became tight as a knot formed it the pit of her stomach. She tried to sigh in preparation, but was unable to hardly breath. Making sure she wasn't going to cry, she looked into his eyes and waited for his announcement.
"Natalie, I'm in love with you."
She blinked a few times and shook her head. "What?"
"I'm in love with you," he repeated, gently taking her hand in his.
"That's..." she grasped at the words. "What about Jen?"
He sighed and looked down for a moment. "I don't love her anymore. I love you, Natalie."
A bright smile spilled over her face. "I can't believe this," she said more to herself. "I love you too, Cristian," she told him, gently pulling him closer so she could kiss him.
"I have to tell Jen. She has no clue whatsoever that I'm in love with you," he announced once they parted.
She nodded in understanding, a wave a guilt washing over her. 'Poor Jen', she thought. 'She's been nothing but nice to me and how do I repay her? I steal her boyfriend away.' She frowned. "She's going to be so hurt."
"I know, and I hate that it has to be this way, but I can't go on being with her when I don't love her."
"I know. It's just so unfair."
He nodded in agreement before he kissed her again. "I'll make her understand," he promised. "I'll come back as soon as I can," he added, quickly hurrying out.
Once he was gone, she laid back down, the smile still on her face. She couldn't believe it. All this time she was in love with him, and he was in love with her. Something good was finally happening to her after the years of pain her life had been, she was finally, truly loved.
Cris unlocked the door to the loft he shared with Jen and walked in to find her sitting at the counter, reading the newspaper.
"Cristian!" she cried out, happy to see him. "Where did you go so early?" she asked, running into his arms to hug him.
He slightly embraced her before pulling back. "I went to see Natalie."
"Oh, how is she doing?" she asked, concerned.
"Fine. Jen, listen we have to talk," he said, trying to approach the subject with caution.
"Okay, what about?" she asked as she made her way to the couch to sit.
He sat next to her. "Look, Jen, I never meant for any of this to ever happen, but it has. I've fallen in love with Natalie. I'm sorry."
She looked away, tears filling her eyes. "What? When, how?" she asked, desperately trying to understand.
"I'm so sorry, Jen. It all happened so fast. I never expected this."
She nodded, brushing away her tears. "I know. I mean, I know you never planned this," she stood up and paced the room for a few moments. "I hope you're happy with her," she said sincerely as he stood. Needing some closure, she immediately went to him, went into his arms to feel his touch once more. Pulling away from the hug, she leaned up, kissing him softly. "I love you, Cristian," she declared, stepping away.
Reaching out to brush away her new tears, he nodded, unsure of what to say. A slight realization came to him. He still loved her too, in a way he couldn't quite understand. It was different from before, but strong just the same. He knew he still wanted to be with Natalie, but also Jennifer would always be in his heart. "I love you too, Jen," he told her softly, leaving the loft without looking back.
Cristian returned to the hospital later that night to find Natalie awake and waiting for his return. "How'd she take it?" she asked the moment he stepped in her room.
"She handled it so well, I was surprised. She was so understanding."
She smiled. "Oh, that's so good. I was so worried. I didn't want Jen to get hurt."
"I know, me either," he agreed, going over to her bed to kiss her. "I have good news," he told her once the kiss had ended.
"What?" she asked excitedly.
"Your getting released tomorrow morning."
She smiled, "Finally! I've been cooped up here way to long."
He smiled too as a faint knock sounded at her half opened door. She peered over Cris' shoulder to see her brother in the doorway. "Rex."
"Hey Natty, is this a bad time?"
She quickly shook her head. "No, not at all. Come in."
He slowly entered. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine. I'm going home tomorrow."
"That's great. We really miss you."
"I miss you guys too."
"Well, You need your rest. I just stopped in to see how you were feeling. See you tomorrow," he said to his sister, as he left.
"He's right, you do need your rest," Cris added.
"I'm not tired," protested Natalie.
"You still need to rest. I'll be here tomorrow when you get released."
She sighed reluctantly. "Okay," she agreed, kissing him once more before he left. Once he was gone, she sighed, and curled up, preparing for sleep.
"Anne, I can't be with you anymore. I'm going back to Lila. After all, my heart has always been with her. I was fooling myself, thinking I could be with you."
"But you love me!"
"Yes, I do, but I cannot be with you anymore. I belong with Lila. She my future, she can give me what you cannot."
"A child."
"Yes, a child."
"But, there must be a way we can be together, Robert. There must be."
"I'm afraid there isn't. I'm sorry," he told her, kissing her softly. "I must go."
"Robert! No, stay with me. Please," she cried after him, but it was no use, he was gone.
Natalie awoke, with the dream still with her. "What's going on?" she asked herself. "These dreams. What do they mean?" She shook her head and sighed. "I have to find out," she decided.
"It's so good to have you home, Natalie," her sister, Jessica, greeted her as she walked into Llanfair. "I've missed you," she added, hugging her.
"I've missed you too," she said softly, going further in the house.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine. Actually, there's somewhere I have to be later today, so, I'm going to go upstairs and shower."
"Nat, you should take it easy. You just got out of the hospital," Cris said, for he had brought her home.
"I know, it's just a quick errand. I won't be gone long."
He nodded. "Okay, just take it easy, okay?"
"I will."
Cris led Natalie to the stairs by the front door and gave her a quick kiss. "I'll be at my Mami's if you need me, okay?"
She nodded. "Okay."
"I love you, Natalie."
She smiled. "I love you too."
Natalie took a deep breath and pushed open to door to be greeted by the strong smell of herbs, flowers, and various other things, all apparently burning, making the room gray from smoke.
Clearing her throat to find her voice, she spoke. "Hello?" she called out, venturing farther into the small shop.
"Greetings, young one," a voice replied from the back. "How may I help you?"
She peered to where the sound was coming from to see an elderly woman standing over a table of rocks. She turned around to look at her visitor. "I, um," she started, not sure what she wanted to say.
"What is it you need, child? My name is Isis, and yours is?"
"Natalie, my name is Natalie," she finally formed a sentence.
"Have a seat."
Nat looked around uncomfortably before sitting in the nearby chair. Isis took a seat in a much larger chair next to her.
"Now, what is it I can do for you?"
"I was wondering if you could tell me about," she paused, shocked to be saying this at all. "Past lives."
Isis sighed, leaning back and smiling. "What is you want to know?"
"I think I possibly have one."
"Well, of course you do, child."
She swallowed. This was getting odder by the moment, and she had to push down the thoughts of running away. "Is there a way you can connect me with it?"
She clasped her hands tightly and stood. "My herbs and potions can only connect with your physical senses. They cannot tap into your mind, child. Although, there are ways to.....relive the past, only if you're ready to face it."
"What are you saying?" she asked nervously, standing.
"Now, now, young one. There is no need to be alarmed. Please, calm down. Please, sit, and tell me what you know, or think you know, about your past lives."
She cleared her throat. "I had reoccurring dreams for years when I was younger, of these two people. A man, and a woman, who were obviously in love, but he always was with another woman. They stopped completely when I was a teenager, but have started again, more frequently. The one girl, Anne, I think that's me. And Robert, I think that might be my boyfriend," she stopped, realizing that's what Cristian was. She smiled. "And the other girl, Lila, could be his ex-girlfriend."
"I see."
"Anne couldn't have children, so Robert left her, for Lila, although he still loved Anne."
"Child, are psychic?"
She laughed stiffly. "No, of course not, why?"
"I just thought it to be you were tapping into someone else's relationship. But," she stopped and sighed loudly. "The only way to relive the past, is to remember it."
"How?"
"Well, it seems to me you know how. Through your dreams."
"But I can't control when they come."
"Have you spoken to you male friend and his former lover about this?"
"No, they'll think I'm crazy, and I probably am. Past lives don't exist."
"Oh, but they do, young child."
She sighed, wishing desperately that Cristian was with her. "Isn't there anything you can do for me?"
"The only way to know for sure if you are Anne, is to enter your dreams as yourself."
Natalie put her head in her hands. 'What the hell have I gotten myself into?' she asked herself. "And how am I supposed to do that?" she asked annoyed.
"Sleep, child, and find yourself there. Now, go. There is nothing more I can do for you," Isis told Natalie as she stood and left.
Once outside the shop, she took a deep breath of fresh air. "What was I thinking, going in there? Past lives? What's wrong with me? That's so stupid," she cursed herself, getting into her car, and heading home. "I don't have a past life," she told herself quietly, as if she was trying to convince herself.
Natalie sighed restlessly late that evening as she leaned back on her bed. She was determined to dream her recurring dream tonight and put an end to all the craziness it was causing in her real life. Sighing again, she looked to her clock. It was nearly midnight. Finally giving up, she stood up and pulled her robe on, going downstairs.
Once at the bottom of the stairs, she could see a light on in the library. Slowly making her way to the room, she cleared her throat to make her presence known.
The person inside gasped, but quickly realized who it was. "Natalie," Jessica said. "What are you doing up?"
"I could ask you the same thing."
She smiled, sitting back down, as Natalie did the same. "I just couldn't sleep, thinking about Mom."
She nodded. "Yeah, she's been on my mind a lot too."
"It's just so hard to believe we lived with her for weeks and never picked up on the fact she was Niki Smith."
She ran her hands through her hair. "Yeah."
"I wish we would have known. Maybe we could have helped her and stopped her before..."
"Before she framed me for murder?" the other girl added bluntly. "Yeah, I wish that too," she said a bit harshly. Sighing, her tone softened. "I know that's not really our Mom who did all those things, but I just need to blame someone, and it seems I'm blaming her, and I don't want to do that."
Jessica sighed and patted her hand. "I don't blame you for your anger towards her. I'm mad at her too, but, we have to remember it was Niki Smith and not her."
He stood up. "Yeah," she replied absent mindedly.
"Is something else on your mind?" her sister asked in concern.
"No," she laughed alittle. "I'm just tired," she lied.
"Well, then, why don't you go to bed?"
"I probably should," she concluded. "Night Jess."
"Night Natalie," she called softly to her as she crept back up the steps.
Once inside her room, she fell onto her bed in exhaustion, more tired than she had realized. Pulling the covers of her, she was quickly asleep.
Lila held her baby protectively against her chest, fear in her eyes as she saw the other women's rage. "Anne, please," she pleaded. "Calm down."
Robert stepped in front of his wife. "Anne, I think you should leave."
"And I think you should pay for what you've done to me. All of you," she yelled, pointing to the party go-ers in the room. "You all plotted against me from the start. You were all planning for me to get hurt."
"Anne, that's not true," he tried to reason with her.
Tear filled her eyes. "It is," she said softly. "You never had any intention of staying with me. You always planned to go back to Lila," she whispered.
"I think we should talk about this somewhere else," he told her, grabbing her elbow.
She pulled away. "No! Let the whole town know. While honorable Mr. Rameriaz was engaged to the fair Miss Knowlings, he was sleeping with me," she declared loudly, turning to look at the shocked expressions.
Lila's face turned white as Robert's mother took the child from her arms. "What?" she asked, tears already spilling from her eyes. "How could you?" she asked; hurt as she fled the room.
Anne smiled at the chaos she had caused and too walked out of the room, passing a girl that looked very much like her on her way out.
Natalie gasped, sitting up instantly in her sleep as sweat poured from her brow. The pieces of the puzzle fit now. It was all clear. She understood it now. She was Anne and Cris was Robert and Jen was Lila. They had all been connected in their past lives just like they were connected now. Except one thing, Lila and Robert were together in the end. Married, with a child. And where was Anne? Presumably alone. Natalie rested her head and her hands and sighed, trying to understood how all of this fit into her real life. One thing stood out in her mind. Anne couldn't have children. Did that mean she couldn't either? So many questions swarmed in her head as she burst into tears.
She didn't tell anyone where she was going. Not Jess, not Cris, no one. They wouldn't understand. She sat in the in waiting room, her eyes looking at the other women, most of which has swollen stomachs and a husband next to them. She sighed, trying not to think about her own situation. "Miss Buchanan?" a nurse's voice called softly from the doorway. She sighed again and stood, allowing the nurse to lead her to the room.
Her tests were long over, and now all she could do was sit and wait for news that would ultimately change her life. The minutes ticked by as hours and she was growing impatient. After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor came in.
"Well?" she asked.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news," he said softly.
"I can't have children, right?"
He nodded solemnly. "There was an undetected cyst on your left ovary. Since we didn't know it was there, it's gotten too large. It won't affect your health what's so ever, but it will prevent you from carrying a child to term. I'm terribly sorry."
Natalie blinked back a tear. She had never even thought about having children and now she couldn't. It was privilege some women didn't even deserve, a privilege she didn't have. She muttered a 'thank you' to the doctor and left the office and headed home. She had a lot to tell Cris, and she wasn't sure he'd believe most of it.
She wasn't surprised he was there when she returned. She knew he'd worry about her going out alone after the hell the last week had been on her. He immediately took her in his strong arms and kissed her. She smiled. "Hey."
"Hey yourself."
She pulled away. "We need to talk."
"That's usually never good," he said lightly, a soft smile on his face.
She took his hand and led him outside to the patio. "I don't know how to say this. I know you'll never believe me..."
"What is it?" he asked, his eyes clouded with concern.
"My whole life, or as far back as I could remember, I had these dreams, these really weird dreams about people I had never met. They went away as I got older, but when all this started," she paused, "everything with Mom, or Niki Smith or whatever, they started to come back, and they're were more often and more detailed."
"What are you trying to say?"
"Those dreams were actually my past life...our past life."
He laughed a bit, and then saw the hurt on her face. "I'm sorry."
She crossed her arms. "I knew you wouldn't believe me," she said angrily and turned to go inside but he caught her arm.
"Nat. I'm sorry. I just don't understand."
She sighed and sat down. "Let me try to explain it. In our past life, we had this thing...a fling of some sort, but you were engaged to Lila a.k.a. Jen. You told me you'd leave her for me, but you didn't. You went to Lila because she could have children and Anne...I couldn't."
"That's crazy. I'd never do that."
"But Robert would."
He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Past lives..."
"I know it's really hard to wrap your mind around. I thought I was going crazy when the dreams started again. But it's the truth. We were all connected in our past lives. You and Jen, Robert and Lila got married and had a child and I, Anne, ended up alone."
"That's not going to happen in this life, Nat. I love you. I'd never leave you, I'd never go back to Jen. Things will be different this time."
"Maybe not," she added sadly, a tear forming in the corner of her eye.
"Nat...,"
She cut him off. "Anne couldn't have children, and neither can I."
"What?"
"That's where I was this morning. At the doctors. He confirmed it. I can't have children."
Cris took her in his arms and held her tightly.
"I know how important family is to you and I can't ever give you one."
"Nat, none of that matters. I've got you and that's the important thing. Who's even thinking about kids right now anyway? If we decided down the road we want a family, there are other options."
She didn't respond, she just laid in his arms letting the warm September breeze blow through her hair. "I love you," she said quietly, a long while later just before she drifted off to sleep, finally free of her dreams of a time long ago.