A Mirror in the Heart

Author: Skylar

Disclaimer: Joss and company own everything- except for Starbucks (but then you never know- as we're all well aware, Joss and company are capable of anything- no matter how harsh it may be- grrr...)
Note1: First in my Reasoning series. A follow-up to the Sweet Euphoria series.
Summary: While Buffy and Angel enjoy their much-deserved honeymoon, things are anything but fine for Ashlan at home.
Spoilers: Everything before the musical on BtVS, and Darla was never brought back on A:ts
Rating: Somewhere between PG-13 and R. Nothing too harsh, though.
Note2: "Unforgiven" and "Sister" belong to Creed, "That I Never Had" belongs to Ozzy Osbourne, "Land of the Living" belongs to Bush, "Echo" belongs to Incubus. Words in between ‘’ are a person's thoughts, words between ~~ are memories/flashbacks.
Distribution: Want it- take it. Let me know where it's going.
Dedication: To Jen and Jenn who gave me such great feedback for my first series. You two rock!!
Feedback: As always, appreciated. It gets addictive after awhile.

Part 1

All these tears I cry
Don't you wonder why
Is it all a dream
Never what it seems

Every word I say
Every time I pray
Look into my eyes
Distant voices cry
Is there light in me
Tell me what you see
Always somthing bad
Can't get something that I never had

~~~"That's such a beautiful inscription. This must be a present for someone special- for Valentine's Day no doubt." The saleswoman, as annoying as she was, did help Ashlan find the perfect gift for her brother to give Buffy.

"Yes it is. I'm doing a little shopping for my brother- for his fiancee."

"And he wanted your expert opinion," the woman smiled at her.

"Something like that." ‘If he wanted an expert's opinion, he should've gotten Cordy to pick something out.’ Though Ash really didn't mind. Cordy's latest vision had sent Fred, Wes, and Gunn in search of the Homais demon after receiving her call from Sunnydale. Getting to spend a little bit of quiet time by herself was a welcome change of pace for the hybrid. Making the adjustments to her new life were taking a toll on her, and she looked forward to the moments when she could just pretend to be leading a normal life- as if the time in between her death and resurrection was just a dream. For the longest while, she was envious of how well Buffy was now dealing with her similar situation. ‘But then she was only dead for a few months- try being underwater for a hundred plus years. Plus she has Angel- she has *him* to help her, to give *her* life meaning.’

Will I see the day
Will I have to pay
What's inside of me
You will never see

Won't they let me be
Won't they let me see
Do they think I'm mad
Cause I want something that I never had
Give me something that I never had

"Here you go- you're all set. I'm sure your brother's fiancee will love it."

"Thank you." Ash was already peering into the small bag, turning to leave the jewelers in the mall when she suddenly collided with another head. Instictively, she began apologizing to whoever she had run into. "Oh, I'm sorry. That was my fault there."

"No- I really should start watching where I'm going. You're the third person I've literally run into today.you're also the prettiest," the young man warmly smiled at her. "You're sure you're okay?"

"Yeah- yeah I'm good," she quickly answered, still a little taken aback by his preceding comment.

"Well, since I goofed why don't you let me by you a cup of coffee to make up for it?" the tall, well-built stranger asked, a silent prayer of hope in his voice. Ashlan couldn't help but notice his slight resemblance to her brother- sure his golden blonde hair which stopped just above his shoulders held a certain quality that Angel's didn't ‘at least his hair moves’ she smiled in spite of herself, and the faint goatee he had was a clear contrast to Angel's clean-shaven boyish face, but his eyes held the same warmth and compassion. "Sure. I'd like that."

"Great. I'm David," he extended a hand to her.

"Ashlan," she offered, taking his hand as he lead her over to the nearby Starbucks. David pushed in her chair, and moved quickly around to his side of their small table. As they sat drinking their mochas, the conversation took many different directions throughout the course of their time together. After an hour had passed, Ashlan had realized that the others were expecting her back.

"Are you sure you have to go?" David asked disappointingly.

"As much as I hate to say it- I really should be getting back to work," she smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Can I walk you to your car?" he eagerly offered.

"Sounds great," she flashed him back a smile as they walked towards the parking lot. Finally reaching the outside of the mall, Ash realized just how late it was when she took notice of the darkened sky. ‘Wesley's going to have a fit.it'll be worth it though’ she smiled as she looked up, expecting to see David beside her, but instead, found the vampire who had approached from behind the two. Retracting the young man back from her, he pulled aside the collar of his shirt to expose the much sought after neck. But before he could lean in to drink, his face met Ashlan's swift kick, sending him, and unfortunately David, to the ground.

Not giving the vamp any time, Ash dove for him as he pulled himself up off the ground. David, still dazed and confused by what had happened, could only look on as Ash and the vamp had it out. Somewhere in the middle of the scuffle, Ash had slipped into her game face, her frustrations and anger finally coming to a head. At last, Ash managed to retrieve a stake from her leather jacket, plunging it through the vamp's chest.

"Whoa." was the only sound David's lips could form as he stood up. "Okay.what was that all-" he began as he neared her from behind. ".Oh god-" David's face grew pale once again as Ash turned to face him- still in her game face. Not wanting to stick around a second longer, David made a mad dash through the length of the lot.

"I wonder if he still thinks I'm the prettiest person he's run into today," Ash sneered, watching as David left her far from sight, and mind.~~~

Ash awoke with a start in her room. The memory from her ill-fated shopping trip had been framing her thoughts for the past few weeks. Sitting up in her bed, she placed her head in her hands, letting out a deep sigh. ’Oh god.what am I doing? To think.this is.all I have to learn from. No past- no childhood.no mother.no father. Angel.Angel and Spike- and neither one of them knows this. This feeling.this emptiness. Angel's human.Spike's a full demon- neither one of them can ever know. To be normal, but not. To be alive, but dead. To live, but not have lived.’ She pulled herself to her feet, walking out of her room and through the halls of the massive Hyperion.

"What are you doing up, love?" Spike was sitting on the stainless steel counter in the kitchen when Ashlan walked in. Taking a sip from his fresh mug of blood, Spike gave her a questioning stare. "Everything alright?"

"Fine." Ash walked by him, running a hand through her hair as she let out another sigh. "What are you doing up anyway?"

"Just a lil' snack," he lifted his mug, offering her some. She waved a hand at it, instead favoring a glass of water. "You know, I haven't seen you feed for at least two weeks, Ash. You sure everything's alright?"

"I don't have to constantly feed, Spike- or have we forgotten?" she snapped back at him. "Sorry.I'm sorry- I just haven't been sleeping well."

"So I've noticed. Well, that's another thing you've got in common with Peaches."

"What do you mean?" she asked, hopping up to sit next to him.

"Oh please- you think either one of them are going to be getting any sleep while they're having their own lil' private luau?" he chuckled.

"They really love each other." Ash's remark came out as more of a question hanging in the air.

"And just when did we come to this well thought out, astute observation?" he smiled at her. "You really have been sleep deprived haven't you?"

******

"Buffy...hey, sweetie...wake up. We're almost there." Angel softly kisses her forehead as she begins to wake up. She lifts her head from his shoulder where she had laid it down to rest a few hours earlier.

"Morning..." she mumbles as she sinks back down, stretching her head across his lap.

"Try more like afternoon, love. It's almost four."

"You've got to be kidding."

"Uh-uh. But don't feel bad, you haven't missed much of the ride, just a bunch of palm trees and coconuts," he says with a laugh. "Besides, you didn't sleep much on the plane."

"That's because I was preoccupied with other things, as I'm sure you're well aware of," she says, turning herself on his lap to look up into his eyes with a grin.

"As if you needed to remind me," he says, leaning over to gently kiss her. Buffy places one hand on his cheek, pulling him down to deepen the kiss.

"I hate to interrupt you two lovebirds, but we're here," the limo driver says as he opens their door. "This is a pretty nice house you two reserved. Right on the beach, a pool, jacuzzi, you name it. How'd you manage to get this?"

"Let's just say we've got friends and family in high places," says Angel as he takes their luggage from the trunk. As the driver pulls away, Buffy and Angel walk onto the huge plant surrounded patio of the beach house. Buffy puts her bag down in the living room by the pool table, and leads Angel over to the couch. Angel captures her lips in a sweet kiss, then pulls her into his arms for a strong hug. Buffy rests her head on his shoulder and takes notice of their gorgeous view of the ocean from the glass window leading out to their jacuzzi. "Angel, look at that gorgeous view." She leads him by the hand over to the window, resting herself against his body as they look out together across the horizon.

"It's beautiful," says Angel as he wraps his arms around her.

"I know. I've always loved watching the ocean."

"I wasn't talking about the ocean," Angel says as he plants a kiss on her forehead. Buffy softly sighs as she leans further into him.

"It's been so long since I could enjoy this," Angel breathes out. "And to have you here with me.as my wife," he emphasized, wrapping his arms around her tighter, "it's amazing. So, what do you want to do first?" he finally asks her.

"Well, it's a little late to do any sightseeing today, so how about we head down to the beach for a quick swim before we go out for dinner. We are on a do or die mission to get you a decent tan, so we'd better get started" she laughs.

"Well, since we've got a packed fridge right here, I'll make us dinner tonight when we get back from the beach."

"Why don't I cook dinner for us tonight," asks Buffy, immediately noticing Angel's slight apprehension.

"Uh...hmm...?"

"And don't even give me that look."

"What look?"

"That look that says 'Oh God, Buffy's cooking and I have to eat it.'"

"I wasn't thinking that, and you know it. Just look at how well you did with dinner the other night. Xander really seemed to love it."

"Xander would love ketchup on a piece of cardboard if you told him it was pizza- hell, even if you didn't tell him it was pizza he'd probably still scarfit down. And besides, look who I had helping me cook," she smiles up at him.

"Buffy, come on. I'm sure it'll be great," he says planting a soft kiss on her lips.

"Well...I think I'll let you cook tonight. I think I may need some more help with my cooking, ya know," she says pulling him towards her.

"Of course," he says as his hands behind to roam her back.

"And if we're headed to the beach, I'm definitely gonna need some help with putting sunscreen on all those hard to reach spots," she says with a smile.

"Well, I'll just see what I can do about that."

Within fifteen minutes, the two make their way down onto beautiful Waikiki beach, Buffy in her blue bikini and Angel in the black Nike shorts Buffy had bought him in eager anticipation of seeing them wet and clinging to his well sculptured form. As Buffy finishes unfolding their towel, Angel sits down behind her and reaches into her bag, pulling out a tube of sunscreen. "Now let's see what we can do about making sure all of your beautiful skin is well-protected." Angel slowly began to work his magic on Buffy's shoulders and back. She eased into his arms, leaning back against his bare chest. "Actually, I think this will go faster if you lay down on the towel."

"What's the rush," she softly moans.

"Didn't you want to go swimming for a little while?"

"Mmmm...wha" she loses her focus and attention as Angel finally reaches her soft spot at the nape of her neck, "...swimming? Who needs a swim when you've got me here in your arms?" As Angel finishes his massage, he lays back down on the towel and is quickly joined by Buffy who rolls over into his waiting arms.

Part 2

"...now, it should work- *should* being the operative word here. If we can just determine which horn we need to...Ash? Are you listening?" Wesley stopped his rant about the energy-draining demon they were to hunt that night to turn his attentions to the young girl. "Ashlan...you know that with Angel and Buffy gone for the next week we've all really got to focus our attentions as a unit. Ash? Ashlan are you paying any attention to me??" Wes' voice held more than a bit of annoyance. Sitting in her chair, her feet ontop of the desk, Ashlan was busy dangling her silver chain in front of her, spinning around the small ankh that hung from it. "Sever a horn...take it's powers...that pretty much cover it?"

******

"Well, I guess you didn't really need that sunscreen afterall," Angel says, placing the cut up chicken into the frying pan.

"Actually, I did. I mean, we were out in the sun for two hours. We didn't get much swimming done, but we've got a whole week ahead of us," says Buffy as she reaches for the phone off of the counter.

"Who are you calling?"

"Cordelia. She made me promise to call her to tell her how gorgeous it all is, and I want to thank her again for the wonderful beach house. Hey Angel...watch the potatoes for me while I call?"

"Sure...but...I'd rather watch you."

"Well...I'll tell you what." Buffy gently kisses him as he begins to encircle her in his arms. "If you behave I promise...I'll make it worth your while. Deal?"

"Deal. I'll be quiet as a mouse. You take all the time you want." Angel quickly makes his way back over to the stove.

"Good. At least now I know your weakness."

"Yeah...you," he calls back. Angel finishes cooking their dinner as Buffy calls LA, hoping she would catch Cordelia. That morning, after Angel and Buffy had left for Hawaii, Cordy decided to spend the week back in LA. Unbeknownst to anyone else, her intentions were more focused than to just catch up with the LA gang- she was hoping to find out what had been troubling Ashlan.

"Hey Cordy!" Buffy's cheerful voice came flowing over the phone.

"Buffy- hi! How's Hawaii?"

"Oh, it's so beautiful. We just spent two hours on the beach, and we're going to start our sightseeing tomorrow. I just thought that I would give you a call before we eat dinner. Plus, I wanted to thank you again for the wonderful house you reserved for us on the beach. It's gorgeous." Angel set the table and put their dinner on the table as he listened to Buffy describing their residence for the next week.

"You two had better make the most of this trip cause by the time you get back I'm the one who's going to need a vacation," Cordy whined.

"Why? What's going on at home? Nothing's wrong is it?" Buffy became worried. "Dawn? Is she-"

"Annoying as ever- especially without you to pick on. But she's Willow and Tara's problem for the week, not mine," she smiled to herself.

"What about everyone else? Ash?"

"Ash is...well..." she paused for a second. "She's good. Fighting with Spike as usual." ‘No way am I going to disrupt their honeymoon with Ash's bad mood- especially since I planned it for them!’ "We're all keeping pretty busy in LA though. Everyone's downstairs trying to figure out how to kill a Pachak demon."

"A Pachak demon?" Buffy thought back through Giles' boring research stories, trying to recall any mention of the creature.

"Cut off it's right horn," Angel's voice could be heard in the background.

"Well the guys will be glad to hear that," Cordy replies from her end. "What would we all do without him around?" she sarcastically ponders.

"Hey!" Buffy replies.

"Oh, and you of course," Cordy quickly adds. "This place would be insanely dull if you two didn't come back to take the attention away from Spike and Ash," she laughs. "You two...you two are coming back...right?" she nervously asks.

"No Cordelia...we were planning on joining the Big Kahuna tribe. Angel's gonna give up fighting evil to be a surfer and I'm taking up hula lessons. Come on- do you really think we'd abandon you all like that?"

"You don't really want me to answer that, do you?"

******

"Oh I'm sorry...are we boring you, Ashlan? Do you have more pressing matters to attend to- is that it?" Wes was somewhat offended by her lackadasical attitude. He'd noticed her depression developing over the past few weeks but didn't deem it necessary to confront her. At the moment, he was wishing that he had.

‘I wish I *did* have more pressing matters to attend to.’ "Look- I'm fine. Just have a lot on my mind is all." "Hey everyone- Buffy just called, and...what the hell is going on?" Cordy asked as she came down the stairs. "It's getting so a person can't get any- aagggh!!" As the vision seered it's way into her mind, Cordelia came tumbling down the last five stairs. The others raced over to her, including Ash, trying to help her through the excrutiating pain.

"Cordy- Cordy, stay with us here- stay focused," Wes tried to calm her. "What do you see?" The brunette's eyes tightened shut as she gripped his hand, trying to bring the images into focus. After a few more moments, the vision ended, leaving Cordy in an attempt to catch her breath and the others still in question as to just what her vision was.

"Are you alright girl?" Gunn asked, helping to pull her up to her feet.

"That must have been some message from the Powers," Fred assumed. "What did you see?" Cordelia steadied herself for a moment before peering past her circle of friends over to.

"You. The voices...there were voices this time...talking to me...telling me..." Cordy paused as the others stood back, surprised by what Cordy had just revealed. "This wasn't a vision...it was a...demand."

"A demand? From who?" Spike asked.

"The Oracles...they were right there in front of me. They said 'Bring her to us. Bring us our Warrior's sibling...' ".

******

Angel smiles warmly, his beautiful chocolate orbs burning into hers as he looks up at her clicking the phone off and setting it onto the counter--chuckling to himself as he puts the finishing touches on their plates. Buffy grins, reaching to snatch a piece of chicken off her plate as Angel laughs and playfully slaps her hand away.

"Keep your hands to yourself...", he grins and kisses her softly, "-at least for now...", he chuckles as she smiles and dances around him a bit, her newly cut hair gently bouncing as she jumps up to kiss his neck as he continues to set-up their dinner.

"What exactly are you doing, sweetie?" he laughs and raises an eyebrow. Buffy giggles and hops onto his back, wrapping her arms and legs around his body as she continues to peck at his neck. "Mmm...wanting you." she grins and continues to plant butterfly kisses onto the back of his neck, making him giggle at the ticklish feeling. Angel blushes and closes his eyes with a laugh, slowly peeling her off of him to give her a soft kiss, deepening it as he wraps his arms around her body, their passion clearly evident as she giggles and kisses him back, wrapping her arms around his neck. Angel smiles in between kisses, laughing with her as they both walk back towards the enormous staircase leading upstairs, his arms still wrapped around her as he lifts her up by the waist, stepping through the open doors of their room. Buffy gasps as she notices the wonderful array he has set-up, a large blanket with big throw pillows, a delicious platter of tropical fruit, tiny candles lit and resting on the railing of their balcony.

"Mmm...It smells sooo wonderful in here...I love it!" she smiles, stroking his chin softly before kissing him once more, closing her eyes and taking in the delightful sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks. She smiles and gives him a hug and a soft kiss. "Oh- I forgot we have to eat..." she grins as he nods with a grin, quickly dashing off for the main course as he returns quickly, setting the plates down before he grabs her and sets her down on the pillow across from him.

She giggles and runs a hand through her hair, surprised as he suddenly kisses her with a mango in his mouth. She takes the slice of fruit into her mouth, pressing her lips against his as she sucks away at the ripe fruit, passionately kissing until they both eat the entire piece. He chuckles as a bit of juice runs down his chin, Buffy's lips reaching up to kiss it away as he holds her hand--their eyes lighting up as they eat their meal together.

Buffy smiles, "Angel...I think it's time to head inside now. It's getting kinda chilly...", she shivers lightly, setting her glass down as Angel takes her into his arms, softly kissing her forehead.

"I was thinking that we could spend a night out under the stars...", he says to her. "I promise my methods will keep you more than warm...", he smiles as she grins with a nod, resting her head against his chest as they cuddle for a few more minutes, staring up at the setting sky.

They gather up their things and walk hand-in-hand back into their room, as the sun finally disappears into the ocean. Soon, the house is filled with the aroma of lilac from the many candles Angel has lit and the bed covered with an assortment of flower petals. Dressed in black silk boxers, he walks over to the bathroom door. "Buffy...I'm sure you look beautiful. Believe me, I already know you're the most amazing woman in the world." On the other side of the door, Buffy smiles feeling that familiar tingly feeling in her stomach- the feeling she would always get whenever Angel looked at her, or spoke to her- that completely powerful overwhelming feeling of love. "Don't try to sweet talk me now...you'll just have to wait a few minutes longer."

"Ahh..," Angel flops on the bed playfully. "Ok, but if you're not done in a few mintues-"

"What??" he's cut off by Buffy. "You'll leave?! I bet you will," she says as she begins to chuckle. A few more minutes pass before Buffy is finally ready to emerge. "Alright, close your eyes," Buffy says, wincing a bit when she finally realizes the weight of the three words she had just murmured. ‘Time to replace those bad memories with happier ones’ she smiles to herself, determined to fully enjoy every second of their much-deserved time together.

"Alright," he says as he puts his hands over his eyes, I can't see anything now. Are you gonna come out??" He didn't notice that she had already come into the room. She kneels on the bed overtop of him, Angel feeling the change in weight, beginning to smile. She runs her hands over his bare chest, stopping at his shoulders as she begins to massage them. "Can I look now?" Angel politely asks. "Hmm...not yet," Buffy smiles with a small laugh. He feels her soft lips graze the side of his neck, making him jump a little. She moves her lips across his neck, up to his waiting lips, gently sliding her tongue into his mouth, as they share an intimate kiss. She pulls away, sitting up. "Alright, you can look now." Angel pulls his hands down, slowly opening his eyes to the most precious thing in his world. His jaw drops slightly at the sight of Buffy in the most sexual, yet sensitive garment he has ever seen. He sits up, tenderly taking her into his embrace, running his thumb along her jaw. "Buffy...you're a vision. How I ever found you..." he shakes his head, his emotions starting to well up. "Shhh." she runs her thumb over his lips, gently kissing him. "I know.I feel the same way," she says as she places her head on his chest, hearing his beautiful heart beat for her and only her.

He places his hands on her hips, sharing another kiss. He leans over and picks her up, making sure not to break their kiss, gently laying her on the bed. Lightly, he places kisses down her neck, lowering to her navel, then working his way back up. Buffy places her arms around his neck, pulling him closer as she whispers in his ear, "I love you...".

The lovers continue to tease each others body's with kisses and tender touches. As Angel slowly works on her neck after removing her beautiful silk garment, Buffy slides his boxers off of his well-sculptured body. He rests his head along the side of her's as he slowly and gently enters her. She runs her hands along his smooth back, feeling her arousal grow as he deeply kisses her. Angel runs his hand alongside of her body, as Buffy lets out a sigh, her pleasure strongly increasing even more.

He shifts a bit, his face showing his pleasure as he pulls Buffy's body even closer to his own, both softly sighing as their pleasure starts to take a hold on them. Feeling that neither one of them can withhold their release much longer, he moves his hands even further down to her hips, guiding her as he feels her strong release and he follows, the eternal lovers sharing the most powerful, intimate thing any two people can ever have together. Their bodies tangle together, as they finish out their blissful high.

Buffy sighs as she feels Angel come to rest ontop of her, "I love you...so much," she says, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him down closer to her, meeting his lips for a deep kiss and a smile, as the couple lovingly continue the first night of their well-deserved honeymoon falling asleep in each others arms towards the early hours of the next morning.

Part 3

"We...what just...we have to call Angel and Buffy," Fred finally managed to get out.

"I agree," Wes speaks up.

"No. We're not calling them." The room began to protest at Cordelia's remark until she managed to explain. "We don't even know what just happened-"

"Well allow me to bring you up to speed, pet," Spike says as he approaches her. "You just got smashed with a vision telling us to haul Ashlan's ass in to see those bloody Oracles and now she's just been beamed up like in one of those god awful flying saucer movies. Is any of this unclear?" The image of the white light appearing from out of nowhere, engulfing Ash in it's brightness until both it and her disappeared was still fresh in all their minds.

"We're not calling them over something this small," Cordelia asserted again.

"I don't know about you, but to me- this might be considered a few steps up from 'small'," Gunn says.

"We don't even know what happened to her," Cordy responds. "Where she is? *Why* any of this is happening."

"Perhaps..." Wesley begins playing out the series of events in his mind, "...perhaps this is what Whistler was talking about when he made mention of her redemption?"

"Oh please," Spike mutters. "It took Peaches a whole century to earn his and she's gonna earn her's in a few months?? Bloody unlikely. But...I don't think we should call him or blondie anytime soon over this."

"Have you all lost your minds?!" Wesley shouts.

"From what I've been told, these Oracles don't sound like they'd do anything to her, so why are we even fightin' about this?" Spike answers him. "Most likely they'll give her a progress report, maybe a gold star, and send her home. It's not like she's disappeared off the face of the planet..."

******

I kept up with the prophecy you spoke
I kept up with the message inside
Lost sight of the irony of twisted fate
Lost sight of my soul and its void

Think I'm
Think I'm unforgiven to this world
Think I'm
Think I'm unforgiven to this world

"Welcome Ashlan," the female Oracle spoke from beside her brother.

"What have you brought us?" her brother sharply added.

"Brother-" the female turned slightly, passing him a glare. "We have summoned the young fighter- she need not to have brought us anything." Turning once again to face Ash, she walked towards her.

"Why was I brought here? What do you want with me?"

"We have brought you here because of your own request-"

"-You have brought yourself here," the male picked up from his sister. "We have been observing your deeds as of late."

"Well if I knew I was being watched I would've made more of a showing," Ash scoffs.

"Do not ridicule us lower being-" the brother responds to her jeer. "Need I remind you that your fate has yet to be determined."

"Really? Well you could've fooled me."

"You are our Warrior's sibling," the female says. "In you lies great power. With this great power, comes much responsibility. We need to be certain that you are prepared for such an undertaking-"

"Yeah, I know I've got powers. I know I'm strong- I'm stronger than Angel and Buffy combined," she weakly boasted.

"Never-" the male opposed her belief. "True, you are more powerful than the two slayers...but you will never be stronger than them. Their strength comes from within one another...this is something you have yet to acquire-"

"It doesn't matter! I never asked to be given any of this!" Ash shouts. "This life- whatever it is...I..." Ash averted her eyes to the ground, the memories replaying in her mind. "Why was I brought back? The Powers That Be.they're supposed to control fate..." she sneered. "Why did they allow Edge and Christian to resurrect me?"

"They did not," the sister replied. "The spell that was used to resurrect you...the Ritual of Gangrel...it transcends the powers of fate."

"So all this time..." Ash was almost at her breaking point as she admitted what she had felt to be true all along, "...I was never supposed to be brought back."

Took a chance at deceiving myself
To share in the consequence of lies
Childish with my reasoning and pride
Godless to the extent that I died

Think I'm
Think I'm unforgiven to ths world
Think I'm
Think I'm unforgiven to this world

"Because of the circumstances surrounding both your mortal death and immortal murder...it was decided by the Powers to allow your soul to rest- to find peace," the brother added. "However, the ritual has restored you to this world, and the Powers have chosen you to assist in our Warriors' mission." Ash stood before them, dazed and unwilling to believe what she had just been told. ‘Warriors...Angel and Buffy...helping them instead of finding peace...’ "Why?"

"You have powers," the female answered her, "that will be of profound-"

"But why??" Ash interrupted her. "Why any of this?? Why can't the Powers just allow me to return now instead of staying here? Whistler said that when they made their decision, they would allow me to return if I chose to."

"Is that what you truly desire?" the brother asked.

"No...all I desire is to finally have some sort of normal life. Since I'll never have that as long as I'm connected to Angel and Buffy, the better alternative is to return.to know peace again. But then, I can't even do that, right?" Ashlan was now pacing before them, angered by the sudden realization of what sort of life she would have remaining among the actual living. "I can't *die*, so there's no help there. This is living hell- I can't live, not fully- not even the way a full vampire can live. My existence, because that's really all it is, is the eternal agony- the eternal torment. To have everything I never had- never even had the chance to have- right on front of me, but I can never possess it."

"So you perceive your life here to be...contradictory?" the female asks her.

"No...*tragic*," she stresses. "To have everything taken from me before I even had it. No parents, no childhood- your precious *Warrior* Angel may have been a vampire for more than 240 years, but he had a human life before and now, he lives one again. But me...for 104 years- I finally knew peace. *104 years!* And to be ripped away from that, only to endure all this again, knowing what I know, just for this *connection* I have with him and Buffy..."

"Perhaps you need to be shown just how important and powerful your connection with Angel truly is-" the brother warned.

"After all," his sister spoke up, "that is the reason the Powers would allow you to remain here in hopes of earning your full humanity. If humanity and happiness is all that you desire out of your existence, it shall be granted-"

"-but how much will you value it once you learn the means by which it will come to pass...?" Before Ashlan could respond, she was engulfed once again by the blinding light, a sudden heat radiating throughout her as all that she had ever wanted came to be hers...at the cost of another's...

Part 4

Tours, France: 1893

~~~"Demons! Did you honestly think that we would never capture you?! Bring them both over here!" Two men followed the mayor's orders, dragging the tied-up Angelus and Ashlan over to him.

"You never were one to listen, were you?" Angelus looked over at his sister. "What are the two things I have always told you- never leave any witnesses, and never drink from the dead...never!" The other four members of the mayor's council watched as the two vampires who had been decreasing the town's population rapidly were set to receive their swift executions by beheadment.

"You..." the mayor reached out to grab Ashlan by the throat. "You killed my wife...my Emma..."

"Well if it is of any consolation to you, Monsieur Levesque...she did provide quite nicely for us," Ashlan smiled between gritted teeth as the town leader's grip around her throat tightened immensely. "You two will be dead by morning, if not sooner. That blood should be working it's will through the both of you. The two of you are the devil's work-"

"And if I may say so," Angelus said, switching into game face before the men as he pushed off of the weakling who held him captive to kick the old man away from his sister, "he did his best work in us." He freed himself from the ropes and began tossing the rest of the council out of his way as they made their pathetic attempts to restrain him once more. Finally throwing aside the last one, he yelled out to a still tied Ashlan. "Come on!" Ash, still able to run as she tried freeing herself, was suddenly struck on the back of her head with the blunt end of the mayor's baton. Angleus turned as he heard the thud of her falling to the ground unconscious. "Ashlan!" he cried out to her as he raced back into the town hall. Seeing the mayor still hovering over her, he snatched him around the neck, swiftly breaking it with one sharp twist.

From down the corridor, he heard the voices and footsteps of the rest of the guards. He quickly picked up Ashlan, slinging her over his shoulder as he speeded off below to the nearby crypt where the two of them, as well as Spike, had been stationed since arriving in France. Seeing that Spike was still out on the hunt, he layed Ashlan down on the cold cement and untied her still sleeping form. "Ashlan...? Ashlan...?"~~~

"Ash...? Ashlan...?" Still in a state of shock at the young girl's return the next morning, Gunn and Spike carried her over into the lounge of the Hyperion, stretching her out across one of the longer couches. "She's still out," Spike informed the group.

"The important thing is that she's back and she appears to be well- uh," he traced a finger along his chin as he pondered aloud, "is it- is it me or is she less pale than usual?" The friends gathered around her, observing her sleeping form. Upon closer inspection, they too noticed that her complexion's usual hint of paleness had vanished and been replaced with a brighter, warmer shade. It was Cordelia who noticed the single greatest change in her form...

"Guys...? Look at her chest-"

"And you all say that I'm the one 'round here with the dirty mind?" Spike says.

"Not like that, you bleach-blonde, bubble-headed..." Cordy paused as she searched for another fitting insult that began with a 'b'.

"Baboon?" Gunn offered her.

"...baboon!" Cordelia shouted the finishing word at the vampire, as the rest of them looked in Gunn's direction with a questioning look on their faces.

"What? She needed a 'b'..." Gunn defends his choice.

"Enough of this," Cordy kneels down, placing a hand over Ash's chest. The others watched in amazement as Cordy's hand began to raise with each breath that Ash was now able to breathe in.

"She's..." Wesley was, for the first time in a long while, at a loss for words.

"Oh Christ! Do not tell me the twerp here is alive?!" Spike shouts, pointing an arm at her prone form.

"The Oracles. They must've done it," Fred began explaining. "I mean, wh...what else could they have wanted her for? They- they must've made her human."

"But it doesn't make any sense," Wes contradicted her theory. "Angel waited for hundreds of years before he was granted his own humanity...why would they give this to her so soon? She's only been back for...not even three months. No...no, something else is going on here."

"I just wish we knew what," Cordelia sighed.

******

Buffy awakes to a light breeze hitting the back of her neck. She turns over to see where Angel is, but doesn't see him. Curious as to just where he would've run off to at eight in the morning, she looks out over the balcony outside of their bedroom where the gentle breeze had been coming from. She sees Angel in the ocean swimming. She throws on her robe and decides to go greet her new husband.

She makes her way out the door and Angel immediently notices her. "You're out for an early morning swim, its only eight..." Buffy yells as she walks down along the strip of beach. Angel begins to run up to her as he emerges from out of the water. "I tried not to wake you," he calls out to her. "I just figured I would..." Angel stops in his swift pace, falling short of reaching her as he takes a sharp, painful intake of breath. The pain in his chest began radiating throughout the rest of his body, and Buffy watched in horror as he fell to his knees, still clutching his chest.

"Oh my god!!! Angel!!" Buffy clings to his still body when she finally reaches him. She can't believe her eyes as she starts to cry, gently stroking his hair. "Get up!! Get up!! Angel- get up!", she breaks down and keeps calling him to get up, praying that he was okay. She quickly found that lifting him was a greater task than even her slayer strength would allow, but her initial fears were put to rest as she noticed his eyes begin to flutter open lazily. "Angel?? Are you alright? Can you hear me, sweetie??"

"Buffy?" her name escaped his lips as he struggled to sit up in her arms.

"Angel, what happened?"

"I...I don't know." With her help, Angel finally managed to pull himself o his shaky feet, leaning slightly on her shoulder to support his weight as they slowly walked back up to the house. "One minute I'm running up to see you, happy as could be, and then I just got this pain- this huge pain in my chest, and everything went black." They reached the house and Buffy, despite his protesting, helped him lie down on the couch.

"Buffy I'm fine now- really. I probably just overdid it. I mean between running and swimming this morning, not to mention all the exercise we got from last night," he smiled up at her, tracing his fingers across her cheek, "my body is probably just exhausted."

"I was so scared," she grips his hand tighter as a tear flows from her eye, "I just kept thinking...if I lost you-" she confesses as he softly strokes the back of her hand.

"I'm right here," he gently leans his forehead against hers. "Everything's okay. I'm fine..."

Part 5

"Guys...she's waking up," Fred called out to the rest of the gang. "Hey Ash? You okay? Can you hear me?"

"Yeah, yeah- I'm...good." Ash slowly got up from the couch, making her way past the others.

"Ashlan, are you sure you're alright?" Wes asked her.

"You were out for a while there, girl," Gunn added. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm great," she replied, surprised at just how well she actually was feeling. All the sorrow, all the pain, all the feelings of loss were gone- replaced by a warmth she could never have imagined. ‘They really did it for me. I'm human.’ "Never felt better in my life," she smiled.

"Gee- maybe it's because you're the latest to join the land of the living," Spike grumbled, pulling out his lighter as he took a seat. ‘First Peaches, now his lil' sis. Every other vamp can have a 'get out of death free card' but not ol' Spike. Hmph- wouldn't want it anyway- to be one of them.a human. Nothing but a bunch of whining, stupid, sniveling...’ he continued trying to convince himself, but deep down, having to watch as his fellow demons got a chance at life was enough to drive him mad.

"Ash...you're human," Cordy said in disbelief.

"I know. Isn't it great!" She strolled past the brunette, headed for the nearby mirror in Wesley's office.

"Uh...ye- yeah. Yeah it's great, Ash- but...how-" Cordy paused as she noticed Ash's reaction at seeing herself for the first time ever in a mirror. Her head tilted from side to side, trying to examine every detail of her features. Tracing the outline of her face, Ashlan couldn't help but smile at her appearance. ‘Xander wasn't kidding...I really do look like Angel. Angel! I can't wait until he finds out.’

******

Still a little shaky from the morning's events, Angel and Buffy walked down along the beach, enjoying each other's company and anticipating their plans for the day.

"Want me to carry that?"

"No, I'm fine. I think I can handle a picnic basket." She playfully nudges him with her hip.

"I know you can, Buffy. It's just...."

"I appreciate that, Angel. Really, I do. But after this morning, I really don't want you overexerting yourself any more than you already have. We're supposed to be relaxing...remember? Besides..." she nudges him again, leaning further into him with her hip, "...I still have plans for you later."

"And I'm guessing these plans would wear me out much worse than just carrying a simple picnic basket, so why don't you let me." he reaches over, trying to snatch it away from her, but to no avail. "Angel, behave," she giggles up at him. "You know, you're starting to remind me of a certain, sometimes reall annoying person whose initials are Xander Harris," she quipped, knowing he would jokingly take quick offense.

"That did it. That was final insult," he stops, folding his arms across his chest. "But I have ways of getting even."

"Like what?"

"Like this." Before she could even gasp, Angel picked her up, picnic basket and all. He began walking again, laughing all the way towards the water.

"What are you doing?"

"Something I've wanted to do ever since I saw you put your swimsuit on."

"Don't you dare....." With that, Angel placed the picnic basket on the beach and walked right into the beautiful ocean.

"Angel!" she shrieked as the coolness of the water hit her legs. As Angel laughed hysterically, she shifted slightly, causing him to lose his balance. He tried to compensate, but she continued squirming in his arms.

"Buffy! Stop squirming!"

"No!" She continued to squirm and laugh, attempting to tickle him.

"Buffy!" With that last cry, Angel finally gave up the fight and they both fell into the ocean, below the surface. They both came up, laughing and splashing water at each other.

He leaned in and kissed her. She returned the kiss, marveling at her good fortune in finding the one true love of her life. Angel sighed into the kiss as it continued, the love and everyday moments of random happiness he could now share with Buffy radiating throughout him.

The kiss broke off suddenly, as Buffy felt Angel jerk away, a muffled cry of pain escaping from his throat. "Angel?! What's wrong?!" He pushed her away as he struggled back onto the coastline, the water streaking down his face as he keeled over onto the sand, his painful moans getting louder and more excruciating as he struggled for air. "Angel?! What's happening?!"

Part 6

"I have no idea as to what's happened to her," Wes spoke from behind his desk, "but something is not right here."

"I think we all pretty much agree on that much," Gunn says. "I just wish she would've stuck around long enough for us to talk to her some more." After spending the past two hours going around in circles asking exactly what happened during her encounter with the Oracles, the LA gang was surprised to watch her take off from the Hyperion, saying she wanted to be somewhere "less interrogating."

"Fred," Cordy lifted her head up from the book she was flipping through, "Have you found anything yet?"

"I'm afraid not. Not a lot of our books here make mention of the Oracles or the Powers That Be...at least not any of their specific powers or rituals."

"Ummm...excuse me here," Spike hopped down from Wesley's desk, "but why all the fuss? The girl's human...not exactly the nastiest of the big nasties."

"That's not the point, man," Gunn replied. "The point is that...uh- the point is...wait-" he turned to Cordy and Wes, "guys- what exactly is the point?" Cordy sighed as she approached them with a few other books.

"The point is that this happened, but we have no idea why, or how, or what consequences are going to come from it, because in case you haven't noticed, no matter what happens, no matter how good- all of us always wind up paying for it."

"What about Angel being turned human?" Fred asked.

"I for one would consider having to watch him and goldilocks make with the googly eyes all day a severe form of paying for it," Spike answered in typical fashion before lighting up another smoke. ‘Those two don't know how lucky they are to be out of this place for the week.’

******

"We should've stayed home. Taken a trip later...after everything had calmed down, and you'd had enough time to adjust to being human, and you wouldn't have gotten sick, and-"

"Buffy..." Angel sighed, rolling onto his side in bed to face her as she sat next to him. After helping him back into the house, she put him in bed and was busy playing nurse maid to her ailing husband. "I'm not sick..."

"What do you call this?" She wrang out the washrag, gently folding it and draping it over his sweaty forhead. "Angel...you're in pain. We've got to get you to a doctor, or the hospital. You can't stay like this," she whispers, her eyes taking in his condition.

While he ran a fever, his body was wracked with the chills. His skin, just beginning to develop a noticeable tan, was growing paler. His eyes were glassy and lazily barely opened to look up at her. If it hadn't been for her slayer strength, she was sure that she wouldn't have been able to help his frail form back to the house. He was terribly weakened, and the whole ordeal was just bringing up more unpleasant memories stemming from her high school graduation.

As painful as it was to see Angel suffer from the mayor's poisoning, it couldn't compare to this- at least then they knew what they were dealing with and what needed to be done to save him. There was another factor that came into play that fateful day- Angel was still a vampire. Now in his fully attained human condition, they had no idea what was happening.

"What- ugggh..." Angel moaned in pain as he shifted up to lay back against the pillows, "what are you doing?" he asked her as he watched her lift the cordless phone from it's base.

"Calling Giles," she answered as she began dialing the familiar number. "He should be at the house with the others- Dawn should be getting home from school right about now. We're going home and I want to let him know what's going on so he'll have a heads up when we get back...Damn it- it's busy...Dawn's definitely home- probably talking to that kid Jeff-"

"We're not going home, Buffy," Angel sighed.

"You've got to be kidding me?! Angel- if necessary I will drag you clear across the Atlantic ocean-"

"I think you mean the Pacific ocean-"

"Oh whatever- either way, we are getting you home now, if not sooner," she resolutely stated as she began dialing once more.

Part 7

"Hello?"

"Willow-"

"Buffy! Hey guys, it's Buffy," she announced to the rest of them sitting in the dining room. "So how's Hawaii? You two must be having such an awesome time."

"Well we were, but-"

"What do you mean?" Willow waved Tara over to her, preparing herself for the latest bit of bad news. "What's wrong? What's happened?"

"Will, Angel's sick. I mean, he was fine when we first got here, but he's collapsed two times and he doesn't look good. He's running a high fever, he's having chest pains, and.he's so weak, Will. Something's wrong."

"Well what can we do to help? I mean, anything- name it."

"I don't know what you guys *can* do. I mean, it may not be anything magic related. We're leaving tomorrow morning- I want to get him home. I just wanted to let you guys know ahead of time- maybe start on some research."

"Buffy-" Giles' voice broke into their conversation as he picked up the receiver in the living room, "if Angel is terribly sick, perhaps moving him isn't the most wise decision. Now that he's human...I'm sure there are doctors on the island who could-"

"Giles-" Buffy, firm in her reasoning to bring her husband home, had never been more sure of anything. "I'm bringing Angel home."

"Yes...yes, of course. We'll uh- get started on some research from the symptoms you gave Willow. And we'll call back the others in LA," Giles told her as he hung up, headed home to retrieve some of his books.

"Call back?" Buffy asked Willow, who was still on the line. "Is that who you were just on the phone with a few minutes ago? I tried calling and it was busy."

"Oh- Cordelia called. Umm, actually- something's happened in LA too- though it's a little happier news than yours. Ashlan is now a full fledged human."

"What?! When did that happen? I mean- how?"

"That's what Cordy and the others are trying to figure out. All she told me was that Ashlan had been really depressed over the past week or two, always asking her about the Powers and stuff. She said something about the Oracles calling for Ash. They took her, and when she was back- she was human." At the wiccan's mention of the Oracles, something clicked in Buffy's mind.

Part 8

"When did this happen?"

"Just yesterday morning- that's when the Oracles returned her. Wait...you don't think...this has anything to do with-"

"Just call Cordy back. Tell her and the others to haul ass to Sunnydale. We'll be back by tomorrow night."

"Wait- what about Ashlan?"

"What about her?"

"She's gone. Cordy said she got upset when they kept asking her what went on with the Oracles, and she left. She just took off."

"I don't know, Will. Right now, I'm just..."

"Hey, it'll be fine. Angel is going to be fine. We'll start on research, call LA- tell them to search for Ash before heading here, and we'll see you guys tomorrow night, okay? I'm sure he's okay," she adds, already imagining her best friend's worried look. "Just watch him close tonight to keep an eye on him. He's a pretty fast healer- maybe his system will start to fight off whatever's going on."

"Yeah...I'll keep a close eye on him tonight-"

"As if anyone would have to tell you to..." Willow chuckles, trying to lighten the mood as they hang up. She looks to Tara, already with her nose in a book, before picking up the phone again to call Cordelia. Dawn approaches her from behind before she gets the chance to dial.

"What's going on? What's wrong with Angel?"

"We don't know, Dawnie. He's sick. Buffy and him are coming home tomorrow morning to sort things out."

"This is so weird. I mean, Ash is turned human while...Angel...gets...sick," the correlation of the two events finally registers in her mind with each word. "Wait- you mean..."

"That's what we're going to try and figure out. I'm calling Cordy. We'll get the rest of the gang here- try and see if they can find Ash before they come."

"I'll go get Xander and Anya- let them know what's happening," Dawn says, grabbing her jacket from the counter as she heads out the door.

TBC...

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