Spoilers: Nada
You probably want to read "Breaking Away" and "Mercury Rising" before you read this so that it makes sense.
Deep Impact
"Dawson!" Joey yelled again since he seemed not to see her the first time.
"Oh, hey, Joey," Dawson said calmly after pretending to have suddenly seen her. He made a point of calling her Joey and not Jo. Joey was surprised that Dawson was acting like nothing was wrong.
"Dawson, where were you this morning?" she asked sadly.
"Around."
"But not around me," Joey frowned. "I was really looking forward to waking up and finding you lying next to me." Dawson tried to stay calm. He wanted to comfort her and hold her. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry and that he was here now. The sadness in Joey's voice was breaking his heart, but he decided to continue as planned.
"Sorry," Dawson shrugged.
"Dawson, what's wrong with you?"
"Nothing, babe," he said, purposefully flashing a really fake smile at her. She gave him a funny look.
"Is that all you can say for yourself?" Joey was angry now. This scared Dawson, but what could he do?
"Look, Joey, I'd like to stay and chat, but I've got to go to homeroom."
"Not for another five minutes you don't," Joey grabbed him by the arm and forcibly pulled him outside. "Explain yourself, now."
"What?" Dawson smiled, pretending to be oblivious.
"What's wrong with you?" Joey asked. "I thought you'd miss me if I went to France."
Of course I will, I love you. "Of course I will, Joey," Dawson said sarcastically. "I'll miss your constant cynicism and obnoxious remarks. France sure is lucky to get that." Dawson thought that he sounded so cruel that he scared himself. He hated to do what he was doing to Joey but she had to have a fair choice when she was deciding whether to go to France or not.
"Did last night mean nothing to you at all? Did you lie to me? Because if you did, I don't see what you got out of it. We didn't have sex. We just slept together, unless something happened that I don't know about," the tears were welling up in Joey's eyes. "Don't you love me?" she asked feebly.
Dawson's heart broke. He felt as if it was also being stepped on and trampled on, but he knew that what he was doing was right.
"I wasn't lying," he explained smoothly. "I just woke up thinking differently about things. That's all."
"I knew it," said Joey coldly. "You're still afraid of commitment. God, Dawson. I thought you got over this. I guess I was wrong. So, where does that leave us? Well, I guess in the same place that we were three months ago, except that I despise you and I'll be leaving for France soon."
"Jo--" Dawson said.
"Dawson," Joey said, cutting him off. "Bite me." She stormed off and walked into the school. She was walking towards her homeroom when she accidentally walked into Pacey. She smacked her head against his shoulder and fell to the floor.
"Josephine, I didn't see you," Pacey said, not bending over to help her up. "So might I venture to ask how the two love birds are today?"
Joey picked up her things and got herself back on her feet. "Bite me, Pacey," she said, the tears starting to flow, and ran down the hall.
"What the hell did you do now, Dawson?" Pacey thought. He wondered whether he should chase her or not. He then decided that she probably wanted to be alone. He also thought that he was comforting Jen and that putting the two together might not be the best idea. He decided to check on her later, and then he walked to homeroom.
Joey ran and ducked into the bathroom. She put her back against the door, still breathing heavily from her sprint down the hall. She was crying silently when she looked up to see Jen staring at her.
"Joey, what's wrong?" she asked sympathetically. Joey quickly rubbed the tears off her face.
"Nothing, I'm fine," Joey said confidentially.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I don't want to talk about it," Joey said, softening her tone. "But thanks for asking." Jen smiled and looked away. "Jen, why aren't you in homeroom?" Joey asked.
"My grandfather died yesterday," Jen sighed. "I'm not really thinking too clearly. I'm not going to class. I'm really only here because Pacey insisted."
"I'm sorry," Joey said, looking at the floor. "I know what it's like to have someone die. I've got to go, now. I'm pretty late for homeroom." Joey left and Jen sighed again. Joey didn't go to homeroom. She left school through the back. She started walking around town. "Didn't I just do this yesterday?" she thought. She sat down on the beach. She just stayed there all day, staring at the water. She thought about Dawson and going to France. She thought mostly about Dawson, though. She hugged her knees and let the tears trickle down her cheeks. He told her that he loved her. Things were finally going her way. She reconciled with her father. She wasn't going to France. Dawson loved her. He loved her. They were together. But, they weren't, and she didn't know why not. She put her head on her knee and cried harder.
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Dawson watched Joey storm off. He thought that he was doing the right thing until he actually did it. He felt that he was going to cry, like he knew Joey was. "Jo," he whispered after she walked into school. He stood there for a minute staring at the door. He wanted to give Joey a fair opportunity to go to France, but this wasn't fair to either of them. He wanted to her to choose for the right reasons, after everything was reconciled so that she wasn't running away anymore. Having him was something that she was going to have to factor in, if she could forgive him. If she stayed, he was going to tell her that he was lying. If she left... it was selfish, but he didn't want her to leave. He would have to tell her when she came back. It might already be too late, though, and he wouldn't hear from her while she was in France because she would hate him. "This is crazy," he thought. He loved her and hoped that she still loved him and that was all that mattered. He had to find her and tell her, but he had just chased her yesterday. First thing after school he would find her and tell her the truth.
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