Chapter Four:

//You were the reason when there was no reason.
In my life//

England…

Susan could not help it; she was once again staring at her uncovered body in her bedroom mirror. At three months pregnant she was just starting to take genuine notice of the delicate changes in her own body. Even though her siblings had denied it, she could distinguish the thickening of her waistline, the new gentle curve of her stomach. There was also the darkening of her nipples and an increase in the cup size of her breasts – she’d had to make off with and adjust one of her mother’s brassieres because her own no longer were suitable.

It was the commencement of the term break and she was delighted to have two weeks off to take it easy. This would give her a break form school, homework and getting up in the early hours to make her siblings – and herself – breakfast and lunch. She could lie in, morning sickness permitting of course and relax her fatigued, relentlessly changing body.

Although with the lessening of chores came even more time on her hands and additional opportunities to reflect, remember and brood over *him*, not that she didn’t do that in any case. There was furthermore time to give consideration to what and how she was going to tell her parents her news, more than ever since her father had written that he would be returning home within the fortnight.

Peter, Lucy and Edmund had all told her that they would assist and be there for her no matter what, but at the end of the day she was in the situation because of her own decision and consequently it was her responsibility. Besides the copious amounts of meetings that they had held in Peter’s room had yet to come up with an alternative resolution.

She was disconnected from her thoughts by her body’s need to go to the bathroom, yet again. Heaving a sigh she redressed hurriedly and left her bedroom and ran straight into Edmund who was rushing past. Using the doorframe, she steadied her all of a sudden light-headed self. “Are you okay, Ed?”

“I should be asking you that,” Edmund replied flushing pink. “But I’m fine, thanks.”

“I’m all right too.”

Ed bit his bottom lip, “Are you sure?”

Susan nodded, “I’m not that fragile, Ed. I promise.”

“Good. Anyway, Peter’s home and has called another meeting. He wants us all in his room as soon as is possible.”

“Okay, I’ll be just a minute.”

“Why?”

“You really don’t want to know,” she told her younger brother.

“If you say so,” Edmund answered as he walked off towards Peter’s room.

She continued across the hall and went inside the bathroom. When she was through, she checked her appearance – not wanting to look as if she were helpless and fragile – and then headed down the passageway to Peter’s room. After a rapid knock, she entered and took a seat next to Lucy on the single bed.

The three of them waited for Peter to speak, but he remained silent and paced the length of his small bedroom. The suddenly, “We need to decide what we are going to do and soon.”

“Peter, I’ve been thinking and this is my problem…”

“Su, we’re Pevensies,” Peter interrupted her. “We are in this together no matter what.”

Susan nodded and Lucy hugged her, as Edmund spoke. “Dad will be home in the next couple of weeks. I don’t think we need to spring this on him while he’s recovering.”

“Agreed,” Peter responded. “As for how to get word to Narnia… Our only hope is that you and Lu are returned there soon. You’ll need to tell Caspian and ask for his help.”

“What if it’s too late?” Edmund asked. “What if Caspian’s dead, or old, or even married?”

“Edmund!” Lucy yelled.

“Sorry,” Edmund apologised to Susan. “But we don’t know how much time has passed there. It could have been a day, a week or a hundred years.”

“It’s still our best option,” Peter obstinately insisted.

“Su… are you okay?” Lucy asked concerned about how silent her sister had been.

“I’m fine, Lu. I guarantee,” she said. “Peter’s right. It is our best option… for now.”

//I sit alone
Wishing that you were here//

Narnia…

King Caspian sat in the shadow of an outsized tree and stared at Cair Paravel in admiration. It was barely two-thirds completed, but it nonetheless was a most impressive picture and it gave him the feeling that fraction of Susan was there with him and not removed from him in a different world. His artisans and builders had guaranteed him that the castle was fewer than six months away from finishing point and the municipality that would surround it be completed within the year following.

The information filled him with a sensation of anticipation, for the moment that Cair Paravel was completed, he was preparing to set sail for Aslan’s country and then demand – and if that did not work, implore - that Susan be returned to him, before he was driven entirely insane by his own heart and he unrelenting memory.

He was still gazing when Trumpkin and Reepicheep approached him and sat next to him without invitation. After many minutes of looking at the castle with him, Trumpkin spoke, “It’s not half bad.”

“It is a most breathtaking sight, Sire!” Reepicheep added. “A magnificent new palace for a splendid new Narnia.”

When Caspian did not act in response, the three of them sat there in a somewhat comfortable stillness, until one of Reepicheep’s men came to collect him for some task they had been appointed to complete. Trumpkin stayed behind with him and Caspian mentally equipped himself to withstand the customary dwarf tongue lashing.

“Are you still planning on that stupid trip?”

“I have got to do as Glenstorm alleged,” Caspian told him, not meeting his friend’s eyes, lest he show accidentally some deeper feeling or connotation. “I must find where that unpleasant lion is hiding and demand that he return *her* to me.”

“And if he refuses?”

“I shall supplicate and beseech. Have I not been a respectable King? Do I not deserve to find a little piece of contentment?”

“And if he still refuses?”

Caspian sighed, “I cannot survive without her, Trumpkin – I have made an effort to do so and it is pointless. I am but a shell, dying without her near. There is not a lot left inside of me and what is left is disappearing. If Aslan will not return *her* to Narnia… then I shall ask him to allow me to live with her in her world.”

“Caspian, you can’t just abandon your people!”

“Better that Narnia have a new King, than one who is barely half of one.”

“After all everyone, including Queen Susan went through - including a war – to return you to your throne…”

“Trumpkin…”

“How do you even know that she wants you? In her world she could have lived a lifetime. She could be married and have a dozen children…”

“No!” Caspian proclaimed. “We both swore that there would be no one else for either of us. We are together or we are alone.”

“That could be a lie.”

“She does not lie!”

Trumpkin sighed, “My King, you need to calm yourself.”

“Calm – you speak of calm,” he replied. “You have disparaged my feelings and defamed my love and future bride. How can I be calm?”

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to push you so far. I just wanted you to see that you shouldn’t make a decision so thoughtlessly.”

Caspian looked away and endeavoured to suppress his anger. “I am sorry too. It is just that if Aslan had not taken her from me… I would’ve been married nearly a year and a half – perhaps even had a child on the way. The longer that we are away from each other the more intensely I am conscious of what we should have had.”

Trumpkin placed his hand upon Caspian’s arm in an infrequent gesture of consolation for the dwarf. “If you are still going to go and look for Aslan… I would like to go with you.”

“Thank you, my friend,” Caspian answered. “I was however going to leave you in charge in my absence.”

“Oh no, you don’t - I am no politician.”

Caspian nodded, “Very well. You may come with me.”

End Part