Lou for her part felt no remorse for her actions the night before.  She had absolutely loved waking up in Kid's arms, the warmth and slight soreness of her body bearing testimony to what they'd shared.  However, she was also reminded that Creeping Fox was probably on a direct course for Seneca and her family was in danger if they didn't get there quickly.  Worry over her family as well as a strange content blended together to increase her thoughtful silence.  He'd said he loved her so what was there to worry about, she thought happily.

She cast a quick glance toward the Kid who sat on Katy's back deep in thought and Lou's heart surged.  Her face flushed with heat as she remembered the feel of his skin beneath her hands, the way the hands that now gripped Katy's reins had touched her, the way his eyes had darkened as he'd begun to lose control and knowing she was the cause, the way he'd raggedly whispered her name.  Lou forced the images from her mind's eye and tried to stare straight ahead without giggling at them.  Part of her, however was scared, so scared that the happiness she felt was only fleeting, that somehow he'd be taken from her like everyone else she'd ever loved.

Unbeknownst to Lou, Kid's thoughts were running along the same pattern.  He had no regrets about the last evening's pleasures, however with the daylight came the unbidden reminder of honor and responsibility and even a touch of guilt.  The guilt stemmed mainly not from the night's actions, but from the thought that those actions may have gotten them both into trouble that he wasn't so sure they were ready for.  Kid's own feelings he knew were strong and true.  He'd marry Lou that day if she'd take him, but he had the feeling that she'd see any proposal as just a way of atoning for last night and not as the heartfelt sentiment it truly was.

Looking up at the sky, Kid imagined his dainty, proper Southern belle mother rolling over in her grave.  In Virginia, proper folks courted for years at a time.  It was months before a young couple even held hands let alone any other kind of bodily contact and they most certainly did not "have relations" before there were gold bands on their hands.  But things are different out here, Mama, he thought.  In fact she'd probably already rolled right out of her grave after seeing some of the things he'd had to do since leaving Virginia--and some things he'd done while still there, he thought with a reminiscent smile.

He'd never felt this way with anyone, even Doritha, the sweetheart he'd left behind in Virginia.  Kid and Lou had talked about all sorts of things as they held each other close being totally and completely honest with each other about so many things, things they'd never felt comfortable talking about with other people.  At one point during the night, Lou had quietly asked him how many women he'd been with and he'd told her about Doritha.  He'd felt her tense as he answered and he'd quickly told her about how different the experiences had been.

Up until last night, it had been five years since his first experience with Doritha.  It had been awkward and embarassing for both of them, neither knowing much about the opposite sex or sex in general and still having all these feelings they didn't know what to do with.  They'd snuck out behind their parents' backs to do it and had almost gotten caught, not to mention the fear they'd felt when Doritha had thought she was pregnant.  Since then, Kid had never felt his desire for any woman rage out of control until he'd met Lou.  And now that they'd shared such intimacy, she'd gotten into his blood, hell into his soul, and Kid knew there would never be anyone else for him ever.

Without really realizing it, they'd already entered the outskirts of Seneca.  It was a middle-sized town with a good number of stores and businesses as well as a good-sized residential section.  Charlotte's Fashion Emporium was off the main street that cut through the town and close to the residential section making it an ideal spot for attracting customers on their way between home and work or church.  The store was two-stories and larger inside than it looked on the outside.  The front of the first floor served as the store while the back of the first floor and all of the second floor served as home to Charlotte and the McCloud children.  It was dusk by now, thanks to the riders' late start that morning, and Lou and Kid looked around as mothers called children into dinner and men walked home to their families.

Lou's heart began to pound as they pulled the horses up in front of the building.  She saw no signs of activity in the store even though the sign said it was still open.  She cast a disparaging look toward Kid as she dismounted, praying that all was well.

Catching the worry in her look, Kid quickly joined her on the ground.  He took two steps until he stood before her.  Glancing around quickly to be sure they didn't have an audience, he brought a hand up to caress her face.  Smiling down at her he suggested, "Why don't you go on in, Lou?  I'll bring our gear in together before I run Katy and Lightning over to the livery."

Her eyes softened in gratitude as she took his hand in hers and brought it down from her cheek.  Lou squeezed his hand and flashed him a gentle smile before she turned and entered the building, Kid watching her until she'd gotten inside.

The bell above the door rang as Lou entered the shop.  She looked around at all the beautiful dresses, some Charlotte had made and some she'd ordered and had shipped from St. Louis, Louise knew.  The shop had come a long way from the dingy place they'd bought with the money they'd taken from Wicks' safe and Lou felt absolutely no remorse.

"Charlotte?" Lou called.  "Hello, anyone home?"

She heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs and watched the door behind the counter that led to the other half of the building open seemingly by itself.

"Mama, Mama!"

An overjoyed and giggling Jon ran toward Lou at full force as she knelt to receive him, her arms opened wide.  He crashed into her, nearly toppling her and squeezing the breath from her lungs with the force of his desperate hug.  "I miss you, Mama," he said, trying to crawl onto her lap as she crouched.  His face was warm and flushed, his hair damp, as if he'd just awakened from sleep.

Lou hugged him again, burying her face in the soft auburn curls as she felt tears prick at her eyes.  "I missed you, too, baby," she said emotionally.  She smiled as he placed an exaggerated kiss on her cheek.  "Let me look at you.  Oh, you're gettin' so big!  What's Aunt Charlotte feedin' you, huh?" Lou asked tickling the little boy until he let out one of his contagious, full laughs.

"Louise!  What are you doing here, sweetheart?" Charlotte asked, having followed Jon downstairs.  "I was just getting him up from his nap whe he looked out the window and saw you and Kid pull up."

At the mention of Kid's name, Jon pulled out of Lou's arms to stand directly in front of her.  He put his tiny hands on her cheeks and looked straight into her eyes with a look of fierce concentration.  It was the perfect imitation of one of Kid's traits, a look he used when he wanted the truth and nothing but.  Lou briefly wondered if Jon thought Kid was trying some kind of magic trick to get the truth out or if he thought he'd see something there.  "Where mine Daddy go?" the toddler asked seriously.

Lou would have laughed at her son's expression if what he'd said hadn't penetrated her relieved brain striking terror to her heart.  She prayed he hadn't said what she'd heard and tried to pretend she hadn't understood.  "What, baby?" she asked, casting a frightened look at Charlotte who looked back at her guiltily.

He started to look around over Lou's shoulder, his face scrunching up into heartwrenching sadness.  "Where mine Daddy?" he insisted.

Oh, God how do I tell him about his father, she prayed.  I was hoping to have a few more years before I had to tell him.  How do I tell him that Mama killed his Daddy?  Lou felt a flash of desperate anger as she looked back at the guilty Charlotte, quickly covering Jon's ears even as he squirmed to get away.  "I told you I didn't want him finding out yet," she ground out between tense jaws.  "What the hell did you tell him, Charlotte?"

Charlotte twisted her pearls around one slim finger in nervous agitation.  "I didn't tell him anything, Louise," she sighed.  "The nearest I can figure is that he overheard Jeremiah and Teresa talking about Boggs being their father.  He started asking questions about a month or so ago.  He doesn't mean Wicks, Lou he means...."

"Daddy!" Jon shouted.  He left Lou's arms and ran to someone behind her.

She turned and watched, time slowing incredibly, as Kid entered the building behind her and Jon rushed to hug his leg.  Lou's eyes widened in shock and she felt the room move unsteadily forcing her to sit on the floor taking deep breaths to keep from fainting.  It was both a dream and a nightmare, some unconscious dream she hadn't realized until that moment.  The nightmare part came as she realized that Jon was gazing up at Kid in utter adoration, the same look she saw when her son looked at her, and knew in Jon's mind, Kid was his daddy.  However, what if things didn't work out between them?  She loved Kid but she wasn't ready to risk breaking her only son's heart by letting this continue.

Her concern and worry turned to anger as Kid dropped the bags he'd been carrying and swung Jon up into his arms never saying a word to protest the boy's mistake.  Lou looked between Charlotte and Kid feeling like there was some conspiracy going on.  The sense of utter betrayal had her breathing in shallow breaths as she tried to contain her anger in front of Jon.

"Hey Jon-Jon," Kid greeted the boy, closing his eyes as Jon pretended to squeeze the breath from his lungs in a familiar game that was their normal greeting.

Jon pulled back and grabbed the hat from Kid's head.  "Hats off in da building," he scolded, tossing the hat to the floor with a giggle.

"Well, thank you for remindin' me of my manners, Jon," Kid chuckled.  "Your mama and me was just comin' to see about this little boy named Jon...who looks a lot like you, by the way...who was pretendin' to be sick."

"Not me," Jon said shaking his head fiercely.

"Not you, huh?  Then who was that little boy then?" Kid asked.  He tossed Jon over his shoulder like a saddlebag.  "You know what happens to little boys who tell fibs?"

Jon could see Kid lift one hand as if to smack his backside.  This was a favorite game.  It was his job to pretend he was really afraid, but it never hurt.  He squealed for reinforcements.  "Mama, help!  He gonna spank me," Jon called.  "No spankin', Daddy.  No spankin!"  However, his act soon dissolved into giggles as Kid blew raspberries against the little boy's face.

Charlotte couldn't help smiling at the spectacle.  Kid was a good man, an honest man, and anyone could see how much he loved Louise and her family.  He even got along well with the sometimes surly Jeremiah.  However, her enjoyment of the scene was demolished by the hurt look in her friend's eyes as she sat dejected on the floor.  "Kid," she called, getting his attention.

Kid turned at the sound of his name and saw Charlotte gesture toward Lou.  He'd never even noticed she was sitting there on the floor.  The eyes she turned up to him were filled with anger and betrayal and he was immediately sobered.  Lou didn't look well at all, he thought concerned.  He pulled Jon down from his shoulder and kissed his forehead before setting him down on the ground, kneeling next to him.  "It doesn't look like Mama's feelin' too well right now, Jon.  I bet you've got some really pretty pictures you drew for your mama while she was gone," Kid said softly.  "Why don't you and Aunt Charlotte go upstairs and get them ready and your mama and me'll be up in a little bit, okay?"

"Otay, Daddy," Jon agreed.  Before he grabbed Carlotte's extended hand, he rushed to Lou and placed his head on her shoulder as he hugged her, his fingers twisting her short locks around and around.  He looked at her cautiously giving her his special smile.  "I sorry you sick, Mama."  He gave her a kiss on her forehead.  "There, all better!"

The gesture was so much like what she did with him, that Lou couldn't help the smile that emerged.  "Thank you, baby.  Mama's big boy," she murmured, hugging him hard.

After Charlotte and Jon had returned upstairs, the room remained silent and tense, Kid just waiting for Lou to blow her top.  Lou remained quiet, not gathering her strength to blow in a fit of rage, but gathering her thoughts and deciding how to deal with this new situation.  If she weren't involved, she might be able to see the irony of it all--her son had just called her lover "daddy," who may yet turn out to be a daddy if fate was cruel to her.  "How long has he been doin' that?" she asked quietly, finally looking up at Kid from the floor.

Kid knelt on one knee next to her.  "Since the last time we came for a visit," he admitted.  He saw the anger in her eyes and quickly defended himself.  "We never meant to keep this from ya, Lou but it just threw us both offguard.  You were out visitin' the kids teacher at the school and I'd sat down with Jon to look at that picture of all of us at the station.  I was pointin' to everybody and he was tellin' me who they were."  He swallowed hard against the awkward lump of anxiety in his throat.  "When I pointed to myself, he kept sayin', 'That you, Daddy.'  I tried to tell him, 'No, my name's Kid,' but he wouldn't listen. He'd just say, 'Not Kid, Daddy.'"

"Dammit, Kid!  Why didn't you tell me when it happened?" she snapped, the "what ifs" from the night before sharp in her mind.  Lou stood and turned away.  She was hurt and confused and angry all at the same time and the intensity of her emotions scared her.  Lou knew it was an irrational reaction but her control seemed to have slipped away from her.

Kid was startled at the fierce light in her eyes, shattering the peace that had existed between them all day, and felt a sense of deep sadness at its loss.  He stayed kneeling as he watched her for a few moments.  "I didn't know how to tell you Lou without this being the result," he said softly.

Kid stood finally and crossed to her, turning her body to face him even as she hid her eyes from his gaze.  He ducked his head to catch her gaze.  "I ain't tryin' anythin' funny, angel.  I thought after last night that you knew I'd never hurt you and that definitely extends to Jon.  Can't help that I like the way he looks at me when he calls me 'daddy', even if I'm not."

Lou glanced up from beneath her lashes feeling her anger abate even as she tried to hold onto it.  The fear, however, stayed.  Kid's eyes couldn't hide a thing from her and in those eyes she glimpsed an emptiness and a longing she hadn't ever known lay there.  If she didn't know better, Lou would swear he wanted to be Jon's father and it startled her into continued silence.

She watched his eyes cloud over with painful memories.  "No one's ever loved me like that, Lou--like I could do no wrong," Kid said, his voice strained.  For a brief moment he was caught in flashes of dark memory.  He could almost feel the glass from a whiskey bottle imbedding itself in his back as his father threw it, remembered the fear of being locked in a dark basement for two days with a hibernating snake for dropping a lamp, heard the curses and harsh words, the slap of skin against skin as his father hit them.  Kid had spent most of his life without roots.  Sure he talked about Virginia and the claim the land held on him but it was a fantasy.  He'd never felt like he belonged anywhere until he'd come to the waystation in Sweetwater and he'd never been content or woried about himself until now, now that he and Lou were together.

Thinking about Lou and her family conjured up the happy memories that banished the dark ones.  He remembered conversations he and Jeremiah had had in the dark before falling asleep, how 'Miah had trusted him with things he'd never tell Louise.  He remembered holding and comforting a crying Theresa after she'd sprained her ankle on a walk, remembered Jon falling asleep on his lap as he read the little boy a bedtime story.  "He's got your eyes, Lou, so how could I refuse him anythin' he wants?" Kid finished simply with a sheepish grin.

Lou heard the gentleness and sincerity in his voice.  It still bothered her and she didn't quite understand why.  But as she looked up into his eyes and saw the love there, all other thoughts fled.  She leaned her forehead against his chest with a sigh as if her head were suddenly too heavy.  "I'm sorry, Kid," Lou said quietly.  "There's just so much been goin' on in the last couple days.  Guess all that worryin' is catchin' up with me."  She could feel the beginnings of a headache starting and rubbed her temple.

Kid's arms wrapped around her, his hand cupping the back of her neck as he began massaging the tense muscles there.  "Your head hurt?" he asked gently, kissing the top of her head.

Her chuckle was muffled against his shirt.  "You offerin' to be my medicine, now?"  She could feel his chest move in silent laughter.

"Yup. All night if need be."

Lou lifted her head, wrapping her arms around his neck.  "Gettin' a little sassy now ain't we?"

Kid's eyes darkened slightly with desire while still twinkling with humor as he feigned hurt pride.  "Little?!  That ain't what you said last night, and this mornin'," he replied smugly, bending his head to nip playfully at her neck.

"Good lord," Lou sighed, her eyes rolling heavenward in frustration.  "One night foolin' around with you and you turn into Cody all of a sudden.  If you're gonna act like him then you can bunk with Jon."

His face took on a look of extreme innocence, all wide-eyed and uncertain.  Lou groaned at the hound dog eyes knowing she was being played and that she would willingly promise him anything.  "Alright, enough with the eyes already!  You can sleep in my room," she cried in defeat.  However, two could play this game.  Lou lifted her hand and let it wander caressingly down the side of his face smiling at the feel of his five o'clock shadow.  "And if you're a good boy maybe you'll get to sleep in the bed," Lou replied archly before turning away.

Kid watched in fascination as she left the room.  When he could no longer see her, he finally gave in to the trembling in his knees and leaned against a countertop.  "Breathe, Kid.  Just breathe," he mumbled, his breath leaving his lungs in a loud sigh.  He shook his head chuckling at her.  Damn is she good, he thought in admiration.  Picking up the bags from where he'd dropped them earlier, he followed where she'd gone into the other part of the building, the grin on his face never leaving.

It didn't matter to Madison.  He knew the riders were there to move Charlotte and the children living with her to Sweetwater. He knew where they were going so he could afford to bide his time.  They would follow the group back to that dinky little town in the middle of nowhere and there, when they weren't suspecting anything, he'd strike!  I will have my revenge on those women and especially Louise McCloud, he thought angrily clutching the whiskey glass in his hand tightly.

Ever since that one night he'd had her, Madison had been unable to forget her.  Those eyes that continued to defy him even as he beat her and forced her to fulfill his desires and fantasies, those eyes he never ceased to see.  He'd seen them in his mind ever since, unable to forget them even when he was with his regular lovers.  She was a powerful man's fantasy, a challenge to break like a prized brood mare and he would have her or no man would.

The key to Louise McCloud is her family, he thought with a smile.  So, that is what we'll take from her.
 

Lou sighed in sleepy contentment, her fingers drawing lazy patterns over the warm skin of Kid's shoulder as they dozed in the double bed in her room.

"What?" he murmured against her neck, his breath tickling the sensitive skin.  He lay half on her, his arm draped heavily across her waist, and his face buried in the crook of her neck.

"Hmm?" she replied distractedly.  "Oh, I just can't believe it is all."

Kid let his fingers wander over her side.  "Well, I sure can," came the muffled quip.

Lou frowned into the darkness of the room.   "Is this really gonna work Kid?  Are they gonna be safe in Sweetwater?"

They'd spent the days sorting and packing all the necessary items for Charlotte and all three children as well as buying a wagon with some money Charlotte had been saving in order to transport all their things to Sweetwater.  The bulk of Charlotte's things, especially those for the store she'd decided to transport to Sweetwater, would be packed and sent by stage.

Lou'd never realized children could accumulate so many "necessary" things, even Jon who was only two.  The children didn't know why they were leaving, she assumed they thought she'd finally gotten them a place to live together.  Well, she had but in a round-about manner.  Lou still couldn't believe Teaspoon's suggestion that she bring them all to the waystation.  Why should they take in her family?  Why should they make so many exceptions for her?  She wasn't worth it.

Kid rose up on an elbow to look down into her face.  "Everythin's gonna be fine, angel.  Don't worry," he assured her.  "We're not gonna let anythin' happen to any of you, I promise."

Lou frowned as another thought hit her.  "Kid, what are we gonna tell the others?  I mean about us."

He kissed her gently in a slow lingering kiss.  "That I love you," he breathed.  "Nothin' else matters to me as long as you and the gremlins are safe and you love me.  Everythin' else we can figure out along the way including the 'what ifs'."

"Kid...," she began in a voice that said it was an old point she was going to bring up.

"I know, I know.  No 'what ifs' until they're 'what ares'."  Neither of them had been able to actually state their biggest fear, that there may be a child already started. Instead they'd cloaked the subject in elaborate and vague conversations about "what ifs."  Both of them had tried to resist the desire to be together physically, but with pretending there was nothing between them during the day, by the time night rolled around, the desire had built to a dizzying pitch and after a few murmured protests by one or the other, they ended up making love anyway.  "Lou, I want you to know I'd never let you go through it alone.  I don't shirk my responsibilities," Kid continued.

"And I'd never hold you to it," Lou replied softly as she turned onto her side facing away from him.  "Besides, it's not a 'responsibility' it's a baby and we don't even know if there is one yet."  I don't want to marry you just because it's your duty, she thought sadly.  I want to marry you because you love me, me and no one else, because you need me, not because you feel obligated.  She'd seen too many horrible marriages where the couple married for honor's sake.  Her own parents' was one of those and it had destroyed her mother.  Lou would not put any child she carried through that kind of hell, knowing that if it weren't for you, Mama would never have married a monster, would never have died.

What is wrong with me, she wondered.  Did I just say I want to marry him?  Suddenly the feeling of being crowded came back, that fear that screamed at her to get away before she lost her freedom yet again to a man.  This is crazy; it's too fast, she thought desperately.

Kid saw the tension in her body, the sudden coldness and distance and a red flag went up.  "Lou, you would tell me if you were...you know...wouldn't you?  She would be part of me, too and I'd...I'd at least want to be part of her life."  When she didn't answer, he scooted closer to her, pressing himself against her back and wrapping his arms around her.  "You would tell me, wouldn't you?" he insisted.

Out of his sight, she'd closed her eyes against guilty tears, her smile at his unconscious desire for a girl turned into a pained expression as she heard the fear and doubt in his voice.  It sounded like he actually doubted her feelings for him.  Lou could almost hear him say, "Just in case I'm not part of yours," and it felt like he believed he'd lose her to someone else.  She snuggled closer in answer.  "I promise I'll tell you either way," she murmured.

Kid exhaled happily and nuzzled her neck and earlobe with his lips before tucking her head securely under his chin.  "Thank you for promising," he said.  "Get some sleep.  We've got a long couple of days ahead 'til we get back to Sweetwater.  I love you, angel."

"Love you too."

Lou let her tears fall as she heard the even sounds of his breathing.  She furiously recounted the days in her head over and over, coming up with the same answer every time.  No, this couldn't be.  Recounting one last time she came up with the same answer--she was late this month.  Sure it was only by one, almost two days but Lou was never late.  Her body was like clockwork ever since she'd had Jon.  I'm not pregnant.  I'm not pregnant, she told herself firmly.  I'm just late.  It's the worryin' I've been doin' lately.  I'm just late, she repeated to herself hoping her body would believe her mind.
 

Chapter 15