"The only thing you're to do young lady is make sure dinner doesn't burn," Rachel scolded from the stove where she was flipping that morning's pancakes.  "You had quite enough excitement last night to last you for a while.  I'm surprised you even want to get out of bed considering the size of that goose egg on your head."

Louise rolled her eyes slightly behind Rachel's back.  "I've had worse," she muttered.  And it was the truth.

"And don't you roll your eyes at me, Louise McCloud!  From what I understand you acted just as foolishly as Daniel Keaggy."

How does she do that, Lou wondered.  The men and Theresa were all out trying to get their chores done before returning to the bunkhouse for breakfast and getting ready for the journey into town for church.  Lou'd already looked into the mirror that morning and decided it would be best for all if she didn't attend the service.  She could just imagine the rumors flying when the congregation caught sight of the bruise on her face.

Lou couldn't believe what she'd done last night.  She felt so guilty about how she'd treated Danny.  She'd led him on and then pulled away like a tease and she was the one who'd brought the physical element into it by slugging him first.  The tension among the men was palpable and Louise knew she had to set things right, but she didn't necessarily want to go into details, especially with Kid in the room.  If looks could kill, Danny would be barbequed, drawn and quartered, and buried by now, she thought.

"It's all my fault," Lou said softly.

Rachel turned at the note of sadness in her friend's voice.  "How is it all your fault, honey?" she asked confused.

"It just is."

The older woman quickly moved the skillet to the back of the stove, assuring that the pancakes wouldn't burn, before crossing to carefully lower herself to a seat on the bench next to Louise.  She knew there was something Louise needed to talk about associated with last night's chaos.  However, she knew that the younger woman needed to arrive at that conclusion herself.  Waiting patiently, Rachel wasn't disappointed.

"Danny didn't try to force himself on me, I....  I don't know it's all so confusin' now," Lou said.  Her head had begun to pound again and she rubbed at her forehead a bit before proceeding.  "We were out behind the barn just watchin' the stars.  I don't know, everywhere I go there's memories of things Kid and I did at the same spot.  Danny kissed me and one thing led to another.  Before ya know it, hands were wanderin'.  But then I started rememberin' all these things about the Kid and I was almost pretendin' Danny was Kid.  No matter how hard I tried to pretend it just didn't feel right."

Rachel rubbed Lou's back encouragingly.  "Then it wasn't right, Lou," she said softly.

Lou looked up and stared blankly at the far wall of the bunkhouse.  "I told 'im to stop, but he kept kissin' me, so I shoved him off.  Danny was pretty upset about it and he should've been 'cause I was leadin' him on.  He couldn't understand why I didn't want to be with him, who I've known forever, when I'd only known Kid about six months before we started...well, you know.  Said I needed to realize Kid doesn't want me and move on," she said with difficulty.  Damn you, Kid, for still bein' able to hurt me, Lou thought as she fought angry tears.  She swallowed hard before going on.  "I ran away from him and he followed.  That's when y'all saw us in the yard."

"He sure as hell couldn't have loved you all that much since he didn't even look for you when you left here!" Danny had said.  Rachel sighed as she remembered the hurtful words said in the heat of an argument.  She reached a hand out and gnetly nudged Lou's chin so she'd look at her.  Her heart broke as she saw the dark eyes swimming with tears Lou refused to allow to fall.  "Honey, there's somethin' I didn't tell you in my letters, about Kid's reaction to your little disappearin' trick," she began gently.  "You never asked about 'im so I was afraid you'd get angry if I mentioned how he was doin'.  I also didn't want you feelin' guilty about this.  It was just somethin' that happened."

At Rachel's vague words, Lou felt her heart constrict with fear.  It had to be bad if Rachel was preparing her.  "Rachel, what happened?" she asked trepidatiously.  "What'd he do?"

The blonde woman's hazel eyes grew sad.  "Kid was beside himself when he found out you left.  There were some things he'd meant to tell you, but hadn't the chance to.  And then you were gone, without a trace," Rachel said.

She placed both hands on Lou's shoulders and met her eyes directly.  "He did look for you, Louise.  Every chance he got, he was out ridin' around the country--even on his runs--lookin' for any trace of where you might be.  Six months went by and he was still lookin'.  One day he came back from a search trip over two days late.  He stopped long enough to drop Katy off here before saddlin' another horse and headin' out to the swimmin' hole."

Louise's eyes had softened.  He had looked for her.  But you didn't want to be found, she told herself critically.  She had meant something more to him than the casual fling the words she'd overheard in the bunkhouse had led her to believe.  Oh, God, Louise, you've certainly messed things up this time.  However, Lou sensed that the news that Kid had searched for her wasn't the real news Rachel had so carefully kept from her.  "There's more, isn't there?" she asked softly.

Rachel nodded.  "Seems the trail he'd thought would lead him to where you were hidin' had disappeared.  The whole six months of barely eatin' or sleepin' enough to keep goin', along with the worry, had caught up to him.  When he rode in here, Lou, he looked like a dead man.  There was no life in his eyes whatsoever.  He was so down that he--"  Rachel looked down a moment, trying to compose herself.  When she looked back at Louise, the tears had begun to cascade down her cheeks.  "He was gonna kill himself, Lou."

Lou's eyes opened wide at the news.  Her hand quickly covered her mouth as if to stuff the sob that had escaped back inside.  The tears finally escaped her eyes and she shook her head violently.  No, he'd never even think about....  He was so strong, he could get through anything, right, she thought.  Oh, sweet Lord, I destroyed his life!  "No wonder he hates me," she sobbed aloud.

"Oh, sweetheart, he doesn't hate you!" Rachel exclaimed.  She drew Lou's had down to her bosom and stroked her hair as she rocked her gently.  "It was not your fault, you hear me, Lou?  It was not your fault and he'd be the first one to tell you that.  We all blamed ourselves for not seeing it comin', but none of us is responsible for anyone else's actions but our own.  We all come to that fork in the road sooner or later when the hard times just seem too hard.   Some of us take the right, and some of us the left.  It's easy for someone to say they'll always take the right, but you never know which one you'll decide on until you get there."

Lou knew Rachel was right.  She herself had come to that fork in the road the day she'd found out she was pregnant.  Everything had come crashing down around her.  She'd been second guessing her decision to leave Sweetwater, but after finding out about the baby, she knew she couldn't return.  But how was she to make a life for her and her siblings with a baby on the way?  She remembered kneeling down at the window in her hotel room that night and just crying for hours and hours as the rain poured down outside.  As the sun came out the next day, she'd realized that the baby was a gift.  He'd be a part of Kid that no one could take away from her, a comfort in her loneliness.  However, Rachel was still talking to her.

"Thank God, Laura found him when she did," Rachel said.  "He'd hidden the note he left under the matress on Jimmy's bunk.  We'd have never found it in time."

"Laura found him?" Lou asked as a stab of jealousy shot through her.

Rachel smiled at the look in Lou's eyes and didn't answer.  "Ya know, since you came back, there's been more and more of the old Kid comin' back too," she said pensively.  "I've seen the looks passin' between you two.  They're the same ones you two used to think we all didn't see you givin' one another across the dinner table.  Seems to me that old habits die hard."

Lou thought of the look that had passed between her and Kid that morning.  Something had sparked in his eyes and he was actually whistling as he headed out the door.  "Maybe they don't die at all," she suggested with a small smile and a shrug of her shoulders.
 

The church bells rang out over the town calling the faithful to celebrate the ressurrection of the Messiah.  There was talking and laughter as the congregation greeted one another outside the small white church.  Laura Wilson smiled broadly as she caught sight of the wagon carrying the Hunters accompanied by the former Pony Express riders on horseback.  Vainly, she looked for Katy's loud colors.  He wasn't with them!  Then where was he, she thought angrily.  She knew he hadn't stayed in his rooms, because she could see his window from the attic.  Slowly, she approached the group as they dismounted, her parents following behind.

"Mornin' all," she greeted cheerily.  "Happy Easter."

Teaspoon turned around as soon as he'd helped Rachel down from the wagon.  "Why good mornin' Miss Laura," he said with a grin as he tipped his hat politely.  "And good mornin' to you, too, Mayor and Miz Wilson."  The boys all tipped their hats and wished the Wilsons a good morning as well.  "Ain't this a fine lookin' Easter Sunday?"

Nellie Wilson stepped forward, dressed in her Sunday best, and embraced Rachel.  "Should be any day that we'll be seein' that new little Hunter, eh, Rachel?"  Rachel nodded.  "You look wonderful, though," Nellie continued with a pointed glance at her husband.

Catching his wife's look, the mayor cleared his throat slightly.  "Um, yes, well, might I inquire as to where my future son-in-law might be on this fine Lord's day?" he asked. "I had hoped to have a discussion with him about the wedding."

Laura smiled, trying her best to look demure and unaware.  Last night she'd tearfully told her parents about the child she was expecting.  She'd been sent to her room, but had listened as the heated discussion had continued well into the night.  Laura knew her father wanted to let Kid know he understood and there'd be no problems about stepping up the ceremony a month.  Her parents would make sure that the news stayed quiet until after the wedding.  Sure the child wasn't Kid's and she hadn't told him yet, but that wouldn't matter.  No one knew about her relations with Anderson, but everyone knew that Kid had already fathered Louise McCloud's baby.  In the eyes of her parents and the town, it wouldn't matter how much Kid protested, he'd still look guilty.

Rachel and Teaspoon shared a look.  "Uh, he's out at our place," Rachel said awkwardly.  "We had a little emergency with the baby last night.  Didn't we boys?"

The riders were quick to agree.

"Oh yeah, he was real sick last night," Noah said quickly.  "Real sick."

"Doc came out an' everythin'," Jimmy added.

Buck nodded as Ike signed his response.  "Ike says that Doc told us it was the worst case of croup he'd ever seen," Buck translated, a serious look on his face.  "We thought we was gonna lose 'im for sure."

Nellie raised a hand to her bosom in true concern.  She'd lost one child to the croup long before Laura had been born.  "I do hope he's alright," she said.

Rachel nearly sighed in relief at the boys' quick thinking.  "Oh, he was doin' much better this mornin'," she replied.  "Louise stayed up with him all night, so Kid stayed out there to take care of Lexi while Louise got some sleep.  Poor thing was an absolute nervous wreck.  Don't know what she would've done without Kid there."

Teaspoon coughed at Rachel's not-so-subtle hint.  He tipped his hat again.  "If you'll excuse us, I think we'd better get headed inside.  Not good for expectant mamas to be on their feet too much," he said quickly.  "We'll be sure to tell Kid ya was lookin' for 'im."

"Yes, please do," Wilson said, his tone not quite as warm as before.  "And Happy Easter to you."  He turned to his wife.  "Maybe we should take a ride out there this afternoon and call on the 'poor thing'," he suggested as the express family disappeared inside the church doors.

Laura took her father's arm with a warm smile.  "Yes, Papa, maybe we should," she agreed.  "After all, it's the Christian thing to do and it'll give you a chance to have that talk with my Gabriel."  It'd also give me the perfect opportunity to see that little wench's face when I tell her I'm carryin' his child, she thought.  Make no mistake about it, Kid would be hers even if she had to kidnap the McCloud brat herself.
 

Chapter 13