Title: What to Say
Author: Bergs coffecup26@yahoo.com
Rating: PG/PG-13
Pairing: Bianca and Maggie
Summary: Bianca talk to Maggie about how she feels and why she's pulling away from her.
Disclaimer: They aren't mine. Don't sue =-) I have no money anyways. Thanks for all the great writers at AMC for bringing us great characters.
Feedback: Welcomed
Maggie sat on her bed. She kept going over the conversation she had with Bianca a few hours ago. She looked at the clock. It was now 1:45 a.m. "I'm never going to get to sleep," she sighed.
"God, what did I do?" she asked no one.
I mean what did she think I would say if there was anything to say at all? I just stood there, and looked at her. Her words replaying over and over again. "I should have told you," Maggie sighed.
Hours before:
"I love you."
I laughed at the seriousness in her voice. "I love you too. You're my best friend."
"No. That's not what I mean. I mean…I…I'm," she faltered. I knew she was upset. I pushed her into saying it. I never should have done that.
"It's okay? You're what?" I said asked placing a hand on her shoulder, encouraging her to go on. Whatever it was she needed to say, it was eating her up inside.
"I'm in love with you," she said removing my hand.
I asked in the softest of whispers, "You're what?"
"I'm in love with you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ever told you. I just needed you to know. I couldn't keep it inside any longer."
Silence surrounded us in my bedroom.
"When? Why?" the words where coming out, but they hadn't been able to formulate the questions that ran around in my mind.
"I don't know. I've tried so hard to fight it, to tell myself it's wrong. God…it's so wrong…" She ran her hands through her hair. She paused for a moment, looking me in the eyes before she continued, " I'm so sorry you know. I never even planned on telling you. I just…I just," she stopped closing her eyes.
"You just what? You just needed me to know? I mean how could you let this happen? How could…how could you…love me?" I asked, suddenly allowing the words to sink in, hitting me hard. I wasn't angry just confused, but the words came out angry. I didn't mean it to sound that way, but I couldn't help myself.
"I'm…I don't know what I'm trying to say here," she said moving around me and sitting on he bed. "God, I am so sorry I said anything. I was just going to leave and…" I heard the words 'leave' and cut her off instantly.
"Leave? You're leaving?"
"I just thought it was for the best. If I left, maybe I'd get over this. I wouldn't be in your way. I'd be out of your life. And…and I could stop these feelings. You know, for the best…"
"That's what's the best? Great solution to the problem…leave." I said beginning to pace. So much for a normal afternoon with my best friend. Suddenly lying by the pool, sipping a cold beer wasn't appealing to me in the least.
"Its' not like this is what I wanted. It just seemed like the logical thing. It's killing me being here in this town, with you. I just can't do it anymore. I can't keep pretending to not feel. It hurts too much."
"How long have you felt this way?"
"I don't know," She said reaching across my bed picking up the picture of she and Frankie. She laughed, almost sadly. I saw a tear creep out from the corner of her right eye. Crying. She was crying. She never cried.
"Bianca, don't," I said softly. I sat down next to her, placing my arm around her shoulder. I was so confused. Part of me wanted to run from her, but another part of me, that part that loved her unconditionally, wanted to comfort her in any way I could.
"Please, Maggie, don't do that," she said removing herself from the bed.
"What? Now I can't even touch you?" I said defensively. She was the one who just dropped the bombshell, and now I was being made to feel bad for something as innocent as a hug? "We're back to that again?"
"I just need you to understand Maggie. Please, say something?"
What did she think I would say if there was anything to say at all? I just stood there, looking at her. "You know, I don't think I know what to say really. I mean… Should I say thank you? I just can't deal with this right now Bianca, not with everything else happening in my life. Maybe you should go." It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but for the moment, it was all I had.
"Go?" she said, almost sadly. "Okay. Yeah…okay..." she looked around the room, like she might be leaving something behind. "Okay…I'll go."
She opened the door to my room, and looked back at me. Her eyes were pleading for some form of acceptance. I didn't give her any. My best friend just told me that she not only loved me, but that she was in love with me. My mind was attempting to process way too much. Our eyes locked.
"Okay…" she said one last time, leaving me alone in my room.
Now…
Somehow Maggie had made her way to Bianca's.
Knock. Knock.
"Maggie?" Bianca asked sleepy. "Come on in," she welcomed the girl. It was as if nothing had happened.
"I couldn't sleep," Maggie said sitting down.
"Oh. Yeah. My fault huh?"
"No. It's not your fault Bink. I just needed some time to think about this. About us. I…you sort of dropped it on me you know?" Maggie said slightly hesitant.
"I know. I'm sorry for that," Bianca apologized. She broke eye contact from Maggie.
"No, don't be. I'm glad you said something. I mean, I always want us to be able to share our feelings with each other Bianca. That's important. Never be sorry for that." Maggie walked over to where Bianca stood. "Can I asked you a favor?"
"Sure. Anything."
"Close your eyes. I need to conduct a test."
"A test?"
"Yeah. Just close your eyes." Bianca did as she was told. She felt Maggie's lips on her own. She wanted desperately to respond but she knew Maggie needed to be in control of this. She knew Maggie needed to take her time.
"Done." She heard a voice say quietly and shyly.
"Results?" Bianca asked, eyes still closed.
"Results are…" And Maggie kissed her again, this time with more passion and emotion. Bianca ignored that rational part of her telling her to take it slow. She needed this kiss as much as Maggie did. Bianca brought her hands up behind Maggie's head and pulled her in even closer. They fall back into the wall. Maggie's right hand slightly caressed Bianca's backside. She could feel Bianca's reaction and she liked how she'd responded. She pulled back. Both girls smiled and blushed slightly.
"Okay. Well, I think I will be able to sleep now," Maggie said softly. Bianca chuckled and picked up Maggie's hand.
"I love you Maggie. I hope I didn't push you into anything you weren't ready for?"
"Are you kidding me? I'm ready. I just need to sort and process my stuff you know? Thanks for letting me do that."
"Always," Bianca said kissing her again.
"Goodnight Bianca. I'll be seeing you tomorrow," Maggie said smiling as she walked away.
"Goodnight Maggie."
As the door closed, both girls fell against the walls closest to them. Each closed their eyes, smiled, and did a happy dance.
FIN
Maggie/Bianca
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