I don't get what I want. I never have, not really. That'd surprise so many people that the heiress to the Enchantment empire was left wanting. Always. I want people to stay. They leave. I want to love them. They leave. I want their love in return. They leave. So what if it's love? My father died. Sarah shut me out. Laura changed beyond all recognition of what my heart first saw in her. And Frankie....she was murdered.
Every day I miss her. What can I do? The people I love still need me, the ones that live on. So I have to live on to. It's not my time yet. Not my time for a lot of things. Not my time for true love. Only my time for loss. My time to lose.
I'm so tired of losing.
It doesn't matter though. I breath in and out and wake up and walk and talk and do all the menial things that make up a day. I laugh when I'm supposed to. I leave when I'm not wanted. And even if my heart feels something again. I don't trust it anymore. Because loving means the person leaves. I can't live through that hurt again. When it hurts just to breathe, just to live. It's better to feel nothing.
If only I could be numb.
She doesn't know. Almost once, I blew it. Just as I blew out a candle on her birthday. A kiss that never happened and almost ruined everything. So I keep to myself now. I fight not to let her in. I already know it's too late. That somehow she's slipped inside to rest against my broken heart. I want her. It means nothing because she wants a friend. And that's what I'll be. I'll be careful of every move I make. To never touch her. To never allow her touch me in case it breaks my walls. I can't be weak. I don't want her to leave. So what if my heart pinches, just a little, whenever I see her? I don't want to lose. Not again. Not ever again.
I wouldn't survive it.
Walk
We've been dancing for weeks now. I move toward her and she waltzes further away. It took me so long to stop fighting what I felt. To listen to Anna and know the truth of her words. Except when I call, Bianca avoids me. When I try to make plans, she makes excuses. When I move toward her, she moves away. Just short of running. She disappears.
I wanted to understand my sister but I never wanted to be like her. Even as kids, she was the out of control one. I always wanted her to dress better, speak better, behave like I did. I didn't do that well in that last department either, if any of them really, but I resented her freedom to be rebellious. I resented her. Only now, do I realize as I think again of the gentlest dark eyes I've ever seen, that I'm jealous of my sister. I want those eyes to see me, not her. I could almost hate her for it.
I don't deserve Bianca. But I can't fight this. How my breath catches every time I see her, even just hearing her voice on the phone makes my heart stop.
She's been so hurt. She tries so hard to hide that pain but I see it. And more than anything I've ever wanted in my life, I want to be the one to soothe it.
I thought it would be best to tread carefully, let her gradually let me in. It's not working though. I've tried to walk softly. What makes my heart beat
now demands more.
RUN
Maggie's heart was in her throat and her stomach in the vicinity of her shoes when she knocked on the door to Bianca's room. Maggie was grateful she knew where Myrtle kept the spare key hidden. She was equally grateful the older woman was away visiting friends.
She went to knock again when the door opened, revealing a sleep rumpled Bianca in an over-sized shirt.
"Maggie?" Bianca rubbed at her eyes. "Do you know what time it is?"
Maggie slipped into the room, closing the door and locking it. "I'm thinking it's somewhere between 'well past time' and ' hopefully 'not too late'"
"I don't get you." Bianca ran a hand through her dishevelled hair. "Is everything okay?"
"That's what I'm here to find out." Maggie stepped closer to Bianca and tugged at the shirt. "Nice pjs."
And just as Maggie expected, Bianca moved away from the touch. This time though, Maggie didn't do what Bianca expected. She moved in closer and pressed Bianca up against the door she had just entered. Their bodies touched along their lengths and Maggie felt Bianca's heart pounding against her own chest.
Bianca's eyes went wide. "What are you doing?"
Maggie let her desires take over and pressed their bodies tightly together. She leaned her face near Bianca's neck and inhaled the intoxicating scent of Bianca's skin. It only served to bring her longing into sharper focus.
"I'm wanting."
Bianca put her hands on Maggie's shoulder to push her away but with a gentleness that didn't sway Maggie. "Wanting what?"
Maggie pulled back before her wits left her completely. "I want you to stop running away from me."
She slid her hands under the shirt, hiking it up to Bianca's waist so that Maggie could caress bare, warm skin. "I want you to stop being scared of this."
She leaned in to softly to caress Bianca's parted lips with her own. "I want you to stop being scared of me."
Maggie waited, gazing into those darker than night eyes, to see if she made a mistake or if everything she felt to the very core of her being was telling her the truth.
"I...Maggie, I can't do this." But Bianca knew her own protests were feeble. A gasp broke her words when Maggie slid a denim clad leg between her own bare ones. She shook her head and fought to think clearly. "I can't do this Maggie, I can't go through this again."
Maggie would have let her go at those words, but she could see Bianca's flushed face even in the moonlight from the window. And despite her words, Bianca's body moved in small subtle writhing against her leg, pressed back against Maggie's body. The hands that were meant to push her away gripped her shoulders instead, grabbing cloth in them. Bianca's face held fear, but there, growing ever stronger was a longing that had been far too long denied.
"If you tell me to go. If you really don't want me, I'll go. But if you love me like I love you than don't push me away." Maggie let her hands continue their caressing along Bianca's heaving sides as the woman struggled to breathe calmly and failed.
"Maggie, please..." stop this, was what Bianca was going to say but Maggie heard it as a plea of want and moved her hands up higher to caress ample breasts and grind her thigh up against Bianca. Panting, her body arching into the contact despite her insecurities, Bianca still tried again to stop this. "Maggie, don't-" she gasped sharply as hands eagerly rubbed and teased her already hard nipples, "stop."
Maggie was lost now. And truly found as she allowed all her love and passion for Bianca to reign free and guide her. Her mouth sucked on the softest part of Bianca's neck just as she found the sweetest spot between Bianca's legs to torturously caress with her thigh.
Bianca cried out at the sensations, gripping Maggie's shoulders even harder. She was pushed past the brink of her built up resistance and toppled over the edge. "Maggie, don't stop, god please don't stop!"
Maggie didn't. She dragged a hand down the stomach and around one smooth leg to lift Bianca's leg over Maggie's hip, opening Bianca's wet flesh to the firm movements of Maggie's leg grinding harder against her tender, aroused centre.
Bianca surrendered completely, grabbing fistfuls of Maggie's hair, pulling and crushing the amazing woman's mouth to hers. Tongues clashed and grappled fiercely. Tears spilled down Bianca's face at the sweetness of the contact, so profound it hurt in the most wonderful way. And Bianca cursed herself for a fool not to have trusted her heart, and for not giving Maggie's the chance.
Feeling the tears against her own face, Maggie pulled her head back and cupped Bianca's damp cheek. "Bianca, what is it? Am I hurting you?"
"Not in any way I don't want." Bianca husked. At Maggie's continued searching gaze she added, "It's alright, just hard to let go sometimes. And when I did, it kinda hit hard."
There was one more thing she needed to say, for Maggie to know. "I love you Maggie."
Maggie's breath left her in a sudden rush. "Say that again."
"I love you?" Bianca smiled.
Maggie's smile warmed Bianca through to her long neglected soul. "My name, say my name." Again, it wasn't a question but raw need.
"Maggie." Bianca kissed her as an affirmation. Than she kissed her again demandingly, repeating Maggie's name in heated breaths against Maggie's ear, her sensitive neck as Bianca shakily unbuttoned Maggie's shirt and roamed her hands over warm skin and peaked nipples. Her smile grew as Maggie's breath came in sharply at the caresses and pressed eagerly against her body.
"I love you too Bianca, so much. Please, let me show you." And with that promise Maggie renewed her earlier ministrations, re-hooking Bianca's leg over her hip but this time sliding her hand over and under her hip and the top of Bianca's thigh so that Maggie could finally caress wet swollen flesh. They both moaned at the intimate contact. The best was truly yet to come though as Maggie slipped two fingers inside of Bianca.
"Oh God!" Bianca held Maggie hard to her and ground herself against the slowly caressing hand.
"I've been dreaming of being with you like this for what feels like all my life." Maggie breathed.
"I never thought-" Bianca tried to say but couldn't continue as the courses of pleasure along her body robbed her of speech.
"Thinking's overrated." Maggie said against lips wet and bruised from kissing. She lightly caressed them with her tongue before moving her body down Bianca's. "Take this off." She tugged at the shirt meaningfully.
Bianca complied immediately, ripping it off her head. On her knees, Maggie gazed up and along the body revealed to her, the heaving chest, the face as flushed as her own, and eyes as dark with love and want looking down at her. Watching her as she moved her mouth to Bianca's hip, nipping the skin, her eyes never leaving Bianca's. Watching Bianca watch her as she imprinted on her mind and heart every movement of Bianca's hips, every intake of breath, every sound as her fingers still moved within her. She saw how Bianca's eyes glazed at the first touch of Maggie's mouth on her wet flesh. Maggie relished every nuance of taste and scent as she caressed Bianca intimately. The feel of Bianca's body trembling against her mouth, of hands grasping her hair as cries and moans tore from Bianca's throat. Maggie took it all in, and held it against her heart.
"I can't!" Bianca gasped.
Feeling the tremors in her body Maggie had to smile as she thought, you are.
And Bianca did. She came, from the roots of her hair to the curling of her toes. She shouted in surprise, her body convulsing around Maggie's. Maggie caught her as she lid down the door and curled around Maggie. She smoothed sweat laden hair out of Bianca's now closed eyes kissing the woman in her arms softly.
Bianca opened her eyes and gazed at her. Just looking.
Maggie smiled at the content expression on Bianca's face. "I guess I should have moved us to your bed."
Bianca chuckled weakly. "I wouldn't have traded a moment for the best, biggest bed ever."
"That's good to know but I think we'd better get you somewhere more comfortable." With that, Maggie stood, bringing Bianca up with her and leading her to the bed.
Bianca pulled her to a stop. "You're overdressed." She said simply.
"Oh." Maggie looked down at her open shirt and blushed. She made to take her clothes off but Bianca brushed her hands away.
"Let me." She undressed Maggie slowly, reverently sliding the clothes from her skin and gazing upon Maggie revealed.
Maggie soaked up the tender adoration like a person dying of thirst. However, as Bianca's mouth and hands began to roam, it was her turn to take Bianca's hands in hers to stop her. Bianca looked up at her questioningly.
"I'm sorry but can we pick this up later?" Maggie explained sheepishly. "I'm actually really tired."
"Seducing me takes it out of ya huh?" Bianca cajoled, standing up and ushering Maggie into bed.
"Yeah, it sure does but like you said, it was worth every moment." Maggie grinned back at her, holding her close.
Bianca held her carefully, too carefully.
"I won't break." Maggie told her in all seriousness. "And I won't leave."
Again Bianca felt the prick of tears. "If this is a dream, don't tell me."
"Bianca," Maggie breathed against the lips she was about to kiss, delighting in the sensation of silken skin pressed against her own as Bianca's embrace tightened, "this is better than any dream I could hold."
FIN
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