This whateveryouwannacallit was inspired by too many long hours filling out surveys and a lot of caffeine!! WOOHOO!!
DISCLAIMERS: I do not own any of the Xena characters. I just like to take them out on silly little sight-seeing expeditions.
I can't exactly copyright this, as surveys like it are all over the web, but I will say that no part of this work may be aired or posted anywhere else without written, prior consent of the author...n' stuff.
SUBTEXT / LANGUAGE DISCLAIMERS: Well, yeah, some maintext, no language to speak of.
SPOILER WARNING: Yeah, this will contain some spoilers for the show, mostly series five, but i some earlier episodes.
Keep in mind that in this context, the word "season" means "year." However, there are the double entendre "season" references...*g*
Let's get crackin'...
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"Xena Fills Out an Online Survey" by Magenta (the_AURYN@angelfire.com)
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Imagine, if you will, that Xena is waiting for Gabrielle to finish telling the little Amazons some stories. The moon is shining brightly, the crickets are cricketing, baby Eve is asleep within easy reach of her mother, and everything seems to be peaceful...except for the fact that the Warrior Princess is bored. She takes out their laptop and cell phone modem from the bottomless saddlebag and signs onto Greece OnLine.
"You've got scrolls!" says the computer happily.
"Probably porn advertisements," grumbles Xena, but she opens her mailbox anyway.
In the mailbox, she finds one letter from a "Luv_Ya_Babe@MountOlympus.com":
"Hey there! Y'all might want to fill out this survey cuz if you don't, your love lives will be in major turmoil...totally. I knew this chick once who didn't fill this out and she turned into this wrinkly lonely old hag. So fill it out!
Kay-bye!
A."
Xena rolls her eyes, then looks at some of the other addresses this was sent to: War_or_Die@MountOlympus.com, Heavy_Metal@MountOlympus.com, Forget_It@MountOlympus.com, Cute_Quill@MountOlympus.com...and on and on. The warrior wonders how she got onto the Goddess of Love's address book, but goes ahead and answers the survey.
TIME STARTED: The moon is over there...
TIME FINISHED
BOREDOM LEVEL (1-10): 100000000000000000.1
WHY ARE YOU FILLING THIS SURVEY OUT?: Cuz Gabrielle is doing the bard thing for the Amazon children and Eve-ywev-y's asleepyweepy.
NAME: Xena of Amphipolis
NICKNAMES: Destroyer of Nations...Warrior Princess...I heard Lioness of Amphipolis not too long ago. Gabrielle says that it as a nice ring to it..."bardically speaking."
HOMETOWN: Amphipolis.
OCCUPATION: Ex-warlord seeking redemption for past crimes...oooh, and Gabrielle... ;)
HOBBIES: drills, sparring, sharpening my sword and chakram....hehhehheh and Gabrielle.
SCREEN NAMES: Just this one: Round_Killing_Thing@gol.com.
HAIR AND EYE COLOUR: black and blue...hehhehheh
GRADE: Gabrielle gives me A's.
GPA: Is that anything like Karma?
SEX: As soon as Gabrielle's done telling stories.
ZODIAC SIGN: If you mean those thingies Gabrielle points out in the sky at night, I'm a fish or something...
THE HOSPITAL WHERE YOU WERE BORN: Healing Huts of Amphipolis, Inc.
FIRST CRUSH: I don't get crushes.
WHAT DO YOU NOTICE FIRST ABOUT A PERSON?: If they want to kill either Gabrielle, Eve, or myself.
PERFECT DATE: Gabrielle
BIGGEST TURN-ON: Oh you mean other than when she's just standing there? Umm...her Amazon queen leathers...
IDEAL GUY/GIRL: Gabrielle
WHAT IS THE SWEETEST THING THAT SOMEONE HAS EVER DONE FOR YOU?: Her being herself is the best thing she could do...other than me, of course...
WHAT MEMORY DO YOU MISS THE MOST?: Lyceus
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHERE WOULD YOU GO?: Ancient Greece. Can you imagine what they were like?
DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS?: Umm...hello?
WHAT MEMORY WOULD YOU LIKE TO FORGET?: None of them. If I really did want to forget any of them, then I'd be denying who I am...then I'm not fit to walk by Gabrielle's side.
FAVOURITES:
FOOD: Cherries.
RANCH or CAESAR: Are you suicidal?
LONG HAIR or SHORT HAIR: At first it was a shock, but now that it's growing out a little, I like it.
STORY: The one Gabrielle told to Iolaus about soulmates...she included it in her scroll "Prometheus Bound".
PLAY: Well...see...that's the thing...I never did get to find out what the title of her play was and she was so embarrassed by it, she buried it deep in the royal Amazon library. Unless it's dug up by someone in the future and staged again, I doubt it'll see the light of Apollo's chariot again.
ACTOR: Samicus L. Jacksoneia
ACTRESS: Renea O'Connorius
HOLIDAY: Gabrielle's birthday
PHRASE TO OVER USE: "I have many skills." "OH GODS YES, GABRIELLE!!"
TIME OF THE SEASON: Winter cuz then Gabrielle snuggles up closer than usual...if that's possible.
PLACE TO VISIT: I love going to visit mom back in Amphipolis. Lesbos is nice...especially in winter...hehhehheh
THING TO WEAR: Chakram.
ATHENA, APHRODITE, or ARTEMIS: Nice try.
GENERAL STUFF:
>
WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT OF LAST SEASON?: Just one?? But there are so many...
WHAT'D YOU DO YESTERDAY?: Saved a village, fought an army, defeated a warlord, living life for Gabrielle...you know. The usual.
WHAT'RE YOU DOING TOMORROW?: Saving a village, fighting an army, defeating a warlord, living life for Gabrielle...you know. The usual.
WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS SURVEY?: Well, 'Dite...it was a waste of time.
"Xeeeennnaaaa..." says Gabrielle with a sexy leer as she approaches the warrior and their baby.
"Lemme just send this," says Xena as she watches Gabrielle walk up and sit down behind her, wrapping her arms around her torso. She feels the bard's lips nibble at the back of her neck and is momentarily distracted.
"What are you working on?" whispers Gabrielle just before she takes Xena's earlobe into her mouth.
"Huh?"
"You have our laptop out and running..." Gabrielle relinquishes her hold on Xena's right ear and kisses her way to the left, saying in between kisses, "I'm just wondering what you're working on. It IS in my way, y'know..."
Xena smirks, then, without looking, types in "Thank you," and sends it. In an instant, the warrior puts away the laptop, grabs the baby carrier and picks Gabrielle up, taking all of them into the hut.
the end
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