AUTHOR: Kate

TIMELINE: First season with minor spoilers of episode, "I Am Not Now, Nor Have I Ever Been…A Spy"

SYNOPSIS: Amanda has to make a difficult decision regarding Dean.

The silver Porsche rolled to a stop in the quiet suburban street and the driver turned off the engine. Practically all the houses were in darkness and even with the soft glow of the street lights, the road still managed to take on an eerie feel.

Inside the car, Lee Stetson glanced at his watch and sighed. 11.00. He hadn't expected to be out this late. "I'm sorry, Amanda," he apologised to the brunette who sat in the passenger seat next to him. "I honestly thought, I'd get you home on time or at least earlier than this."

"Oh, that's alright, Lee," she replied with a forgiving smile. "I've learnt that bad guys don't care what time it is or whether you have a personal life."

"That's true," he allowed wryly. He glanced at her again and then sat back adopting a nonchalant air. "I hope Dan wasn't too upset…you know, what with you missing your date and all."

Amanda rolled her eyes and sighed at Lee's usual trait of getting her boyfriend's name wrong. "Don't worry, I spoke to Dean earlier and we're going out tomorrow night instead."

"Oh, well, that's great then," he replied curtly then suddenly leaned forward and turned the key in the ignition. As the engine roared into life he added, "It's getting late; you'd better go in."

"Oh, yeah," Amanda agreed and opened the door. "I've got to get the boys up early tomorrow. They've got a field trip." She got out then bent down and looked back in, bidding him goodnight before shutting the door behind herself and walking a little way down the road to her house.

Lee waited until he saw she was safely inside and then drove off into the night.

****************************

Two days later, Lee entered the bullpen and immediately headed for Amanda who was sat at a desk typing.

"Amanda, about that Barnes report…" he began as he came to a halt by her chair.

"All done," she replied as she handed him a slim folder from the top of the pile stacked neatly next to her computer.

"Thanks, I'll give it a quick check over," he said, taking it from her. He was about to walk away when he snapped his fingers and turned back. "Oh, Amanda, are you free for some surveillance work tonight?"

Her face brightened at the prospect. "Yes, I've nothing planned this evening."

"That's great, thanks," he replied with a smile. "I've got a date tonight and can't make it but I told Francine that you probably wouldn't mind helping her instead."

Amanda's face fell a little but she covered her disappointment well. "Sure, I…I'd love to."

"I'll tell her to pick you up around seven, OK?"

"Fine," she replied and resumed her work as Lee walked away with a grateful smile.

********************************

Francine hurried through the corridor towards Field Section with a huge grin on her face. The guards held open the doors and she entered the bullpen, her gaze immediately going to Lee's desk. Her grin widened even more as she saw the brown-haired agent. He was reclining back on two legs of his chair with his feet braced up on the desk for balance as he read a file.

"Have I got the best news for you," she exclaimed as she approached her colleague excitedly.

Lee glanced up in amusement. "Wait, don't tell me. Billy's giving me two weeks off so that I can fly somewhere and relax in the sun, all expenses paid?"

Francine shook her head. "No, something much better than that. Amanda's getting married!"

Lee let his feet drop to the floor and his chair rocked forward onto all four legs with a loud thump. "She's what?" he questioned in a shocked tone.

"Getting married," she repeated gleefully. " She told me last night while we were on surveillance. Well, actually she said that he'd asked but she hadn't given him an answer yet, but she'd be crazy not to, right?"

"Well I…"

"Wait, wait…the best part was when she said that when she and…whatever his name is…set a date, she'd have to leave the Agency." Francine could hardly contain her joy as she chuckled, "You can bet I told her that I hoped they set the date very soon."

Lee stared at the blonde in front of him, then hurriedly shut his mouth as he realised it was still hanging open in shock.

"Well, aren't you pleased?" Francine asked, her smile fading somewhat at the less than enthusiastic reaction she received to her news. "I thought you'd be happy to see the last of her considering the trouble she keeps getting into."

Lee pulled himself together and managed a winning smile. "I am. You've just surprised me that's all. I didn't think things were that serious between her and Dan," he covered.

Francine's grin returned in full force. "Just think of it as one of life's unexpected pleasures," she replied then let out a sigh of anticipation. "When she leaves there'll be no more having to listen to all the interesting news from the Mother's Den or PTA meetings or stuff about the Blue Jays…"

"You never did that anyway, Francine," Lee pointed out dryly.

"I know, I'm talking about you," she laughed and was about to say more when she heard Billy yell out her name from across the bullpen. "I'd better go."

Lee sat back in his chair and watched his friend enter Billy's office. He looked at the file he still held in his hand and then threw it down on his desk with a snort of disgust. He didn't know why, but the whole Amanda getting married thing bothered him…a lot.

In all honesty, after the Polo De Gregorio affair when Amanda got amnesia and couldn't remember Dean, he had thought that things between the two of them would fizzle out. Obviously, he'd been wrong. It appeared to have had the opposite affect.

He had to admit that he'd gotten used to having her around and couldn't help the pang of disappointment he felt at the sudden turn of events. Still, she hadn't said yes yet…

He got up suddenly and headed over to a free computer terminal where he sat down and began to type. Perhaps if he dug a little deeper than he already had into Dean Maguire's background, then he'd come up with something to…

Lee paused, his finger hovering over the enter button. 'What the hell am I doing?' he asked himself in shock. He moved his hand and hit the delete button instead and the screen went blank.

"Good morning, Lee," came a cheerful voice from behind him.

He froze and pasted a smile on his face before turning around. "Amanda, hi. I didn't know you were in today," he remarked casually.

"Oh, well, Mr. Melrose called and asked me to come in and I've got something I need to discuss with him anyway…"

"Oh yeah, I hear congratulations are in order," he replied as he stood up and sidled around her. "I hope you and Dan will be very happy."

"Thanks, but we…"

"Don't forget to send me a wedding invite, huh?" Lee cut in and then added quickly. "I'd better go and finish reading the Wiltshire file. I'll catch up with you later."

With that, he walked back to his desk and sat down. He picked up the file again and pretended to read it, all the while surreptitiously watching Amanda settle down to work at the terminal he'd just left.

'That was close,' he thought to himself in relief. He felt extremely glad that he didn't have to try and explain to Amanda just why he was doing a background check on her fiancé. He shook his head in disbelief - he couldn't even explain it to himself.

****************************

The next day, Amanda stood at her kitchen sink washing up the lunch plates and stared out of the window into her back yard.

"You'll wipe the pattern right off the plate if you keep running the dishcloth over it like that," Dotty pointed out. For the last five minutes, she had been patiently waiting for her daughter to hand over the plate so that she could dry it.

Amanda gasped. "Sorry, Mother, I was just thinking about something," she explained as she held out the plate.

"I gathered as much," Dotty replied dryly. She remained silent as she watched Amanda quickly wash up the rest of the cutlery, then offered to make a cup of tea while her daughter sat down.

A few minutes later, she sat next to Amanda on the couch and turned to her. "Are you going to tell me what the problem is or do I have to guess?"

Her daughter sighed and shook her head. "Dean asked me to marry him a couple of nights ago…"

"Oh, Amanda! That's wonderful," Dotty cried excitedly and gave her a hug. "Have you set a date yet? Will it be an autumn wedding? Oh, autumn is such a lovely time of year…"

"Mother!" Amanda cut in loudly. She quietened and Amanda continued in a lower tone, "Mother, I know you like Dean, but I haven't even agreed to marry him yet, let alone set a date."

"But why?" Dotty asked in surprise. "He loves you and the boys."

"I know."

"Well, don't you love him back, is that it?"

"No, it's not that I don't love Dean, Mother, it's more…" she paused and then shrugged her shoulders helplessly as she struggled to find the right words to explain her feelings. "I'm not sure if I love him enough. One minute I think I do and then the next…I mean, I couldn't even remember him when I had that amnesia. The doctor said if I was having emotional problems about a person then I'd block them out. Well, I did and I keep thinking back to that and wondering what it all means. I wouldn't have forgotten him if I was sure about my feelings, would I?"

"I don't know, Amanda," Dotty sighed and reached out to gently clasped her hand. "All I can tell you is that Dean is a dependable, compassionate and decent man who loves both you and boys and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. You just have to decide if he is what you want for the rest of your life."

"That's the hardest part. I don't want to hurt him but I think that whatever I decide to do, I will."

"Well, then, that's your answer, dear," Dotty replied wisely. Amanda nodded her head sadly and the two women hugged briefly.

"Thank you, Mother," said Amanda when they pulled apart. "I guess I'd better go and talk to him."

Dotty nodded and watched Amanda leave the room, then picked up her now lukewarm cup of tea and took a big gulp.

**************************

Amanda had just taken her coat off of the hook when there was a knock at her front door.

"Dean! I wasn't expecting you," she exclaimed when she saw who her visitor was. She leaned forward and kissed her boyfriend on the cheek as he entered the house.

"I know, Amanda, but I have great news that just wouldn't wait," he replied excitedly as he took off his coat and handed it to her.

She turned and put it on a coat hook then faced him again. "Well, what is it?" she asked when he didn’t immediately elaborate.

He grabbed her hands and led her into the den. "Oh, hello, Dotty," he greeted when he saw her. "I'm glad you're here too, I've got some pretty exciting news."

Dotty looked at Amanda and stood up. "Oh, Dean, I wish I could stay but I'm already late for an important appointment," she excused. "I'll make sure that Amanda tells me everything when I get back."

She walked over and gave them each a quick kiss on the cheek and then left them alone.

Dean immediately turned to Amanda. "Alright, sit down and I'll tell you."

"OK." Amanda did as he asked and looked up at him expectantly.

"I've been offered a job in Seattle working as the regional weatherman. Isn't that great news?" he enthused happily.

Amanda's mouth dropped open in surprise. "Gosh, Dean, congratulations. I'm very happy for you." She stood up and hugged him tightly before pulling back to add warmly, "You really deserve this, you've worked so hard and I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you, Amanda," he replied and kissed her soundly on the cheek. He released his hold on her and began to pace excitedly around the room. "I can't believe it. This guy called Frank O'Sullivan just rang me up out of the blue and said he was head of regional broadcasting. He told me he'd heard great reports about me from my boss, who's a close friend of his, and would I like to join his team. Oh, this is such a great opportunity for me. I never thought it'd happen. My own slot on prime TV. We'll have to start looking for a house straight away, you know, somewhere quiet with a big backyard…"

Amanda listened to him with a growing sense of dread. "Dean," she cut across his animated chatter quietly. "I'm sorry, I can't move to Seattle with you."

He came to a sudden stop and spun around to face her, the smile fading from his face. "What?" he asked in a shocked tone. "But, honey, when we marry…"

"Well, I haven't actually said that I will, yet," she reminded him softly. She saw the hurt in his eyes and felt guilt wash over her. It wasn't his fault that she didn't want to marry him. It was hers.

Along with what she'd told Dotty, she also knew that part of her decision was due to her work at the Agency. She had discovered a whole new side to herself that she liked. She felt good about herself, more confident. It was something that had been missing from her life for a long time and she didn't want to give it up.

Then, of course, there was Lee. She had tried to deny to herself that he had anything whatsoever to do with her decision but she knew that that wouldn't be strictly true.

Ever since she'd met him, she had felt…something. She didn't know what attracted her the most though. Was it his looks? Was it the glamour of his being an agent? Or was it the glimmer of the lonely, unhappy boy she was allowed a glimpse of every once in a while? Whichever it was, she just couldn't shake the inexplicable fascination that drew her to him. And she couldn't commit herself to Dean while she had those feelings.

She took a deep breath and reached out for her boyfriend's hand, tugging on it gently to get him to sit down on the couch. She sat beside him and gave a gentle smile. This was going to be one of the hardest things she'd ever have to do. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but I can't marry you."

He looked at her in shock. "Why?" he finally asked. His expression grew concerned. "Are you worried that I'd be like Joe? I wouldn't abandon you or the boys, you know that…"

Amanda felt a tug on her heart at his anxious words. "No, it's not that, Dean. I know you're not like Joe. There's a lot of reasons…"

"Like what?" he wanted to know.

"Well, I mean, Seattle…it's a long way and it wouldn't be fair to just uproot the boys like that for a start. They've got all their friends here and they're doing so well in school…"

"But there are good schools in Seattle too," he pointed out eagerly. "And they're young, they'll make new friends in no time."

"What about Mother? She has all her friends here and her clubs…I couldn't just leave her…"

"She could come with us," he offered kindly. "You know I think she's wonderful…"

"And then there's my plant and pet business. It's just starting to do well and I'm getting so many clients now…"

"But you can start another business there. I'll help you, you know that."

"But Dean…"

"Look Amanda, if the only thing stopping you from marrying me is Seattle, then I won't go. I don't want to lose you," he told her earnestly. "I love you. I love Philip and Jamie."

Amanda looked away, feeling awful for having to hurt him but, marriage between them wouldn't work. He deserved to be with someone who loved him back. She just wasn’t that person . But somehow she didn't have the heart to come out and tell him that straight though.

She closed her eyes briefly, then steeled herself for what she was about to do as she looked back at him. "Dean, I…I think you should go to Seattle. Without me. It's what you've been working towards all your life and you shouldn't give that up. For anyone."

Dean's shoulders sagged in defeat as the meaning of her words sank in. The fact that she hadn't returned his declaration of love spoke volumes. And if that hadn't been enough, then the fact that she'd told him to take the job without her all but screamed out refusal. "I see," he finally muttered.

Amanda gave him a small smile then tenderly put her hand to his cheek and leaned in to brush her lips over his in a featherlight kiss. "I'm sorry."

Dean stared back at her then placed his hand over hers and gently pulled it away from his face. He turned his head and gave her palm a kiss before looking back at her. "You have no reason to be. You can't help the way you feel," he replied quietly then stood up and let out a heavy sigh. "Well…I'd better be going. I've got a lot of packing to do for the move."

Amanda also stood and gave him a quick hug. "Good luck and send me some tapes of the show."

"I will," he promised and with a last brief kiss on her lips, he left.

***************************

Amanda looked up as Lee joined her by the coffee machine in the bullpen. "Need a refill?" she asked.

He held out his mug and she carefully poured the black liquid into it. "Thanks. I promised myself this as soon as I finished the Westbrook report."

"Oh, you got it done?"

Lee cleared his throat and shook his head. "Uh…no, but it's almost there."

Amanda smiled. "You want me to finish it for you?"

He smiled in return. "That'd be great, Amanda. Thanks a lot. I don't know what I'm going to do when you leave."

"Well, I wouldn't worry about that, Lee," she said as she started to walk back to her desk with Lee in tow. "Looks like I'm here for a while yet."

"Oh, why's that?" he asked curiously.

They reached her desk then she placed her cup on a coaster before sitting down and looking up at him. "Dean and I have decided to…go our separate ways."

"I see. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, that's how these things go I suppose," she remarked a little sadly. "He got a great job offer yesterday and he's moving to Seattle."

"Seattle, huh?

"Yeah. Dean's boss, Jack Dobson, has a friend in one of the broadcasting companies there, a man called Frank…" she paused and frowned. "I can't remember his surname. Anyway, Jack recommended Dean and he got the job. I'm really happy for him, he deserves it."

"I'm sure he does," Lee agreed dryly, then smiled amiably when he caught her puzzled look.

"Scarecrow, there's a call for you," one of the agents called out to him. "He says it's important."

Lee turned his head and nodded. "I'll take it at my desk." He looked back at Amanda apologetically. "Excuse me." She nodded, then opened a file and began to type.

At his desk, Lee picked up the phone. "Stetson." He paused while he listened to the man on the other end of the line speak then looked across the bullpen at Amanda and smiled slyly. "Yeah, it worked like a charm. Thanks, Frank, I owe you one."

THE END

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