"Jennifer!" Jonathan shouted as he sat up abruptly. He jumped off the couch and his shin smacked hard against the coffee table. "Ouch. Damn. Jennifer!" his voice was full of panic.
"Darling what is it?" Jennifer asked as she rushed out of the kitchen. Jonathan swept her up into a tight embrace, "Jonathan what’s wrong?"
He pulled back enough to look at her, "I just need to hold you." He said before pulling her close again.
"All right Darling." She said as her hands moved soothingly over her husbands back. "All right."
Jonathan buried his face in her neck and Jennifer felt the warm moisture of his tears against her skin. She wasn’t sure how long she stood there with her husband crying silently in her arms. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what he had gone through, thinking she was dead. There had been a few occasions in the past where she thought that Jonathan may have been killed, but that was always in dangerous situations where she never had time to stop and think about it. Nor had she ever had proof. But Jonathan had time to let the cold reality of losing her sink in; he also had what was almost concrete proof. He had time and believable evidence that she was not only gone forever, but had suffered a horrible death. Jennifer knew he would feel grief and the pain, but she also knew that Jonathan would blame himself. He would blame himself for not being there, for not being able to protect her. She was also very conscious of the wall that surrounded her husband. An emotional barrier he used to keep his fears and insecurities veiled. Veiled from the world, veiled from her. But now, here in this room, here in her arms, the wall seemed to crumble, releasing a flood of emotional turmoil. This was rare for her husband, Jennifer could count the number of times this wall had fallen on one hand. And it never lasted long, no more then a few minutes before Jonathan regained control and forced the emotions down. As much as showing these emotions troubled Jonathan, his not showing them troubled Jennifer equally as much.
Jennifer felt his tears subside and Jonathan pulled away and turned his back to her while he wiped his face with his hands, "I’m sorry Darling." He said as the wall began to climb back into place.
Jennifer regarded her husband with eyes full of tears, her voice pleading, "Jonathan please don’t do this." She paused, not getting a response she continued, "Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do this to me."
"Jennifer I can’t." he turned around to face her, "I’m sorry but I just can’t." he said softly.
The tears that had been building began sliding down her face, "Jonathan, it’s impossible for me to imagine the hurt and pain you felt, it is also impossible for you to imagine the hurt and pain, this is causing me right now." She said, her voice breaking at the end of the sentence. They stood quiet for several minutes, looking intently at each other. Jennifer found her voice and began again, "I just… I want so much to… Let me in, just let me…" She found her voice, but she couldn’t find the words. "I don’t know. I don’t know what to say."
Jonathan closed the distance between them and wrapped her up into his arms. "I love you. You know that." He said finally. Jennifer answered him by squeezing him tighter. He rested his chin on her head and spoke again, "I’m just not ready to talk about it." His wife pulled back and looked at him. "Yet." He finished, "I’m not ready to talk about it, yet."
* * * * * *
Jonathan and Jennifer Hart were seated at the island in the kitchen finishing a nice lunch, pasta salad ala Jennifer when a familiar voice came from the living room. "Hello? Jonathan, Jennifer?"
"In here Roger." Jonathan called out to their visitor.
"Hello Roger. Would you care for some pasta salad or some wine?" Jennifer asked.
"No thanks Jennifer. I just stopped by to check up on you two, and to let you know what we’ve learned about Elizabeth Daley."
"What do you got?" Jonathan asked.
Roger pulled up a stool, "Well, the good news is that I believe Liz Daley was the target. As it turns out your friend was set to testify in a very high profile case next week. I can’t say, so don’t ask. But yes, it was high profile enough to get her killed. Now for the bad news, I’m concerned that whoever killed her, could be after you for fear that she may have told you something."
"But she didn’t tell me anything." Jennifer answered honestly.
"I’m not saying that anyone is after you, but just as a precaution I want you under police protection until the whole thing is over."
Jennifer got up and placed her dish in the sink, "Let me know how it turns out okay. Thanks Roger." She said over her shoulder as she walked out of the kitchen.
Jonathan regarded his friend evenly, "How great a danger could we actually be in here?"
"I honestly don’t know. There are still too many unknowns at this point."
"Maybe I should just take her away, out of the country. Whoever it is can’t possible think that she would be testifying from Europe or Asia."
"No, I don’t think that would be a good idea Jonathan. What if the murder wasn’t related to the trial at all? What if they really are after Jennifer, they’ll just follow you, or wait until you get back. I can protect you here, anywhere else, and you’ll be on your own."
Jonathan rubbed his hands over his face, "You’re right. Sorry Roger, it’s been a long couple of days."
"I can imagine. And you look terrible by the way."
"Thanks, thanks a lot."
"Well, I guess I should be getting back to the station. I do have a murder to solve. I’ll see myself out." He said as he stood up to leave, "And Jonathan, get some rest."
"Bye Roger."
* * * * * *
Jonathan leaned up against the doorway to the bedroom watching his wife unpack the few bags they had brought. He took notice that her movements were somewhat sluggish compared to her usual vitality. His wife was oblivious to his presence and continued to fill the dresser on the far side of the room. Earlier that morning he had promised to talk with her about how the events of the past few days were weighing on him. He had agreed to discuss his feelings with her, feelings that he usually kept to himself. It had been several hours since he made that promise, and Jennifer had yet to pressure him into fulfilling it. He knew that she would wait for him, until he was ready. As of right now she seemed content with the fact that he was going to talk to her about it; it was just a matter of when. However it turned out, he was positive that she wouldn’t let him just bury this.
Jennifer closed the last drawer and turned back towards the remaining bags on the bed. She caught sight of her husband, "Hello Darling."
"Hi."
"You still look tired." She said in a voice that meant he was going to lie down for a while whether he wanted to or not.
"I still feel tired." Jonathan answered honestly and pushed off the doorway, walking towards her closing the distance between them. "And I can see that you do too."
"I’m going to work on my story for a while before dinner, why don’t you take a nap." She said ignoring his observation.
He slipped his arms around her waist, "I will if you will. If not, I refuse."
"What are you saying exactly?"
"What I’m saying is, the only way that I’m getting in that bed, is if you’re in it too."
"Is that final?"
"Final. If you want this exhausted husband of yours to take a nap, then you have to join him."
She stepped back and extended her arm towards the bed, "After you."
"No, after you." Jennifer shrugged, kicked off her shoes and climbed onto the bed. Jonathan smiled and said something under his breath as he sat down on the bed to remove his shoes.
"I’m sorry Darling, what did you say?" she asked.
"Oh it was nothing, never mind Darling." His tone somewhat guilty."
Jennifer propped herself up on one elbow and eyed him suspiciously, "I don’t think so, out with it. What did you say?"
Jonathan fluffed his pillow before lying down, "It was nothing Darling, forget it." He said teasingly.
She poked him in the side with her finger, "Now."
He smiled impishly, "Putty."
"What?"
"I said, putty."
There was a short pause while Jennifer contemplated what he had said. It didn’t take her long to make the connection and when she did she sat up and moved to her knees facing her husband. "Putty." She said as a statement and not a question.
"Putty." He confirmed.
"I’ll give you putty." She said and pounced on him. They wrestled for a few minutes while stealing a kiss here and a caress there. When their playing finally ceased Jennifer was snuggled up against Jonathan, her left arm lay across his chest and her head rested comfortably on his shoulder. "I won’t be so easy on you next time."
Jonathan leaned down and brushed his lips over hers, "I look forward to it."
Jennifer rolled her eyes, "You’re incorrigible." His only response was a thin smile.
They had been lying quiet for some time, though Jonathan had ceased to quit fidgeting. "Darling?" He said finally.
"Hmm?" Jennifer asked lazily as she was almost dozing. She had apparently been more tired then she thought.
"I’m sorry but I can’t sleep in this position."
Not entirely awake, Jennifer rolled off of him and onto her stomach, resting her head on her arms, leaving her husband free.
"Darling?" He called again.
More awake this time she turned her head so she could look at him. Jonathan was sitting up and she had to crane her neck to make eye contact. "Hmm?"
"Darling I’m sorry, I know you’re tired and… Never mind Darling, go back to sleep. Forget it, just go back to sleep." He said more annoyed with himself then apologetic.
This was very unlike him and his odd behavior brought Jennifer fully awake. "Jonathan." The way she said his name told him that she wanted to know, and she wanted to know now. It wasn’t mean or harsh, but concerned.
"I want… I need, to be able to hold you while we’re asleep. I don’t know if it’s to remind me that everything is okay, and that you’re safe. Or if it’s because I’m afraid of… of something. I just know that unless you’re in my arms, I won’t be able to sleep." He said with brutal honesty.
Jennifer regarded him with full eyes, "I love you."
"I love you."
They shared a very tender gaze before Jonathan moved closer to his wife. Jennifer moved onto her side and leaned back against her husband. His arms wrapped protectively around her pulling her in even closer. Neither spoke a word as sleep came and conquered them both quickly.
* * * * * *
Jennifer Hart awoke in the exact same position that she had fallen asleep in, Her husband’s arms. It’s not that this was unusual, especially for them. It’s just that this time it was more. More reassuring, more desperate, more needed. Just more. Jonathan was wrapped possessively around her and she could feel his warm breath on her neck. She was perfectly happy to just lie there with him while he slept. A little over twenty minutes later she felt him stir and slowly come awake. He didn’t move, he too was perfectly happy to stay right were he was.
"Have a nice nap Darling?" Jennifer asked as she brushed her fingers over his arm that hung loosely around her waist.
"Mm hmm."
"Well good, you certainly needed it."
"Mm hmm."
His wife moved up to her knees, "I think I’m going to take a bath, why don’t you go back to sleep Darling?"
Jonathan grinned impishly, "What if I said no. And refused to let you leave this bed?"
Jennifer threw her leg over her husbands middle straddling him, and Jonathan’s hands moved to rest on her legs as he looked up at her. "What makes you think that you could stop me?" She asked.
"Putty, remember?"
"You Mr. Hart, are going to get it."
"Promise?"
Jennifer exhaled audibly and shook her head, "What am I going to do with you?"
Jonathan smiled wickedly, "Anything you want. But I do have some suggestions."
They shared a laugh and Jennifer leaned down and brushed her lips over his. He responded by nibbling gently at her bottom lip. The kiss ended and she pulled back to look at him, "Darling, do you want to tell me, about this?" She asked, running her finger lightly over the bruised lump on his forehead.
"Not really." He said with injured pride.
"I told you to move your shoes." She said in a scolding tone.
"What makes you think I tripped over my shoes?"
"Didn’t you?" She asked in a tone that meant she knew he did.
"Well, yes. But how did you know?"
"Oh I don’t know, maybe because you always leave your shoes by the bed when we travel. And besides, look where your shoes are right now."
"You’re absolutely right Darling. I ignored your warning. I think I need to be punished."
"Punished?"
"Definitely."
"What exactly did you have in mind?"
"You wanted a bath right? So how about a little water torture?"
Jennifer smiled and leaned down to kiss him again, "Animal." She mumbled against his lips and Jonathan responded by making a low growling noise. Jennifer laughed and sat back up, "Will you quit it?"
"What?" He asked innocently.
She was about to respond when the phone interrupted. They looked at each other and Jennifer shrugged her shoulders, "You answer that while I go start the water." She gave him another quick kiss before sliding off him and moving to the bathroom.
* * * * * *
Jennifer Hart walked out of the bedroom wearing jeans and sweater, her socked feet sinking slightly into the thick carpeting. The bathtub was rather small for two so she opted for a shower instead, but it didn’t really matter because her husband didn’t join her as she expected. "Jonathan?"
"In here Darling." Came the familiar voice.
She entered the kitchen, "I thought you were going to join me. Was it the phone call, is everything okay?"
"Everything is fine. It was Garret, he was calling to tell us that we had a visitor."
"A visitor? Who?" she asked slightly puzzled.
"Him." Jonathan answered and bent down behind the island. He stood up with Freeway Jr. in his arms.
"Freeway!" Jennifer’s face lit up as she took the dog from her husband. She stood holding and talking to the small dog for several minutes. "Why don’t you go and get a shower while me and Freeway start dinner?"
"No need, I ordered out. How does Chinese sound?"
"Sounds great." She said off hand, still playing with Freeway Jr.
"Darling I know you probably want to work on your story, but I was kind of hoping that we could spend the day together."
She stopped playing with the dog and looked at him. She offered him a broad smile and nodded, "Together."
Jonathan returned her smile and stepped closer to her, "Could I persuade you back into the tub?"
Jennifer pushed him away playfully, "Will you go and get your shower?"
"Is that a no?" He asked.
"Get out of here." She said and smacked him on the backside as he walked past her towards the doorway.
Jonathan retreated to the bathroom and took a quick shower, he returned to the living room wearing jeans and polo shirt. Jennifer was sitting cross-legged on the floor playing with Junior. He was about to make his way over to them when a knock at the door changed his direction.
Jonathan stood in front on the door, "Who is it?"
"Mr. Hart, it’s Garret Luft."
Jonathan opened the door allowing the young man to enter. He was carrying several bags, "Here’s your food and videos Mr. Hart." He said as he set them down onto one of the end tables. He caught sight of Jennifer walking towards them, "Hello Mrs. Hart."
"Hello Garret, how are you?" she asked.
"Oh, I can’t complain. Well, enjoy your dinner. I’ll see you tomorrow." He said turning around and heading back towards the door.
"Bye Garret." She called after him.
"Goodnight Garret." Jonathan added and closed the door after the young man exited.
"Mm, it smells delicious." Jennifer said.
"It certainly does. Darling, why don’t you get us something to drink while I put on a video."
"Good idea, I’ll be right back." She went into the kitchen and returned with two tall glasses of iced tea. She set them on the coffee table and set out the cartons of Chinese food. Jonathan was still trying to get the VCR working properly, so she chose a carton of chicken teriyaki and picked at it with her chopsticks. "Having some difficulties Darling?" She asked.
He looked back at her and gave her the ‘could you do better’ look, "It’s all yours."
She laughed and stood up making her way to him minus the chicken and knelt down beside him. "How hard could it be?" Jonathan just shook his head. It took several minutes before they managed to get it to work, and when they did it was completely accidental. They returned to the sofa and Jennifer went back to her teriyaki while Jonathan enjoyed some General Tso’s Chicken. "What are we watching anyway?" she asked between bites.
"I Was A Male War Bride." He answered proudly.
"Were you now?" she asked teasingly.
"Yes. It’s the legs, I have great legs." He teased back.
"So I’ve noticed."
"Stop flirting with me and watch the movie."
Jennifer answered by flinging a pillow at him. Jonathan caught it easily and turned his attention back to the movie. "Oh no." she said when she noticed a familiar face on the screen.
"Oh no what? This is a great movie."
"It’s not the movie I’m worried about." She answered.
"What then?"
"Jonathan, if we watch this movie you’re going to walk around here thinking you’re Cary Grant. At least for the next few days anyway."
Doing his best Grant, "Why, Cary is charming, just charming."
"Jonathan."
"And you, you are charming as well Love."
"Jonathan."
"Yes, yes what is Love."
"Do you remember the discussion we had earlier, about jet-lag?"
This time he spoke without the accent, "You know, you don’t fight fair."
Jennifer looked at him and then returned to her dinner and the movie. When they were finished eating she gathered up the containers and disappeared into the kitchen. She returned several minutes later carrying two glasses of wine. She handed one to Jonathan, took a sip of hers and moved back to her seat. A few minutes after she sat down Jonathan stretched and sprawled out sideways on the couch. Jennifer unconsciously moved her arm out of the way so her husband could use her lap for a pillow. Her right hand slipped down behind him and her fingers danced lightly over his back, scratching it gently. By time the movie was over Jonathan had fallen asleep.
"Darling." Jennifer said as she ran her fingers through his hair. Getting no reply, "The movie’s over."
"Mm hmm."
"Come on, let’s go to bed." She said getting up and pulling him along. They got up and Jennifer moved to turn off the television and VCR while Jonathan sat on the arm of the couch waiting for her. She finished up and snagged his hand as she walked past him, pulling him in tow towards their temporary bedroom.
Jonathan changed quickly and fell into bed. Jennifer, not as tired took her time and finally settled into bed with her story notes. As soon as she hit the bed her husband rolled over and rested his arm across her lap. In doing so he captured several pieces of paper under the askew limb. Jennifer looked down at him and smiled before attempting to free her trapped notes. She worked for about an hour before sleep became too demanding to ignore. She placed her work on the nightstand and turned off the light. She carefully removed her husband’s arm from her lap, before sliding lower down in the bed. She no sooner closed her eyes when Jonathan’s arm came from behind her wrapping around her again. She also felt him snuggle closer to her, leaving no space between them. It wasn’t the most comfortable of positions but the steady rhythm of his breathing assured her that he was sleeping peacefully, and after what he had been through sleep is exactly what she wanted him to do. Jennifer would gladly forgo comfort as long as Jonathan was getting some much-needed sleep. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes waiting for sleep to claim her as well. Not much later, it did.
* * * * * *
Jennifer Hart awoke in a bed that was shaking and trembling wildly. Her first thought was earthquake. She shook off the disorientation of sleep and quickly realized that it wasn’t an earthquake but her husband. Jonathan was twisted amongst one of the blankets on the bed, arms and legs flailing wildly. So wildly in fact that Jennifer had to retreat from the bed and stood beside it shouting Jonathan’s name trying to wake him.
"JONATHAN!" She shouted as she tried to make a grab for one his flailing arms. "JONATHAN! WAKE UP!" Jonathan sat up abruptly looking around in confusion, Jennifer was at his side instantly. She tried to take his face into her hands but he flinched and pulled back. She settled for holding one arm tightly as the other moved soothingly over his damp back. His hair and clothes were moist with sweat and she could feel the heat radiating from him. "Jonathan," this time she spoke softer, more reassuring. "Jonathan can you hear me?"
He looked at her for the first time and she could see tears spilling down his cheeks, "Jennifer?" It came out more of a plea then a question.
Tears fell down her face at hearing his vulnerable tone, "Yes." Was the only word she could find.
Jonathan locked eyes with her and stared for a long time. When he was almost sure that she wasn’t an illusion he reached to touch her face to be absolutely certain. He brushed his fingertips softly down her cheek following his hand with his eyes. "Jennifer." This time he said it with acknowledgement.
She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him fiercely. His arms went around her waist pulling her in closer and tighter. They were holding each other so closely it was hard to tell where he left off and she began. After several minutes Jennifer pulled back so that they were face to face. She needed to find out what just happened. In all the years they had been married he had never had a nightmare this severe. She cupped his face with her hands and looked at him intently, "Are you all right?" she asked softly.
"As long as you are." He answered weakly still maintaining a tight grip.
"Let’s get this wet shirt off." She said helping him remove the shirt. She tossed it near the bathroom door and reached for her bottle of water sitting on the nightstand. "Here, drink some of this. I’ll get you clean shirt."
"No!" Jonathan said grabbing her arm before she could move.
"What?! What’s the matter?!
"Don’t leave." He begged.
She was getting more worried by the minute, she had never seen him like this. This… desperate, this afraid. "Okay. I won’t. I’m going to stay right here. With you." She said softly as he clung to her again.
An hour later Jennifer was still sitting on the bed with Jonathan holding on to her waist for dear life while resting his head on her lap. She ran her fingers soothingly through his hair. She listened to the sound of his breathing, it was slower and deeper now. She would have thought him to be asleep if his grasp wasn’t so strong. He looked like a little kid that had crept into mommy’s bedroom after believing there to be a monster under his bed. Jennifer really had no idea of what to do or say but what choice did she have, "Want to tell me about it?" She asked, starting somewhere.
"No."
No way was she letting this one go. "Let me put it another way, we have to talk about this."
Jonathan took a deep breath and exhaled audibly, "That night… I walked into the kitchen and saw the body bag on the floor. Occupied, body bag on the floor. There were sheets in the corner, on the floor. I guess they were there to cover up all the blood. I pulled the zipper back a few inches and saw red hair. Roger stopped me before I could go any further. He told me it was you, at least he assumed it was." Jonathan tightened his hold on her waist and paused for a minute before continuing. "I didn’t believe him. I couldn’t. But then I lost it. I threw a chair across the room, broke the table. I guess they must have sedated me, I don’t know. But, in the dream." His voice started to shake. "My dream tonight, I pulled the zipper down past the hair. Enough to reveal the face, your face." He barely got the last part out before his voice failed him completely. He turned his head and buried it in Jennifer’s mid-section.
Jennifer couldn’t believe that she was able to keep from crying. But she had to, she needed to be strong for him right now. "Jonathan." She said pulling on his shoulders to try and get him to sit up. "Jonathan, I want you to sit up and look at me." Reluctantly, he did but without breaking contact. They now sat looking at each other. "It was a dream. Just a dream."
"It almost wasn’t." He recalled painfully.
She thought about that for a moment before responding, "You can’t hold on to that. It’ll tear you apart."
"It’s all I can think about. I almost lost you."
"No. No you didn’t." She amended quickly. "And you can’t keep thinking about what would of happened if you did."
"I can’t live without you, I won’t." He said firmly.
"Darling don’t do this to yourself. I’m fine, you’re fine. We’re okay, and we’re together. And I have no intention of leaving anytime soon. So please don’t sit here driving yourself crazy with this. Please."
"It’s not that simple. I had a glimpse of my life without you, I can’t forget that." He said in a distressed tone.
"We’re not going to live forever, it is going to happen eventually. But you can’t live like this, worrying everyday that it’s going to happen. Because it is. You know that, I know that. But we can’t live fearing it." Jennifer hated having to be so forward and unfeeling but she had to get him to let it go.
"I don’t know what to do." He said weakly.
"Jonathan, I don’t know what to say. I don’t have the words to make this right. All I know is that I love you. I trust in our love, and that’s never let me down before." She said with sincere honesty.
"And I trust in you, and you’ve never let me down before."
Jennifer answered him by hugging him tight, "Thank you for letting me in."
"From now on." He promised.
