Title: All By Myself (1/1) Author: Tanja E-mail addy: voet@tanja-myrna.demon.nl/xfshippers@writeme.com Homepage URL: http://www.angelfire.com/oh/xfshippers/index.html Rating: PG-13 Keywords: S,R, MSR Summary: When the X-files are closed for good, Scully takes a decision, that leaves her all by herself. Disclaimer: Let's just say it like this, they aren't mine! The song All by Myself is from Celine Dion. Author's note: Okay, this story turned out a little bit different as planned, but I'm sure it'll work itself out, since it's a story in a series of two or three stories. Enjoy reading anyway! Joey, thanks for beta-reading! All By Myself Dana Scully sat down on her couch. She had done her shopping for the weekend, she had just cleaned her whole house and now she didn't know what to do. Every other person would be spending the weekend with their friends and family. She hadn't seen her friends in ages. They were all too busy with their own lives, with boyfriends, husbands and children. Her mom was staying with her brother Bill and Charlie was at sea of course. So that basically closed out spending time with friends and family. Mulder ... She wished she could call him, but it was too late for that. Had it been one month earlier, she would have called him. Would it have been one month earlier, the chance would have been 9 out of 10 that they were out of town, working on a case. One month ago, she had still been Special Agent Dana Scully, working with the FBI. Together with Mulder, working in the basement office of the X-files. However, that had been one month ago. The X-files had been closed, for good this time. She could have accepted the transfer the bureau had offered her, she could have stayed with the FBI, but she had declined the offer and resigned. Sighing, she closed her eyes as her thoughts went back to that day, one month ago. She could still remember word for word the conversation she had had with Mulder, after telling him she was leaving. 1 MONTH EARLIER FBI BUILDING X-FILES BASEMENT She stood in front of the door to their office, hesitating for a minute. No matter what she would say, no matter what she would do to make it sound better, she would have to go in there, to tell Mulder that she was going to leave the FBI. To tell him that she wouldn't and couldn't be his partner any longer. She wished she could skip this part, but she knew she couldn't. She told herself. A voice in her head told her. With a sigh she decided it would be better to get this over with as soon as possible, and opened the door. When he heard the door open, Mulder looked up from what he was doing, to see his partner walking in. "Hey Scully!" He greeted her, trying to make it sound cheerful, even though he wasn't feeling very cheerful at that moment. From the look on Scully's face he could tell she wasn't in a very good mood either. "Hi Mulder." She said weary. "Are you alright, Scully?" He asked, worried. He knew this wasn't easy for her, it wasn't for him either. He had been shocked and angry, when they had found out that Skinner was closing down the X-files. He hadn't been able to change it however, and he thanked god, that at least he would still be partnered with Scully, even though they weren't working on the X-files any longer after today. He could accept losing the X-files, as long as she would be with him. He wouldn't be able to deal with losing her also. "I ...., Mulder, .... I, ..." She didn't know how to tell him, couldn't find the words to say it. A single tear trickled down her face, as she looked at him. He moved from behind his desk and walked to her. With one hand he wiped away the tears that were falling down her face. "Hey, it's going to be alright Scully. Please don't cry, I know this is hard, but at least we will still be together. You and me against the rest of the world." He said teasingly, trying to get a smile out of her. It didn't make her smile at all, in contrary, the tears were now streaming down her face freely. Shaking her head, she said "It's not alright Mulder, it will never be right anymore." "Scully?" He asked, confused, not knowing where she was going. Fearing that it was something he wouldn't like at all. "I ..., Mulder, I'm sorry." She whispered. "Sorry? What do you mean Scully, why are you sorry?" "I'm leaving." "I know, we're both leaving, but ..." "No, Mulder. I mean I'm leaving, really leaving." No! She couldn't be telling him this. After everything they had been through, after everything that had happened? She was not only going to leave the X-files behind, but also the FBI, him? Why? "You're leaving the FBI?" He asked incredulously, hoping against better judgement that he had misunderstood. He hadn't. She nodded, staring down at her feet, avoiding to look at his face. "Why? We could have made it work, couldn't we? I know things will change, but that doesn't mean that ..." "I can't. I'm sorry Mulder, but I can't do it anymore. When I joined the FBI, I was hoping to make a difference. I joined, because it was what I wanted to do. Everybody told me I was crazy, for leaving behind a career in Medicines, only to go work for the government. I didn't care, I didn't want a career in some hospital, this is what I chose and I was proud of it. I loved my job, the challenges ..." Her voice trailed of. "It's gone Mulder, all gone. After everything we have been through, after everything I've seen, I can't go back to what I was before. I have changed. I know it may sound like I'm giving up and maybe I am. All I know, is that it's over. No matter how difficult it is to do this, I'm leaving. Please don't try to stop me, I have to." He knew that whatever he was going to say, whatever he would do, he wouldn't be able to change her mind. She had made her decision. "Where are you going to go?" He asked, defeated. "Philadelphia. A friend from college works there in a hospital, they needed another doctor and I was available." She tried to make it sound as if it was what she really wanted. Truth was, she didn't. What she really wanted, was the X-files and Mulder, but she knew that if they didn't have the X- files, she wouldn't have Mulder either. The X-files were his life, she wasn't. "We will still see each other, won't we? Philadelphia isn't that far away, is it?" He asked, holding on to the last straws he had. At least she wasn't moving to the other side of the country. "Of course we will. You have to come by, once I have settled in." She knew that it probably wouldn't happen. She would move away, starting a different life, Mulder would move on with his own life. Maybe they would talk on the phone sometimes, the occasional birthday and christmas cards, but that would be it. Philadelphia wasn't that far away from Washington, but far enough to make Mulder forget about her. "Okay." He nodded. Who was he fooling? Scully would probably meet some doctor, get married and finally live the life she deserved to be living. But he could still dream, couldn't he? Because if he didn't have his dreams anymore, all that would be left was reality. "I ehm ... I think I'd better go now." She looked at the door, as if it was her excuse to leave. Before she knew it, Mulder pulled her in his arms and hugged her closely. "Good luck, Scully. That hospital is damn lucky to have you." She hugged him back for a moment, then letting go, she kissed him on the cheek and whispered "goodbye Mulder." It was the last thing she said, before she left the office. She didn't hear the words Mulder whispered to the closed door, tears in his eyes. "Goodbye Scully, I love you." Tears streaming down her face, Dana Scully walked to the elevator, on her way to her new life. BACK TO TODAY Maybe she shouldn't have left. What would have happened if she hadn't left? Like she had expected, she had spoken to Mulder on the phone, a few times, but she hadn't seen him anymore after she had left. She liked her new job, her colleagues were nice, her new apartment was nice and so was Philadelphia. But nice wasn't really what she wanted. She had left Washington, to have a new career. Back in Washington that career hadn't been good anymore, her private life had been, or better to say, could have been. Here in Philadelphia, her career was going great, her private life wasn't. It was after she had left, that she had finally admitted, what she had been denying to herself for years. She loved Mulder, she missed him terribly and didn't want to be without him. But she had made her choice. She wondered if things would have been different, if she would have stayed in Washington. However, there was not much use in thinking about what could have been. It was too late for that now. She stared out of the window, listening to the song that was playing on the radio. All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself Anymore Oh Don't wanna be By myself, by myself Anymore Oh All by myself Don't wanna live I never, never, never Needed anyone She recognized the song, it was Celine Dion. The words hit a little to close too home. She didn't want to be by herself, she had been living by herself long enough already, never depending on anybody but herself, never needing anyone. Truth was, that she didn't want that, that she did need someone. She needed Mulder. She wanted him to be with her. To talk with him, to laugh about his jokes and even though they had never crossed the line between friendship and more than that, she wanted to feel his arms around her, to hear him say he loved her. But she wouldn't hear those words, he wouldn't be with her, it was too late. She was all by herself, because she had made her decision. The End Don't start yelling! It's not the end, it's the first story in a short series I'm doing, probably two or three stories. So don't worry, I'll not leave it like this. You can put away the tomatoes and rotten eggs again!