Encyclopedia Histeria! Presents...
Songs of Histeria!
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The Histeria! March
It's Called Histeria!
It's Time For Histeria!
Addams Family Opening
A Show Is A Show
The Ballad of Father Time
Please Watch Our Show
Big Fat Road Baby
Big Fat Twin Babies
Loud Kiddington
Loud Kiddington & Fetch
Pepper Mills
Toast
World's Oldest Woman
Alexander the Great
Atlanta Burnin' Bright
Babbage Made the Difference
Bully, Bully
The Civil War
The Conservation Song
Communuts!
The Cuneiform Alphabet Song
The Cowpie Song
Easter Island
The Emancipation Proclamation Hoedown
The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte
Freedom League
For I Cannot Tell A Lie
General Sherman's Campsite
The Gold Rush
The Gold Standard
Have A Blast In the Past
Hooray for Presidents!
I'm Liking Being a Viking
The Invasion Song
Jefferson and Franklin Rap
Johnny Shiloh
Libby
Louis and Marie
Mary Had A Little Lamb 2000
Megalomaniacs
Me Got You Hun
Montezuma's Revenge
My Buddy Stalin
My City Rome
New Deal For You
O Canada
Peace, Land, and Bread
People Wanted Pepper On Their Food
Philo Farnsworth
Philosophy
President for One Day
Raggedy Lyndon Johnson
The Renaissance
The Road to Invention
Rosa Parks
Sacajawea
Song Dynasty, The Musical
The Sound of Stalin
Spice It Up
Susan B. Good
Thank History For Guys Like Him
That's the Story That's Told by the Bard
That's Why the Lady is a Queen
Theme From Taft
Trust Buster!
The Tudors
The Washington Hillbillies
Way Down Beside the Nile River
We've Been Slaving on the Pyramid
What's In A God's Name?
The Wright Brothers
You'll Be Leader of the United States
You Stabbed Me In the Back
Now's the time to watch Histeria!
Just like people in Bulgaria
It's a show that's beyond comparia
Comedy, history, with imbecility! (Duh)
Here's Father Time, no one's hairier
Big Fat Baby's smell might scare ya
Loud Kiddington's yell will bury ya
Have a blast in the past
With our screwy cast!
Meet Pepper, Charity, Aka, and Toast
And Miss Info...and here's Froggo
World's Oldest Woman chases the host
On Histeria! in stereo
Through time and space our crew is gonna race
History we chase while smashing jokes and laughs right in your face
Through centuries we'll meet celebrities
We pay them hefty fees to join our showcase
From Sumeria to Siberia
We will carry ya if necessary-a
Just to share-ia a crazy area
Of antiquaria on Histeria!
We swear-ia, and declaria!
Extrordinaria, is Histeria
So preparia for hilaria
We dare ya to watch Histeria!
It's called Histeria!
The world premere-ia!
We dare-ia to watch Histeria!
Preparia for hilaria,
They love it in Bulgaria,
Histeria!
We declaria, be awaria
The laughter's gonna bury ya, we swearia!
It's history mania,
Get set for Histeria!
We're racing through time in search of comedy
We're gonna make fun of history
With superstars from every century
Here on Histeria!
It's hysterical, historical
Here's Big Fat Baby, he smells horrible
With Father Time, Loud Kiddington,
Miss Information,
World's Oldest Woman
Mix Toast and Pepper with Charity
Add Froggo and the others get hilarity
Revolutionaria, it's time for Histeria!
His-ter-i-a!
[rooster calls]
Loud: Hey, everybody, wake up!
We double dare ya
To watch Histeria!
It's a comedy that whales!
Beyond compare-a
That's Histeria!
You'll laugh until your bladder fails
The jokes'll bury ya
And we swear-ia
They love it in Bulgaria
We'll make fun of the past
We're gonna have a blast
It's time for Histeria!
Revolutionary,
Extrordinary,
It's Histeria!
It's serious and funny,
The baby's nose is runny,
The show cost lots of money,
It's called Histeria!
It's filled with jokes and humor,
And this is just a rumor,
The baby made a pooper,
On Histeria!
[Loud Screams]
Froggo: Loud.
[Pepper Screams]
Froggo: Wowed.
[Toast wanders about as dropping furniture nearly crushes him]
Froggo: In the clouds.
The cast is pretty goony,
And every afternoony,
It's history that's looney,
On Histeria!
Horse: Hello. This is Histeria!
A show is a show, we know, we know,
So on with the show, it's time to go,
You know it cost a lot of dough,
It's called Histeria!
The censors yakkety-yak all day and tell us what to do,
But when it comes to comedy, they haven't got a clue!
A show is a show, we know, we know,
And now is the time to go, we know,
Let's wrap the show in a great big bow,
What is its name?
It's Histeria!
There was a glitch in time,
Which caused a tear in space
Thus sent us all into...
Histeria!
Who's gonna take the blame?
The guy with the hourglass,
Father Time is his name!
They say he fell asleep,
While on the job,
And time just ran away,
To Histeria!
Now he tracks time night and day!
To make sure time never ever...
Again gets away!
Now wherever time goes,
To the end of all time,
Father Time will be there!
Histeria!
Kid Chorus: Charity, Loud, Aka, Froggo
We come from 'round this great big world
From every time and era,
And beg you please
On bended knees,
To watch Histeria!
'Cause if you all don't watch our show
Every single blessed day,
Kids' WB
Will get uppity,
And they'll probably cut our pay!
We get paid real bad, (Oh, yeah)
We get paid so low. (So low it hurts)
So watch our show, (Please watch our show)
Or we lose our shirts. (It's sad but true)
We get paid so low
(We come from 'round this great big world)
So low it hurts
(From every time and era)
So watch our show
(And beg you please, on bended knees)
Or we lose our shirts
(To watch Histeria!)
Oh, yeah...
When Big Fat Baby goes down the road real fast,
Puddles of drool are found where he just passed.
Betcha that Big Fat Baby's bottom is wet,
'Cause he zooms around like a supersonic jet.
Big Fat Baby, you're lookin' pretty strange,
Big Fat Baby, your diaper needs a change!
Father Time is trying to catch that kid,
But the poor old guy goes spinning into a skid.
Big Fat Baby he doesn't have the tiniest clue,
Just zoomin' along and all he can say is 'goo'.
Big Fat Baby, Father Time is after ya,
Big Fat Baby, on Histeria!
Big Fat Baby Girl hobnobs
With classy folks, not just slobs
But Big Fat Baby Boy is hip,
Down the stairs he's gonna trip,
What a pair of blobs!
But they're babies!
Big fat twin baby boy and girl!
Their feeding time is messy,
Look out, they're gonna hurl.
Big Fat Baby Girl likes to dance
There's a fragrance rising from her pants,
But Big Fat Baby Boy is rude
He likes to dress up in the nude
Just like folks from France!
But they're babies!
Big fat twin baby boy and girl!
They scarf alike
They slurp alike
They even barf and burp alike!
They can make you sick,
When babies act so lunatic!
When the world had just begun,
There lived a boy named Kiddington.
He really stood out in a crowd,
He yelled real loud,
Loud Kiddington!
The sound that he makes is bigger
Than you'd ever figure a kid could make.
Wherever he goes, his yelling
Is compelling to keep folks away.
In the history of the past,
One voice possessed a sonic blast.
He echoed like a thundercloud,
His name is Loud,
Loud Kiddington!
Now Histeria's begun,
Meet the boy named Kiddington.
He is in almost every sketch,
Loud Kiddington, and his dog Fetch!
Now Histeria is done,
We hope you had a lot of fun
Tune in again and catch
Loud Kiddington, and his dog Fetch!
Hey, if you are a star or celebrity
Then I know a fan, oh man, she'll jump out of her tree
So look out! Here comes Pepper
You'd better run for the hills
She'll try any ruse 'til she gets your autograph
If you refuse it could be your epitaph
You give her the chills, she's Pepper Mills!
[Pepper screams]
Pepper!
Toast,
Wants a wave that's gnarly,
Toast,
Wants to ride a Harley,
Toast,
Wants a life without a care!
His sunburn is insane but he'll never complain,
'Cause his skin's just as fried as his brain.
He'll remain on the beach that's his domain.
And Toast thinks thinking is nothing but a pain,
Toast!
Chorus: She's been around since the earth was begun,
Histeria! presents the World's Oldest Woman!
WOW: I dated the missing link. Let me tell ya, you didn't miss much!
Chorus: She's old!
He's wild and he's wacky, he's the ruler of France,
Keeps his hand in his jacket to hold up his pants,
They say a few apples fell out of his cart,
He's the emperor Napoleon Bonaparte!
He wants to rule Europe, but that's just a start,
He's the emperor Napoleon Bonaparte!
Kid Chorus: Aka Pella, Loud Kiddington, Charity Bazaar, Froggo
To the tune of O Susanna
Kid Chorus: In the election of 1848 Zach Taylor replaced James Polk,
But March 4th of 1849 was something of a joke
Polk's presidency ended at midnight on Saturday
When Taylor learned he'd be sworn in he declared, "No way!"
Old Zach Taylor
Won't work on a Sunday
And that's how there came to be
A President for one day
Polk's Vice President had also gone and now there was no pres,
David Atchison became chief exec and put on his best fez,
Now Atchison was known to lead as Senate president
Atchison: But as head of the United States I hardly made a dent!
Kid Chorus: Old Zach Taylor
Won't work on a Sunday
And that's how Atchison became
President for one day!
Atchison spent his presidency snoozing all day long,
No one knew he was president, that's why we wrote this song
Old Zach Taylor
Won't work on a Sunday
And that's how Atchison became
President for one day!
You light the harbor with your torch,
You stand so grand and tall,
New Yorkers salute you from their front porch
The French sculpted you as a statue,
A garbage barge is as big as your left shoe
Freedom's all around, you represent it,
Immigrants abound, their hearts contented
You welcome them to the new world,
You welcome them to the new world!
Kid Chorus: Aka, Bow-Haired Girl, Kip Ling, Froggo
Kid Chorus: Even though he stands at only five foot five or six,
He's a giant when it comes to war and politics!
Thank history for guys like him,
They like to stir up history every day
Thank history for guys like him,
They shape the past in most disturbing ways
Napoleon was ruthless, had a feeling
Of being emperor of the world was so appealing
For guys like him who rule with an iron will,
He'd invade a country and then tax them for the bill!
He brought in a legion here and had his reign in Spain
And the Dutch and Swiss and Polish folks
All had to learn his name!
People: Napoleon!
Napoleon: All hail to me!
Kid Chorus: But war was not the only place he excelled,
He opened public schools and had the kings and queens expelled!
Thank history for guys like him,
For little guys make history in big ways
Thank history for guys like him,
Be thankful no one's like him nowadays!
Napoleon: In closing I would like to share just one more thing,
When making war with Russia you should wait for spring!
Kid Chorus: Thank history for guys like him,
Take a chance, and you'll see,
Vive la France,
Napoleon: Vive la me!
To the tune of Wannabe
Father Time: [as a pirate] Ahoy, mateys. Har, har. In the year
1519, Magellan set out from Spain, to sail west he
did, around South America to find a route to Asia,
and the East Indies, as it were.
Froggo: On his way, he was trying to reach the Spice Islands,
which are between Borneo and New Guinea.
Miss Info: Unfortunately, Magellan never made it there. But we
did! And now, Histeria! proudly presents...the Spice
Island Girls!
Sugar 'n Spice: I'm Sugar 'n Spice!
Cinnamon 'n Spice: I'm Cinnamon 'n Spice!
World's Oldest Woman: I guess that makes me Old Spice! What's it to you?!
The music starts.
Spice Island Girls: If you want some spices,
Then dock your ship,
Sugar 'n Spice: I'm sweet,
Cinnamon 'n Spice: I'm spicy,
World's Oldest Woman: And I've got a fake hip!
Spice Island Girls: Magellan had five ships,
But then just one,
Circumnavigating doesn't sound like fun!
Spice Island Girls: I'll tell you where you are
Where you really, really are
Miss Information: So tell me where we are,
Where we really, really are!
Spice Island Girls: You're in the ha, you're in the ha...
You're in the East Indonesian Islands!
If you wanna find the Spice Islands
By taking a new route,
Sail west of the Strait of Magellan
That's what it's all about!
Sailing 'round the world
Comes with a heavy price,
So stop in Indonesia
World's Oldest Woman: And take home a little spice!
Miss Info: Oh, my favorite spice is thyme, and speaking of
time, we're out of it! Bye-bye now!
Sacajawea: With Lewis and Clark I went to Idaho,
They were cold and starving and lost in the snow
Showed them food they never had tried,
Helped them get across the continental divide
My nickname's bird woman,
But you can call me Sacajawea
Clark: Her nickname's bird woman,
Unfortunately, we couldn't date her,
'Cause she was married to our guide,
A French Canadian fur trader
Lewis: Sacajawea,
If you ask me she's the greatest gal around!
Kid Chorus: Charity, Loud, Aka, Crooked-Mouth Boy
Napoleon: And now, Histeria proudly presents "The Invasion Song". It's
one of my personal favorites. [into mirror] And so are you,
you handsome, tiny tiger. Meow!
Kid Chorus: Several million years ago a prehistoric man
Discovered that his neighbor had a nicer piece of land,
So he invaded, confiscated, that's how countries grew
Since that attack we now look back at who's invaded who...
Egypt invaded the Syrians,
Who invaded the Arab Sheiks
Hannibal then invaded the Romans,
The Romans invaded the Greeks
The Saxons invaded in Britain,
The Mongols invaded Japan
Japan invaded Manchuria,
And Iraq invaded Iran!
Can't we all just get along,
Why do we have to fight?
Napoleon: Why not just accept you're wrong,
Admit that I was right?
Kid Chorus: Diplomacy and compromise are how the peace is made,
When things get slack, watch your back,
'Cause somebody's gonna invade!
The Germans invaded the French,
The Germans invaded the Czechs
The Germans invaded the Netherlands,
And they invaded North Africa next
The Germans invaded the Balkans,
And they almost invaded in Spain,
Along with the Soviet regions, the Poles and Norwegians,
The Belgians, the Brits and the Danes!
The French invaded the English,
The English invaded the Scots,
In the 1500's the Catholic French
Went after the French Huguenots,
The Russians invaded the Afghans,
And Custer invaded the Sioux,
The English went after the Spanish Armada,
And the Spanish invaded Peru!
Can't we learn to all be friends?
That's the thing to do,
Can't we try to see from someone else's point of view?
Just stay calm, remember mom
And then we've got it made,
Let's all shake hands, respect our lands,
And then, we're gonna invade!
The Spartans and all of the Greeks
Invaded the city of Troy
The Moslems fought the Hindus,
And the Hatfields fought the McCoys
Israelis fought the Egyptians
In a war with the Arab state,
Argentina invaded the Falklands,
And Iraq invaded Kuwait!
Cortes invaded the Aztecs,
America, San Juan Hill
Pizarro invaded the Incas
And the Dutch invaded Brazil
Napoleon invaded the Austrians
Proving artilery works
He invaded the Prussians, also the Russians
Russia invaded the Turks!
Come on folks, let's all be friends,
Why does it come to this?
Give a chance to the olive branch
And try a hug and kiss
Let's all be one big family like
Those in-laws that you have made
And for two weeks every summer, man,
You know...they're gonna invade!
The year it was 1903,
We built a big airplane!
With struts and wings and other things,
Folks thought we were insane!
Orville: I got to be the pilot,
We were ready for the test.
Wilbur: Yeah, well, I wanted to be the pilot,
But Mom always liked you best!
We launched the flyer off a rail,
It streaked across the sky!
The engine roared, the airplane soared,
Twelve seconds it did fly!
One-hundred twenty feet it went,
We solved the mystery!
Now me and my dear brother
Made aviation history!
Me and my dear brother,
We built that first airplane!
With struts and wings and other things,
Now it's faster than the train!
The whole world soon was flying,
The jet replaced the prop,
Now there's supersonic speed,
When will the madness stop?
Flying has reached all new heights,
Lost luggage and delays.
Bad airline food and cancelled flights,
What happened to the good...old...days?
Kid Chorus: Loud, Aka, Pule Houser, Charity
Today's sensation, ancient civilization
Covers many places 'round the world
Like Greece back in 3000 B.C.
Gave us thinkers Aristotle and Plato
They studied science and philosophy
And helped shake up...the status quo!
Let's celebrate places that were great
Which have stood the test of time
Like Ancient Egypt and its pyramids
And mummies that like to flip their lids
So don't be the last to join our cast,
And have a blast in the past!
And have a blast in the past!
Love those oldies but goodies such as ancient Rome,
There's Greece and there's Egypt, places people call home,
We'll see them again on an upcoming show,
About more civilizations we all want to know!
O Canada, you're really good at hockey
You like back bacon, and syrup from a tree!
The maple leaf is on your flag
And you wear toques all day long
It's really cold in Canada
Where polar bears belong.
Some of you speak French,
Some of you do not,
O Canada, we sure like you a lot,
O Canada, We sure like you a lot!
Kid Chorus: Loud, Charity, Aka, Crooked-Mouth Boy
Chorus: Hey you, troops,
It's time to march to the sea!
Sherman: Get moving!
Chorus: Drive a sword through the heart
Of the Confederacy!
Sherman: And twist it!
Chorus: We've got a genie Honest Abe,
Miss Info's a Southern babe,
It's like a war zone...
At Sherman's Campsite!
Sherman: Haaah!
Chorus: Come on inside,
And you can join the fun!
Sherman: Let's go!
Chorus: The battle for the U.S.A. has just begun!
Sherman: Hooray!
Chorus: So get your guns and cannon too,
General Sherman knows what to do,
Sherman: That's right!
Chorus: It's a war zone...
At Sherman's Campsite!
Stooley Bob is one of our friends,
He's always hangin' around!
Bob: Hi-yo!
Chorus: Toasty the buzzard is close to the action
He's a little chow-hound.
Toast: Tasty!
Chorus: Big Fat Baby Map knows all the places and
All the best roads in town.
BFB: Goo!
Chorus: Don't forget Nurse who keeps mace in her purse
And what's a war without cannonbally
Who's waiting around for Atlanta to fally?
Sherman: Who isn't?
Chorus: So step right up,
And lend a helping hand!
Sherman: High-five!
Chorus: Join the war to reunite our divided land!
Sherman: Come on!
Chorus: It's the gray against the blue,
General Sherman knows what to do,
Sherman: Don't you?
Chorus: It's crazy,
So don't be lazy,
Set Georgia ablazey,
At Sherman's Campsite!
General Sherman's Campsite Closing
Kid Chorus: Loud, Charity, Aka, Crooked-Mouth Boy
Chorus: Hey you, troops,
It's time to end the show!
General Sherman marched to the sea and he defeated his foe!
He's ready to burn down more,
Robert E. Lee is pretty sore,
So let's say good-bye to Sherman's Campsite!
Kid Chorus: Froggo, Aka, Loud, Charity
A Megalomaniac is somebody who
Thinks they're better than me or you
They're needy, they're greedy, they'll take all your stuff
And after they're through, it's still not enough!
Megalomaniacs!
The Megalomaniacs would like to thank you,
For watching their show all the way through.
They're whiny, they're tiny, they think they're hot stuff,
But now all mankind has had quite enough!
Megalomaniacs!
Kid Chorus: Aka, Loud, Froggo, Charity
Chorus: Creating terror with government purges,
Acting out all of his monstrous urges,
Big Brother plots that would make Orwell blush,
Stalin: These are the things that sure give me a rush!
Chorus: Spying on Lenin and murdering Trotsky,
Vexing the West with his Communist plotsky,
Turning your dreams into scary nightmares,
Stalin: That is the way I forget all my cares!
Chorus: When the Germans head for Moscow, and the weather's vile,
Stalin: I simply look on as they all freeze to death,
And that really makes me smile!
Chorus: Feasting like Ivan while serfs live on rations,
Conquering dozens of satellite nations,
Stalin: Starting my own personality cult,
Doing away with those who might revolt.
Chorus: Sending your critics to rot in Siberia,
That's how you get populations to fear ya,
Building a wall down the streets of Berlin,
Stalin: That kind of thing makes me flash quite a grin!
Chorus: If the people call for freedom or democracy,
Stalin: I simply bump off everybody until,
There's nobody left...but...me!
Kid Chorus: Charity, Froggo, Loud, Aka
Chorus: For 300 years,
Mighty Russia was ruled
By a guy called a Tsar,
Tsar: And everything was cool!
Chorus: But when the rich people started
Eating all of the food,
We peasants got upset,
And we started to brood...
All we want was
Peace, land, and bread!
Lenin: Everybody sing!
Chorus: Peace, land, and bread!
Lenin: A little louder now!
Chorus: We banded together,
And the people all said--
Peace, land, and bread!
Toast: Hey, how would you like it if you had to wait in line an hour for
a potato?
WOW: Yeah! And it's another line for butter and sour cream!
Chorus: That's when Vladimir Lenin
Arrived on the scene,
He said--
Lenin: Exploiting the poor
Is really, really mean!
Chorus: With his buddy Trotsky,
They started a plotsky,
To overthrow the Tsar,
Lenin: Who we hate a lotsky!
Tsar: My career is shotsky!
Chorus: All we want is
Peace, land, and bread!
Lenin: Everybody--ow!
Chorus: Peace, land, and bread!
Lenin: A little louder, now!
Froggo: It's hard to make a sandwich using rocks instead.
Chorus: Peace, land, and bread!
Lenin: Hey, Leon, what do you say we take over government, declare
victory for working class, and begin thirty year Communist regime?
Trotsky: All right! Listen, you mind if I get my potato first?
Chorus: Lenin's group was called
The Bolsheviks,
The country's problems
They vowed to fix
So the workers and the peasants
They lead the way
To a Russia where they eat food everyday!
In 1917 the revolution began
The Tsar caved in
And threw up his hands
As Lenin removed
The crown from his head
He said--
Lenin: Boy, this'll buy a lot of peace, land, and bread!
Chorus: Hey! Peace, land, and bread!
Lenin: Ho, everybody!
Chorus: Peace, land, and bread!
Lenin: Listen to the peoples now!
M.Info: We're sick of war, it makes everyone dead!
Chorus: Peace, land, and bread!
Reporter: Vladimir Lenin, what made you decide to finally take over Russia?
Lenin: Well, I decided it was time to quit Stalin! Get it? Stalin!
[laughs]
Chorus: Peace, land, and bread!
Lenin: Oppressed people sing!
Chorus: Peace, land, and bread!
Lenin: Just the ladies!
WOW: I just wanna feed my children
And put them to bed!
Chorus: Peace, land, and bread!
Lenin: Deposed rulers sing it!
Tsar: Peace, land, and bread!
Lenin: Everybody!
Chorus: Peace, land, and bread!
Lenin: Cha, cha, cha!
From the thirties on, he led the Soviet,
With Roosevelt and Churchill he had a tete-a-tete
But then our little Josef had a mighty big urge,
That the peasant landowners he would have to purge!
Iron Joe,
Is what they called him
But to me he's just my buddy Stalin!
To the tune of Greensleeves
Kid Chorus: Aka, Charity, Froggo, Crooked-Mouth Boy, Loud
Chorus: Oh listen, ye all to a tale that's true,
When the War of the Roses tore England in two,
King Richard III one fateful day,
Fought Henry Tudor in a brutal fray.
For poor King Richard life grew worse,
He lost his kingdom for want of a horse.
Henry VII was then made king,
To Elizabeth of York he offered his ring.
She said,
Elizabeth: "I do! Let's give it a fling!"
Loud, CMB: The union again made England one,
The couple was blessed with a healthy son.
Young Henry grew up in Catherine's home,
When his father passed on he ascended the throne.
Girls: Henry VIII took a wife from Spain,
Catherine Aragon was her name.
She bore him a daughter a cute little one,
But to keep the throne he needed a son.
WOW: Back then, that's how things were done.
Pepper: For girls, it really wasn't much fun.
Chorus: Their rocky marriage couldn't get worse,
But the pope refused to grant a divorce.
So Henry started a church of his own,
He got his divorce and stayed on the throne.
Miss Info: Then Henry VIII wed Anne Boleyn,
His former wifey's handmaiden.
Anne gave birth to Elizabeth,
But with no male kin, well you do the math!
Chorus: Poor Anne Boleyn, she lost her head,
So once again, King Henry wed.
Jane Seymour gave to him a prince,
Charity: But poor ol' Jane hasn't woken up since.
Boys: So for a while, our Henry grieves,
Then he marries Anne of Cleves.
Anne came from fine German stock,
Toast: She had a face that could stop a clock.
Girls: Their marriage was cancelled in less than a year,
His fifth wife, Catherine Howard, was dear.
But Henry found out that her love was not true,
WOW: He gave her the axe, what's a fella to do?
Chorus: So after five, came wife number six,
Catherine Parr is who Henry picks,
He promised her he would do her no harm,
So six wives proved to be the charm!
Father Time: We interrupt this song to briefly review the fate of
King Henry VIII's six wives. So here's what happened, in
order, to wives one through six.
Loud: Divorced, beheaded, died!
Divorced, beheaded, survived!
Father Time: Once again, that's...
Loud: Divorced, beheaded, died!
Divorced, beheaded, survived!
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Father Time: Now, back to our song!
Chorus: Henry gained pound right after pound,
'Til he needed machinery to move him around.
He weighed about a quarter ton,
'Cause he couldn't resist a sticky bun.
In fifteen-hundred forty-seven,
Henry VII went off to heaven.
Froggo: Or maybe for his dirty tricks,
To H-E-double hockey sticks!
Chorus: His young son Edward was only ten,
When he took the English throne but then,
Poor Edward died by age fifteen,
His reign was followed by a queen.
Jane Grey ruled for just nine days,
WOW: She lost her head, to coin a phrase!
Chorus: Mary Tudor was next in line,
Mary Tudor: The British throne is mine, mine, mine!
Chorus: Mary had strength, she took no flack,
Pepper & Joan of Arc: She brought the Catholic church right back!
Chorus: At forty-two Mary met her death,
Then along came queen Elizabeth.
She was loved by her people and made England strong,
WOW: She had a few boyfriends, they didn't last long.
Chorus: The Elizabethan age was just and fair,
But Elizabeth never gave birth to an heir.
And so we sing our last refrain,
The end finally came to the Tudor's reign.
Elizabeth died in 1603,
The end of the Tudors' family tree.
Boys: The end of the Tudors,
Girls: There can be no disputers,
Chorus: The end of the Tudors' family tree...
Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop!
Loud: Timber!
To the tune of Y.M.C.A.
Kid Chorus: Aka, Froggo, Charity, Loud
Chorus: Hey kids, wanna be president?
Live in the white house, four years of free rent?
Try to do good things for your government?
And make your mark on history?
Charity & Aka: Hey girls, presidents were all guys,
But in the future, everyone will turn wise,
And the women will achieve the grand prize,
To run the land of the people!
Chorus: You'll be leader of the United States,
You'll be leader of the United States.
You'll make policy, and establish the laws,
And help further the human cause!
You'll be leader of the United States,
You'll be leader of the United States.
And when you're finished, spend the rest of your life,
On the golf course with your husband or wife!
Loud: Fore!
Chorus: Hey kids, if you're prez you will work,
Countless hours, without a minute to shirk,
But there are some folks, who will think you're a jerk,
But that's just part of politics!
But kids, if you do a good job,
Then you can fight off the maddening mob,
And you won't turn out to be an arrogant slob,
And you might end up on the dollar!
Chorus: You'll be leader of the United States,
You'll be leader of the United States.
You'll make policy, and establish the laws,
And help further the human cause!
You'll be leader of the United States,
You'll be leader of the United States.
But the best thing about being President,
Is you could end up with a big monument!
You'll be leader of the United States,
You'll be leader of the United States!
Kid Chorus: Loud, Charity, Froggo, Aka
A man named Teddy was our president,
Had a great catchphrase, this is how it went:
Ba ba ba bully, bully.
Bully, bully.
Ba ba ba bully, bully, bully, bully.
Born in October 1858,
Last name of Roosevelt, lived in New York state.
Bony and sick as a little boy,
Thought it'd be a kick to become a cowboy.
Ba ba ba bully, bully.
Bully, bully.
Ba ba ba bully, bully, bully, bully.
Took his Rough Riders up on San Juan Hill.
Made himself famous, talk about him still!
Built a phat canal across Panama,
Used a big stick to enforce the law.
Ba ba ba bully, bully.
Bully, bully.
Ba ba ba bully, bully, bully, bully.
Ba ba ba bully, bully, bully, bully.
Ba ba ba bully, bully!
To the tune of Theme from Shaft
Kid Chorus: Loud, Charity, Froggo, Aka
Taft: I'm tired and I'm hungry.
Who's the presidential one, that almost weighs a quarter ton?
Taft!
Six foot two, over three hundred thirty pounds.
Who is the dude, with the golf and naptime attitude?
Taft!
Can you putt it?
Who's the prez that just pigs out, when there's good food all about?
Taft!
Ciao-omp.
They say this cat Taft is a bad muncher-
Shut your pie-hole!
Just talkin' 'bout Taft.
Well, he can pig out!
He's a lazy, laid-back man, that really didn't wanna be in the White House.
William Howard Taft!
Froggo: Taft was the first president to use cars instead of horses.
Toast: And the first president to throw out the first pitch at a
baseball game.
Charity: That's worth something, isn't it?
[Cut to Taft, sleeping on his desk. He wakes; the music stops.]
Taft: Does anybody have a canned ham?
Father Time: Can we do a little more research before we start these things?
[storms off]
Loud: Sheesh! What a grouch!
To the tune of Everyone Knows It's Slinky
Who's big and tall and has a drawl,
and hair that's made of yarn?
Made president by accident,
It's Raggedy Lyndon Johnson!
Molly Pitcher: [V/O] Yes, it's Raggedy Lyndon Johnson! The flopsy old
president with the bright red hair! And now, everyone's
favorite embattled sixties leader comes with his own
hippie protesters!
Pule Houser: [with hippie doll] Make love, not war!
Charity: [with LBJ doll] Stinkin' Pinko!
Loud: [with Abbie doll] Look! It's Abbie Hoffman! Get him!
Down with the establishment! Oh, no! Oh, no! Here
come the pigs!
Charity: [with Secret Service dolls] Get him! Lock him up!
Loud: [with Abbie doll] Hey, no fair!
Charity: [with LBJ doll & Texas accent] I hate them hippies!
Who wears a suit with cowboy boots,
And ruled in radical times?
With tickly toes and a honking nose,
It's Raggedy Lyndon Johnson!
Molly Pitcher: [V/O] Secret Service agents sold seperately. Order today!
Caesar: This is my city Rome, I run the place
My city Rome, I won the race
My people do not fail
To say 'hail'
Or they go to jail
When I'm at home, at work or play
My countrymen, they love to say
Oh, Caesar, you're the man who did it your way!
This is my city Rome, I dig it man
My city Rome, best in all the land
Cleopatra's at my side
Here for the ride
So stand aside
The world begins here, my city Rome
Where people cheer, my city Rome...
Conspirators: [hiding knives behind their backs] Hail, Rome!
Caesar: The Pantheon, that's my Rome!
The Colloseum, that's my Rome!
The spot that's always hot,
It's my...city Rome!
To the tune of Copacabana
Kids Chorus: Aka, Froggo, Loud, Charity
They called her Rosa
She was a seamstress
Rosa caused a major fuss
On an Alabama bus
When she was riding
On down the main street
A white man tried to take her seat
But she wouldn't move her feet
So then she went to jail
But no she did not fail
She was tough and she was determined
And she blazed a trail
She fought for freedom
And integration
Her courage inspired the nation
For human rights
And civil rights
Justice and freedom were always the goal
For Rosa
The fight went on
They called in Martin
Luther King, Jr.
He was a reverend with a dream
Non-violence was his theme
He also wished to
End segregation
So Martin led a bus boycott
Civil rights hit the jackpot
The supreme court met
And their vote was set
You could sit where you want on the bus
No one will forget
Our dear Rosa
Oh, Rosa Parks
The bravest gal west of Savannah
Oh, dear Rosa
Oh, Rosa Parks
You helped us all win the fight for civil rights
Oh, Rosa...
Oh, Rosa Parks!
To the tune of Let's Call The Whole Thing Off
Socrates: Howdy ho, there, I'm Socrates, famous Greek philosopher. From
about 1450 B.C. the ancient Greeks believed in many mythological
Gods. That means they were made up, kiddo, they weren't real!
We ancient Greeks thought our Gods had powers to control
everything in our lives.
Caesar: I'm Julius Caesar, famous Roman dictator. From about 500 B.C.,
we ancient Romans also had mythological gods.
Socrates: Now hold on there, son. We came first by about 2000 years. You
guys just copied the Greek gods.
Caesar: But we did it our way, baby! We gave them new names!
Socrates: Okay, junior, I'll tell 'em about the Greek gods, and you tell
'em about the Roman gods!
Caesar: Kooky, baby! Let's start with the chairman of the board, the
ruler of the gods!
Socrates: The Greeks call him Zeus.
Caesar: And the Romans call him Jupiter!
I say Jupiter, and you say Zeus.
Socrates: You better stand clear when his bolts get loose.
Caesar: Jupiter...
Socrates: Zeus...
Caesar: Jupiter...
Socrates: Zeus...
Together: Oh, why do they have two names?
Socrates: I say Aphrodite, the goddess of beauty.
Caesar: And I say Venus, she's a real cutie.
Miss Info: [as Aprhrodite/Venus] Thank you!
Socrates: Aphrodite...
Caesar: Venus...
Socrates: Aphrodite...
Caesar: Venus...
Together: Oh, why do they have two names?
Socrates: Oh, we've got a god called Eros, that you call Cupid.
Caesar: Your Hermes is our Mercury, and that's what makes you stupid!
Socrates: The Greeks have Hades, the Romans have Pluto.
Caesar: The Greeks have Hera, the Romans have Juno.
Socrates: Hades...
Caesar: Pluto...
Socrates: Hera...
Caesar: Juno!
Together: Oh, why do they have two names?
Socrates: The Greeks say Aries, the Romans say Mars.
Caesar: He's the god of fighting, the god of wars.
Socrates: Aries...
Caesar: Mars...
Socrates: Aries...
Caesar: Mars...
Together: Oh, why do they have two names?
Socrates: So I say Athena, and you say Minerva.
Caesar: She's the goddess of war, the wisdom chick, and she's gotta
really nice curve-a.
Socrates: I say Poseidon, and you say Neptune.
Caesar: He controls the sea, earthquakes and typhoons.
Socrates: Poseidon!
Caesar: Neptune!
Socrates: Neptune!
Caesar: Poseidon!
Together: Oh, why do they have two names?
Socrates: The Greeks say Apollo,
Caesar: The Romans say Apollo,
Socrates: Well then, brother, what's the problem?
Together: For we know our gods are but the same, it doesn't matter if they
have different names! They're the same, they just have
different names!
To the tune of The Lady Is A Tramp
She rules her country, it's her greatest dream.
To say she's a looker is like callin' the Nile a stream, capiche?
Cleopatra, she's number one on her team,
She's just eighteen, she's a queen!
She gathers her slaves and walks into Rome,
She conquers her Caesar, then calls his place home,
Cleopatra, she'll never live alone,
I dig her scene, she's the queen.
She likes her men with countries in hand,
Life in the sand, she's hot to trot,
The best dressed ruler, you know what I mean,
Begin the beguine,
Hold the caffeine,
She's cuter than Dean,
She's a queen!
To the tune of When the Saints Go Marching In
Kid Chorus: Aka Pella, Crooked-Mouth Boy, Kip Ling, Bow-Haired Girl
Plato: Philosophy!
Chorus: Philosophy!
Plato: Philosophy!
Chorus: Philosophy!
Plato: Philosophy is the love of knowledge,
It's been around since man could think straight,
Even long before there was college.
Socrates: Thanks to Plato,
He's got the heart,
Plato: So do Socrates, Confucius and Descartes,
Folks today can question their existence,
And pretend they're really smart!
Chorus: Philosophy!
George: I cut the cherry tree,
Martha: Don't make me yawn.
George: Admitted it was me.
Martha: You won't even cut the lawn.
George: True, for I cannot tell a lie.
Loud: Gimme a break!
George: My teeth are mine.
Martha: That's partly true.
George: See how they shine?
Martha: You get splinters when you chew.
George: True, for I cannot tell a lie.
Froggo: Oh, brother.
George: I don't dye my hair.
Martha: It looks good gray!
George: It's debonair!
Martha: For a cheesy toupee.
George: True, for I cannot tell a lie.
WOW: I love a bald man!
George: 'Cross the Potomac, threw...
Martha: Never happened.
George: ...a silver dollar, new.
Martha: You always were bad with money.
George: True, for I cannot tell a lie!
Lydia: How lovely!
George: But I never strayed.
Martha: If you say so, dear.
George: Home is where I stayed.
Martha: [reading signs on inns] George Washington slept here, and here,
and here, and here, and here, and here...
George: Okay, it's true! For I cannot tell a lie.
M.Info: What a gyp!
George: There's last Christmas Eve,
Martha: But then you weren't there.
George: I came home on leave!
Martha: You crossed the Delaware!
George: True, for I cannot tell a lie.
Loud: We get the point!
Martha: Oh George, you're bein'...
George: Truthful?
Martha: Silly, you're no worse than other men.
WOW: Says you!
Martha: Everybody tells a little fib now and again.
M.Info: Not me!
Martha: That doesn't make it right, but I know you're not shady.
Libby: Let's hope not.
Martha: You're the father of our country...
Froggo: Hi, Pop.
Martha: ...and I'll always be your First Lady!
Loud: Oh, Lady!
George: And that's the truth.
Kid Chorus: Aka, Charity, Crooked-Mouth Boy, Kip Ling
Father Time: Now, from the folks who brought China foot binding, the civil
service exam, and rice, Song Dynasty, The Musical!
Nine-Six-Oh, Song Dynasty began
A good year, pre-Richard Gere
Trade is here to spread across the land!
Father Time: Now, Wang Newton!
Dynasty, the Song Dynasty,
Thank you for extreme beauracracy
Silly fools all writing lots of rules,
You bring a headache to us fellas who
Must live with you!
Ben Franklin: The dance number about the introduction of the chair was
sensational!
WOW: It had me on the edge of my...you know, what's that gizmo
called that you sit on?
Boys: Hey you, standing there,
Try a chair, I see you bind your feet
So rest your dogs, pull up a seat
Girls: Oh I just adore,
This object for,
Sitting someplace other than the floor!
Lydia: Ah! The chair number always gets a standing ovation.
Confucius: But how 'bout that tribute to the invention of the abacus?
Sinatra: I've got some beads on a wire,
I can count much higher,
Works much better than my fingers
No more woes, or counting toes,
Abacus!
Miss Information: And, it was during the Song Dynasty that rice became
a popular dish.
Loud Kiddington: Suffice to say that rice is nice,
Just try it!
It's quick, and oh, so basic to our diet!
Try it!
Pepper Mills: Song Dynasty, The Musical Don't miss the surprise ending,
the Mongols really bring down the house!
Kublai Khan: That's nothin'. Kublai Khan here, and we bring down the
whole dynasty.
Chorus: Khan overran us,
He brought our dynasty down!
Those icky Mongols moved in,
We took it on the chin,
All 'cause of the wrath of Khan!
Marco Polo: Take it from me, Marco Polo from Venice. I went to see Song
Dynasty in 1275, and I'll be back!
Announcer: Get your tickets today! The Song Dynasty! Now, but not
forever, this is a limited run. The Song Dynasty must close
in the year 1279! Song Dynasty, the musical!
Kid Chorus: Aka, Loud, Pepper, Dark-Skinned Teen
The word Renaissance means 'rebirth',
And we will sing for all it's worth.
After the show you'll be a fan,
So let us start with where it began.
Constantinople was captured,
A fact that all their teachers heard.
It led some Greek scholars to flee,
And they showed up in Italy.
The teachers spread throughout the land,
To educate their fellow man.
Revived intrest in the old ways,
Of ancient Greek and Roman days.
Johannes Gutenburg invented,
Printing presses which presented
Folks as dumb as a potted fern
With a strong desire to learn.
Classic studies were renewed
By almost every chick and dude
They also stressed new questionings
and different ways to look at things.
To be well-rounded was the goal,
Study all things to make you whole.
Painting, math, philosophy,
Science, art, geography.
The Renaissance was carried out,
Two hundred years or thereabout.
From fourteen to sixteen hundred,
Through all of Europe it did spread.
Earned its place in history's pages,
Brought us out of the Dark Ages.
Now our cast happily flaunts
The praises of the Renaissance!
To the tune of This Old Man
Kid Chorus: Charity, Aka, Froggo, Loud
This old tree houses birds
This land's for deer that come in herds
So we hurried on down before you went 'chop'
To deliver this message,
'Stop, stop, stop!'
This old bush never hurt you
Nor did the fox or squirrel or shrew
So we had to stop you before you made a dent
We're here to protect the environment!
To the tune of I Got You Babe
They say that you won't take a bath
Until you've conquered all that's in your path
Ooh ooh ooh
And though you only know two chords
You're still the leader of the Hunnic hordes!
Atilla: Hun.
Me got you hun.
Me got you hun.
Even though you're not that tall,
The peasants are all fleeing throughout Gaul!
So put your brutish hand in mine,
We'll loot and pillage 'til we cross the Rhein!
Ooh ooh ooh
Atilla: Hun.
Me got you hun.
Me got you hun.
Together: Me got you hun!
Axe, bird, cloud, dog, ear, frog, goat,
Hair, ice, jug, knife, leg, mouth, net, oat, pig
Quartz, rock, stick, tree, up, vein,
Waterfall, xylem, yak and zany,
Now I know my alphabet...
Father Time: Hold it, hold it, hold it! You're not finished yet! The
Cuneiform alphabet had more than 600 signs!
[time passes, children are exhausted]
...branch, snake, foot,
fire, cow, poo,
Now I know my pictographs, next time join me just for laughs.
Kids: Whew! [collapsing to their desks]
Father Time: One more time!
[the kids all attack Father Time]
To the tune of Swanee River
Way down beside the Nile River,
Inside the pyramids,
That's where the Egyptians bury mummies,
And creepy things to scare us kids.
Yards and yards of linen strips,
To wrap 'em nice and tight.
Deep inside those old Egyptian tombs,
Is not a place to spend the night!
To the tune of I've Been Working on the Railroad
We've been slaving on the pyramid
For days and days on end!
We've been lugging big blocks of stone
We hope our blisters mend.
My aching head's about to fall off,
My nerves are pretty shot!
It's a job that's pretty lousy,
Because it's so darn hot!
To the tune of the Animaniacs theme
Say hello to Alexander his lifetime will illustrate
The teenage fleet commander with a passion to migrate
He'd conquer and meander
All across the Persian state
To us there's no one grander
So let's all take a gander
At our pal, Alexander the Great!
In the style of the Gilligan's Island theme
Just kick back on the living room couch
'Cause we've got a little ditty for you-ee
About a place called Easter Island
Also known as Rapa Nui!
It was discovered by a Dutchman Roggeveen
Who was just passing through
On a sunny Easter Sunday
In 1722
It's a tiny volcanic island
Off of Chile's coast
Where the sun beats down all year long
So wear sunblock or you're roast
But don't get up yet 'cause there's more to tell
And tons more you should see
Here on Easter Island, is a famous mystery!
We are the Moai statues,
And we stand on Easter Isle
No one's sure what our purpose is,
But we've been here a long, long while!
We're all around the island,
Facing out at the ocean blue
It's not a very exciting job,
But we sure do like the view!
We come in many sizes,
Forty feet tall are the biggest ones
And we're pretty hefty,
Even our hats weigh ten tons!
There are many theories of our origin,
And the folks who made our poses
But no one really knows why they gave us
Great big honkin' noses!
We were carved in a crater called Raraku,
Over fourteen miles away
But how we got from there to here,
No one can really say!
Some say we were moved by native folks,
Though they had no wheels or mules
And then how'd they make us look so pretty
Without Sears power tools?
Well that's our story and we certainly hope
That we've made it clear
Don't believe most of what you read about us,
And only half of what you hear!
'Cause there are lots of crackpots out there
With tons of theories they're selling
But we're the only ones who know the truth,
And buddy, we're not telling!
Kid Chorus: Aka, Froggo, Loud, Charity
Marx: Now I propose a theory which
Will be rejected by the rich,
Communism,
They'll protest it!
Chorus: The middle class will know they'll just reject it!
They'll protest it.
Marx: I don't like what they have to say,
They make you work for little pay,
Capitalism,
I contest it!
Chorus: No matter how often they profess it,
Marx: I detest it!
So workers of the world unite,
To gain equality you must fight,
Whatever it is,
Just protest it!
Chorus: Capitalist exploitation, we'll contest it!
Marx: And protest it.
Engels: Knowing Marx as I do,
I'd advise you not to perplex him, or to vex him,
Oh, no.
Please don't trick him, or kick him, 'cross the town.
Chorus: 'Cause Karl Marx,
He's real smart,
He's no clown!
Marx: Engel's right, I'm quick to fight
I hope you catch my drift.
Forget the rich, just hear my pitch
Fight for the working stiff.
Chorus: From each based on his abilities,
To each based on his need.
Marx: Let us sing this little riff
About the working stiff.
Chorus: Do away with social classes,
Wave your hankerchief.
If you want to follow Marxism
Fight for the working stiff!
Boys: We're for the working stiff!
Marx: That's what I'm thinkin'.
Girls: We're for the working stiff!
Marx: That's what I'm sayin'.
Boys: We're for the working stiff!
Marx: You ain't just kiddin'.
Girls: We're for the working stiff!
Marx: Oh, aren't you listenin'?
All: The working stiff...
The working stiff...
We're for the working stiff!
To the tune of Clementine
Kid Chorus: Aka, Froggo, Loud, Bow-Haired Girl, Crooked-Mouth Boy
In a gully on the west coast
At a mill for cutting pine
Was a man named Mr. Marshall
Shiny gold bits he did find
Now the mill was owned by Sutter
And he tried to keep it mute
But the word soon spread like wildfire
All the miners wanted loot
Oh, the Gold Rush,
Yes, the Gold Rush,
Back in 1849
John Augustus Sutter hushed it
Tried to say, "That gold is mine!"
But the miners wouldn't listen
And they overran his dirt
'Cause pure gold can make you crazy
'Til your head begins to hurt
So the moral of this story
Is as old as Father Time...
Father Time: [watching TV nearby] Hey! Watch it!
If you find gold near your sawmill
Keep it quiet as a mime
Oh, the Gold Rush,
Yes, the Gold Rush,
Back in 1849
John Augustus Sutter lost it
When his mill became a mine!
Kid Chorus: Aka, Froggo, Bow-Haired Girl, Kip Ling
You heard that the radio was made by Marconi,
Alexander Graham Bell built the first telephony,
But the greatest inventors, you'll have to agree,
Are the guys who invented TV!
We sing of one particularly!
Oh-oh-oh!
Philo Farnsworth delevoped TV,
Before that we had radio,
And if you ever watched it, you would say
'Man, it's slow!'
Some of the other inventors
Taunted Farnsworth so
When they had inventor parties
They'd leave out poor Philo
Then in 1927,
Philo made the very first tube
Which allowed fellas with video heads
To capture pictures from airwaves
The invention became a sensation,
And Philo won the license fee
But fame never came to Farnsworth,
He stayed in obscurity
That's the man who made the first TV
He's forgotten in history
But now it's time to give him a acclaim
So three cheers for ol' what's-his-name!
Farnsworth: With TV shows like this, I should've never invented it!
Kid Chorus: Loud, Aka, Froggo, Charity
The stock market went crashing,
In 1929
And a deep dark depression,
Sent the nation on a fiscal decline
Franklin Delanor Roosevelt
Had a plan and appeal,
Became the U.S. President,
And saved the nation with a brand New Deal
So if you're living in the Dust Bowl
If you don't have a cent
If you like government programs
But you can't pay the rent
If you're standing in a breadline
'Til your feet are frozen blue
Brother, if you can't spare a dime
The New Deal's for you!
Ba-ba-ba-ba-boo
New Deal for you
Ba-ba-ba-ba New Deal for you!
To build new roads and bridges
We hired ten million men
For new schools and hospitals
Cheap loans we lent
Built homes for the homeless
And the hungry we fed
We had jobs for the jobless
And labor unions were a little bit red
For cultural improvement
We gave artistic grants
To painters and musicians
And performers who could sing and dance
Built dams to send water
And electric power to southern states
Out west the dams oughta
Improve the orange farmers fates!
Doo-be-dooby doo,
New Deal for you
Shooby-doo-waa New Deal for you!
Made it to another decade
And our country grew strong
Then came the Pearl Harbor raid
We started singing a marching song
We said goodbye to the New Deal
And hello to something totally new
With a completely different feel
It was a mess we called World War Two
If you were living in the Dust Bowl
If you didn't have a cent
If our government programs
Helped you pay the rent
If you were standing in a breadline
'Til the New Deal saved you
Then we have another project
It's called World War Two
Ba-ba-ba-ba boo,
New Deal for you
Shooby-doo-waa New Deal is through!
Shooby-dooby doo,
Something totally new
It's time for me and you
To fight World War Two!
In the style of the Goldfinger theme
Gold standard
It's the way the economy used to be
Last century
It's the gold standard
Dollar bills backed by the promise of gold
Or so we're told
The U.S. used it until '33
But then we crashed the economy
FDR needed to act, so he went and he changed it
It's the kiss of debt
It's the gold standard
Popular back in the days of old
The days of gold
They used lots of gold
Lots of gold
They used gold!
Chorus: When ancient people wanted to add two plus two,
They didn't have computers to tell 'em what to do,
They counted on a rack called an abacus,
Froggo: It used beads and wires and took a lot of fuss.
Toast: Hey, what's sixty-seven times 1,042?
Lucky Bob: Uh, Scranton, Pennsylvania?
Chorus: In 1822 an Englishman named John Babbage,
Decided machines should carry all our thinking baggage,
He made a difference engine to do the trick,
Loud: And he gave the whole world a technological kick!
Chorus: Well, it was Babbage that made the difference...
(Difference!)
He made a steam-powered thinking machine...
(Thinking machine!)
The computer age arose when Babbage hooked up a hose,
Without it, we'd be counting on our fingers and toes!
(Fingers and toes!)
Charity: What'd you get for the answer to number seven?
Froggo: Hang on a minute, let me take off my shoes.
Chorus: Ewww!!
Chorus: After Babbage there were many advances,
Loud: Like punch cards and binary code!
Chorus: But Babbage's big engine was the mother of inventions,
Froggo: When it came to brains, he struck the mother lode!
Chorus: In 1946 two guys from U. of PA,
Invented a computer like the ones we use today
It took a lot of power, took up the whole room,
Froggo: But it started off a modern day computer boom!
Chorus: They called it ENIAC,
And it was followed by EDVAC,
And then UNIVAC...
All of these led to our modern PC,
We owe our Apples and our Windows to good ol' Charlie!
It was Babbage that made the difference...
(Difference!)
He had a super-powered digital brain...
(Digital brain!)
We went from fingers and toes
To counting ones and zeroes,
We could even thank him for our video games!
Toast: Rock on, Chuck!
Chorus: Because of him we can compute,
He gave the abacus the boot,
Babbage made the difference!
Together: We're off on the road to invention,
Ford: Edison had quite a few!
Edison: I hold the record for the most patents by one man,
Ford: But he's no fun to hang around if he hasn't had his bran!
Edison: At least with me you're never bored!
Together: We're two innovative buddies, Edison and Ford!
Together: We're off on the road to production,
Edison: He formed Ford Motor Company!
Ford: I'm the first guy to develop the moving assembly line,
Edison: I'd kiss you on the cheek,
But you've got breath like Frankenstein!
Together: In our fields we're both number one,
We're two creative tycoons, Ford and Edison!
Ford: Edison invented the light bulb,
Edison: And Ford mass-produced his first car!
In 1879, I made the bulb that lets you see,
Ford: In 1908, I debuted my Model T!
Together: It's true that we're second to none,
We're two best-friend business moghuls,
Ford and Edison!
Kid Chorus: Toast, Pepper, Loud, Aka, Charity
Toast: Well, Louis and Marie,
The king and queen of France,
Dude, they gotta go!
Chorus: Oui, oui, oui, oui!
Toast: I say Louis and Marie,
And all the upper class
They gotta go!
Chorus: Oui, oui, oui, oui!
Pepper: The king and queen, they are so mean,
While we starve, they eat trout almondine!
Chorus: We peasant folk, we are so broke,
And they couldn't care less, if we all croaked!
We said Louis and Marie,
The king and queen of France,
They gotta go!
Oui, oui, oui, oui!
Aka: We got no bread, we're eating dirt,
We got no clothes, we all share one shirt!
Toast: The king won't give us the right to vote,
Pepper: I say we put a dotted line across his throat!
Chorus: Well, Louis and Marie,
Those stingy sovereigns,
They gotta go!
Chorus: Oui, oui, oui, oui!
Aka: The only way to bring about change,
Is for us to revolt,
Pepper: We know it sounds strange!
Chorus: About four years, they ruled the country,
We say phooey on Louis, we're fini with Marie!
Louis and Marie,
The king and queen of France,
They gotta go!
Oui, oui, oui, oui!
WOW: Off with their heads!
Chorus: We said...
They gotta go now!
Oui, oui, oui, oui!
Chop, chop!
Kid Chorus: Froggo, Aka, Loud, Charity
Chorus: A play by William Shakespeare always stimulates your thought,
Because you spent two hours trying to figure out the plot,
He wrote famous lines and phrases for his dog like "out, damned Spot!"
Fetch: I'm a victim of circumstance!
Chorus: So who is this guy the critics praise,
Who's famous for his turn of phrase,
Wrote thirty-seven different plays,
And lived in Elizabethan days,
WOW: And made Lawrence Oliver's career?
Mike Tyson: Lend me your ear!
Chorus: He lived in Stratford von Avon apartment 2-B,
Was it 2-B, or not 2-B?
Miss Info: I really don't know, it's confusing to me!
How do you understand Shakespeare with all of the
harks and the hos and all the flowery prose that he writes?
Chorus: For men wearing tights!
So bring up the lights,
And let's meet the bard!
Father Time: Ladies and gentlemen, Histeria! proudly presents the plots of
all thirty-seven plays by William Shakespeare!
Chorus: Hamlet's real father is killed by his brother,
Who now becomes king and then marries his mother,
It ends up with everyone killing each other,
And that is the story that's told by the bard!
Hey nanni nanni na, tra la la, fa la la la la la la!
King Henry V is a play about war,
And so is King John and King Henry IV,
While Falstaff laughed, and fell on the floor,
So Henry VI went back to the gore.
Joan of Arc: King Lear, Shakespeare's
Tragical ruler who casts out his daughter,
The story is sad, 'cause then he feels bad,
And then he goes mad, and both of them die!
Chorus: Hey nanni nanni na, tra la la, fa la la la la la la!
Pepper: At Romeo and Juliet, everyone cries,
At Titus Andronicus everyone dies,
Don't you just love these Shakespearean guys?
Aah haa ha haa ha haaa!!!
Jefferson: You go to the theatre and pay all that money,
To see all these actors who dress really funny,
You say to your date, "Are you getting this, honey?
'Cause I'm really lost, so explain it to me!"
Chorus: Hey nanni nanni na, tra la la, fa la la la la la la!
Shakespeare: MacBeth is a guy who is really ambitious
And that's why the king sleeps with the fishes
Then he kills others, it's really quite vicious,
Until in the end, he gets stabbed in the duff!
Lydia: Oh, no-no!
Shakespeare: By MacDuff!
Lydia: Better!
Girls: He wrote comic romances with laughter and dances,
Where everyone prances while taking their chances
With love, love, love, love, love!
Boys: [make gagging noises]
Chorus: Like The Comedy of Errors and Pericles too,
Then Measure for Measure and Taming the Shrew,
Two Gents from Verona and then Much Ado About Nothing
Then he'd write The Tempest and Twelfth Night,
The Merry Wives of Windsor, As You Like It, and Cymbaline,
Love's Labours Lost, A Winter's Tale,
And also Midsummer Night's Dream
Marc Antony: Then The Merchant of Venice a debt is entangled,
As Coriolanus where soldiers get mangled,
Marco Polo: Othello's the fellow whose wife ends up strangled,
Marc Antony: And that is the story that's told by the bard!
Chorus: Hey nanni nanni na, tra la la, fa la la la la la la!
Cassius: Troilus and Cressida, now there was a pair,
They were in love and she had an affair,
It's not a great play so we really don't care,
Chorus: Hey nanni nanni na, tra la la!
Nixon: King Richard II's a guy that went dumb,
King Richard III is the guy with the hump,
Chatterson: Timon of Athens, he was a chump,
'Cause all of his money was lent,
Now it's spent,
And he can't,
Pay the rent,
And he has to go live in a tent!
Caesar: Julius Caesar's about an attack,
All of his friends put a knife in his back,
And then a great play that would come after that,
Is Anthony and Cleopat...
Chorus: Tra la la, tra la la, tra la la la la la la la la!
King Henry VIII has six different wives,
He's faithful to each 'til the next one arrives,
Most of them ended up losing their lives,
WOW: One minute they're wedded, and then they're beheaded,
It's something that later he kinda regretted,
Chorus: But Shakespeare's plays are the places to be,
But violence and killing and murder you see,
You really can't show it on childrens' TV,
But that is the story,
Though it's bloody and gory,
Yes, that is the story that is told by the bard!
All's well that ends well!
Pepper: Mary had a little lamb, but she really wanted two,
Lamb: Baa.
M.Info: And thanks to genetic research, she knew just what to do!
WOW: Scientists took the DNA from Mary's lamb and said,
Wilmut: We'll make a carbon copy, and a lamb clone will be bred!
Lambs: Baa.
M.Info: So, a brand new lamb was born, and people called it Dolly.
Pepper: Mammal cloning's first big star,
Froggo: Or mankind's biggest folly?
Nun: For if we start to clone ourselves, aren't we playing God?
WOW: Creating some master race, with perfect face and bod?
Toast: If today we clone a lamb, how long will it be
'Til someone decides to clone himself, and not clone you and me?
Pepper: So the next time Mary's little lamb comes walking down the way,
Admire its fleece, as white a snow, and not its DNA.
Lamb: Baa. Baa!
Pepper: Thank you! Thank you! Ah haa hah haa!!
Something like Tequila
Montezuma: Mesoamerica was my homeland,
And today I'll share it with all of you
It was a place that was full of wonder,
And great civilizations, too
It was a land of many cultures,
And you'll know them all before we're through
Until the Spanish tore it asunder
Cortez: Hey, that's what Conquistadors do!
Chorus: Molmecs and Toltecs,
Mayans and Aztecs,
But if you invade it,
We got a special tip for you!
Loud: Don't drink the water!
Chorus: The Olmecs built the first empire,
In 1200 B.C.
And then by the year 900,
There was a Mayan society
But they were conquered by the Toltecs,
In the tenth century
Montezuma: And they were overrun by my Aztecs,
But we didn't last as you can see
Chorus: The Spanish invaded,
Plundered and raided,
Hey, we're not jaded,
Montezuma: But here's a little advice from me!
Loud: Don't drink the water, it'll give you the runs!
Montezuma: We had calendars and stone writing,
And excelled at mathematics too,
Our sacrifices were exciting,
But it's something you should never do
Chorus: They played sports and were using rubber,
Long before the tennis shoe
Montezuma: And we'd still be here creating
If Cortez had never come through!
Chorus: So come be our guest,
We have just one request,
Please no more conquests,
Or there's something that he'll make you do!
Montezuma: Have a drink...of water!
Kid Chorus: Aka, Charity, Froggo, Loud
Chorus: And now a song about two guys that history always mentions,
Tom Jefferson and Ben Franklin and their way cool inventions!
Jefferson: Yo, all the guys know it was I
Who penned the declaration
Franklin: It's just too bad when you were through,
I fixed the punctuation!
Girls: But then it passed,
Boys: It was blast,
Chorus: We did it for our nation!
Jefferson: My dear friend, I must contend,
We're both men of ambition,
And now I see that you and me,
Are in a competition!
Girls: It was out of need,
Boys: Not out of greed,
Chorus: We did it for our nation!
Jefferson: My polygraph, you see, it's true,
Let one writer do the work of two
Franklin: Sure, it was clever and built to last,
So you can write bad checks twice as fast!
Girls: It wasn't just for fun,
Boys: And it got things done,
Chorus: We did it for our nation!
Jefferson: I improved the plow, built outdoor clocks,
Franklin: I improved the mail and bedroom locks!
Girls: Made a notation,
Boys: Was their creation,
Chorus: We did it for our nation!
Jefferson: To ascertain if it would rain,
I built an indoor weathervane!
Franklin: Okay, it kept drops off your head,
But I'd have made a drain instead!
Jefferson: What about my bed that folds,
And my dumbwaiter, too?
Franklin: That's not a bad idea, y'know,
Did you name it after you?
Yo, check out my armonica, take a listen to its sound!
Jefferson: There's no way that funky beat could make me wanna get down!
Franklin: Well, I strove to build a stove
To warm up small apartments,
Jefferson: It made great heat, and your next feat,
Was inventing fire departments!
Franklin: I made bifocal spectacles
And street lamps at night!
Jefferson: Yeah, that's so you could try and see
Your cockamamie kite!
Chorus: But in the end, you've got a friend,
You've both got inspiration,
To help the people of our land,
We did it for our nation!
But nowadays, there's more than praise
For folks who make things that amaze
And I'll bet there's motivation,
Ain't just for civilization,
Franklin: Inventions get made,
Jefferson: Inventors get paid,
Chorus: By a corporation!
To the tune of Ghostbusters
Kid Chorus: Lucky Bob, Cho-Cho, Aka, Froggo
Chorus: If something stinks in the business world
Loud: Give him a shout!
Roosevelt: Trustbuster!
Chorus: If monopolies make you wanna hurl
Give him a shout!
Roosevelt: Trustbuster!
I'm gonna bust me a trust!
Chorus: If corporate greed gets way too big
Give him a shout!
Miss Info: Trustbuster!
Chorus: When robber barons act like greedy pigs
Give him a shout!
WOW: Trustbuster!
Roosevelt: I'm gonna bust me a trust!
Pepper: Give him a shout!
WOW: Trustbuster!
Chorus: If J.P. Morgan makes a sneaky bargain
Give him a shout!
Trustbuster!
Roosevelt: I'm gonna bust me a trust!
Loud: Rockefeller's cornered the market!
Pepper: Give him a shout!
Toast: Trustbuster!
Chorus: If you've eaten the dust of a powerful trust
You'd better shout,
Trustbuster!
Roosevelt: Let me tell you something--trustbusting makes me feel good!
Chorus: So if you want the man who'll do all he can
You know you've gotta shout "Trustbuster"! Ow!
Give him a shout!
Trustbuster!
Give him a shout!
Trustbuster!
Give him a shout!
Trustbuster!
Give him a shout!
Trustbuster!
Kid Chorus: Kip Ling, Charity, Aka, Crooked-Mouth Boy
Chorus: In eighteen-hundred-sixty-two our country was at war,
The South thought well of slavery the North thought it a bore,
As tensions grew the grey and blue divided up the nation,
And split in two the results of our founders' great creation!
Abe: That's all I need! A Civil War, and all that aggravation!
Chorus: Then battles made with cannons shot from one side to the other,
From Fredericksburg to Gettysburg with brother fighting brother!
Someone had to take a stand and fight for civil rights,
Soldiers: Someone who could speak for all and stop these wretched fights!
Chorus: Someone who could speak for all and fight for civil rights!
The President shall be the one the people were a-thinkin',
WOW: And so the job fell in the lap of President Abe Lincoln!
Chorus: An honest man, both tall and strong, he'd do the job just fine,
Of patching up the country at the Mason-Dixon Line!
Yes, patching up the country at the Mason-Dixon Line!
And so it came to pass that Mr. Lincoln took a stand,
The document was eloquent and really rather grand!
The people that were there all took to heart what Lincoln pled,
WOW: I was there, and I can tell ya, this is what it said:
Abe: As President, I hereby state and solemnly decree,
By virtue of the power that is vested within me,
That in the year one-thousand-eight-hundred-and-sixty-three,
All the people held as slaves, henceforth shall be free!
Chorus: Yes, all the people held as slaves, henceforth shall be free!
The message sent was loud and clear and spoke out to the nation,
In eighteen-hundred-sixty-three, Abe made a proclamation!
Abe: Emancipation Proclamation! No more slavery!
Chorus: Then Lincoln hired General Grant to defeat General Lee!
And brought in General Sherman who kept marching to the sea!
The South had to surrender, but a lesson had been learned,
That slavery had ended even though Atlanta burned!
So clap your hands and stomp your feet and gather hand in hand,
Freedom here for one and all to spread across the land!
Everyone is welcome to join in the celebration,
Because of Lincoln's proclamation of emancipation!
Kid Chorus: Froggo, Aka, Loud, Charity
Hooray for Presidents!
Those high and mighty White House residents.
Every four years they get elected,
And are respected,
With Secret Service 'round the clock!
But any mishap gives them a bad rap,
And we get a new prez on the dot!
Hooray for Presidents,
They run the country with great confidence,
The chief executives from George Washington to Bill Clinton,
Their duties are quite immense
You, too, can run and win and be the next Lincoln,
Hooray for Presidents!
Hooray for Presidents!
Let's hear it for their vigilance.
They love America and keep it running,
And with their cunning,
They make sure the country's strong!
So let's give our moral support,
To hold down the fort,
Hooray for Presidents!
Kid Chorus: Aka, Froggo, Loud, Charity
The year was 1820 in the land of the free,
A girl was born Susan B. Anthony,
Back then equality was only meant for the dudes,
So Sue grew up and had a new attitude,
She said a female must fight for everything she gets,
So Sue became the leader of the suffragettes!
I say vote,
Vote, Susie, vote, vote, vote
Vote, Susie, vote, vote, vote
Vote, Susie, vote, vote, vote
Vote, Susie, vote, vote, vote
Sue B. Anthony!
With protest signs and marches Susan B. blazed a trail,
Even though the cops were tossin' her in jail,
Women 'round the world rose up and joined the fight,
But it took a hundred years for men to see the light,
In 1920 the Nineteenth Amendment passed,
Women in the U.S. had the right to vote at last!
She said vote,
Thanks, Susie, vote, vote, vote
Thanks, Susie, vote, vote, vote
Thanks, Susie, vote, vote, vote
Thanks for the vote, Susie...
Sue B. Anthony!
To the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies
Gather 'round and hear about a man named Bill,
Guy from Arkansas who ran for office 'till,
He became the governor and soon this southern gent,
Left Little Rock and he ran for President!
Of the United States, that is.
Land of liberty, freedom, and large french fries...super size!
On election day in '92, Billy Boy won,
And then the nation told him 'Hey, move to Washington!'
So he and Hillary packed up the family to,
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue!
The White House, that is.
Politicians. Powerbrokers. Large french fries!
The Washington Hillbillies!
Kid Chorus: Froggo, Kip Ling, Toast, Charity, Aka
Leif Erikson: One, two, three, fjord!
Let's pillage!
Vikings, vikings, they're mean and bad,
The people always gripe,
But we're here today to tell you this,
Chorus: Don't believe the hype!
Leif Erikson: Now vikings come from Norway,
Sweden, Denmark, too,
But during winter in Scandinavia,
Chorus: There was nothing much to do!
So we built some ships and took some trips
Across the ocean blue,
And exactly where we were going,
We didn't have a clue!
Leif Erikson: The Denmark Danes went down to France,
Claimed Normandy for their own,
And Denmark's king, Canute the Great,
Chorus: Took the English throne!
Leif Erikson: Norweigans discovered Iceland,
But vikings never stop.
Chorus: Greenland was discovered by,
Leif Erikson: Eric the Red, my pop!
Chorus: They say Columbus found America,
Back when the world was flat,
Well, Chris, we got some news for you,
Leif Erikson: Been there, done that!
Chorus: Yeah, we pillaged and we plundered,
And held prisoners for ransom,
Leif Erikson: But don't forget, we had nice hair,
Chorus: And were really, really handsome!
Leif Erikson: We always launched surprise attacks,
Which people found alarming,
But when we weren't ransacking things,
Chorus: We got really good at farming!
Leif Erikson: We made lots of pretty metal things,
Like cups and coins we stashed,
Chorus: But our favorite thing to make was off
With other people's cash!
Leif Erikson: True, we stole and murdered
As we went upon our journeys,
Chorus: If we lived in modern days,
We'd probably be attorneys!
Leif Erikson: But hey, we weren't just pirates,
And merciless invaders,
Chorus: We were artists and explorers,
And also business traders!
Leif Erikson: Sure, we roughed some people up,
And we were hated in our day,
But you shouldn't really blame us,
Chorus: We're just bjorn that way!
And that's our viking rap,
We've tried to keep it brief,
So enjoy the show, we've got to go,
Leif Erikson: And make like me and Leif!
Kid Chorus: Froggo, Aka, Charity, Loud
Loud: Ladies and gentlemen! Histeria! now explains how the course of
history was changed by...
Pepper: Pepper! Ah ha haa ha!
Aka: The history of spice is the history of ice,
And of civilizations long past,
They had buildings and bridges, but no freezers or fridges,
And food would go bad pretty fast!
So they piled on the spice, and that made it taste nice,
Which resulted in something quite strange,
It's hard to believe, that since Adam and Eve,
Our taste buds caused history to change!
Chorus: The Babylonians and sheiks and the Romans and the Greeks
Said the food was really awful and bland,
But there was something called spice, made your supper taste nice,
And you found it in a faraway land!
So the people started searching through Iraq and Iran,
Across Asia to Malaysia, Indonesia, Japan,
And the age of exploration began,
Because people wanted pepper on their food, oh yeah,
People wanted pepper on their food!
Babies: [baby-talk] Ah ah ah, ah ah ah! Ah ah ah, ah ah!
Chorus: Well, the centuries passed, populations grew fast,
And because of that economies grew,
Everybody wanted spice, they were raising the price,
And the people didn't like it, it's true!
Like Atilla the Hun, who got angry and sore,
When he reached for the pepper but there wasn't any more,
He jumped right up, and said,
Atilla: We're going to war!
Because me gotta have pepper on my food, oh yeah,
Chorus: Atilla wanted pepper on his food!
Nutmeg, ginger, mace and lime,
Parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme,
Bay leaf, cloves, and just a little hint of,
Sugar, rum, and caroway, and cinnamon, mint, well,
Columbus set sail, gonna blaze a new trail,
To the place where spice is found,
But he was rubbing his eyes, because he got a surprise,
When he collided with a chunk of new ground!
He was looking for spice, so he crossed the sea,
And found a continent instead of where the Indies should be,
So America was actually discovered you see,
Because people wanted pepper on their food, oh yeah,
Columbus wanted pepper on his food!
Saffron, salt, radicchio weed,
Garlic, curry, poppy seed,
Fennil, basil, tarragon, still,
There's oregano and juniper and sesame, dill, well,
History shows where the spice trade grows,
The worldwide economy works,
For the Indians, Phoenicians and the Romans and the Grecians
And the Arabs and the Ottoman Turks,
So, if you see you wanna be a regular whiz,
And be able to explain about the history biz,
Just remember that world is the way that it is,
Because people wanted pepper on their...
Sugar and spice, and everything nice,
People wanted pepper, I'm a pepper schlepper,
Hey, give me my pepper...
Boys: On my food!
Girls: Gimmie pepper,
Chorus: Gimme gimmie pepper!
Froggo: Gotta have pepper on my...achoo!
To the tune of Rawhide!
Kid Chorus: Loud, Aka, Cho-Cho, Lucky Bob, Charity, Toast, Froggo, CMB
Chorus: Scoopin', scoopin', scoopin',
The cattle keep on poopin',
Our backs all hurt from stoopin',
Cow pies!
From Texas to Nebraska,
The steers don't even ask ya,
They leave those pies behind just like they're mines!
It's our job to pick up,
This place could use a Stick-Up,
Ones that smell like flowers or like pine!
Bob: That's mine.
Chorus: Scoop 'em up, pick 'em up, pick 'em up, scoop 'em up,
Scoop 'em up, pick 'em up,
Loud: Cow pie!
Chorus: Pile 'em high, toss 'em up, toss 'em up, pile 'em high,
Pile 'em high, toss 'em up...
Loud: Cow pie!
Chorus: It comes out, comes out, comes out,
By the ton, you're bummed out,
The grass goes in and comes out,
Cow pie!
Don't you wear your new shoes,
Or you'll be singing the blues,
When you step in stuff from Mr. Steer!
I guess we'll just keep movin',
This stinky job has proven,
With pies around you know the end is near.
Scoop 'em up, pick 'em up, pick 'em up, scoop 'em up,
Scoop 'em up, pick 'em up,
Loud: Cow pie!
Chorus: Pile 'em high, toss 'em up, toss 'em up, pile 'em high,
Pile 'em high, toss 'em up, cow pie!
Cow pie!
Kid Chorus: Loud, Aka, Charity, Pule Houser, Froggo, Crooked-Mouth Boy
Caesar: Et tu, Brutus,
Or should I call you Judas,
I must admit I'm quite upset,
I conquered Gaul without a sweat,
I got this country out of debt,
And this is now the thanks I get?
Well, I'll tell you bums, I ain't down yet!
Basilus: Boy, that's a lot of rhymes!
Caesar: You bet.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Marc Anthony!
Anthony: Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend your ears to me,
Beneath this arch on the Ides of March in 44 B.C.,
A famous Roman geezer, by the name of Julius Caesar,
Was ascended on by friends that killed him dead!
He was betrayed by all his buddies, so he said. Yeah!
Caesar: I can't believe you stabbed me in the back,
That was a vicious, mean, and unprovoked attack!
It's unfair and unjust, this was never discussed,
You're the ones that I trust, and I'm feeling disgust,
'Cause I'm biting the dust, and that's why I must,
Say I'm really nonplussed...
Why all you guys would stab me in the back,
You know you might as well have put me on the rack,
'Cause this is torture, how I hurt,
To realize you dish the dirt,
You even ruined my favorite shirt,
Alas, alack!
I'm feelin' bad because you stabbed me in the back!
I thought that we were pals through thick and thin,
And now the guys who were my friends just did me in,
If I'd known that you were traitors,
You'd been killed by gladiators,
And then fed to alligators, as a snack,
For stabbing Julius Caesar in the back!
Chorus: We ran him through with knives from fore to aft,
Caesar: And to tell the truth I think I feel a draft.
I was healthy, I did yoga,
I drank only Calistoga,
Took size thirty in a toga,
Now just look at me, I'm history!
Chorus: And that's because we stabbed him in the back!
Caesar: I didn't deserve it!
Chorus: Now we'll finally get this country back on track!
Caesar: There's been libel, there's been slander,
Now you all just take a gander,
At these knives that didn't cut me any slack!
I'm the guy whose friends betrayed him,
And waylaid him when they stabbed him,
In the back...
Conspirators: In the Rotunda!
We nabbed him, and we grabbed him,
and we jabbed him, and we stabbed him...
Caesar: I feel betrayed!
Conspirators: ...in the ba-a-ack!
Caesar: Folks, someone call IX-I-I!
Chorus: Nine-one-one!
Kid Chorus: Aka, Loud, Crooked-Mouth Boy, Charity
General Sherman: Atlanta, Atlanta, all through the night,
The fire keeps Atlanta burnin' bright.
Chorus: Atlanta burnin' bright...
General Sherman: I say, Atlanta, Atlanta, we're havin' quite a bash,
And we won't leave 'til the city turns to ash.
Follow me, march to the sea,
With my Scorched Earth Policy,
Burn down every bush and tree,
Leadin' me to victory.
General Sherman: I say, Atlanta, Atlanta, it's useless to fight,
The fire keeps Atlanta burnin' bright.
Chorus: Atlanta burnin' bright...
General Sherman: I say the ragin' blazin' keeps Atlanta burnin' bright!
Kid Chorus: Froggo, Loud, Charity, Aka
Freedom League, Freedom League,
Franklin Roosevelt's Freedom League,
When in war, they'll defend,
Liberty for all men,
Look out! Here comes the Freedom League!
With his trusty Truman,
Winston Churchill and Russian Joe,
They seem superhuman,
Watch them crush their evil foe!
Freedom League, Freedom League,
International Freedom League,
Action heroes of the hour,
Fighting off an evil power,
Look out! Here comes the Freedom League!
To the tune of The Brady Bunch
Kid Chorus: Kip Ling, Bow-Haired Girl, Aka, Froggo
Here's the story
Of a man named Lincoln
Who wanted to be the sixteenth President
He had high hopes for a more perfect union
But the South was discontent
Here's the story
Of Jefferson Davis
And way down south in Dixie was his home
Where they grew cotton and used slaves to do it
They wanted to be left alone
Davis: Mind your own beeswax, Yankee!
'Til the one day when Abe Lincoln got elected
And said we should not have slavery any more
So the South seceeded from the union
And that's the reason that we had the Civil War!
The Civil War,
The Civil War
That's the way they began the Civil War!
Kid Chorus: Crooked-Mouth Boy, Aka, Charity, Kip Ling
Father Time: And now, Histeria! presents the true story of a boy who
wanted to fight for the North in 1861. And, who marched to
the beat of a different drummer.
Chorus: Johnny Clem tried to enlist when he was nine years old,
Sorry, kid, but you're way too young, is just what he was told.
Toast: [as Clem] Bogus, man.
Chorus: So Johnny tagged along until the soldiers said okay,
Then they gave him thirteen dollars for his monthly pay.
Toast: Woah, I'm rich!
Chorus: He received a battered drum, he pounded it with joy,
The 22nd Michigan regimen made him the drummer boy!
Soldiers: Ow! Stop playing! My ears!
Chorus: After the battle of Shiloh, he got a cool nickname,
They called him Johnny Shiloh, life would never be the same!
Toast: Rock on, dudes!
Chorus: Loved by the North, hated by the South,
Johnny continued the fight!
He'd drum whenever the troops would march,
All through the day and night!
Soldier: Doesn't this kid ever sleep?
Chorus: After the war, he went to West Point, wanted to serve his nation,
Was turned out because he had a third-grade education,
Toast: Hey, I was busy!
Chorus: President Grant stepped in for Johnny, and the deed was done,
Our drummer boy made second lieutenant in 1871!
Toast: So there!
Chorus: After 55 years of army life, Johnny took a rest,
By then he was a major general, proving he's the best!
Toast: I'm the best!
Chorus: That's the story of Johnny Shiloh, famous Civil War kid,
The world will never forget all the courageous things he did!
