Episode #20 - The Wheel of History

Sketch List:
Wheel of History Intro, with Nostradamus
Archimedes, Father of Geometry (245 B.C.)

[commercial break]

Wheel of History Filler
John Ericsson's Ironclad Acres (March 9, 1862)
Wheel of History Filler
Barry Ding Live: The Chicago Fire (1871)

[commercial break]

Wheel of History Filler
Shakespeare meets Hollywood (1599)

Images from the episode:

Welcome to Histeria! It's Nostradamus, famous soothsayer
It's his new...thing...The "Wheel of History"!
Let's give it a spin, but keep your toolbox handy
Our first stop, the 2nd Century B.C. and Archimedes, father of Geometry
He discovered buoyancy...Eureka!
And leverage
So come on down and pick up his Archimedes Lever Set
Froggo can't budge this stubborn landmark
But give us a lever long enough and a fulcrum strong enough...
Check out his compound pulley!
And the Archimedes corkscrew, a primitive means of moving water!
Archimedes and his unpopular son Geometry
What's our next stop on the Wheel of History?
It's 1871 and the Chicago Fire on Barry Ding Live!
Ding takes a call from Katherine O'Leary
And a clumsy horsey
The reporter that broke the O'Leary story
Stop calling, Kato
The studio in flames
Nostradamus is getting right tired of this silly wheel
When it catches on fire, Father Time rushes in with an extinguisher
Anyway, our next stop is 1862, where the South has developed the first ironclad
The era of wooden ships has finally come to a close
And don't bother with this idea
Just come to John Ericcson and buy his awesome new "Monitor"
It's got twin cannons on a revolving turret! Toast loads up a cannonball
Free with every purchase is a bale of cotton...your ears will need it
And come on down and the kids get chicory coffee and hardtack biscuits!
The Wheel of History has exploded, but...
...it tries to show us what would happen if Shakespeare lived in Hollywood
Joan of Arc plays Sammy Melman's secretary
Sammy wants to talk casting for his "Julius Caesar" script
Maybe Seinfeld for the role of Caesar?
Actually, I don't know if he'd be right...
Okay, then how 'bout Stallone?
He's starting to freak Shakespeare out
Woody Allen as Brutus
Mike Meyers as Marc Antony?
The critics love it! Big box office hit!
He's done with the whole writing thing, he wants to direct!
Well, the wheel's out for repairs, so that's all 'til next time on...

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