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Passions Quotes

Simone Russell: Isn't he the tastiest thing you ever saw in your life?

Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald: I've lost the only man worth dieting for!

Jessica Bennett: You can't give up on Charity, Miguel. Would Leonardo give up on Kate? Would Ross give up on Rachel? Would Bo give up on Hope?

[Kay tells Simone her "chest exercises" have paid off.]
Simone Russell: Get real, girl. There's a lot more than exercises inside that bra.

Julian Crane: I'm in no mood to play "Let's Provoke Julian" today.
Ivy Winthrop Crane: Pity. It's my favorite game!

[Timmy the doll speaks to a sleeping Charity.]
Timmy: Timmy would lay down his life for you... if Timmy had a life to lay down.

[Hank is shocked that Luis is saying nice things about Sheridan.]
Hank Bennett: Are you sure there wasn't a pod next to your bed this morning?

Miguel Lopez-Fitzgerald: [Miguel is sick and tired of Charity seeing her doomed fortune in tea leaves.] Why don't you switch to tea bags from now on?

Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald: Why do you have to be such a smart-ass?
Sheridan Crane: When I'm around you, SOMEONE has to be smart.

Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald: You bitch! I should pull your blonde hair out by its black roots and choke you with it!

Sam Bennett: Is Ethan really my son? I'm not going to rest until I know for sure. Maybe there's a clue on the Internet.

Rebecca: Wait for me! I want to see Theresa hang herself!

Tabitha Lenox: It's all or nothing on prom night.

Alistair Crane: It's a sad day in America when the Cranes can't subvert government policy.

Tabitha Lenox: Oh, the old spells were the good spells, Tim-Tim. The language is really quite beautiful: "May Beelzebub's drool seal your eyelids shut." Ha! They don't write them like that any more, Timmy!

[to Timmy]
Hecuba: Do you remind yourself of anyone? I'll give you a hint. He was made of wood by a weirdo named Geppetto.

Tabitha Lenox: Lucy Ricardo caused less havoc when she was smuggling cheese back from Europe!

Tabitha Lenox: What on Earth has you guzzling Martimmys at this time of day - and out of a shaker no less?

Tabitha Lenox: Blast that interfering next door neighbor of mine, Grace Bennett!

Tabitha Lenox: I've had enough of the Don King routine, Timmy. Do something with your hair.

Julian Crane: That girl is ready son. She's hot...she's ripe!

Julian Crane: Oh my God! I think it's the remains of Grace's tomato soup cake!

Ivy Winthrop Crane: What's up, Julian? It wouldn't have anything to do with, let's see, a mysterious bird statue?

Ivy Winthrop Crane: Well, we all remember where the bloody corpse dream got the family the last time.

Tabitha Lenox: So, you told Julian that I'm a witch.
Timmy: Timmy didn't mean to say anything bad.

Gwen Hotchkiss: I can't believe Theresa took time out of her life in Harmony to fly to Bermuda with you! I owe her so much.

Timmy: It wasn't always sunshine and lollipops, Tabitha - but for a crazy old lady, you were okay.

Tabitha Lenox: It looks like that grease fellow!
Timmy: You mean Reese.

Ethan: Studies I've seen say the number one reason marriages are successful is because the two people involved have a lot in common. You have a lot. Luis is common.

Ivy Winthrop Crane: You know, there is an old Chinese proverb that says, 'Man who talks with fake Chinese accent, man with something to hide.'
Julian Crane: There's another Chinese proverb that says 'Wife like you can go to HELL.'

Eve Russell: Is Charity having premonitions again?
Miguel Lopez-Fitzgerald: No, it's worse. She broke up with me.

Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald: What do you think? If you allow yourself to have feelings for some guy, your arm will just fall off and you'll never play tennis again?

Julian Crane: Theresa looked delectable today!
Ethan: Really? I didn't notice.
Julian Crane: You should check into that new laser eye surgery.

Rebecca: Is that a threat, Peee-lar?
Pilar Lopez-Fitzgerald: No. I don't make threats. I make promises.

Rebecca: Seeing you like that, Pilar, reminds me of an old TV show. "The Jeffersons." You're moving on up!

Gwen Hotchkiss: What do I have to do to get you to admit what's going on here, Ethan? Walk in on you and Theresa in bed making love? What's she going to tell me then, huh? That she was just fluffing your pillows and just happened to slip underneath you?!

Eve Russell: Oh my God! My old mug shot!

Sheridan Crane: Colored Sprinkles Rule!

Ivy Winthrop Crane: Let me out, I have a bride to bludgeon to death!

Reese Durkee: Not even the Internet can save us now!

Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald: Isn't that right Gwen? You're nothing but a pathetic, vindictive, BITCH!

Kay: [having second thoughts about being good] Miguel is going to be mine no matter what I have to do! Charity, be damned! As God as my witness, I'll never be good again!

Rebecca: Theresa is just like that little pink bunny, she keeps lying and lying and lying.

Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald: We're investigating the murder of Julian Crane.
Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald: I can tell you who did it. Rebecca or Ivy or both. I know! Rebecca pushed the wheelchair and Ivy pulled the trigger!

Sam Bennett: Now I've heard enough of you ladies yelling at each other.
Rebecca: Theresa is no lady, she's a tramp.

Charity Standish: Zombie slut!

Beth Wallace: What about my happiness, mother?
Ms. Wallace: Bad girls don't deserve to be happy!

Rebecca: I was under the impression that you didn't like your mommy very much.
Fox: Maybe so, but I don't want her to frozen stiff like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining".

Rebecca: It's just a very good thing I am not really the landlady, or else you'd be out on the street for "falling down" on the job.

Julian: This is all Theresa's fault!
Rebecca: Why? What did she do? Hide your Viagra?

Ivy Winthrop Crane: You were always so good in the kitchen. I wish I'd taken "Home Ec" in school.
Grace Bennett: Oh well you were probably too busy cramming for "How to Be a Bitch 101."
Ivy Winthrop Crane: You know Grace, you're usually so passive I'd forgotten that you had any wit.
Grace Bennett: I wouldn't worry about it. Because I hear that memory loss is common in menopausal women.

Beth Wallace: Okay, okay, okay...I'm calm. And I am calmly asking you. How are we supposed to get Sheridan off the grounds without being seen?
Charlie: Very carefully.
Beth Wallace: Of course. Very carefully. Why didn't I think of that? Very carefully!

Beth Wallace: I told you, I can handle Charlie.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh yeah, look at what she did to your wedding dress. the dress is destroyed.
Beth Wallace: Oh no.
Mrs. Wallace: And when she finds out that your plan is with you ending up with Luis. This dress, gonna be you.

Mrs. Wallace: When Charlie finds out, that you used her to get Luis. You won't be in any condition, to walk down any aisle Missy!

[Beth is talking to Precious]
Beth Wallace: You stop Luis from looking around, or no more "Animal Planet!"

Beth Wallace: Finally, finally, finally! I got what I wanted. Sheridan will be strapped to that veggie-boy husband and oh--oh Luis-sweet, kind, sex-on-a-stick Luis is all mine!

Julian: Please Chet, talk some sense into him.
Chad: The name is Chad.

Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald: Used to getting your way, are you?
Pheobe: Haven't been turn down yet.
Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald: Well, there's a first time for everything.

Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald: You're not moving.
Sheridan Crane: My feet won't let me.
Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald: Aww...I love those feet.

Mayor: What kind of town, did I get elected to? Houses being sucked into hell, demons attacking, two brothers in love with the same woman.

Sheridan Crane: Aren't you freezing out here without your coat on?
Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald: I was just gonna go out and chop some fire wood... It's one of two things you can do, in this kinda weather to keep warm.
Sheridan Crane: What's the other?
Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald:'s a guy joke.
Sheridan Crane: ...Oh, I get it.

Timmy: So Charity's like Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker combined?

Sheridan Crane: I just ran into him in the locker room...he had just gotten out of the shower.
Hank Bennett: Ohh...
Sheridan Crane: It was an accident...I was just looking for some sugar.
Hank Bennett: Did you get it?

Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald: I don't know how they drive in France, but here in Harmony, if the moving car hits a parked car, it's the moving car's fault!
Sheridan Crane: Oh, how typical of you to get me on a technicality.
Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald: "Technicality?" I get the feeling you're trying to kill me!