Chapter Nine
A hooting owl woke Boyle. For several minutes, he tried to figure out where he was. When his vision cleared, he realized he was laying on the cushion in the back of the Jeep. Glancing around, he found Carter laying on the floor and Gomer laying up front. How in the world did they get there?
"Vince? Pyle?" he called. "Wake up!"
Carter blinked.
"What's going on?" he exclaimed.
"Someone knocked us out," Boyle decided.
Up front, Gomer also awoke.
"Sergeant? Corporal?" he yelled.
"We're here, Pyle," Boyle replied.
"What in the world happened?" Gomer cried.
"I don't know exactly," Boyle said, "but somehow we must have got knocked out in that flying saucer." But how? he wondered silently.
Gomer looked around.
"Where are we?"
"Back in the Jeep," Carter answered.
"Where's the saucer?" Gomer asked next. "I don't see it anywhere!"
"It's gone," Boyle realized, glancing into the field.
Carter climbed out of the Jeep and went over to the front. "Well, we'd better get out of here then. It's already near midnight."
Gomer gladly gave Carter the steering wheel and they drove off.
"Should we tell anyone what happened?" Gomer wondered.
"No!" Carter said firmly. "They'd send us to the crazy house! No one would believe we'd actually been in some object that looked like a flying saucer!"
"Maybe we should tell the Colonel, though," Boyle said quickly.
"Maybe," Carter conceded, "but no one else!"
"What was that bright light?" Gomer speculated.
"It must have been crooks," Carter responded, "with some outrageously bright flashlight or something. See?" he said triumphantly. "It was man-made or crooks wouldn't have been throwing us out!"
"Not necessarily, Sergeant," Gomer replied. "There's no reason why aliens couldn't have wanted us to get out!"
"But if it really was aliens, wouldn't they want to abduct us and take us to their home planet?" the ever-practical Corporal Boyle pointed out. "And why wouldn't the crooks want to get us out if it was a flying saucer from outer space? They could make a lot of money with a thing like that."
The Marines drove the rest of the way back to the base in silence. This case wasn't getting any easier to solve. It was getting harder.
"Spies are always very dangerous," the Colonel cautioned. "There's no telling what spies would do to throw you all off the case. Be very careful!" After a pause, he added, "And let's not talk about this flying saucer incident too much. The wrong people could hear it and it could put you in more danger!"
"Maybe the Jeep crashed into a tree or something and the whole flying saucer thing was some kind of nightmare," Hacker suggested.
"Well, I'm sure it wasn't a real flying saucer from outer space," Carter said quickly. "It must have been some crazy man-made thing. Maybe a foreign espionage device or something like that."
"Maybe," Hacker conceded.
Later that day, Hacker greeted Carter jokingly by saying, "Seen any more flying saucers lately?", much to Carter's annoyment.
"Golly, Sergeant, do you think that man can really talk to people from other planets?" Gomer exclaimed.
"Pyle!" Carter snapped. "I don't even believe in flying saucers and aliens!"
Gomer looked to Boyle.
"Well, let's see what kind of personality this guy has," the Corporal said.
The anchorwoman was asking the scientist about his communications with E.T.s.
"I really talked to them!" the scientist declared. He seemed slightly eccentric. "I was just in my house with my short-wave radio, and I was fiddling around with it, and suddenly this voice came over the radio. It said, ‘Come in, earthlings!' I was curious, so I responded. We had a nice conversation. The alien was from a planet called Morb in another galaxy.
Carter looked disgusted. "The guy's a nut!" he announced.
"We don't know that, Sergeant," Gomer said quickly.
"If he did talk to something, it wasn't aliens," Carter insisted.
"These things happen too many times for the people to all be crazy," Boyle commented.
"Until I see a real one and have proof beyond doubt that it's from another planet, I'll have my reservations. Do you mind?" Carter said, throwing up his hands in despair.
At the end of the interview, the anchorwoman said, "If anyone wants to visit Dr. Lukus Holden, his office is in the local Energy Research Center in Los Angeles."
"Maybe we'd better pay this guy a visit," Boyle suggested, gesturing at the TV screen.
"What good would that do?" Carter shot back.
"Well, Sergeant, he might be able to answer some questions about aliens and flying saucers that would help us solve the mysteries," Gomer spoke up.
Carter sighed and relented. "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt. Maybe the girls would like to come with us. After all, how dangerous could it be to visit a scientist?"
Carter and Bunny and Gomer and Lou-Ann went in Carter's two-toned Dodge sedan. Boyle and Mary Ann and Duke went in Mary Ann's red Corvette convertible.
The scientist was very willing to see them all when he heard that they had come to talk about aliens.
"I heard them, I truly did!" he declared. "I truly do make contact with aliens from Morb!"
Carter looked at Boyle knowingly. His eyes said, "See? He's cuckoo."
"Did the alien tell you all about his home planet?" Gomer asked, his eyes wide as flying saucers.
"No," the scientist admitted. "All he said about Morb was that it was very beautiful and looks just the most lovely parts of the earth."
Carter whispered to Bunny, "This guy's ready for the looney bin!"
"And you know what else he said?" the scientist said.
"What?" everyone said together.
"He said that they pick up radio signals from earth. They've heard some of the programs from the Golden Age of Radio, such as Dragnet and The Burns and Allen Show."
"Now I know he's flipped," Carter sighed.
"Actually, Vince, it is scientifically possible," Boyle and Bunny said together. "Even if it does seem odd," Boyle added.
"It takes many lightyears for the signals to reach the planet of Morb, however," the scientist continued. "Morb is twelve lightyears away from earth."
"Mercy!" Gomer, Lou-Ann, and Mary Ann all cried at once.
"There might be aliens and flying saucers," Duke said to Carter, "but this guy does seem to be pretty far out."
"And the alien also said he loves our TV shows," the scientist continued. "He particularly mentioned I Love Lucy and The Phil Silvers Show."
"Do you really believe this?" Carter said, scoffing.
The scientist looked sharply at Carter and suddenly his mood changed.
"Oh, so you don't believe me, eh?" he shrilled. "You think I'm a crackpot like everybody else?"
"Well, it is a little strange," Carter replied.
"Get out!" The scientist gestured angrily toward the door. "Get out!" Dr. Holden picked up the telephone, yanked it right out of its socket, and threw it across the room. In horror, the Marines and the girls immediately backed out of the room, and Dr. Holden slammed the door behind them.
"Mercy me! What a temper!" Mary Ann burst out.
"You know somethin', Sergeant, I think you made him mad," Gomer said obviously.
"A crook?" Boyle said in disbelief when Carter told him of his suspicions the next morning.
"Yeah! A crook!" Carter repeated firmly.
"Sarge, he doesn't seem like the criminal type," Boyle protested. "He seemed a little eccentric, but that doesn't make him a crook."
"Well, I know some people can get offended easily at things, but this guy went too far," Carter insisted. "He must have been exaggerating his temper."
"I thought before you said he was crazy," Boyle reminded him.
"Well . . that was before," Carter said lamely.
Boyle sighed and shook his head in amusement.
"It's right out there in that same field where we saw it when we went in it," he said to his friends.
"Did it look like it had just landed?" Boyle asked.
"Uh huh. I even saw it land, Corporal!" Gomer replied.
"Oh. You did, did you?" Carter said, clearly disbelieving.
"Uh huh." Gomer paused. "You do believe me, don't you, Sergeant? After all, we actually went right in it the last time it landed!"
"Well . . . Maybe it's like Hacker said," Carter replied.
"Huh?" Gomer and Boyle said in unison.
"Hacker said that maybe the Jeep crashed into a tree or something and the thing about the flying saucer was a resulting dream," Carter explained.
"All of us having the same dream?" Boyle was incredulous.
"It's possible," Carter said, even though he himself didn't believe that.
"It does sound kind of strange," Gomer said quietly.
"And another thing," Boyle continued, "if that was it, why wouldn't we have some kind of indication of an accident, like a bump on the head or something? No, Vince, it must have really happened."
Carter sighed. "I suppose so. But it wasn't a flying saucer from outer space," he added firmly. "There's no such thing!"
"How do we know, Sergeant?" Gomer queried. "I'm sure there really are such things!"
Before anyone could say anything more, the phone rang. Boyle answered. "Hello, Company B, Corporal Boyle."
"Boyle, this is the craziest thing yet!" Hacker's voice came through the receiver.
"What is?" Boyle asked.
"I know they're not from outer space, but . . ."
"Huh?"
"There's little men walking all through the mess hall!" Hacker burst out.
Boyle nearly dropped the phone. "Little men?"
Carter and Gomer looked startled and immediately crowded around.
"That's right!" Hacker asserted. "What kind of joke is Carter playing?"
"Hacker, you know Vince wouldn't play jokes like that!" Boyle protested.
"He knows I wouldn't play jokes like what?" Carter demanded.
Boyle quickly placed his hand over the receiver. "There's little men wandering through the mess hall and Hacker thinks it's a joke you're playing, Vince," he explained.
Gomer gasped. "Little men? Oh, mercy!"
"I don't believe in aliens any more than Hacker does!" Carter exclaimed.
"Well, I don't know what's going on," Hacker said, "but I'm going to stop it!" Instantly, without another word, he hung up.
"He'd actually think I'd play a joke like that?" Carter burst out.
"Apparently," Boyle replied.
"Golly. We'd better get over there!" Gomer said, rushing out the door.
Carter and Boyle followed, with Carter saying in emphasis, "But it's not aliens!"
"They're still exploring," Hacker told the others. He didn't seem to be surprised that they had dropped by. "If they start stealing food, I'm gonna catch them!"
"Shazam! That could be dangerous!" Gomer cried. "In the movies, aliens always have things like knock-out guns! And then they kidnap their victims!"
"Pyle!" both sergeants exclaimed. "They're not aliens!"
Boyle hadn't been paying special attention to any of this conversation. Instead, he had been watching the aliens.
"They're opening the freezer door," he said in hushed tones.
"They are?" Hacker immediately rushed out from under the table and over to the aliens. The other Marines cautiously followed.
"What're you guys doing with my food?" Hacker yelled at the little men.
The men didn't answer. They just grabbed an opened bag of flour and rushed out the door.
"C'mon!" Hacker called, rushing after them. "We've got to catch them!"
"You know, even if they're not aliens, they could have some kind of knock-out gun like Pyle described," Boyle said as they all chased the little men. "Crooks have those kinds of things."
Carter just gave Boyle a stare, but he knew his aide was right.
"This is crazy!" Carter said as they chased the men all over the stage.
"Golly, Sergeant, we've gotta be careful," Gomer warned. "What if they have got something like a knock-out gun?"
"Pyle!" Carter snapped.
If they did, the little men made no move to use it. They just wanted to get their flour out of there.
"Somebody alert the military police!" Hacker called.
"About flour?" Carter said incredulously.
"No! Because they must've sneaked on the base!"
"But aliens wouldn't know they weren't supposed to come here," Gomer protested.
"For the last time, Pyle, they're not aliens!" Carter and Hacker said together.
Suddenly Carter paused and looked around.
"What's the matter, Sergeant?" Gomer asked.
Carter responded to Gomer's question with another question. "Has anyone seen Boyle lately?"
"Golly! You know, Sergeant, I haven't seen him since we left the mess hall for the second time," Gomer realized.
"I haven't seen him either," Hacker admitted.
"Shazam! Sergeant, maybe the aliens got him!" Gomer said, worried.
Carter couldn't stand all the talk about aliens. "P*Y*L*E!"
"But Sergeant . . ."
"No buts, Pyle," Carter interrupted. "I'm sick and tired of hearing you jabber away about aliens!"
Hacker continued to chase the little men. "Bring back my flour!" he screamed at them.
Suddenly Gomer took a close look at the men. "Sergeant, weren't there half a dozen men before?"
"You're right, Pyle," Carter realized. "Now there's only four."
Gomer opened his mouth to voice a new concern, but Carter shot him a warning glance.
Suddenly they became aware of several odd sounds outside.
"Shazam! It sounds like someone fightin' out there!" Gomer exclaimed.
Without a word, Carter raced to the door and he and Gomer dashed outside.
Corporal Boyle was grappling with the other two little men!
