Unfortunately, I have no shows of Series 1 on tape and I only have a couple of shows on tape from Series 2, so this list is by no means from the whole series. There are quite a few taken from each show, simply so there are enough for everyone to enjoy. I will be a lot more selective when it comes to quotes from Series 3 and 4, simply because I have far more shows on tape. Anyway, here’s the best from a few shows from Series 2…
“You’d have to be as thick as pig shit to vote for this lot. So, they’re confident of success in Wales.”
Tommy Vance on the Natural Law Party and Welsh Devolution (News Slam, 27/4/99)
“Peter Mandelson has hired a professional minder to ensure his security. Possibly not the first time he’s had someone hard stay up all night and cover his back.”
Iain Lee (Red Top Round Up)
DAISY – I can think of nothing worse than two girls fighting.
IAIN – And I can think of nothing better, especially when it involves bikinis, kissing and mud.
“Uncle Ben makes rice. Gentle Ben is a grizzly bear. And Mr Benn is a cross dressing suburbanite and probably a gaylord.”
Daisy Donovan (Introducing an Ali G and Tony Benn interview)
“Does the welfare not encourage young girls to get jiggy wi Mr Biggy?”
Ali G to Tony Benn
“Everyone is goin on about the right to work. What about the right not to work?”
Ali to Tony again
“But what’s so good about it? I mean, I went once and it was rubbish. Who you vote for when you never eard of any of the names? You just vote for the one wi the most stupid name, Inky Pinky Dinky whatever.
Ali to Tony on voting
“Fuck off and don’t come back you useless tart.”
Daisy on Tara Palmer-Tomkinson (What The Papers Ought To Say)
“I'm about to say some naughty words, so if you're easily offended you can fuck off now.”
Daisy’s version of a content warning notice
“A lot has happened in the world over the past eight weeks. There have been some good times, some bad times and a war.”
Daisy closing Series 2
IAIN – Possibly Daisy, but show me your demographics.
DAISY – Later Iain, let’s look at the stats.
Talking about Scottish devolution
ALI – Do you think we’ll ever have a female Prime Minister?
SUE – We’ve already had one, Margaret Thatcher.
ALI – Do you think another woman will be allowed to slip through?
Ali G talking to Professor Sue Leese, from the Centre for Gender Studies
“My Uncle Jamal, e says e is trisexual. E will try anyfin sexual.”
Ali to Sue
“So you fink my Uncle Jamal like it in both pipes?”
Ali to Sue again
DAISY – You have to do everything yourself. Have you ever tossed yourself off in order to do that?
NORMAN – Do you mean… kind of… you know… erm… kin of… you have…
Daisy Donovan and Sir Norman Fowler (The Angel of Delight)
DAISY – How do you see William Hague as a leader? Would you like to see William Hague take Tony Blair from behind?
NORMAN – I would like to see erm… William Hague simply beat erm… er… Tony Blair.
The same The Angel of Delight interview.
DAISY – So have you already been down on her?
TAM – Yes.
Daisy and Tam Dalyell talking about Margaret Thatcher (The Angel of Delight)
DAISY – In politics, you give heart, you give soul, you give head. Am I right?
ANN – You’re absolutely right.
Daisy and Ann Widdecombe (The Angel of Delight)
DENIS – She was very dogmatic, er…
DAISY - Was she the sort of person you’d give a nice pearl necklace to?
DENIS – I wouldn’t give a pearl necklace to her, I wouldn’t give a pearl necklace to anyone except my wife…
Daisy laughs.
DENIS – Or maybe you if you’re very, very nice to me for the rest of the interview.
DAISY – Ooh, I hope so.
The classic pearl necklace admission. Daisy and Denis Healy talking about Margaret Thatcher (The Angel of Delight)
Other Memorable Series 2 Moments
The male streaker, and Daisy ends up all embarrassed.
MacKenzie Crook wearing giant Noel Edmonds Y-fronts butt fucking Iain Lee with Daisy Donovan on remote control.
Iain sumo wrestling a pig.
Daisy dancing dressed as Catwoman (Ooh baby!)
Iain dunking his face in a bowl of trifle.
Well, that’s what I’ve got on Series 2. Hope it has rekindled some memories, and any additions will be more than welcome.
Other Quotes Pages
Series 3 page 1
Series 3 page 2
Series 3 page 3
Series 3 page 4
Series 4 Quotes
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