Stardate Frigmo zero point sandwich. The captain is gay. HA! HA! You got zinged, dude.
Captain's log, stardate 54987.6:
What a nasty crap that was. It was very rough the first half of the way out. Thankfully the last bit glided out smoothly. It was one of those "I'm having a baby" dumps. No blood though.
Captain's log, stardate 54988.1:
Something must have crawled up my ass and died. A foul stench reminiscent of chicken pot pie and scrambled eggs, only much more pungent. I do not feel particularly attractive after that one. I farted really gross too. A few times.
Captain's log supplemental:
I am getting ready to wipe my butt after an extremely vicious bout of black, spraying wet doody coming from my buttocks. I am worried I might be growing ill. At least I am no longer constipated.
Captain's log, stardate 54989.4:
More black faucet-like crapping. I am very worried now. It burned a little, especially when I applied toilet paper to the lips of my sore anal cavity.
Captain's log supplemental:
Oh my christ my ass is burning!
Captain's log, stardate 54990.7:
After a violently painful episode, I reported to sickbay in regards to my recent spurt of painfully liquified crappage. As of yet the cause is unknown. I am waiting for further information.
Captain's log supplemental:
Oh no it's happening again! The burning! The burning!
