Our
Travel Log
Preview (Thursday)
“I can’t get it up—it
hurts!”
--Sarah
“We are smarter than the
wiper blades!”
--Helen
Day 1 (Friday)
“Oh my friend, you are
too small!”
--Paul
“Are we there yet?”
--Mike
“Dude, I will shoot you now!”
--Paul
“Don’t mess with the driver—Helen are
you getting all of this or am I talking too fast?”
--Paul
Got
it. Ö
RULES
#1. “Never give
Michael anything small or important—like a wedding ring.”
--Paul
#2. “Helen may not be sick!”
--Helen
and Sarah’s adamant agreement
“Andrew reminds me of Chucky from ‘Child’s Play’.”
--Paul
“Oh my God, Chucky looks like an Oompa
Loompa!”
--Mike
“Drew, do you need to make bubbles?”
--Paul
“Not anymore.”
--Andy
“De plane! De plane!”
--Helen
and Mike
ê
Beep Beep and wave the other direction
“That’s a new one for me!”
--Helen
“It’s time to shower when the flies circle your crotch.”
--Helen
“Super Hardcore Softporn Liquid Fun all the way”
“It’s much easier doing it on a bed than in a car…”
--Helen
“Parking room…parking OW!”
*THUD*
--Mike
“Poor Harvey, Uncle Paul is mean and stuffs you in his
pants!”
--Sarah
“POOT!”
--Paul
Official Sayings
“You don’t even!”
“If you can’t go up or down, go across”
“How about NO!”
“How about YES!”
“You’re the Weakest Link”
“Oh you wicked wicked monkey!”
“Pull that monkey out of your pants!”
“Poor
--Sarah
Sarah lies about
equality
Day 2 (Saturday)
“Hello…hello…huh?”
--Helen
“Zzzzzzzzzzzz…”
--everyone
“…breakfast!”
--Sarah
Magic word to get Paul
and Mike out of bed
Helen up and
about
Andy still in bed
All make fun of
Helen
Paul and Mike go
back to sleep
Helen and Sarah
talk on and on, even though Helen has lost her voice, can’t find it, and only
whispers or squeaks.
Helen catches up
on Log entries
ê
“Dirty Queen” count: 5
“Paul, shower’s open!”
--Sarah
“Mmmmmmm…”
--Paul
“Wakey, wakey,
sleepyhead…I hate when people
do that!”
--Sarah
“How ‘bout no!”
--Paul
“Paul probably caught something from…yeah!”
--Sarah
Sarah plots
death
--Paul’s mom, relayed by Mike
“Sarah can only afford the hairdryer that coughs at her
hair.”
--Andy
“Any hole is disgusting!”
--Sarah
“Salve me.”
--Paul
“Salve yourself.”
--Sarah
Sarah and Helen
will share salving duties.
“You’re so cute with your cherub face, butt-chin, and
fuzzy hair!”
--Sarah
(to Paul)
“I just say anything that comes into my head. You’d think
I’d be quiet more often!”
--Helen
“Swell.”
--Andy
“Are we done molesting each other? Can we leave?”
--Andy
“Fungus does that.”
--Mike
“Why are my drawers on the floor?”
--Andy
“I’ve got pricklies inside my
shirt!”
--Paul
“It’s too white and jiggly for
me!”
--Andy
“Toilets get no respect.”
--Paul
“They get a lots of crap!”
--Helen
“High pressure water spraying Uranus”
--Paul
Our Fortunes:
“You have the rare ability to recognize ability in
others.”--Andy
“Your destiny lies before you, choose wisely.”--Paul
“A pleasure surprise is in store for you.”--Sarah
“If you can’t decide up or down try
moving across.”--Mike
“Don’t expect romantic attachments to be strictly logical
or rational!”--Helen
IN BED!!!!
Sarah ecstatic
Mike swooned
Patrick almost
stole Helen’s pen
ê
a motion was made to change “super” to “ultra” in our
motto
also to add
“oh yeah” to now read:
“Ultra Hardcore Softporn Liquid Fun all the way oh yeah!”
WHOOHOOOO!!!
“To know him is to fear him!”
“I hope he’s on his meds!”
“Slap me, beat me, make me feel cheap!”
“We have these big beds and you all are on the little
one!”
--Helen
“We’re *relieving* memories!”
--Sarah
“No moos is good moos!”
--Mike
ê Early morning realization—the headboards are nailed to
the wall and not attached to
the bed…hmmmm…
Paul is afraid
he’ll be picked up for stalking or pimping.
“Huh?”
“What’d they say?”
“Ultra Hardcore Softporn Raw
Liquid fun all the way oh yeah!”
“I don’t know about ya’ll, but I’ve got a good buzz on!”
--Andy
“You don’t even
put green in the kitchen!”
--Paul,
after viewing “Trading Spaces”
“It is a lubricant and a laxative at the same time!”
“This is a laxative, so things are gonna
start flowin’ for me!”
“I’m feelin’ really lubricated
right now.”
--Tye, from “Trading Spaces”
“You don’t even drink
laxatives on ‘Trading Spaces’!”
--Paul
“How’s your face?”
--Sarah
to Helen
Day 3 (Sunday)
“Michael, do me a favor and don’t grab me!”
--Paul
to Mike, climbing into bed
“I don’t touch things like that!”
--Sarah
“AMEN!”
--Helen
“He has some shrinkage!”
--Sarah
“Michael, this is HUGE!”
--Paul
“Go Sarah!”
--Helen
“Poor little sock monkey!”
--Mike
“Purposeful posture of impressive
proportions.”
--Narrator
guy from Planetarium show
“Wow! That was really big!”
--Imax
“The sun was not as perfect as dogma required—it was
spotted as a teenager.”
--Solar
Max narrator
“Titicaca”—Just sounded funny
“MachuPichu,
nice to meet you!”
--Paul
“Digeridoo or
digeridon’t.”
--Andy
and Mike
“I can’t get the angle right!”
--Sarah
“We’re not a clean restaurant.”
--
“You just grabbed it and squeezed it!”
--Paul
Messages from Max & Erma’s
waitresses:
“Even though some people might have called this crew
‘difficult’, I would call them maybe, uh, ‘unique’? Enjoyed you guys! Have a
safe trip.”
--Erin
“Your fabulous server”
“Next time you are in town, looking me and we will have
fun together! Wish I could have joined you at the Irish Festival! Paul, I hope
the next 5 hours go well and you have the worst heartburn ever! Don’t make
anymore smart comments. You guys are great and stop back soon!”
--Laura-the
waitress with dreds!
“Thanks for joining us,
have a safe trip home!”
--Rebecca
“We’re straight!”
“Your Butya stinks!”
--Andy
“Mike, I will shoot you now!”
Paul makes
disgusting comment about
“We’re all gonna die!!”
--Harvey
(70 MPH in
Sarah stretches
and asks:
“Can you get in there?”
“All’s swell that ends swell!”
--Mike
“Boys, boys, boys”!
--Sarah
“All I’m saying is that someone needs a little nap!”
--??
“Huh. Can’t think of anything. Decide to go back to sleep.
Goodnight.”
--Sarah
“Whew!”
--Helen
“Awweee. J A-okay”
--Mike
“SORRY!”
--Sarah
“This song is harshin’ my
buzz!”
--Sarah
Additional
notes from back cover of original Log:
“Pac-Man”
“Does she think I’m deaf?”
--Paul
“Love you Helen!”
--Paul
“Wuv you too!”
--Helen
