DS9 QUOTES
transcribed by Sarah
"The Homecoming"
-You remember that Subytt freighter we were discussing the other day -- the one you claimed was smuggling defective isolinear rods to Bajor?
-Yes, yes, what about it?
-Well, I conducted a little investigation of that freighter, and do you know what I discovered?
-That I was telling the truth.
-That's right. I arrested the First Officer and two of the crew.
-Congratulations, Constable. I knew you could do it.
(Constable Odo and a suspiciously compliant Quark)
-I'm not finished with you.
-Oh, really, Odo? Sometimes I think there's no pleasing you.
(Odo and Quark)
-You're up to something.
-Why would you say that?
-Because you're always up to something.
(Odo and Quark)
-I don't think I can remember Odo ever looking so . . . perplexed.
(Quark, practicing the Ferengi Rule of Acquisition: "Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.")
-You've got five seconds to tell me what you want.
-Aren't you going to offer me a beverage?
-Five . . . four . . .
-Can we at least sit down?
-Three, two, one!
(Major Kira Nerys and Quark, who has visited her quarters uninvited)
-I need to borrow a runabout.
-For what?
-You really don't want to ask me that.
-It's too late. I already asked.
-You don't want to know the answer.
-Major, I can't loan you a Starfleet runabout without knowing where you plan on taking it.
-To Cardassia IV to rescue a Bajoran prisoner of war.
- . . . You're right. I wish you hadn't told me!
(Kira and Commander Benjamin Sisko)
-What if I told you that I knew someone who could bring stability to Bajor? Someone who could unite the factions and give us a chance to do our job?
-I'd say give Kira the runabout.
(Sisko and a privy Commander Jadzia Dax)
-Chief, Major Kira needs a runabout.
-Oh, so she's going to Cardassia IV after all.
-Is there anyone on this station she didn't tell?
-I doubt she mentioned it to Quark.
(Sisko and Chief Miles O'Brien)
-How do I look?
-I doubt there's a Cardassian alive who could resist you.
(Kira and O'Brien, trying to infiltrate a prisoner of war camp using Kira as a "comfort woman")
-Quark, Quark! Hold still.
-Doctor . . . will there be a scar?
-I said, hold still.
-Does that mean yes?
-No, this dermal regenerator should repair any damaged tissue as well as prevent scarring. Unless, of course, you don't hold . . . still!
(Doctor Julian Bashir and Quark, who has had the Circle's emblem branded onto his head)
-Commander, I'm going to tell you a story, and you may even believe it.
(Bajoran freedom fighter Li Nalas, revealing his true past)
-And I had done nothing but shoot an unarmed Cardassian in his underwear. I'll never forget the look on his face when he died. He was so . . . embarrassed.
(Li Nalas, on his real act of bravery)
"The Circle"
-Come in.
-You're not . . .
-Leaving? I really don't have much choice, do I?
-You're not just leaving, Major. You're surrendering.
-You break the rules, you pay.
-Wait a minute! I want to be sure I heard that correctly, because it doesn't sound like the Kira Nerys who has made a career out of breaking the rules.
-Well, I guess I broke one too many!
-Major, you've been breaking one too many for 14 1/2 years! Cardassian rules, Bajoran rules, Federation rules . . . they're all meaningless to you, because you have a personal code that's always mattered more, and I'm sorry to say, you're in slim company.
-I'll miss you too, Odo.
(Kira, who has been stationed to Bajor while being replaced by Li Nalas, and a disbelieving Odo)
-Li Nalas can handle the job, believe me.
-Well, you did fairly well at it once I smoothed your rough edges.
-Hah!
-What's so funny?
-I thought you did fairly well once I smoothed your rough edges.
(Kira and Odo, through thick and thin)
Odo: How can you be chatting about skin lotion at a time like this?
Dax: Do you have any idea where you'll be stationed?
[door chime]
Kira: Come in! Not yet. They say that after I've taken some leave time, I've earned a desk at the Foreign Affairs Building somewhere. Doctor.
Dax: Foreign Affairs building?
Bashir: I came to give you my best.
Dax: Well, that's rather dull.
Bashir: I beg your pardon?
Kira: Dull is a polite word for it.
Odo: Doctor, if you were Kira, wouldn't you at least be complaining to Commander Sisko?
Bashir: Look, I just wanted to wish you good luck.
Kira: Thank you, Doctor!
Bashir: Complaining about what?
Odo: Never mind, Doctor. If she doesn't care, why should we?
Dax: Have they given you any reason yet?
Bashir: Have they given you any alternative?
Kira: I do care. No, they haven't. No, they didn't. I really ought to finish packing.
Bashir: You said she doesn't care. You mean about leaving the station?
[door chime]
Kira: By all means, come on in!
Odo: She's done well here. She ought to stay here. And I say she could use a little support from her friends, Doctor!
Bashir: Well, yes, certainly, but . . .
O'Brien: Uh . . .
Kira: Chief! Come in.
O'Brien: I didn't mean to intrude. I was just . . .
Bashir: Don't worry, Chief. It's all been said.
Odo: I have a good deal more to say, thank you, Doctor!
O'Brien: Look, I could come back.
Dax: Odo, leave her alone. This is Kira's decision to make -- unless, of course, you want me to talk to Sisko.
Kira: I knew what I was doing. I knew the risk.
Odo: That's not what she asked!
O'Brien: I'd just like to say, Major, it's been a pleasure serving with you.
[door chime]
Kira: Come in!
Bashir: Will someone please explain this conversation to me?
Quark: A party! Oh! For you I would have reduced my catering rate!
Kira: It's not a party.
Quark: Voodai.
Odo: What's that?
Kira: A bottle of my favorite synthale, I think. That's very thoughtful, Quark.
Odo: It's also very small.
Quark: I was anticipating a far smaller gathering. I thought perhaps an intimate farewell drink, a sympathetic smile, a shoulder to cry on . . .
O'Brien: As I was saying, Major . . .
Quark: You'd be surprised how often that works with women.
Kira: Is this a joke?! Did you plan this?
Bashir: Nobody could have planned this.
[door chime]
Kira: Oh, we're open for business! Come on in, join the crowd! -- Vedek Bareil.
Bareil: I hope I'm not interrupting.
Kira: No, please come in. These are my -- these are my friends.
(Very good example of DS9 writing)
-If I stay here much longer, I'm sure I could destroy your entire arboretum.
(Kira, displaying no artistic talent, to Vedek Bareil, on Bajor)
-Quark, I hate to do this, but I guess I'll have to.
-That's not fair!
-I haven't done anything yet.
-Whatever you're going to do, it's not fair.
(Odo and Quark, soon-to-be partners)
"The Siege"
-It would have to be the deal of a lifetime.
-Yes! My lifetime!
(Quark and Nog, discussing selling their runabout seats for profit)
-Whoa! What's that? A spider or a dog?
-Palukoo. The Bajoran moons are full of them.
-Oh, I suppose you used to make them your pets and, uh, sing songs about them around the campfire.
-No. We used to eat them.
(Dax and Kira, inside a Bajoran moon)
-Oh, the hell with it. If it's gonna fly, it's gonna fly.
-Problem?
-No, everything's wonderful! Ow!
-The knees.
(Dax and Kira, crushed into a Bajoran resistance ship that is a bit too small)
-Sisko to all units. You can thank Chief of Operations Miles O'Brien for your repast this afternoon.
-Oh, you haven't made any friends here, Chief. Or should I say chef?
-Julian! Well, I would have expected you of all people to appreciate the nutritional value of combat rations.
-Actually, when I was in med school, I designed an incredible candy bar which was far superior in food value.
(Sisko, Bashir, and O'Brien, in wait in the Jeffries Tubes)
-Navigational sensors aren't functioning.
-No problem.
-No problem? Big problem. Without navigational sensors --
-We'll have to fly by the seat of our pants.
-Great! Seat-of-the-pants technology.
-You Starfleet types are too dependent on gadgets and gizmos. You lose your natural instincts for survival.
-My natural instincts for survival told me not to climb aboard this thing. I'd say they were functioning pretty well.
(Dax, expressing doubt over the integrity of the ship, and Kira, the expert)
-Test the phaser banks.
-Full power.
-Good.
-Uh, not so good. Phaser locks are dead. There's no way to aim.
-Sure there is!
- . . . I know. I know. Seat of the pants.
-With your eyes, Lieutenant, not your pants! Just point at them and fire!
(Kira and Dax, flying the outdated Bajoran ship by the "seat of the pants")
-Can you see any openings where we can put down?
-Six kilometers ahead at 2:00.
-Uh, anything a little closer?
-How much closer?
-How about right here!
(Kira and Dax, just before a crash-landing)
-You're being a fool, Dax.
-Don't talk to your elders that way.
(Kira and Dax, when Dax attempts to run away with an injured Kira)
-So what do you think?
-Think?
-The nose.
-Oh. It's -- flattering.
-I'm thinking of keeping it.
(Dax and Kira, in disguise at the Bajoran sanctuary)
-Just make as much noise as you can before you surrender, Doctor.
-We'll make them think there are 200 of us instead of 20, sir.
(Sisko and Bashir, ready to attack)
-Chief, Li Nalas was the hero of the Bajoran resistance. He performed extraordinary acts of courage for his people and died for their freedom. That's how the history books on Bajor will be written, and that's how I'll remember him when anybody asks.
(Sisko, to O'Brien, on a deceased Li Nalas)
"Invasive Procedures"
-Put it in your stasis chamber. Now, or I will destroy it.
-Is that supposed to be some kind of threat?
-They've got Odo in there.
-I see. Well in that case . . .
(Klingon, Bashir, and O'Brien)
-I know, Benjamin. You'll do everything you can. And just in case it isn't enough, I want to you know it's been fun.
(Dax, before being forced into symbiont-removing surgery)
-The symbiont. It's gone.
-Oh, everything went perfectly. The operation was a complete success.
-I feel so alone . . .
-I've got you stabilized. If only we could get the symbiont back in time.
-I'm scared, Julian.
-You're not going to die. Do you hear me? I'm not going to let you die.
(Dax and Bashir)
-What is it now?
-Please, it hurts!
-All right, hold on. . . . The damage appears to be fairly superficial.
-(No!)
-But -- Ferengi ears are incredibly sensitive. So I'd better run some further tests.
(Quark and Bashir)
-I'm not your nurse!
(Klingon, to Bashir)
-What are you doing?
-Odo's in here.
-He is?
-Yes. And we've got to get him out.
-Are you sure?
-Quark . . .
(Quark and Bashir, attempting to remove Odo from a locked box)
-Don't call me Benjamin.
(Sisko, to the man who forced Dax from Jadzia)
"Cardassians"
-Perhaps your expertise and willingness to serve go so far as to establish a certain . . . trust between you and your customers?
-Trust is very important.
-And once they trust you, they're much more open with you, and they tell you things.
-Really, Doctor, must we always play this game? I'm no more a spy than you are --
-A doctor.
(Bashir and Elim Garak, having typical lunch repartee)
-He seems to think there's more going on here than we realize.
-What exactly does he think is going on?
-I'm not sure. He doesn't actually tell me what he really thinks. I sort of have to deduce it.
(Bashir and Sisko, about Garak's methods of disclosure)
-It must be tough for you, living on Bajor.
-Why?
-Being Cardassian.
-That's not my fault. I was born that way.
(O'Brien and Rugel)
-It's Garak, sir. He wants to go to Bajor.
-Bajor. For what?
-. . . He wouldn't tell me.
-Well, by all means! Will one runabout be enough?
(Bashir and Sisko)
-I wasn't a volunteer then. I was in the underground.
-Really! Then perhaps we have met!
([daycare worker] and Garak, former Obsidian Order operative)
-You can fix computers?
-I dabble with isolinear subprocessors. It's a hobby of mine.
-I continue to underestimate you, Garak.
-Oh, it's no more difficult than sewing on a button, actually. Excuse me.
-You carry this with you everywhere, do you?
-A simple tailoring tool. You'd be surprised how often someone needs their pants let out.
(Bashir and Garak, in a display of more hidden talents)
-Excuse me, sir. Have you come to take us back to Cardassia?
-I'm afraid not, child.
([Cardassian orphan] and Garak)
-I believe in coincidences. Coincidences happen every day. But I don't trust coincidences.
(Garak)
"Melora"
-I came here thinking about asking you to dinner.
-Then afterwards, we'll go dancing, I suppose.
-Ooh. Red Alert . . .
(Bashir and Melora, an invalid while in a 1-g environment)
"Rules of Acquisition"
-Still the perfect little toady, eh, Quark?
-I try to be.
(Zek and Quark)
-Oh, I like it! Very distinguished!
(Zek, looking in a mirror after having his ear-hair brushed)
-I refuse to stand here and let my brother be insulted. You're fired!
(Rom, to Pel)
-I suppose a night of wild, passionate romance is out of the question?
(Zek, to Kira)
-Well, I suppose if I did have a brother, even one as worthless as Quark, I wouldn't let anyone come between us.
(Odo, to Rom)
"Necessary Evil"
-I've had my eye on you for a long time, Rom. You're not as stupid as you look.
-I am too!
(Odo and Rom, apparantly truthful)
-I really ought to be getting back to my bar.
-He's not dead yet, Rom!
(Rom and Odo, after an attack on Quark)
-What you think of me matters a lot. I was afraid --
-That it might affect our friendship? Maybe it doesn't have to.
-Will you ever be able to trust me the same way again?
(Kira and Odo)
"Second Sight"
-I'm looking for someone. A woman.
-Name?
-Fenna.
-First name or last?
-I don't know.
-Species?
-I don't know. Humanoid.
-What ship did she arrive on?
-I . . . don't know.
-Well . . . what can you tell me about her?
-Let's see. I'd say she's about 1.6 meters tall, brown skin, dark hair. The last time I saw her, she was wearing a . . . She was wearing red.
(Sisko and Odo, starting investigation of a non-existant woman)
-Let there be light!
([weird egotistical scientist guy])
"Sanctuary"
-Are all your leaders women?
-Yes.
-All of them?
-You heard her, Julian.
(Dax, Haneek, and Bashir)
-They stay here too long, and I'll be out of business.
-In that case, I hope they never leave.
(Quark and Odo, about the Skrreea)
"Rivals"
-Medical school . . . captain of the team at medical school.
-Who are you talking about?
-Bashir.
-You had a game?
-No, he had a game. I just kind of stumbled around the court for 90 minutes and made a complete ass of myself.
-I'm sure he didn't see it that way.
-The hell he didn't. That smug look on his face. "I guess you prefer old-style rules." Like I was some kind of fossil.
(O'Brien and Keiko, after a disastrous racquetball game with Dr. Bashir)
-While he was gone, I called my assistant and told her -- may I? -- told her to call me back after five minutes and say there was an emergency at the Infirmary.
-Oh, that's terrible.
-There was no other way out! Otherwise there would have been an emergency -- Chief O'Brien's coronary.
(Bashir and Dax, over lunch)
-I'm so sorry.
-What happened?
-Well, you served. I returned low. You slipped on the ball.
-Slipped on a ball?
-Stepped right on it, mid-flight. Never seen anything like it.
(Bashir and O'Brien)
-What's this all about? I got an emergency call.
-Well, so did I. But I don't see any emergency!
(O'Brien and Bashir, to Quark, who has paged them to the bar under false pretenses)
-Ah, water, sucrose, dextrose, tribnel root extract, grain particulates, yeast, synthehol . . . and 17 milligrams of hyvroxilated quint-ethyl metacetamine.
-. . . Like I said, all natural.
(Bashir and Quark, discussing the ingredients of a narcotic which Quark had tried to convince Bashir to take)
"The Alternate"
-You're having trouble with social integration.
-I integrate as much as I want to.
-Define "as much as I want to."
-"As much as I want to" means as much as I want to.
(Dr. Mora and Odo)
-You may discover along the way that you want to be a musician, or you may find yourself among some Klingons in a job . . . somewhere.
-Dad, even if I did, they wouldn't go around singing operas.
(Sisko and Jake, debating the usefulness of certain areas of study)
-Feel like getting a raktajino before we call it a night?
-My replicator or yours?
-I was thinking more of the Promenade.
-I knew that. Well, thanks anyway. I've got a few things to wrap up around here.
-Sleep tight, Julian.
-. . . She enjoys it. She actually gets some kind of perverse pleasure out of it. And one of these days I'm going to stop chasing her, and then we'll see.
(Dax and Bashir)
"Armageddon Game"
-Women -- That's all you think about.
-No, it isn't. Although I do think about them a lot.
-Yeah, well, one of these days you'll fall in love with one.
-I did once.
-Not work out?
-Not quite. Close.
-Oh, I don't know. Somehow, marriage just doesn't seem fair.
-Fair?
-Fair -- to them. I mean, look at us. Our lives are constantly in danger. There's enough to worry about without worrying about the wife and kids at home, worrying about us!
(O'Brien and Bashir)
-So, who was she?
-Who?
-"Not quite. Close."
-Palis. Palis Delon. She was a dancer -- a ballerina. She had the most exquisite feet. I'm serious. It's very important for a dancer to have good arches. She was gorgeous, not to mention brilliant. I used to watch her onstage. I couldn't believe how anyone could be so graceful.
-And she was crazy about you, huh?
-We were crazy about each other. I used to think, "Julian, you lucky devil. You found the perfect woman." We used to finish each other's thoughts.
(O'Brien and Bashir)
-So what happened with you and Palis?
-What happened is I graduated. Her father was the top administrator at a medical complex in Paris. He offered me a job. Promised I'd be Chief of Surgery within five years.
-But you would have to give up your Starfleet career.
-I can't tell you how close I came. But . . . here I am.
(O'Brien and Bashir)
-So what was it like spending all that time alone with him?
-It was hell! You can see for yourself the man never stops talking.
(Keiko and O'Brien, about Bashir)
-Miles, you never drink coffee in the afternoon!
-Well, sure I do.
-You do?!
(Keiko and O'Brien, after Keiko had forced a rescue attempt to find Bashir and her husband, even against convincing evidence that they were dead, solely on the assumption that O'Brien would never take caffeine in the afternoon)
"Whispers"
-Sorry. I know how you feel about doctors.
-It's not doctors I have a problem with --
-It's you, Julian!
("fake" Chief O'Brien and an intuitive Dr. Bashir, at O'Brien's physical)
-"They'd even broken into my personal logs to see what they could find in there. I hope they enjoyed reading the sexy letters to my wife."
("fake" O'Brien's personal log, confirming suspicions that something was amiss)
"Shadowplay"
-Could you turn into a loaf of greenbread?
-I suppose I could.
-Show me.
-And let you gobble me up? I don't think so!
(the child Taya and Odo, conversing about Changelings)
-Thank you for bringing my mother back. I hope you find your parents too.
(Taya, to Odo)
"Profit and Loss"
-Before you can be loyal to another, you must be loyal to yourself.
-And who can we thank for those misguided words of wisdom? Sarek of Vulcan?
-Actually, it was Bashir of Earth.
-With sentiments like those, you wouldn't last 5 seconds on Cardassia.
-Would you?
-Fishing again, Doctor?
-Well, assuming you're not a spy --
-Assuming . . .
-Then, maybe you're an outcast.
-Or maybe, I'm an outcast -- spy.
-Ah, how could you be both?
-I never said I was either.
(Bashir and Garak, on loyalty)
-I heard an interesting rumor today?
-Only one? I started at least twelve.
(Odo and Quark)
-I'll have you know, I was the love of her life.
-Hm. Must have been some life.
(Quark and Odo, on Natira)
"Blood Oath"
-Shut off the power.
-He'll kill you!
-No, he said he'd kill you. Shut it off.
(Odo and Quark, about a Klingon's bloody holosuite program)
"The Maquis, Part II"
-And another thing. How long do I keep him here?
-Forever.
(Odo and Sisko, on Quark's imprisonment)
-I hope you're happy!
-I'm a Vulcan. My emotional state is irrelevant.
-Well, I'm a Ferengi, and my emotional state is very relevant!
(Quark and the Vulcan Maquis Sakonna)
-I find this very confusing.
-Then I'll make it so simple that even a Vulcan can understand.
(Sakonna and Quark, discussing the 3rd Rule of Acquisition)
"The Wire"
-I hope you don't have one of these little bugs hidden in my quarters.
-Should I?
(Bashir and Odo, monitoring Quark's clandestine call to the Cardassians)
-Doctor, did anyone ever tell you that you are an infuriating pest?!
-Chief O'Brien, all the time, and I don't pay any attention to him, either!
(Garak and Bashir, on the Doctor's inquisitiveness)
-I'm a doctor. You're my patient. That's all I need to know.
(Bashir, to Garak's insistence that he is misunderstood)
-Why are you telling me this, Garak?
-So that you can forgive me. Why else? I need to know that someone forgives me.
(Bashir and Garak, upon the recitation of Garak's back-story)
-Are all the Starfleet lieutenants as brash as you are?
-I couldn't say. Though I doubt it.
(Enabrin Tain and Bashir)
"Crossover"
-We've got ships from here to New Bajor out looking for you. Where have you been?
-Through the looking glass, Commander. It's good to be back.
(Sisko and Kira, upon hers and Bashir's return from the Mirror universe)
"The Collaborator"
-You want something from me, don't you?
-How'd you guess?
-It's simple. We've been here more than a minute and we haven't insulted him, threatened him, or arrested him.
(Quark, Kira, and Odo in a rare collaboration)
"Tribunal"
-I need my little girl to wake up in the morning and look up at me and see a man she can respect.
(O'Brien, to Odo, after being indicted by the Cardassians)
"The Jem'Hadar"
-Is that it?
-I hope so -- Computer, what's the status on the autopilot?
-The automatic pilot system is not functional.
-All right! Lay in a course for a wormhole at warp 8!
-Unable to comply: The automatic pilot system is not functional.
(Nog, Jake, and a runabout computer, on a not-so-smooth rescue mission)
"The Search, Part I"
I need to go down to what is laughingly called the Sickbay.
(Julian Bashir, on the none-too-accommodating Defiant)
-Can I speak freely? . . . What the hell is wrong with Starfleet?!
(Kira, to Sisko, on Starfleet's treatment of Odo)
-Now if you'll excuse me, I have to return to my bucket.
(Odo, exasperated after arboretum excursions)
-I don't believe it. I'm talking to a tree.
(Kira, searching for a possibly-shifted Odo in the garden)
-If it means anything to you, Commander, I happen to share your feelings about this Dominion treaty. I've thought about it a great deal, and the only explanation I can find is that our leaders have simply gone insane.
(Garak, to Sisko)
-Well, I'm glad to see the plan is going as scheduled.
-What plan is that?
-You mean no one told you? You see, I pretend to be their friend -- and then I shoot you.
(Garak, acting as a captor of a group of Starfleet officers, before firing on a security team of Jem'Hadar)
-Please, Commander. Don't make us send the Jem'Hadar after you.
-Go right ahead. But you better warn them not to expect any reinforcements for about 70 years.
(Tain and Sisko, who is about to try to collapse the wormhole)
"The House of Quark"
-So, you're saying . . . If I killed him in personal combat, that's . . . good.
-Of course it isn't good!
(Quark and the brother of the Klingon he killed, attempting mutual understanding)
-Put this on.
-Why?
-Because if you do not, I will kill you.
(Grilka and Quark, about a Klingon warriors' outfit)
-I really am very grateful for all you've done, Quark. That is why I am going to let you take your hand off my thigh instead of shattering every bone in your body.
(Grilka, to Quark)
"Equilibrium"
-Beets are a very misunderstood vegetable.
-Well, I look forward to understanding it better.
(Sisko and Bashir, eating a meal the Captain has prepared)
-You find something amusing, Major?
-Oh, I just think you look so . . . cute.
(Kira and Odo, as Odo attempts to stir a mixing bowl)
-It was probably something you hit on by accident. You know, beginner's luck.
(Bashir, to Dax, after Dax picks up a random instrument and plays an elaborate tune)
"Second Skin"
-Commander, this is extortion.
-Hmm. Yes, it is.
(Garak and Sisko, starting a rescue mission of Kira)
-What were your duties as first officer on Deep Space Nine?
-I told you, the Federation runs the station. I wasn't even allowed into Ops!
-How many Starfleet personnel are stationed on Deep Space Nine?
-Oh -- 30, 40 thousand. Don't tell them I told you.
(Entek and Kira, during an interrogation)
-Major, I don't think I've never seen you looking so ravishing.
(Garak, to Kira, who has been surgically altered to look Cardassian)
"Meridian"
-This is Tiron, business associate of Quark's. This is Odo -- my lover.
-Well. You're a very lucky man.
-I'm a lucky woman.
-Yes -- We're both . . . very lucky.
(Kira, Tiron, and Odo)
-The fact is, I'm working on a simulation of the station's Operations Center. People want to know what goes on up there, and they want to imagine themselves fending off a Cardassian attack of facing a fleet of Jem'Hadar ships.
-Naked, I assume.
(Quark and Odo, after Quark attempts several times to take a holo-image of Kira)
"Fascination"
-Oh, dance with me, Odo!
-I'm sorry. I don't dance.
-Nonsense. I saw you moving to the music.
-That wasn't dancing. That was . . . swaying.
-Oh, then sway with me, Odo!
(Lwaxana and Odo)
-Doctor, I need your help!
-And I need yours, too! You're got to get me away from Kira. I can't -- ahh -- keep my hands off her!
-What's worse, I can't keep my hands off him!
(Sisko, Bashir, and Kira, as the latter engage in an unintended kissing spree)
"Past Tense, Part II"
-Evening.
-I -- I broke my nose.
(O'Brien and Kira, disguising her Bajoran heritage, to a '50s couple)
-You know, Commander -- having seen a little of the 20th century, there's one thing I don't understand. How could they have let things get so bad?
-That's a good question. I wish I had an answer.
(Bashir and Sisko)
"Life Support"
-I guess I just forgot you were a Ferengi.
-You forgot?! To most people, the lobes are a dead giveaway!
(Jake and Nog, in a holding cell while attempting to reconcile their differences)
"Heart of Stone"
-You're right! Next time we are invited out for dinner, I will make sure you are the one to say no!
(Kira, to Odo, who is protesting that Kira never asked his opinion about a dinner invitation)
-You sure this is a good idea? If you're not careful . . .
-I may blow off my foot and give Julian the chance to prove what a wonderful doctor he is? Don't worry, I have no intention of giving him the opportunity.
(Odo and the female changeling, disguised as Kira, about to phaser off a crystal that is supposedly trapping her)
"Destiny"
-I assure you, I am quite fertile. I could provide you with many healthy children if that's your concern, but quite frankly, I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself.
-Children? What are you talking about? I already have a child, and a wife.
-You're married?
-Yes, happily!
-Then why have you been leading me to believe that you -- wanted me?
-I haven't! All we've done since we've met is argue!
-I took your overt irritability toward me as a signal that you wanted to pursue some physical relationship.
- . . . Of course! Well that's how Cardassians, uh, do things?
-Oh, my. I'm afraid this is a case of cross-cultural misunderstanding.
-I think so. . . . I'm not remotely interested in you! . . . Well, that's not what I meant . . .
([strange Cardassian woman] and O'Brien, in a considerable misconstruction)
"Prophet Motive"
-"If never keep profit, a good smile, honesty!"
-What does it mean, brother?
-It means . . . absolutely nothing! Maybe if we hold the pages up to the light.
(Quark and Rom, convinced that the Nagus' modified, philanthropic Rules of Acquisition -- brought on by an encounter with the Prophets -- have to be interpreted, reading the first words on each page)
-Ah, I don't know about this.
-Would you rather play a game of racquetball?
-Chief, since Keiko's been on Bajor, we've played 106 games of racquetball.
-Right. So throw a dart.
(Bashir and O'Brien, starting a tradition)
-I bet there's doctors all over the Federation saying, "Julian Bashir? Who the hell is he?"
(O'Brien, unsuccessfully softening the blow of Bashir's potential loss of a prestigious award)
-I have an idea.
-Does it involve me?
-Not really.
-I like it!
(Quark and Rom)
-I have a friend at Starfleet intelligence and she has a friend who has a cousin who's married to the assistant of one of the members of the Federation Medical council.
- . . . Really?
(Odo and Bashir)
"The Die is Cast"
-Commander, there's in incoming priority message from Starfleet Command. It's Admiral Toddman. He's repeating his order not to enter the Gamma Quadrant.
-That's what you think it says. How can you be sure when a transmission is as badly garbled as that one?
-You're right. There's an awful lot of subspace interference on this channel. Must be an ion storm or something.
-Must be.
(Kira and Sisko, who of course are determined to enter the Gamma Quadrant)
-How long until you can fix it?
-About ten hours!
-You've got two. On your way.
(Sisko and O'Brien)
-Oh, no, you're going to torture me, aren't you? How I've been dreading this. Please, have mercy, Garak.
(Odo, counting on changeling invulnerability)
-Odo! Talk to me! Tell me something . . . anything . . . Lie if you have to, but say it now . . . please!
(Garak, forced to interrogate Odo, beseeching a way to end it)
-I'm afraid the fault, dear Tain, lays not in our stars but in ourselves. . . . Something I learned from Dr. Bashir.
(Garak, to Tain)
-You can be very persuasive on occasion, Constable. But in the future, I hope you'll consider using gentler language.
(Garak, to Odo, who punched Garak in order to force him onto an escape pod)
-Oh, that looks painful.
-It is. But it did save my life.
(Bashir and Garak, having his wound treated)
-Do you know what the sad part is, Odo? I'm a very good tailor.
(Garak)
"Explorers"
-Before I forget -- here's the immunological data you asked for.
(Bashir, handing Dax a PADD which flashes "Go Away", while talking to Leeta)
-Look, I don't intend to spend the next few years sailing to Cardassia.
(Sisko, embarking on a mission on a primitive space transport)
-For a moment there, I thought that you had been put in charge of the Cardassian Ministry for the Refutation of Bajoran Fairy Tales.
(Sisko, to Dukat)
"Family Business"
-Mother, get undressed this instant!
(Quark)
-Ah, let me guess. Your -- "lucky" dartboard.
-We never said it was a lucky dartboard!
-We're just used to playing with it, that's all.
(Sisko, O'Brien, and Bashir, as the two friends attempt to break into Quark's bar to retrieve the board)
-Do you know what this means?
-It means Moogie's got the lobes for business.
(Quark and Rom)
-And no shoutiiiiing!! I'm going to take a nap!
(Rom)
"Shakaar"
-It has been my observation that one of the prices of giving people the freedom of choice is that sometimes, they make the wrong choice.
(Odo)
-Shakaar is going to enter the election -- and you are going to lose.
(Kira, to Kai Winn)
"Facets"
-Do you keep tabs on everybody, Constable?
-Not everyone. But really, Doctor -- two Delvin fluff pastries for breakfast this morning? You, of all people, should know better than to start your day like that.
(Bashir and Odo)
-If you don't mind, I'd like to borrow your bodies for a few hours.
(Dax, trying to arrange a ceremonial meeting with previous hosts)
-Why is everybody looking at me?
-Because you're the only one who hasn't agreed to participate.
(Quark and Odo)
-What was that?
-You tell me!
(Nog and O'Brien, during the holosuite reaction-time test for the Starfleet entrance exam)
-Will you please stop saying you're sorry?
-Sorry.
(Jadzia and Tobin, inhabiting O'Brien's body)
-So, now that you know, you can see that it's best for both of us that I stay here, in this body.
-Why? Because you loved me?
-Because I . . . still love you.
-There's no shame in that, Curzon.
-Yes, there is. And if we rejoin, you'll feel it too.
-No, I won't. Because I love you. You're a part of me, and I want you back. That way, Jadzia and Curzon can be together the way they should be -- through Dax.
(Curzon and Jadzia, speaking with Odo's body, as the truth of Jadzia's removal from the symbiont program is revealed)
-A root beer. This is the end of Ferengi civilization.
(Quark, after Nog orderes a root beer in anticipation of Starfleet Academy)
"The Adversary"
-My son, the writer, thinks I should say something profound on this occasion. He even offered to write me a brief statement. I told him I'd take care of it myself. But as it turns out, the only thing I can think of is: Begin Captain's Log, Stardate 48960.9.
(Sisko, eloquent as ever)
-I don't know what you're talking about! I was never in any conduit.
(Bashir, to O'Brien, having being impersonated by a changeling)
-Where would you be if you were him?
-I don't know. I'm not him.
(????? and Odo)
-Look, I've got more important things to do than "choose the changeling".
(O'Brien, faced with two identical Odos)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SEASON 4
"The Way of the Warrior"
-Bang! You're dead!
-And so is Dr. Bashir.
(O'Brien and Odo, on a "hunt the changeling" drill)
-Excuse me -- If you're done scaring my customers away, I'd like to open the bar.
(Quark, after the Promenade has been cleared for battle drills)
-Didn't you play make-believe when you were a child?
-Yeah. I used to make believe the Cardassians would stop killing the Bajorans and just go away.
(Dax and Kira, trying to relax on the holodeck)
-Can I help you?
-[Lohd Zoss-lee chaw-KU sohk jaTAL?]
-Actually, I'm not sure Constable Odo has a mother.
(Odo, a Klingon, and Garak)
-I didn't know you spoke Klingon.
-Oh, you'd be surprised the things you can learn when you're doing alterations.
(Odo and Garak)
-Well, let me guess. You're either lost or desperately searching for a good tailor!
(Garak, to a squad of five violent Klingons who have burst into his quarters)
-I can't believe you're not pressing charges!
-Constable Odo and Captain Sisko expressed a similar concern. But really, Doctor, there was no harm done.
-They broke seven of your transverse ribs and fractured your clavicle.
-Ah, but I got off several cutting remarks which no doubt did serious damage to their egos.
(Garak and Bashir, on Garak's strongest weapon)
-Perhaps they decided they just didn't like me.
-Not like you? Impossible.
(Garak and Bashir)
-She knocked out Lancelot.
-He kissed me!
-He was supposed to kiss you!
-But I was playing a married woman . . .
(Dax and Kira, emerging from a medieval holosuite program)
-Nice hat.
(Worf, to Kira, who is wearing medieval garb)
-It would not be a fair match.
-I'll go easy on you.
(Worf and Dax, before a bat'leth fight)
-I hope you're not holding back because I'm a woman. If it makes things any easier, think of me as a man. I've been one several times.
(Dax, to Worf)
-I find this whole procedure offensive.
-And I find you offensive.
(Gul Dukat and Bashir, on the policy of extracting blood to determine who is a changeling)
-Now what?!
-Well, I can't be sure, of course, but my guess would be Klingons.
-The Klingons? First it was the Cardassians, then it was the Dominion, now it's the Klingons! How is a Ferengi supposed to make an honest living in a place like this?
(Quark and Odo)
-Doctor, if a Klingon were to kill me, I'd expect nothing less than an entire opera on the subject.
(Odo, to Bashir, after the doctor tells him how highly coveted Odo's death is)
-This is my bar, and I'm going to defend it.
-Really? And how do you plan to do that?
-With this.
-You're going to hit them with a box.
(Quark and Odo)
-"Dear Quark, I used parts of your disruptor to fix the replicators. Will return them soon. Rom."
-I will kill him!
-With what?
(Odo and Quark, after finding a note from Rom in the box which held Quark's disruptor)
-Thank you, Doctor.
-Any time.
(Odo and Bashir, when Bashir shoots down a Klingon who would have hit Odo instead)
-I find this hand-to-hand combat really quite distasteful.
-I suppose you prefer the simplicity of an interrogation chamber.
-You have to admit, it's much more civilized.
(Garak and Gul Dukat, fighting side-by-side against the Klingons)
-This is exactly what the Founders want. Klingon against Cardassian. Federation against Klingon. The more we fight each other, the weaker we'll get and the less chance we have against the Dominion.
(Sisko, the voice of reason in a troubled world)
"The Visitor"
(This is the most beautiful episode I have ever seen.)
-Dax isn't any good to anybody these days without a cup of coffee in her hands.
-It's the only thing that's kept me awake while you've prattled on about your latest paper or your new backhand or your kids' science projects.
("future" Bashir and "future" Dax, keeping up a friendship)
-Jake, you didn't have to do this! Not for me.
-For you . . . and for the boy that I was. He needs you, more than you know. Don't you see? We're going to get a second . . . chance.
(Sisko and "future" Jake, who killed himself in order to give his younger self was another chance)
-How'd you know that was coming?
-I guess we were just lucky this time.
-You okay, dad?
-I am now, Jake. I am now . . .
(Sisko and Jake, avoiding a once-disastrous warp core surge)
"Hippocratic Oath"
-Keiko only spends a few days at a time on the station. I'm the one living in those quarters. And if I want to set up a little workshop in the bedroom --
-You set up a workshop in the bedroom?
-Yeah . . . Well, I don't use it when she's visiting.
-Of, of course not.
-She says I'm "trying to live like a bachelor again". That I'm expressing a "subconscious desire" to push her out of our quarters.
-Now that is ridiculous.
-That's what I said!
-I mean, if anything, by spending your free time in the bedroom -- a place you intimately associate with Keiko -- you are actually expressing a desire to be closer to her during her absence. It's quite touching, really.
-Exactly. Exactly! See, you understand. Why can't she see that? Why can't she be more like . . .
-More like . . . ?
-. . . Well, a man. More like a man.
-So . . . you wish . . . Keiko -- was a man.
-. . . I wish I was on this trip with someone else. That's what I wish.
(O'Brien and Bashir, in a very man-to-man talk while Keiko is on Bajor)
-What a lovely place. Smells like a garbage dump.
-I'm sorry I couldn't find a nicer place to crash-land. Well -- should we try again?
(Bashir and O'Brien)
"Indiscretion"
-I hope you don't take this the wrong way, Major, but I've always admired you. You are the embodiment of the new Bajor -- a Bajoran born out of the ashes of the occupation. A Bajoran tempered by Cardassian steel.
-Oh, Captain Sisko's right! You are in love with the sound of your own voice!
(Dukat and Kira, on a shuttlecraft out to investigate the Ravinok)
-I don't recall asking your opinion, Quark.
-Well, maybe you should. I mean, who knows more about women than me?
-Everyone.
(Sisko and Quark, about Kasidy Yates)
-So, just between you and me, what do you think about Kasidy moving onto the station?
-It's a big step.
-It's a very big step.
(Bashir and Dax, after ensuring that the Captain didn't tell Yates that her move was a "very big step")
-I'll work on the Ravinok. I should be able to get something from the ship's computers.
-You'll need the command codes.
-Standard Cardassian military codes from six years ago, right?
-Yes.
-Yeah. I got them from Bajoran intelligence before we left.
-Very good, Major. Very good.
(Kira and Dukat)
-What is it?!
-Oh! Oh! I don't know! I sat on something. I sat on something!
(Kira and Dukat, in a cave, when Dukat sits right down on a spiked shell)
-This isn't funny!
-It is from this angle!
-You know what's even funnier? This doesn't work!
-You . . . have to . . . activate it!
-Oh! Oh, yes. Much better!
(Dukat and Kira, trying to heal Dukat's wound with a dermal regenerator, in hysterics)
-I used to dream about you coming to save me. That's what kept me alive.
-Ziyal . . .
-If I can't be with you, then I'd rather die.
(Tora Ziyal and Dukat, daughter and father, reuinted after Ziyal has been laboring for the Breen for six years, even though Dukat planned to kill her for her helf-Bajoran heritage)
"Rejoined"
-You know that woman.
-I know her. She used to be my wife.
(Kira and Dax, revealing some of the complexities of being Trill)
Quark: So, let me get this straight. Dax's first host was named Lela, right?
Bashir: I think so.
Kira: Lela Dax, that's right.
Quark: Then, Lela dies, and the Dax symbiont goes onto a man named Tobin. And after Tobin dies, it's on to Emony, then Torias, Audrid . . .
Kira: No, no. Audrid then Torias.
Quark: Sorry. Audrid, Torias, Joran, Curzon, and then eventually Jadzia.
Kira: Right.
Quark: And this, uh, Lenara Kahn person was once married to . . . ?
Bashir: Torias, of course, but in those days she wasn't Lenara.
Quark: I knew it couldn't be that simple.
Bashir: And the Kahn symbiont, which is now joined to Lenara, used to be joined to a woman named Nilani, and it was Nilani who married Torias Dax.
Kira: But Torias was killed in a shuttle accident --
Bashir: -- and Nilani became a widow. Years later, when Nilani died, the Kahn symbiont was joined to Lenara.
Quark: And now, Nilani is Lenara, and Tobias is Jadzia. So, that makes Lenara Jadzia's ex-wife.
Kira: It's a little more complicated than that, Quark.
Quark: I'm sure it is, but I'm sorry I brought the whole thing up. It's giving me a headache.
Bashir: It must be all the latinum rattling around in there. . . . Oh, I thought so. You really should have that looked at.
(Quark, Bashir, and Kira, discussing all of Jadzia's past lives, ending with a clever sleight of hand)
-What do Klingons dream about?
-Things that would send cold chills down your spine, and wake you in the middle of the night. No, no, it is better you do not know.
(Kira and Worf, who may or may not be joking)
-I suppose we should load up our plates, since the whole room is watching us.
-Quite an audience.
-Seems a shame to disappoint them. Maybe we should do something.
-Well, we could get into a screaming match and start throwing things at each other.
-Not bad. Or I suppose we could throw ourselves at each other; profess our undying love for each other in complete disregard for Trill society.
-Dr. Pren would probably have a heart attack.
-Forget about him, my brother's head would explode.
(Dax and Kahn, lovers in past lives, brought together again)
-Would you be interested in dinner? I mean, I'm having dinner with some friends and I thought you might like to go along.
-Oh, I -- I wouldn't want to intrude on your friends.
-Actually, it's not that big of a group. It's just me and . . . Julian.
-Dr. Bashir? Sure. That sounds great.
(Dax and Kahn, demonstrating Julian's popularity)
"Starship Down"
-Well, the Jem'Hadar aren't going to let us tractor the Karemma out of here without a fight.
-Right now it seems like we're the ones who need to be tractored out of here.
-One thing at a time, Major.
(Sisko and Kira)
-Maybe we should just stay put and wait for someone to come get us.
-They probably don't even know we're in here. Our com signals can't cut through the interference.
-Is there anything else I should know?
-We only have a few hours of breathable air.
-Thanks anyway . . . for trying to rescue me.
-A lot of good it did you.
-I mean it. It's funny. A year ago, if you'd done something like this, I would have thought you were just trying to be a hero.
-And now?
-Now that I know you better . . . I realize it was just a really stupid thing to do.
-Ah, you're welcome.
(Dax and Bashir, stuck in an enclosed space while the ship is badly damaged)
-When I first got to this station, I used to have this fantasy that you and I went off on a runabout together on some mission. Something went wrong with the ship, end we ended up drifting around for a few days until they sent someone to rescue us.
-If you don't mind my saying, Julian, that's a very strange fantasy.
-It seemed the only way that you and I could spend any time alone together. You were always avoiding me.
-Oh, it's just that -- you came on so strong. You never really gave me a chance to get to know you.
-Well, you're right. I didn't. Well, don't worry, Jadzia. It's been a long time since I had that particular fantasy.
-Oh?
-You sound disappointed.
-Julian!
(Bashir and Dax)
-Captain . . . I know my beliefs make you uncomfortable around me sometimes, and . . . maybe that's why you keep me at arm's length. But I don't care about that right now -- I am going to pray because I don't know what else to do. I'm losing you and I can't let that happen.
(Kira, affirming her faith in the Emissary)
-We sell these torpedoes to the Jem'Hadar!
-I thought you said you never sold substandard merchandise. This was supposed to explode on impact, wasn't it?
-Maybe I should offer them a refund.
([idiot alien guy] and Quark)
-Major . . .
-Yes, Captain?
-What happened?
-The Jem'Hadar hit us pretty bad and Worf went down to the Engine Room . . .
-No, no, no. What happened to the three brothers?
-They . . . gave all the money away and went back to the farm where they belonged.
-That's good. Major . . .
-Sir?
-Tell me another story.
-I'd love to, sir.
(Sisko and Kira, as Kira attempts to keep the wounded Captain awake by telling him Bajoran fables)
"Little Green Men"
-Nog, what is this?
-My favorite holoprogram -- "A visit with the Pleasure Goddess of Rixx". Yours for a mere ten strips of latinum.
-He'll take it. Well, consider it a gift.
-Well, you're too kind.
(Bashir, Nog, and Dax, during Nog's auction in Quark's bar)
-Nog, where did you get this springball racket?
-Out of a replicator?
-Try out of my quarters! This is mine! I've been looking for this for two years!
-And it was sitting here on the bar all along. That's incredible!
(Kira and Nog)
-I wonder how many hours you and I spent up here.
-2,147. . . . Just kidding! But it was a lot.
(Jake and Nog, contemplating their special spot on the Promenade)
-Only thing that worries me: No one warned Earth that they're coming.
(Sisko, about Quark, Rom, and Nog)
-When did you get to be so smart?
-I've always been smart, brother. I've just lacked self-confidence.
(Quark and Rom)
-Father, have you ever heard of the Bell Riots?
-Don't bother me now.
-But doesn't this Gabriel Bell human look just like Captain Sisko?
-All hu-mans look alike.
(Nog, Rom, and Quark, after Nog shows his father a PADD about Gabriel Bell -- who, of course, has been replaced in history by Sisko in "Past Tense")
-Okay, okay, no need to panic. So the warp drive won't shut down. What's the worst that could happen?
-The ship could continue accelerating until it tears itself apart and scatters our remains halfway across the Quadrant!
(Quark and Rom)
-Rom, you're a genius!
-Think so?
-How should I know? I have no idea what you're talking about!
(Quark and Rom, discussing Rom's plan on keeping the ship together)
-A few years from now, mankind could have rocketships of our own. We could travel the galaxy, exploring new worlds and new civilizations.
(Nurse Faith Garland, in the 1940s)
-What do you know about atom bombs?
-My people have been watching your world for years. We know all about you -- baseball, root beer, darts, atom bombs.
(General Denning and Quark, demonstrating what Quark has picked up from his human companions)
-Now, why don't you tell us why you're really here?
-It was an accident! We're from the future! The warp core was sabotaged! It's all Cousin Gaila's fault! I want to go home! I want my Moogie!
([scary military guy] and Rom, in an interrogation session)
-The first landing parties will arrive here.
-Where?
-Here, right by this blue blob.
-You mean your people are going to invade -- Cleveland?
(Nog and [scary military guy], studying a map when Nog tries to convince the military of their "plans")
-Stay back . . . or I'll disintegrate this hostage.
-With your finger?
-With my death ray.
-Looks a lot like a finger to me.
(Quark and General Denning, about Nurse Garland, during an escape attempt)
-Who's he?
-My hero!
-Can we please leave now?
([professor guy], Quark, and Odo, after Odo transforms back from a dog and knocks Denning out)
-You may be hu-mans, but you're okay by me.
-You don't have to thank us. I only hope that, one day, mankind will travel to the stars and take its place in a vast alliance of planets.
-Federation of planets.
-Excuse me?
-Uh, don't pay any attention to him. He's an idiot.
(Quark, Nurse Garland, and Rom)
-Rom! Get me a lawyer!
-I'll contact Cousin Gaila. I'm sure he'll know a good one.
-Rom, you idiot!
(Quark and Rom, as Quark is being escorted away by Odo for smugging contraband)
"The Sword of Kahless"
-You know what I like about Klingon stories, Commander? Nothing. Lots of people die, and nobody makes any profit.
(Quark)
-Oh, it seems the son of Mogh is not amused.
-A true warrior has no need to exaggerate his feats.
-You'd better hope that I exaggerate, or else when they start singing songs about this quest and come to your verse, it will be: "and Worf came along!".
(Kor and Worf)
-Dax, I knew in the end you'd choose me! We're blood brothers!
-Be quiet!!
(Kor and Dax, just before Dax phasers the guy)
"Our Man Bashir"
-Breaking into a holosuite during someone's program is not only rude, it's illegal. I should call Odo and have you arrested.
-What an extreme reaction that would be. You must be very embarrassed by this program.
-I'm not embarrassed; I'm . . . annoyed that you have intruded into my privacy.
-Oh, privacy indeed. I think it goes far deeper than that, Doctor.
(Bashir and Garak, after Garak breaks into the holosuite where Bashir is running his 1960s spy program)
-But if I make one observation --
-Garak . . .
-I only want to point out that your lovely companion is leaving. Odd. She seemed so interested in your advances just a moment ago. I wonder what scared her away? . . . Oh, no. I do apologize. You must be incensed. In fact, if I were in your shoes, I'd grab a bottle of champagne and shoot me.
(Garak and Bashir, following Bashir's defeat of a criminal with a champagne cork)
-I take it your character is some kind of rich dilettante with a fascination for women and weapons.
-Actually, my character is far more disreputable. I'm a spy.
-A spy? And you live here?
-Yes. I work for one of the nation-states of this era, Great Britain, which is battling various other nations in what is called the "Cold War". This apartment, my clothes, weapons, even my valet were provided to me by my government.
-I think I joined the wrong intelligence service.
(Garak and Bashir)
-I must say, Major Kira's certainly throwing herself into the role, Doctor.
-Nerys, please.
-Who is this Major Nerys Kira?
-Kira Nerys, actually.
(Garak, Bashir, and [weirdo Russian gal], after the computer inserted Kira's form to replace the original image in Bashir's program)
-Where's the core memory interface?
-It's . . . right behind the spatula.
(Eddington and Rom, viewing Rom's modifications of the holosuite systems)
-Hm. Kiss the girl, get the key. They never taught me that in the Obsidian Order.
(Garak, while he and Bashir are chained to posts and Bashir gets "Dax" to kiss him to escape)
-Now, we have to get to the control room. Are you coming or not?
-Well, who am I to question Julian Bashir, secret agent? Lead on!
(Bashir and Garak)
-What did you do to my ship?
(O'Brien, himself again, seeing the various misplaced circuitry Rom and Eddington were puttering with)
"Homefront"
-You find all this very funny, don't you? You and Dax probably planned it together
-Planned what?
-Moving my furniture.
-Is that what all this is about? Someone moved your furniture?
-Not someone -- Commander Dax! It's the fourth time she's done it this past year. She breaks into my quarters while I'm regenerating and moves all my furniture out of alignment. Shifts one piece three centimeters to the right, the next -- four centimeters to the left. Not one object in my quarters is where it's supposed to be.
-And . . . is that a bad thing?
-Everything in my quarters is carefully and painstakingly arranged. Dax knows this, and yet she takes a perverse delight in throwing my quarters into chaos!
-I'd hardly call three centimeters "chaos".
(Odo and Quark)
O'Brien: Barkeep.
Quark: Now, what can I get you two flyboys?
Bashir: A scotch, neat, and a pint of your finest bitter for my mate.
O'Brien: Make it quick. The cabbage crates will be coming back over the briny any minute now.
Quark: All right, all right. I'd hate to let the Jerries strafe that green and pleasant land of yours while the two of you are taking time out to get a drink.
Bashir: No choice, man. Ritual, you know.
O'Brien: To Clive, the best bloke ever to prang his kite into the Channel.
Bashir: Ah, got to keep a stiff upper lip.
O'Brien: Hear, hear.
Bashir: Down the hatch.
Quark: Ah ah! Now, remember what I said about throwing glasses.
-Good luck.
-I don't believe in luck. But . . . I appreciate the sentiment.
(Bashir and Odo)
-So, how's everything at the Academy?
-Jake, they call it the Academy, but what it really is is school.
(Jake and Nog)
-If you want to do any more tests, you'll have to get another guinea pig. I've been shot quite enough for one day.
(Odo, acting as a target Changeling for Starfleet's tests)
-Ha. You'd think she would have thanked me as well. I'm the one who got shot 13 times today.
(Odo, after a Starfleet officer thanks Sisko for his assistance)
"Paradise Lost"
-I never knew it was so easy to break into classified Starfleet files.
-Everything I know I learned from Quark.
(Sisko and Odo)
-With a Starfleet officer on every corner, paradise has never seemed so well-armed.
(Sisko)
"Crossfire"
-Ijarna's wife hit him again? Why does he stay with her?
-Skip to item twelve.
-"Public lewdness".
-The same night Ijarna reported the assault, I found him and his wife -- hmm -- behind the Information Kiosk on the second level.
-That answers my question.
(Kira and Odo, discussing the weekly security report)
-Do you know what it's like to hear someone practice shape-shifting? Last night it sounded like a Tarkaran wildebeest was tromping around up there.
-That was for all of five minutes. Once you complained, I took the form of a Rafalian mouse.
-Yeah, little tiny feet skittering across the floor. Back and forth, back and forth.
-You could hear that?
-Hello?
(Quark, Odo, and Kira, as Quark demonstrates his generous auditory sensors)
-I don't know why Captain Sisko insists on having me here. I'm not a senior officer.
-Well, maybe he just wanted to see you in your dress uniform. It does show off your figure.
(O'Brien and Bashir)
-. . . Has she ever said anything to you that might indicate that she . . . thought of me as more than a friend?
-Ah. Well, let me think. . . . No.
(Shakaar and Odo)
-Look, uh, the last thing I want to do is interfere with your personal life, but this, uh . . . this just isn't any good, for either of us.
-I'll try to keep my problems more quiet next time.
(Quark and Odo, after Odo trashes his quarters in frustration of Kira's attraction to Shakaar)
"Return to Grace"
-I talked to Ziyal. She's a lovely girl.
-Hm. I'm very glad that you convinced me not to kill her.
(Kira and Dukat)
-The intelligence file I kept on him during the occupation is filled with reports of his . . . conquests. In fact, if you remember correctly, you were the only female in his resistance cell that he didn't . . . charm. At least until now.
-Is that what you kept track of during the occupation? No wonder you lost.
(Dukat and Kira)
"Sons of Mogh"
-Stay back! You miserable koruts!
-Easy! None of us koruts is going to hurt you.
(Kurn and Odo, as Kurn makes a scene on the Promenade in front of a security team)
-Oh, I am so hungry, I could eat Quark's food.
-Let's not get crazy.
(Kira and O'Brien)
-That does it, I'm going to stop talking to the customers.
(Quark, after no one explains the significance of replicated adanji)
-I am indebted to you.
-Yes, you are. . . . And, Mr. Worf? You'll find I am a man who collects on his debts.
(Worf and Odo, after Odo lets Work's brother Kurn join security)
-I'd say your brother's doing well, Commander. He's been on the job six hours -- he's only killed four Boslics so far.
(Odo, in jest)
-There. Very ugly. Well, uglier, that is. . . . Joke.
-I got it.
(Bashir and Worf, following a modification to Worf's apprearance)
"Bar Association"
-Just because you happen to be intimately acquainted with Dr. Bashir's bedside manner doesn't make you a medical expert!
(Quark, to Leeta)
-It's not Quark's fault that I got sick. I forgot to get my bimonthly ear scan. And besides, I've probably been getting too much oo-mox.
-Really? Who's the lucky female?
-No female. Just me.
(Rom and Leeta)
-Oh, I'm perfectly healthy, except I've got a disgusting cyst on the back of my neck. Now either I paint a nose, eyes, and mouth on it and pretend I've got two heads, or you take it off.
-Well, I'll get you some paint.
-Julian, get it off me!
-All right, all right. But you know what they say: "Two heads are better than one."
(O'Brien and Bashir)
-Three of my senior staff, brawling on the Promenade.
-With all due respect sir, we -- we weren't brawling.
-Maybe you should take a closer look at Dr. Bashir's forehead.
-. . . Well, he shouldn't have got in the way.
(Sisko, Worf, and O'Brien)
-I feel I owe you an apology. I allowed our argument in Quark's to get out of hand.
-I think there was plenty of blame to spread around.
-Nonetheless, we are Starfleet officers, and Starfleet officers do not brawl with each other.
-It's wasn't much of a brawl, really. I grabbed you, you shoved me, and Julian was tossed over a table.
(Worf and O'Brien)
"Accession"
-Who are we to dismantle this piece of art?
-I don't know. But if we don't, Keiko'll dismantle me.
(Bashir and O'Brien)
-So you're off the hook. How does it feel?
-It feels, uh . . . good. No more ceremonies to attend. No more blessings to give. No more prophecies to fulfill. I'm just a Starfleet officer again. All I have to worry about are the Klingons, the Dominion, and the Maquis. I feel like I'm on vacation!
(Dax and Sisko)
-Quark, did you hear? Chief O'Brien is having a baby.
-I thought your females carried your young.
-My wife! My wife is having the baby!
-Congratulations! I remember when my nephew Nog was a baby. Cutest thing you ever saw. You know babies: Every little thing they pick up goes straight into their ears. Oh, I used to love reading to him. You know, "See Brak acquire. Acquire, Brak, acquire!"
(Bashir, Quark, and O'Brien)
-Did you hear? Keiko's going to have another baby!
-Now?!
(Quark and Worf)
-Worf delivered Molly, you know.
-Really?
-The Enterprise was damaged. Keiko and he were trapped together when her time came.
-Oh, well, I'll, uh, be sure and call you when she's ready to deliver. You can lend a hand.
-Seven months? Unfortunately, I will be away from the station at that time. . . . Far away. . . . Visiting my parents -- on Earth. . . . Excuse me.
-I don't know who's more anxious about this baby, you or Worf.
(O'Brien, Bashir, and Worf)
-That's the thing about faith. If you don't have it, you can't understand it, and if you do . . . no explanation is necessary.
(Kira)
-I was up half the night! I have a flock of flightless birds in my quarters.
(Kira)
-Want to try for twins?
-I don't think it works that way.
(O'Brien and Keiko)
"Rules of Engagement"
-Life is a great deal more complicated in this red uniform.
-Wait until you get four pips on that collar. You'll wish you had gone into botany.
(Worf and Sisko)
"Hard Time"
-You're a good man, Miles Edward O'Brien. And whatever it is you think you've done wrong, you don't deserve to die.
(Bashir)
-I failed. I repaid kindness with blood. I was no better than an animal.
-No. No, no, no. And animal would have killed Ee'Char and never had a second thought, never shed a tear . . . but not you. You hate yourself. You hate yourself so much you think you deserve to die. The Agrathi did everything they could to strip you of your humanity, and in the end, for one brief moment, they succeeded. But you can't let that brief moment define your entire life. If you do, if you pull that trigger, then the Agrathi will have won. They will have destroyed a good man. You cannot let that happen, my friend.
(O'Brien and Bashir)
"Shattered Mirror"
-Captain Bashir. Captain O'Brien. Captain Sisko. We may not have enough troops or ships or weapons, but we have plenty of captains.
("mirror" O'Brien)
-Jake, isn't she a little old for you?
-Who are you, his mother?
("mirror" Jennifer and "mirror" Nog)
-You are intending to shift the blame away from yourself!
-Am I succeeding?
("mirror" Worf and "mirror" Garak)
-You are not my type.
-I never said I was.
("mirror" Worf and "mirror" Garak)
-Smiley! Your assembly crew won't let me into the torpedo bay.
-That's because they're trying to get the torpedo chambering mechanism online.
-Oh, great. So what am I supposed to do with these torpedoes?!
-I have a few suggestions.
("mirror" Bashir and "mirror" O'Brien)
-Perhaps you swallowed it.
-Impossible! I'm very particular about what I eat.
("mirror" Worf and "mirror" Garak)
-You sentenced my wife to death.
-Isn't that a coincidence? I was hoping you weren't married.
("mirror" guard and "mirror" Kira, the Intendant)
-Captain, you never cease to amaze me.
-Sometimes, I even surprise myself.
("mirror" O'Brien and Sisko)
-Do we make a run for it?
-We run all right -- right at it.
-Ah. Pattern suicide.
("mirror" O'Brien and Sisko)
-Terek Nor will soon be ours again. Then you can spend the rest of your life contemplating your failure as you labor alongside the other slaves in the ore processing center.
-It's nice to have something to look forward to.
("mirror" Worf and "mirror" Garak)
"The Muse"
-Lwaxana?!
-Oh, hello, Odo.
-You've been crying.
-I can't help it.
-Why?
-Because . . . I'm pregnant.
(Odo and Lwaxana)
-Actually, I have some free time and I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk.
-I would.
-I meant Lwaxana.
(Odo and Worf)
-Well, just don't go do what I did -- look for someone to fix your broken heart, then end up pregnant and on the run.
-I . . . don't think there's much danger of that happening.
(Lwaxana and Odo)
-We're getting married?!
(Lwaxana)
-Well, I trust I can count on you to accept me even if I just stand there and read last week's criminal activity report.
(Odo)
-Did I miss something? I didn't know Odo was getting married 'til this morning.
-I'm not sure he knew either.
(Bashir and Kira)
-The truth is . . . I was ashamed of what I was. Afraid that if people saw how truly different I was, they would recoil from me. Lwaxana saw how different I was, and she didn't recoil. She wanted to see more. For the first time in my life, someone wanted me as I was. And that changed me . . . forever. The day I met her is the day I stopped being alone. And I want her to be part of my life from this day on. Marry me, Lwaxana. Let me into your light.
(Odo)
"For the Cause"
-You are evil.
-I am a Starfleet officer, the paragon of virtue.
-You're more like the parody of virtue.
(Captain Kasidy Yates and Sisko)
-Stop watching her.
-Oh, I thought the whole point was to watch.
-The point is to watch the game, not the spectators -- especially not that spectator.
-Well, what does she expect? She's the only Cardassian woman on the station. She must know she's bound to attract some attention.
-Some, yes. Yours, no.
-Perhaps I should say hello after the game.
-That's Gul Dukat's daughter. And I can't think of anyone in the galaxy who hates you more than he does. Besides, Ziyal is a friend of Kira's and I wouldn't play around with her if I were you.
-I simply thought it would be polite to say hello, but clearly, you don't think I'm capable of any kind of pleasant discourse without some kind of nefarious ulterior motive.
-That's not what I meant. I just think you should leave well-enough alone. Why stir up . . . ?
-Yes! Brava, Major!
-What happened?!
-A brilliant move on the part of the Major. You should have been watching.
(Bashir and Garak, on Ziyal)
-You're not going to hurt me, are you? Normally, I would make a strategic withdrawal at the first sign of trouble, but there doesn't seem to be a way out of here.
-You could always call Security.
-Oh, true, but it would take them a few minutes to arrive and by then, it might be too late.
-I don't think I'll hurt you.
-I'm gratified to hear that.
-In fact, I think it's safe to say you have nothing to fear from me.
-And you, my dear, have nothing to fear from me.
(Garak and Ziyal)
-Can't you do something about these lapels?
-Such as?
-I don't know. I'm not a tailor! Just . . . make them look good.
-Oh, make them look good. And all this time I thought you wanted me to try to make them look bad. I wish you'd said that before. It's much simpler when the customer explains what he wants.
(Quark and Garak)
-I was going to cancel. I've had visions of Ziyal presenting my head to her father as a birthday gift.
-That's a little paranoid, wouldn't you say?
-Paranoid is what they call people who imagine threats against their life. I have threats against my life. But after my little "chat" with Major Kira, I feel much better.
-You do?
-Isn't it obvious? If Ziyal planned to kill me, Kira would not be trying to warn me away. On the contrary, the good Major would also welcome my untimely demise and do nothing to interfere.
(Garak and Quark)
"To the Death"
-Wait 'till I find him. I'll kill him -- for scaring me like this!
(Quark)
-They'll be a joint briefing session at 1900 hours.
-Followed by a get-to-know-you buffet at 1930.
-And I forgot my dress uniform.
(Sisko, O'Brien, and Dax)
-So let me get this straight. No sleep, no food, no women. No wonder you're so angry. After 30 or 40 years of that, I would be angry too.
(Dax)
-How old are you?
-I stopped counting at 300.
-. . . You don't look it.
-Thank you.
([weirdo Jem'Hadar] and Dax)
-No women? I'm not surprised.
-Personally, I envy them. I mean -- their ability to go without sleep.
(O'Brien and Odo)
-I am not a Founder.
-Well, you're a changeling, that's close enough. . . . To them!
-I wonder what would happen if you went over there and ordered him to stand on his head.
(Odo, Dax, and O'Brien)
-I am Chief Miles Edward O'Brien. I'm very much alive, and I intend to stay that way.
-Amen.
(O'Brien and Sisko)
"The Quickening"
-If all your little advertisements aren't purged from our systems by the time I come back from the Gamma Quadrant, I will come to Quark's. And believe me, I will have fun.
(Kira)
-The sooner we get out of the Gamma Quadrant, the better.
-How can you say that? Those little points of light out there -- the great unknown, beckoning to us. I wish I could visit every one.
-You might want to skip the ones with Jem'Hadar bases on them.
-Is it my imagination, or are the stars a little brighter in the Gamma Quadrant?
-Is it my imagination, or has Julian lost his mind?
(Kira, Bashir, and Dax)
-Where's Kukalaka now?
-Oh, in a closet somewhere. . . . On a shelf -- in my room.
([quickened woman] and Bashir)
-My God! It's the EM fields from our instruments! Shut everything down, now!
(Bashir)
-I'm going to tell you a little secret, Jadzia. I was looking forward to tomorrow -- to seeing Kira again and casually asking, "How was the nebula? And, oh, by the way, I cured that blight thing those people had."
-It's not a crime to believe in yourself, Julian.
(Bashir and Dax)
-You know what worries me, Julian? Is that without me, you won't have anyone to translate for you.
(Dax)
"Body Parts"
-What are you all looking at? Haven't you ever seen a dying man before?
(Quark) [I'VE SEEN THIS LINE!!!]
-So -- what you're telling me is . . . Major Kira's going to have my baby?
(O'Brien)
-Grand Nagus Zek!
-The Nagus?
-Of course, it makes perfect sense. He always liked me!
-He used you when it suited his needs. I don't think it's the same thing.
(Quark and Rom)
-I want to hire you. Not as a tailor -- as an assassin.
-I don't know what you're talking about!
-Oh, yes, you do. You weren't always a tailor.
-You're right. I used to be a gardener. Now, if you have something you want weeded, you let me know.
(Quark and Garak)
-How's that?
-Awful! Did you hear that sound of bone snapping? I don't want that to be the last thing I hear!
-It wasn't that loud.
-You don't have these ears. Snapping vertebrae is out.
-We're running out of options, Quark. You don't want to be vaporized because you need a body. The disruptor ruined your clothing, the knife was too savage, the nerve gas smelled bad, hanging took too long, and poison . . . What was wrong with poison?
-It doesn't work! If I know the food is poisoned, I won't eat it.
(Garak and Quark)
-For a man who wants to kill himself, you are strangely determined to live.
(Garak)
-You look like -- like my brother Rom.
-That is because this is a dream. You imbecile.
(Gint and Quark)
"Broken Link"
-For all I know, this could be a normal biological process. The changeling equivalent of puberty . . . or menopause.
-That's an interesting theory, Doctor. One I suggest that you keep to yourself.
(Bashir and Odo)
-Oh, I hate being pregnant!
-I win!
(Kira and Sisko)
-I'm Bajoran. Human women get nauseous. We sneeze.
(Kira)
-Hopefully, Odo will get back on his feet soon. In the meantime, I want him left alone to rest. Agreed?
-A-choo!
-Agreed!
(Sisko and Kira)
-Personally, I think Starfleet officers should be allowed more latitude in accessorizing their uniforms, hmm? You'd be surprised what a nice scarf can do.
(Garak)
-Would you like me to have the Promenade cleared?
-That won't be necessary.
(Bashir and Odo)
-It's funny. I've served on half a dozen ships, and none of them have cloaking devices except the Defiant. Now that we're not using it, I feel -- naked.
-It is disconcerting, to say the least.
-Gentlemen, I feel the same breeze you do.
-What are you smiling at?
-I don't know. I guess it's just being in the same room with so many naked men.
(O'Brien, Worf, Sisko, and Dax)
-Doctor . . . ?!
-Oh! Oh, right . . .
(Sisko and Bashir)
(way of the warrior) new suit; (Louk, a jeek chimTAH lah.) I suppose so.;
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SEASON 5
"Apocalypse Rising"
-So, let me get this straight. All we have to do is get past an enemy fleet, avoid a tachyon detection grid, beam into the middle of Klingon headquarters, and avoid the Brotherhood of the Sword long enough to set these things up and activate them in front of Gowron?
(O'Brien)
-Major, I must say I'm shocked. You use my daughter to lure me here, you're asking me to risk my ship on some fool's errand into the Klingon Empire, and you're pregnant! I hope First Minister Shakaar appreciates what a lucky man he is.
-Shakaar's not the father.
-Then who is?
-Chief O'Brien.
(Dukat and Kira)
-You're . . . positively glowing.
-Oh, really?
-I think so, but then I suppose my opinion doesn't really count.
-Oh, it counts, but don't forget: this is still your fault.
-My fault?!
-You performed the transfer from Keiko to me.
-After you volunteered!
-After you put the idea in my head.
-After you flew the runabout into an asteroid field.
-After you insisted we check on those anomalous bio-scans!
-That was Keiko!
-That's right, it was, but I'd rather blame you!
(Bashir and Kira)
-You think they'll make it?
-They'll make it. Question is: Will you be able to give them their old faces back?
(Bashir and Kira)
-Do not look away from me! I called you a dung beetle!
-I heard you!
-And what is your response?
-You should have your eyes examined!
(Worf and Odo)
-I hope I remember how to set these things up.
-If that is a joke, I'm not amused.
-It's not easy being funny wearing these teeth.
(O'Brien and Worf)
-It's a pity it doesn't have any bubbles.
(Odo)
"The Ship"
-It may have been the Vorta's computer console. I found it in one of the upper compartments, but the power grid is still offline in that part of the ship.
-So you ripped it out of the wall. Very nice! So what do we do with it now? Use it for a doorstep?
(Dax)
"Looking for Par'macH in all the Wrong Places"
-I thought you said the O'Briens were arguing in there.
-Not Miles and Keiko. The other O'Briens, Miles and Kira.
-What do they have to argue about?
-Miles hid Keiko's springball racket because she's carrying his baby and he doesn't want her taking any risks and she doesn't want him controlling her --
-What?
-Keiko made them stop. Now they're in the "let's talk this out and share our feelings" part of the fight. Show's over.
-Oh, well. I mean, good.
(Bashir and Quark)
-She, uh . . . she has a -- a rash on the back of her thighs. Do you have a salve or something?
-How long has she had it?
-Well, I noticed it yesterday when I was helping her out of the bathtub, so she's had it at least a day.
-Helping her out of the tub?
-She's living in my house! She's having my baby!
-So, uh -- did you look?
-What? Oh, please. I was holding a towel up in front of her.
-How does Keiko feel about you helping Kira out of the tub?
-Keiko feels fine about it. You see, we are adults. We've developed a close, mature relationship.
-I'm sure that Keiko and Kira have. But you --
-What about me?
-I'll bet you looked.
(O'Brien and Bashir)
-We're closer. It's like I'm part of his family.
-Which part?
-What?
-Which part of his family are you? Sister? Daughter? Cousin?
-Could we concentrate on the criminal activities report?
-Of course. And I'll refrain from making any further disparaging remarks about the Chief. I mean, Miles.
(Kira and Odo)
-End it!
-If you insist! . . . Maybe not. Maybe I'll just pick up your sword, and . . . give it to you, I guess.
(Thopok and Quark)
-It would have been nice.
-In another life.
(O'Brien and Kira)
-What have you been doing?
-You mean, what have we been doing?
-Never mind. I don't need that particular image running around my head. I'll just treat you. -- What happened too you two?
-We, um . . .
-Well, um, if you must know . . .
-No! No, uh, I don't need that image either. In fact, I'm going to stop asking that question altogether. People can come in, I will treat them, and that's all. Please . . . have a seat! I will be with you in a minute.
(Bashir, Quark, Worf, and Dax)
"Nor the Battle to the Strong"
-Maybe if I write to the Journal and explain. 'Dear Editors, thank you for the confidence you expressed in my by accepting my proposed profile of Dr. Bashir. Unfortunately . . .' . . . Who cares about anomalies? People wants stories about things they can relate to. Life and death, good and evil. An outbreak of Cartelian fever would be just the thing. "The brave doctor battles the deadly virus.' Listen to me. I'm actually rooting for a plague.
(Jake)
-I was planning to change form in the air and become a Tarkalean condor.
-Ah, that would have been impressive.
-I thought so.
(Odo and Sisko)
"The Assignment"
-Mommy's going to be mad.
-I can't believe it. Keiko's gone five days, and we kill her plants.
(Molly and O'Brien)
-Besides, uh -- I have to be in surgery, operating.
-On who?
-I'll find someone.
(Bashir and O'Brien)
-Don't worry about me, Chief. My lips are sealed. Nobody will get anything out of me. Not even my name.
-Rom, everybody on the station knows your name.
-Right . . . but I won't confirm it!
(O'Brien and Rom)
-I have to stay here and play the idiot?
-I'm afraid so! Now, no matter what Odo asks you . . .
-I'm Quark's brother. I know the role.
(Rom and O'Brien)
"Trials and Tribble-ations"
-I wouldn't take it personally, Worf.
-I rather like the way you smell.
-Yeah, a sort of earthy, peaty aroma.
-With a touch of lilac.
(O'Brien and Bashir)
-Trust me, next time you see him, just sniff the air and go, "Is that lilac?"
(O'Brien)
-Don't you know anything about this period in time?
-I'm a doctor, not an historian.
-In the old days, operations officers wore red, command officers wore gold.
-And women wore less.
-I think I'm going to like history.
(O'Brien, Bashir, and Dax)
-I said Deck 21!
-Maybe, if you said "please".
-Well, obviously the first thing we should do is to take this transtator here, and -- leave it exactly where it is.
(O'Brien)
-Tell me, do they still sing songs of the Great Tribble Hunt?
(Odo)
-No one ever met my great-grandfather. This could be a predestination paradox! Come on, Chief, surely you took elementary temporal mechanics at the Academy. I could be destined to fall in love with that woman and become by own great-grandfather!
-You're being ridiculous.
-Ridiculous?! If I don't meet with that woman tomorrow, I may never be born!
(Bashir and O'Brien)
-You say the way she looked at me. You can't just dismiss this!
-I can try.
-Fine. But I can't wait to get back to Deep Space Nine and see the look on your face when you find out that I never existed!
(Bashir and O'Brien)
-I had no idea.
-What?
-He's so much more handsome in person. Those eyes!
-Kirk had quite the reputation as a ladies' man.
-Not him -- Spock.
-Let's go!
(Dax and Sisko)
-Klingons? (Odo)
-Over there . . . and over there.
-Those are Klingons? (Bashir)
-All right. You boys have had enough.
-There must be thousands of them by now. (O'Brien)
-Hundreds of thousands. (Bashir)
-1, 771,561. That's starting with one tribble with an average litter of 10 every 12 hours. After three days . . .
-Thank you.
-McCoy . . . McCoy . . . Leonard McCoy. I met him when he was a student at Ol' Miss.
-Who met him -- Curzon?
-No. My host at the time was Emony. She was on Earth judging a gymnastics competition. I had a feeling he'd become a doctor. He had the hands of a surgeon.
(Dax and Sisko)
-Did you tell them?
-They didn't ask. I'm open to suggestions, people.
-We could build another station.
(Odo, Sisko, and Dax)
"Let He Who is Without Sin . . ."
-So -- what do you think of the O'Briens' plan to name their baby "Sean"?
-Well, I kind of like it. "Sean" -- has a nice ring to it.
-Except that, in Bajoran, sean means "swamp".
-Do the O'Briens know that?
-Isn't there any way the . . . the two of you could, uh . . . uh, you know . . .
-Make love?
-Without injuring yourselves?
(Sisko and Dax)
-I really wish I was going with you. Dax and I had some great times on Risa. . . . Curzon Dax. Curzon.
(Sisko)
-"Cute"? (Bashir)
-"Sexy"? (Quark)
-Rom? (Both)
-Here, you need this more than I do.
-I have seen drier days on Ferenginar, and we have 178 different words for rain. Right now, it's glebbening out there, and that's bad.
(Quark)
"Things Past"
-If I'd known what I was walking into, I never would have gone.
-It was your idea to attend the conference in the first place , Garak.
-I thought the Bajorans would be grateful to hear someone provide them with an opposing philosophical view.
-Garak, you were trying to defend the military occupation of their world! How grateful do you think they would be?
-My understanding of this conference was that it was supposed to be an examination of the occupation from a dispassionate, historical perspective. Instead, everyone went out of their way to dismiss virtually everything I had to say.
-I thought the Bajorans bent over backwards to be polite to you, Garak.
-Giving me a nametag that read "Elim Garak, Former Cardassian Oppressor" was hardly polite!
-And what did you want it to say? "Former Spy"?
(Garak, Dax, and Sisko)
-I see that I'm going to have to add the word "pickpocket" to your résumé.
-It's only a hobby.
-Interesting that a simple tailor should just happen to have a high level security code.
-Yes, isn't it? And if my nose didn't hurt so much, I'd tell you a fascinating story about how I came to possess it.
(Odo, Garak, and Sisko)
-Hmm. Lucky me. I'm an artist. I'm 55, I've been arrested three times for disturbing the peace -- I must be incorrigible.
(Garak)
-How much damage would it do to the timeline if Quark were to suffer a mysterious . . . accident?
-I'm not sure. But maybe we should conduct a little experiment and find out.
(Odo and Sisko)
-I never knew we were such messy conquerors. I remember the occupation being a little more tidy than this.
(Garak)
-If you're running from a dispute over chemicals or women or smuggling, you're on your own. If you've killed one of the spoon-heads . . .
-Spoon-heads?!
-Garak!
(Okala, Garak, and Sisko)
-You'd think they'd put us in our own cell block instead of with the common criminals. After all, we are accused of attempting to assassinate the Station Commander. That deserves some respect!
-Maybe they'll salute when they execute us.
(Garak and Sisko)
-My weakness is, I'm too . . . generous, too forgiving. My heart is too big. Uf!
-And so is your ego.
("Dukat" and Dax)
"The Ascent"
-What are you reading?
-Nothing that would interest you.
-Don't be so sure.
-Quark, give me that.
-What are you going to do, arrest me? "He walked towards her, the wooden deck heaving to and fro beneath his booted feet. Her hands moved to the broach at her throat. She unclasped it, and the cloak fell from her shoulders, her wet skin glistening in the moonlight. Lighting flashed, and heaven's thunder roared in rhythm with the beating of their hearts."
-All right, enough.
-Odo, I take it all back -- you're obviously a lot more complicated than I thought. If you like that kind of thing, I might be interested in selling you my first edition of Vulcan Love Slave.
(Quark and Odo)
-I'll do cleaning on the odd-numbered days, and you'll do it on the even ones.
-We're going to clean every day?
-No, just the odd and even ones.
(Nog and Jake)
-That buzzing noise. Don't you hear it?
-With all this lip-smacking, how could I hear anything?
-Where's it coming from?
-Inside your head.
-Shh!
-Bzzzzz . . .
-I said be quiet!
(Quark and Odo)
-What's this?
-"Past Prologue".
-What's it doing here?
-I found it while I was cleaning up. Really, Jake, is it that hard to keep this place clean?
-You read my story? What'd you think?
-"Disposal" is spelled with an "i".
(Jake and Nog)
-The signal booster's completely shot, which means there's no way we can transmit a distress signal through a planetary atmosphere.
-I see. So you tore it out of the wall in frustration.
(Quark and Odo)
-I can finally sit on a chair and know with absolute certainty that it isn't you.
(Quark)
-I wanted to ask you about Nog. You know, my son?
-I think I've met him.
(Rom and Sisko)
-Stop hitting me!
-I thought you were dead.
-And you saw that as an opportunity to vent years of hostility towards me?
(Quark and Odo)
-Don't you get it? I'm not trying to rescue you. I'm taking you along as emergency rations. If you die, I'm going to eat you.
(Quark)
-Try not to break the other leg while I'm gone.
(Quark)
"Rapture"
-Greetings, my child. You look . . . very sweet.
-Looks can be deceiving. But you don't need me to tell you that.
"The Begotten"
-Constable. Why are you talking to your beverage?
(Worf)
-"Dr. Mora's Chamber of Horrors! Open for Business. Right this way!" . . . Captain.
(Odo)
-If you're happy, there's something very wrong in the world. The center cannot hold.
(Quark)
-I got into this because the O'Brien's needed my help. I never wanted a baby. But now -- I just wish I could hold him in my arms and never let him go.
-I think I know how you feel, Nerys . . .
(Kira and Odo)
"For the Uniform"
-Sir, have you ever reminded Starfleet Command that they stationed Eddington here because they didn't trust me?
-No.
-Please do.
(Odo and Sisko)
-Mister Academy here. I figured you'd want somebody who could hear you while the Bridge is exploding all around you.
-Exploding?
-We may be going into a combat situation. Do you think you're ready for that, Cadet?
-Sir. Yes, sir. Absolutely, sir.
-I'm glad to hear it. Report to the Bridge.
-Aye, sir. . . . "Exploding?" . . .
(Sisko and Nog)
"In Purgatory's Shadow"
-"Finding and Winning Your Perfect Mate" by Doctor Jennings Rain?
-I'll take that. I thought I was going to be a humanoid for the rest of my life. There were certain things --
-You don't have to explain, Odo . . .
-I only read the first three chapters.
(Kira and Odo)
-You should have seen the looks on their faces when I explained to them that it was a five-year-old planetary survey report.
-A planetary survey report?
-That's the look, exactly.
(Garak and Bashir)
-Well, my young friends, I'd like to stay here and chat all day, but I have dresses to make, trousers to mend. It's a full life, if a trifle banal. And do tell Captain Sisko that I'd be more than happy to decode any Cardassian laundry lists that come across his desk.
(Garak)
-My father would be furious to hear me say this, but . . . there's something about Garak I find . . . fascinating.
-Yes, he has his moments.
(Ziyal and Bashir)
-You've come a long way from the naive young man I met five years ago. You've become distrustful and suspicious. It suits you.
(Garak)
-I don't know what makes me angrier. That you agreed to go into the Gamma Quadrant with Garak, or that I had to hear it from Sisko!
(Dax, to Worf)
-Oh, I'm sure you could find someone else to eat your meals with. Not that you have to. I fully intend to return.
-It's not just the meals.
-Yes, I know. I'm the only other Cardassian on the station.
-It's not that, either. You know that. It's just that . . . you're intelligent and cultured . . . and kind.
-My dear, you're young. So I realize that you're a poor judge of character.
-Why do you always make fun of my feelings for you?
-Perhaps because I find them a bit, uh . . . misguided?
-Well, if this is what you think, why do you spend so much time with me?
-Because I'm exiled . . . and alone, and a long way from home. And when I'm with you, it doesn't feel so bad.
(Garak and Ziyal)
-You know, I think that actually helped my back.
(Garak, to Dukat)
-At the first sign of betrayal, I will kill him. But I promise to return the body intact.
-I assume that's a joke.
-We will see.
(Worf and Sisko)
-I'd like to get my hands on that fellow Earl Grey and tell him a thing or two about tea leaves.
(Garak)
-Ah, are we glad to see you! Could one of you point us in the direction of the wormhole?
(Garak, to a troop of invading Jem'Hadar)
-You allowed yourselves to be taken prisoner? I taught you better than that. Living on that station has dulled your wits.
-That's it? After I've come all this way, after all I've been through . . . that's all you have to say to me?
-What do you want me to say?
-I want you to say, "Thank you, Elim. Your loyalty is most gratifying. I knew I could count on you."
(Tain and Garak)
-My ship and my crew are at your disposal.
-One ship. Things are looking brighter.
(Dukat and "Bashir")
-You're a gentleman and a scholar.
-Truer words were never spoken.
(O'Brien and Bashir)
-I'll do as you ask, on one condition: That you don't ask me this favor as a mentor or a superior officer . . . but as a father asking his son.
-You're not my son.
-Father . . . father, you're dying. For once in your life, speak the truth.
-I should have killed your mother before you were born. You've always been a weakness I can't afford.
-So you've told me. Many times.
-Listen, Enabran -- all I ask is that, for this moment, let me be your son.
-Elim . . . Remember that day in the country? You must have been almost five.
-How can I forget it? It was the only day.
-I can still see you, on the back of that riding hound. You must have fallen off a dozen times. But you never gave up.
-I -- remember . . . limping home. You held my hand.
-I was very proud of you, that day . . .
(Garak and Tain)
"By Inferno's Light"
-Re-encoding the transmitter won't be easy. We'd have to reconfigure the array one circuit at a time.
-Can you do it?
-Me?
-I'm no engineer. Neither is Mr. Worf here. You, on the other hand, my dear Mr. Garak, are a man of many hidden talents. If you can't do it, nobody can.
-It's nice to feel needed.
(Garak and Bashir)
-Somebody tell me this is a bad dream.
-It's no dream.
-Well, I've got a vow to make, too. Next time I see Dukat, I'm going to kill him.
(Dax, Sisko, and Kira)
-How's it coming along?
-I only wish I were still a member of the Obsidian Order. This would make a wonderful interrogation chamber. Tight quarters, no air, bad lighting, random electric shocks. It's perfect.
(Bashir and Garak)
-My father says Garak's dead.
-Right now, I wouldn't believe your father if he said rain was wet.
(Ziyal and Kira)
-I think . . . you can't judge people by what they think, or say . . . only by what they do.
(Kira)
-I'm sorry, but that's absolutely unacceptable. I'm under enough strain as it is. I can't have you quitting on me. Get a hold of yourself, Garak. After all, you haven't had one of these attacks in years. Yes, this is a tight, enclosed space. Yes, there's not a lot of room to move. But a disciplined mind does not allow itself to be sidetracked by niggling psychological disorders like . . . claustrophobia. Besides, this isn't like Tzenketh. The walls won't collapse in on you. Your friends are nearby. There's plenty of air. So there's nothing to be concerned about. Focus on the job. You're the only person who can contact the runabout. People are depending on you. Ziyal is depending on you. You promised her you'd come back, and that young lady has had quite enough disappointments in her life without you adding to them. So . . . control yourself. You're stronger than this. A disciplined mind . . .
(Garak)
-We have to come up with a new escape plan.
-That won't be necessary. The original one will work. I just have to finish what I started. After all, a verse about the Cardassian who panicked in the face of danger would ruin General Martok's song.
(Bashir and Garak)
-The Jem'Hadar don't eat, don't drink, and they don't have sex. And if that weren't bad enough, the Founders don't eat and don't drink, and they don't have sex either. Which, between you and me, makes my financial future less than promising.
-It might not be so bad. For all we know, the Vorta could be gluttonous, alcoholic sex maniacs.
(Quark and Ziyal)
-Tain, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can, I just want you to know, you may not have been much of a father, but I really wish you were alive right now. That way, you could be in here instead of me.
(Garak)
-Ziyal? I told you I'd be back.
-I never doubted it.
(Garak and Ziyal)
"Doctor Bashir, I Presume"
-You're not talking about replacing real doctors?
-No, no, of course not. Why is everyone so worried about holograms taking over the universe?
(Sisko and Lewis Zimmerman)
-Wow. Think of it, Julian. If this thing works, you'll be able to irritate hundreds of people you've never even met.
(O'Brien)
-Does it meet with your approval?
-Yeah, it looks all right. Except for the eyes; they seem a little -- dead. They don't have that certain sparkle, the zest for life that greets me in the mirror every morning.
-This is a test run. I can assure you that the final product will be . . . "zesty".
(Zimmerman and Bashir)
-I hope you're more interesting than you seem. I'd hate to be boring.
("Bashir" EMH)
Zimmerman: What were your initial impressions of Dr. Bashir? Good and bad.
Sisko: Young, eager, ambitious. He was fresh out of medical school. Looking forward to his first taste of "frontier medicine". Sometimes he let that natural impulse override his sense of decorum.
Zimmerman: You mean, he was difficult?
Jake: No . . . but sometimes he could, well, give you way too much information.
Zimmerman: Could you elaborate on that?
Kira: Sometimes he just . . . didn't know when to shut up.
Zimmerman: Are you implying he harassed you with unwanted advances?
Dax: No, but he was very persistent.
Zimmerman: I see. Could you be more specific?
Morn: (shrugs)
Zimmerman: You're not being very helpful.
Worf: I do not like doctors. Any doctors.
Zimmerman: You can rest assured that I will keep anything you say in the strictest confidence.
O'Brien: You're sure about that? I wouldn't want this to get back to Julian.
Zimmerman: You have my word.
O'Brien: Well, the truth is, he's . . . an extraordinary person. A real sense of honor and integrity, great sense of humor, warm, caring . . . you sure he's not going to read this?
Zimmerman: Positive.
Leeta: So is that all?
Zimmerman: There is . . . one other thing. Would you have dinner with me this evening?
-My whole career could be destroyed if Dr. Zimmerman gets wind of our little secret!
(Bashir)
-Then it's true? You're . . .
-The word you're looking for is "unnatural", meaning "not from nature". "Freak" or "monster" would also be acceptable. . . . I was six. Small for my age; a bit awkward, physically; not very bright. In the first grade, when the other children were learning how to read and write and use the computer, I was still trying to tell a dog from a cat. A tree from a house. I didn't really understand what was happening. I knew that I wasn't doing as well as my classmates. There were so many concepts that they took for granted that I couldn't begin to master. And I didn't know why. All I knew . . . was that I was a great disappointment to my parents. I don't remember when they made the decision, but just before my seventh birthday . . . we left Earth for Adigeon Prime. At first, I remember being really excited at seeing all the aliens in the hospital, and then they gave me a room, and . . . began the treatments, and my entire world began to change.
-What were the treatments? Some kind of DNA recoding?
-The technical term is "accelerated critical neural pathway formation". Over the course of the next two months, my genetic structure was manipulated to accelerate the growth of neuronal networks in my cerebral cortex . . . and a whole new Julian Bashir was born.
-In what way did they . . . change you?
-Well, my mental abilities were top priority, of course. My IQ jumped five points a day for over two weeks. Followed by improvements in my hand/eye coordination, stamina, vision, reflexes, weight, height. In the end, everything by my name was altered in some way. When we returned to Earth, we even moved to a different city. I was enrolled in a new school using falsified records my parents obtained somewhere. Instead of being the slowest learner . . . I was the star pupil.
-And no one ever suspected?
-Oh, there's no stigma attached to success, Chief. After the treatments, I never looked back, but the truth is -- I'm a fraud.
-You're not a fraud. I don't care how many enhancements your parents had done. Genetic recoding can't give you ambition or a personality or compassion or any of the things that make a person truly human.
-Well, Starfleet Medical won't see it that way. DNA resequencing for any reason other than repairing serious birth defects is illegal. Any genetically-enhanced human being is barred from serving in Starfleet . . . or practicing medicine.
-I don't think there's been a case dealing with any of this in a hundred years. You can't be sure how they'll react.
-Oh, I am sure. Once the truth comes out, I'll be cashiered from the service. It's that simple.
-There must be something we can do. We can't just give up.
-There is something I can do. Resign before Dr. Zimmerman files his report.
-Oh, Julian . . .
-It's over, Miles. I always knew this could happen. Now it has. Now, if you'll excuse me . . . I'd like to be alone.
(O'Brien and Bashir, re: genetic engineering)
-Well, maybe I have been letting you win . . . a little bit.
-I don't believe it! I don't need you to patronize me. I can . . . play at your level.
-I never said you couldn't.
-Well, play then. Really play.
- . . . All right. From now on, you play from over here. I play from up here. And if that doesn't work, we'll try a blindfold!
(Bashir and O'Brien)
"A Simple Investigation"
-I didn't realize I tripped an alarm.
-You didn't. You're good.
-I still got caught.
-I've been following you.
-I didn't know.
-I'm good, too. . . . So, did you find anything in Tauvid's locker?
-Would you believe me if I said no?
-Actually, I'd have you strip-searched.
-That might be fun.
(Arissa and Odo)
-You keep threatening to have me stripped down and examined. I'm trying not to read too much into that.
(Arissa)
-Car trouble, Mr. Bashir? Hi, Odo.
-I -- I should go. Thank you, Doctor.
-Odo . . . This isn't fair. Odo and I were talking.
-Didn't anyone ever tell you you shouldn't stop for hitchhikers?
(O'Brien, Odo, and Bashir, on the holodeck)
-Well, once, on my homeworld, I . . . had an experience you might consider . . . sexual.
-But never with a woman before.
-Could you tell?
-No.
-Good.
(Odo and Arissa)
-Tell me more about this encounter you had on your homeworld.
-It was with another changeling. Our bodies became . . . intermingled.
-Mmm. Sounds nice. Too bad I'm not a changeling.
-Oh, we shouldn't let that stop us.
(Arissa and Odo)
-Where's Odo? He asked me to arrange a conference with Starfleet intelligence at 0800.
-I guess he's running late.
-He's never late.
-He's never spent the night with a woman before.
-A woman? . . . That's nice. Isn't it?
(Sisko and Dax)
"Business as Usual"
-A clothed female. Titillating!
(Cousin Gaila)
"Ties of Blood and Water"
-Major Kira . . . friends with a Cardassian. It seems wrong.
-You should have known her five years ago. Back then, I never thought she'd be friends with anyone.
(Worf and Dax)
-Major. Sorry to disturb you.
-Sorry enough to leave?
(Dukat and Kira)
-Ho-ho ho-ho! How delightful! The mysterious plots, the subtle innuendo, the veiled threats. It's all so -- entertaining.
-Wha --
-Oh my. That is quite toxic, isn't it?
-Are you insane?
-Vorta are immune to most forms of poison. Comes in handy when you're a diplomat.
(Weyoun and Dukat)
"Ferengi Love Songs"
-Wait a minute . . . What's the Nagus doing in my closet?!
(Quark)
-Brunt, FCA.
-What are you doing in my closet?!
-Conduction official FCA business.
-In my closet?
(Brunt and Quark)
-I thought Brunt's head was going to explode with frustration.
-By the time I'm finished with him, he'll wish it had! Blam!
(Quark and Zek)
"Soldiers of the Empire"
-If you really want to thank me, don't walk in here dripping blood anymore. It takes days to get it out of the carpet!
(Bashir)
"Children of Time"
-All right, we make a quick survey. But if all we detect is some fungus, we're not beaming down.
-What if it's -- smart fungus?
(Sisko and Dax)
-I know that face, Benjamin. You're still not convinced that we're telling you the truth. All right, if you want, I could tell you something that only Curzon would know. Do you remember that dancer that you met on Pelios Station? The one that --
-That . . . that'll do. Thank you.
(Yedrin Dax)
-Apparently, the planet is crawling with Bashirs.
-Maybe I'll stay up here.
(Bashir and Kira)
-There's something I want you to know -- something I've wanted to tell you for 200 years. I love you, Nerys.
("future" Odo)
"Blaze of Glory"
-It's their . . . attitude, sir. It's bad.
-Bad?
-They're loud, obnoxious, and if I may say so, sir, generally intoxicated.
(Nog and Sisko, about the Klingons)
-Captain, I need to speak with you. Alone.
-That does it!
(Martok and Nog)
-Ah! Careful! That hurts!
-I haven't done anything yet.
-Well, what are you waiting for? I told you it hurts.
(Quark and Bashir)
-I might have done a little harmless theorizing.
-About what?
-Oh, something like . . . it was only a matter of time before the Dominion launched a full-scale assault against the Federation, and when that happened, the station would undoubtedly be their first target. . . . And, I might have idly suggested -- that there wasn't a chance in hell that any one of us would get out of here alive.
-And that's when Morn hit you with the barstool and ran onto the Promenade screaming, "We're all doomed."
-Some people just don't react well to stress.
(Quark, Bashir, and Odo)
-Attacking two Jem'Hadar soldiers with a pipe, that's a brilliant plan.
-It could be worse.
-I know -- it could be me holding the pipe.
(Eddington and Sisko)
-You have sharp eyes.
-Not really -- I just waited to see which of you was knocked down first, and then I shot the one still standing.
(Sisko and Eddington)
-Seems like the perfect time for a song. Wish I could think of one. Does anyone know a good song?! Something rousing?!
(Eddington)
"Empok Nor"
-He threatened you, didn't he?
-Nothing so coarse. The Captain bribed me. He offered to help me procure a larger space for my workshop. The latest dressmaking equipment is surprisingly bulky.
-Well, whatever he did, I'm glad you're here. . . . What's the matter?
-Well, it's just that, lately, I'm noticed everyone seems to trust me. It's quite unnerving. I'm still trying to get used to it. Next thing I know, people are going to be inviting me to their homes for dinner.
-Well, if it makes you feel any better, I promise I will never have you over.
(O'Brien and Garak)
-Oh, this is maddening. Asking a Ferengi to play a Cardassian game is like asking a Klingon to chew with his mouth closed.
(Garak)
-I'm flattered. But I'm afraid I have other plans.
-What are you talking about?
-I don't intend to stand around waiting to be killed.
-Meaning what?
-Meaning, I'm going after those two Cardassian soldiers -- and neutralize them. Besides, all this whining is giving me a headache.
(Garak and O'Brien)
-"Access denied," "Access denied" . . . Don't you know how to say anything else? "Access denied, "Access denied, "Access denied" -- how monotonous.
(Garak)
-By the way, I took a tissue sample from the soldier's body. The analysis was rather fascinating, in a grim sort of way.
(Garak)
"In the Cards"
-Five liters of anaerobic metabolites suspended in hydrosaline solution? What could you possibly want with that?
-We can't tell you. It's a surprise for someone.
-They're not going to drink it, are they?
-Oh, no . . . At least -- I don't know. Is he?
(Bashir, Nog, and Jake)
-Just out of curiosity, if you had to name one thing that would make you happy right now, what would it be?
-I don't know.
-Humor me. One thing -- anything at all.
-. . . Kukalaka.
-Excuse me?
-That's what I want. Leeta borrowed him -- said he was "cute" -- but she never brought him back.
(Nog and Bashir)
-Maybe the soulless minions of orthodoxy finally caught up with him.
(Nog)
-You accused the Kai of burglary and kidnapping?!
-We didn't really accuse her of anything.
-Oh, I see -- you just implied it.
-Exactly.
(Sisko, Jake, and Nog)
-Captain's Log, Stardate 50929.4. Two days ago, this station felt like a tomb. I'd never seen so many of my crew depressed at the same time. But for some reason, it now seems as though a new spirit has swept through the station; as if someone had opened a door and let a gust of fresh air blow through a musty old house. Why this is happening, frankly, is a mystery to me. After all, nothing has really changed. The Dominion is still a threat, the Cardassians are still threatening to retake the station, and I can still see the clouds of war gathering on the horizon. So why do I sense a new-found sense of optimism in the air? But maybe I'm overthinking this. Maybe the explanation is as simple as something my father taught me a long time ago: Even in the darkest moments, you can always find something that'll make you smile.
(Sisko)
"Call to Arms"
-Ferengi tradition or no Ferengi tradition, I am not going to be naked at my wedding!
-Who said anything about naked? You'll still have the loincloth!
(Leeta and Rom)
-My dear, I find your blind adoration both flattering and disturbing -- but she does have a point.
(Garak)
-Odo has feelings for me.
-What kind of feelings?
-The kind that aren't easy to talk about.
-Since when?
-Since -- I don't know . . . years. I just found out about it last month.
-That explains a lot.
-It does?
-Not really. It just seemed like the right thing to say.
(Kira and Dax)
-So, for now, all we need to concern ourselves with is deploying the minefield, maintaining station security, and preparing ourselves for a possible invasion!
-Well, I don't know about you -- but I feel more comfortable already.
(Kira and Odo)
-You don't think Starfleet could be persuaded to send us a few more ships -- say, fifty?
(Bashir)
-Are you sure you won't come with me?
-I'm not sure I'd be very welcome on Bajor.
-I'm not going to be very popular there either.
-My dear, you're half-Bajoran. So at least half of you is going to be accepted. I'm sure that Major Kira's friends will take good care of you.
-Well, what's going to happen to you?
-Oh, well, let me tell you a story. I once knew a Cardassian -- a dashing, handsome young man -- with a promising career. But, one day, through no fault of his own, he found himself exiled and alone with nowhere to turn. But -- did he give up? No. He struck upon a brilliant plan. Instead of fleeing for the rest of his life, he sought shelter in the one place no one expected him to go: in a stronghold of his people's most hated enemies. There, surrounded by hostile strangers, he built a life, and there, against all odds . . . against the merciless logic of the universe itself . . . he thrived.
-By becoming the greatest tailor in the galaxy.
-And the moral of the story, my dear, is to never underestimate my gift for survival.
(Ziyal and Garak)
-Just remember: "Bashir" is spelt with an "i".
(Bashir)
-You'd shoot a man in the back?
-Well, it's the safest way, isn't it?
(Odo and Garak)
-I have to look out for my bar.
-And I have to look out for you.
-Me?
-You're my brother. Whatever happens, we belong together.
-. . . Well, like I said . . . you're an idiot.
-Captain, as a Major in the Bajoran militia, I must officially protest Starfleet's refusal to turn over this station to my government.
-Your protest is duly noted.
-Good. . . . Now that that's over with -- Kira Nerys, reporting for duty.
(Kira and Sisko)
-Mr. Garak?
-I'd like to come along, if you don't mind. You never know when you might need a good tailor. . . . And the simple fact is, I have no where else to go.
-Welcome aboard.
(Sisko and Garak)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SEASON 6
"A Time to Stand"
-I was studying some star charts for Captain Sisko during the last assault, when I had a sudden and rather violent encounter with a bulkhead.
(Garak)
-It really wasn't that difficult. I simply started with a binomial . . .
-I'm really not interested, Doctor. Ever since it's become public knowledge that you're genetically engineered, you've used every opportunity to show off.
-I have nothing to hide anymore. I might as well use what I have.
-Well . . . what are our chances? Over 50 percent?
-32.7.
-I'm sorry I asked. You're certain about that figure?
-Do you want me to take you through the entire set of calculations?
(Bashir and Garak)
-Don't take it so personally, Garak. It's strictly a matter of mathematics.
-No, it's strictly a matter of our lives. You're not genetically engineered. You're a Vulcan.
-If I'm a Vulcan, then how do you explain my boyish smile?
-Not so boyish anymore, Doctor.
(Bashir and Garak)
-You're always telling me that space is big -- that it's an endless frontier filled with infinite wonders.
-It's true.
-Well, if that's the case, you would think it would be more than enough room to allow people to leave each other alone!
(Joseph and Sisko)
-Try eating field rations for three weeks -- then tell me it isn't a problem.
-You know what is a problem? No viewscreen. Who builds a Bridge without a window?
-The same people who build a ship without an Infirmary. Here's a list of all the medical supplies I brought on board. They're in my quarters, for want of a better space.
-Well, don't worry. We'll try not to have any medical emergencies while you're sleeping.
-It's so glad that you find the lack of proper medical facilities amusing. But if trouble breaks out, it's not a viewscreen or a chair or even a sandwich you'll be wanting. It's a bio-bed with a surgical tissue regenerator.
-Maybe. But right now, I would settle for a viewscreen.
-Or a chair.
-Or a sandwich.
(O'Brien, Dax, Bashir, and Nog)
-Considering we're heading into Cardassian territory, I thought he might prove useful.
-Well, it's been known to happen.
(Sisko and Garak)
-Ah. It's like having a viewscreen inside your brain.
(Garak)
-Let's see . . . a radial geodesic in a 39 Cochrane warp field contracts normal space at a rate of --
-We have to go to full impulse 1.3 seconds before the bomb detonates.
-Dax?
-The computer agrees with Julian.
-Of course it does. They think alike.
(Dax, Bashir, Sisko, and Garak)
-Well, forgive my ignorance, but if we don't have warp drive, how long is it going to take us to reach the closest Federation starbase?
-A long time, Mr. Garak.
-How long?
-17 years, two months, and three days . . . give or take an hour.
(Garak, Sisko, and Bashir)
"Rocks and Shoals"
-You're deliberately staying behind me and I want to know why. Does this have anything to do with that unfortunate business between you and me last year?
-You tied me up and threatened to kill me.
-There were extenuating circumstances.
(Garak and Nog)
-Ah, good afternoon, Captain, Doctor.
-You two all right?
-Perfect, how are you?
-Felt better.
(Garak, Sisko, and Bashir)
-Ah, I am alive.
-No self-diagnosis, please. I'm the doctor here.
(Keevan and Bashir)
"Sons and Daughters"
-You don't like the dress.
-The dress is fine. I don't like you.
(Dukat and Kira)
"Behind the Lines"
-Smile. Dukat!
-I'm smiling!
(Weyoun and Dukat)
-You mean, if I had to take command, I would be called "Captain," too?
-Cadet, by the time you took command, there'd be nobody left to call you anything.
(Nog and O'Brien)
-Why didn't you think of that when you set up the mine field?
-Uh, I don't know.
-Uh, he doesn't know.
(Quark and Rom)
"Favor the Bold"
-Engage, retreat. Engage, retreat. I tell you, that's becoming our favorite tune.
-Well, we'd better think of a new tune fast or the only song we're going to be singing is "Hail the Conquering Dominion".
(O'Brien and Bashir)
-Everything appears to be perfectly normal. I'm sorry, Garak.
-Well, keep looking, Doctor! Whatever Starfleet put in there is very well-hidden.
-Ridiculous.
-Well, that's easy for you to say, Chief. You don't know them as well as I do. These are desperate people.
-Garak, you're not going to get any of us to believe that Starfleet Intelligence has implanted some kind of neural transponder in your brain to monitor your thoughts.
-I would have if I were them. In fact, when I was conducting interrogations for the Obsidian Order, I did a lot worse.
(Bashir, Garak, O'Brien, and Dax)
"Sacrifice of Angels"
"Cannon to the right of them, Cannon to the left of them, Cannon in front of them, Volly'd and thunder'd . . ."
"Storm'd at with shot and shell, Boldly they rode and well, Into the jaws of Death, Into the mouth of Hell, Rode the Six Hundred."
-Whatever it is you two are reciting, I wish you'd stop.
(O'Brien, Bashir, and Nog)
-Now you've ruined it.
(Quark, about hasperat soufflé)
-Sir, 200 enemy ships have broken through our lines. They're headed this way.
-Time to start packing!
(Damar and Weyoun)
-She loved you.
-I could never figure out why. I guess I never will.
(Kira and Garak)
-We'll go back to Cardassia, Ziyal. We'll be safe there. You'll live with me . . . everything will be fine. We'll both be very happy together. I know you forgive me. After all, I am your father. And I forgive you. My precious girl . . .
(Dukat)
"You are Cordially Invited"
-There's nothing more romantic than a wedding on DS9 in springtime.
-When the neutrinos are in bloom.
(Bashir and O'Brien)
-Are those real var'Hama candles?
-Yes, Worf, I traveled to Kronos. I captured three targs in the Hamar Mountains, made the ritual sacrifice at dawn, came back to the station, asked Quark to boil their shoulders into tallow. Then I spent two days molding them into candles with my own hands.
-I was just asking.
(Worf and Dax)
-There is going to be a party, isn't there?
-You're asking me? I can barely say my name in Klingon.
(O'Brien and Alexander)
-Alexander . . .
-Grandma?
-Guess again.
(Bashir and Alexander)
-It's working. I've had a vision . . . about the future. I can see it so clearly.
-What is it?
-I'm going to kill Worf. I'm going to kill Worf. That's what I'm going to do. I can see it clearly now. I'm going to kill him.
(Bashir and O'Brien)
"Statistical Probabilities"
-There are rules -- uh, uh, don't talk with your mouth full, don't open an airlock when somebody's inside it, and don't lie about your genetic status!
(Jack)
-"Me thought I heard a voice cry, 'Sleep no more! Damar has murdered sleep!'"
(Jack)
-Hang on a minute, Doctor! How'd you come up with all this? Two days ago, you said these people were impossible to deal with. Now they're turning out projections that it would take Starfleet Intelligence months to come up with.
-We're mutants.
(Sisko and Bashir)
-What do you make of that, Jack? Why didn't you anticipate that? Why didn't you factor her into your equation? Because you thought you knew everything . . . but you didn't even know what was going to happen in this room. One person derailed your plans. One person changed the course of history. Now, I don't know about you, but that makes me think that maybe, just maybe, things may not turn out the way we thought.
(Bashir)
"The Magnificent Ferengi"
-I think we're getting better!
-No, you're not! This is the eighth run-through and you haven't been able to shoot a single Jem'Hadar. And you shot Moogie!
(Rom and Nog)
-You couldn't ambush a Bolian if he was blindfolded and tied to a tree!
(Nog)
"Waltz"
-You know, old man, sometimes life seems so complicated -- nothing is truly good or truly evil. Everything seems to be a shade of grey. And then, you spend some time with a man like Dukat, and you realize that there is such a thing as truly evil.
(Sisko)
"Who Mourns for Morn?"
-Think of me as Morn. I can't believe I just said that.
(Quark)
-Someone's extracted all the latinum! There's nothing here but worthless gold!
(Quark)
"Far Beyond the Stars"
-Oh, yes. If the world is not ready for a woman writer, imagine what would happen if it learned about a Negro with a typewriter.
("Herb")
-Would someone please shoot me and put me out of my misery?
-Oh, how I long for a gun.
("Herb" and "Jules")
-Oh! She's got a worm in her belly! Oh, that's disgusting. That's interesting, but that's disgusting.
(Darlene Kursky)
-I . . . am a human being, damn it! You can deny me all you want, but you cannot deny Ben Sisko. He exists! That future, that space station, all those people -- they exist in here. In my mind, I created it. And every one of you know it. You read it! It's here! You, you -- you hear what I'm telling you?! You can pulp a story, but you cannot destroy an idea. Don't you understand? That's ancient knowledge. You cannot destroy an idea!
(Sisko guy)
"One Little Ship"
-Are you telling me I'm going to be this bloody tall for the rest of my life?
-This bloody tall, actually.
(O'Brien and Bashir)
-Do you see what I see?
-Hm. Very clever.
-Oh, the problem is, it's never going to work.
-The Bridge-control lockouts.
-The security codes are hardwired through the encryption circuitry.
-Will someone please let me in on this conversation?
(Dax, O'Brien, and Bashir)
-Julian, stop! That chip behind you is carrying 20 microamps of electric current. Now, that's not very much --
-But it's enough to fry every synapse in my tiny body. Thanks for the tip.
(O'Brien and Bashir)
"Honor Among Thieves"
-Major. There is something wrong with the turbolift.
-I -- can see that.
(Worf and Kira)
"Change of Heart"
-Well, that was easy.
-Did you want to fight over it?
-No! It's just . . . I didn't expect you to surrender so quickly.
-"Surrender"!
-Bad word.
-Very bad.
(Dax and Worf)
-What's next, a sense of humor?
-I have a sense of humor! On the Enterprise, I was considered to be quite amusing.
-Well, that must've been one dull ship.
-That is a joke. I get it! It is not funny, but I get it.
(Dax and Worf)
-I can't accept change?!
-That is correct.
-Oh, you've got to be kidding. I've changed bodies six times, Worf.
(Dax and Worf)
-Well, I do not have to sleep on the same side of the bed every night, or brush my hair exactly 50 strokes every night, or eat the same thing for breakfast every day, or read the last page of the book before the beginning, or lift up the . . .
(Worf)
-I don't even know the rules.
-Well, here!
-All right, let's play.
(Bashir and O'Brien, about tonga)
-A Klingon. Why did they have to send a Klingon?
-I'm a Trill. Does that make you feel any better?
-Are you trying to be funny?
-Oh, not at all. He's the funny one.
(Lasaran and Dax)
-Hold on. Maybe I can't beat Quark . . . but you can. You, and that genetically-engineered brain of yours.
-Me? I've only just learned how to play the game.
-Yeah, in about ten seconds flat!
(O'Brien and Bashir)
"Wrongs Darker than Death or Night"
-What if everyone came as their favorite Klingon?
(Dax)
-Tell me something, Nerys. If you hated her that much, why did you save her life?
-Believe me . . . there's a part of me that wishes that I hadn't. But the fact is, no matter what she did, she was still my mother.
(Sisko and Kira)
"Inquisition"
-Wait. Um, let me think. Was I alone in solitary? Yes. I think I was.
(Bashir)
-Is it really necessary to drag a Starfleet officer across the Promenade in irons?!
(Sisko)
"In the Pale Moonlight"
-I didn't say you had to go there yourself. I have to believe that a man like you still has a few contacts at home -- a colleague from the Obsidian Order . . . an old friend . . . a reliable informant . . . someone who might owe you a favor.
-Perhaps.
-Then I'd say that it's time to call in a favor.
-It would mean calling in all my favors, Captain. To do what you're asking would use up every resource I have left on Cardassia. And it may be -- a very messy, very bloody business. Are you prepared for that?
-I posted my 14th casualty list this morning. I'm already involved in a very messy, very bloody business.
And the only way I can see to end it is to bring the Romulans into the war. I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to accomplish that goal. But I can't do it alone. I need help. Now, are you in or out?
- . . . I'm in.
(Sisko and Garak)
-Do you have another plan?
-As a matter of fact, I do. But I suspect you won't like it.
-Try me.
-If you want to guarantee that we obtain evidence of a Dominion plot to attack the Romulans, I suggest that we manufacture that evidence ourselves.
(Sisko and Garak)
-I'm sorry to disturb you, but do you know a man named Grathon Tolar?
-Yes. Why do you ask?
-Because he just tried to kill Quark.
(Odo and Sisko)
-Who's watching Tolar?
-I've locked him in his quarters. I've also left him with the distinct impression that if he attempts to force the door open, it may explode.
-I hope that's just an impression.
-It's best not to dwell on such minutiae.
(Sisko and Garak)
-I'll take my leave of you now, Captain. Oh, and one last thing. Vreenak believes he's on the winning side, so until you can prove otherwise, you may have to put up with a certain . . . acerbic attitude.
-Uh, Mr. Garak, after having spent a week with you, I have developed a very, very thick skin.
-Good luck.
(Garak and Sisko)
-That's why you came to me, isn't it, Captain? Because you knew I could do those things that you weren't capable of doing. Well, it worked, and you'll get what you want: a war between the Romulans and the Dominion. And if your conscience is bothering you, you should soothe it with the knowledge that you may have just saved the entire Alpha Quadrant . . . and all it cost -- was the life of one Romulan senator, one criminal, and the self-respect of one Starfleet officer. I don't know about you, but I'd call that a bargain.
(Garak)
-So . . . I lied. I cheated. I bribed men to cover the crimes of other men. I am an accessory to murder. But the most damning thing of all . . . I think I can live with it. And if I had to do it all over again, I would. Garak was right about one thing: A guilty conscience is a small price to pay for the safety of the Alpha Quadrant. So I will learn to live with it. . . . Because I can live with it. . . . I can live with it! . . . Computer, erase that entire personal log.
(Sisko)
"His Way"
-What does "fun" have to do with Major Kira?
-I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
(Odo and Vic Fontaine)
-Do you know how difficult it was for me to get a holographic image of Major Kira? Lucky for you, Julian used her image in one of his spy programs, though it did take me an hour to get rid of the Russian accent.
(Fontaine)
-Odo. Wait.
-Major, if you don't mind, I'd like to forget all about last night.
-No, I don't think that's a good idea. We need to talk about what happened.
-Well, then we can meet in my office in an hour.
-No, let's discuss it over dinner.
-Dinner?
-Yeah, you can choose the restaurant. Anywhere but a holosuite.
-What about Shakaar? Do you think he'll approve?
-Look, I don't care whether he approves or not. Shakaar and I are friends. That's all -- friends. The First Minister asked me to update him on the war with the Dominion. My visit was strictly business. Now, are we going to have dinner together or not?
-If we do, then what?
-I don't know, maybe we could go dancing!
-And after that, I suppose you'll expect me to kiss you.
-Well, that's possible.
-Well, then, who needs dinner? Why don't I just get it over with and kiss you right now?
-Well, why don't you?
(Kira and Odo)
"The Reckoning"
-I had a pretty good idea what this was the minute I laid eyes on it. . . . That confirms it -- It's a slab of stone with some writing on it.
(Dax)
-Who knows? The rest of the tablet probably says, "Go to Quarks! It's happy hour."
(Bashir)
-The computer has given me two possibilities.
-They are?
-During the Reckoning, the Bajorans will either "suffer horribly," or -- "eat fruit".
(Dax and Sisko)
-Just do my one favor. If you talk to the Prophets again, ask for a dictionary. Please.
(Dax)
-You defied the will of the Prophets, and you did it because you couldn't stand the fact that a human, an infidel, had a stronger faith than you.
(Kira, to Kai Winn)
"Valiant"
-He may have been a hero . . . he may even have been a great man . . . but in the end, he was a bad Captain.
(Nog)
"Profit and Lace"
-I just kicked the Grand Nagus out of my bar.
-Acting Grand Nagus!
(Quark and everyone else [Zek, Nog, Rom, Leeta, Ishka])
-Here! Have a Slug-o-Cola!
-Eh, thank you. Welcome to Deep Space 9, Chairman Nilva.
(Nilva and Nog)
-No woman is complete without earrings. . . . Why does everyone keep looking at me?!
(Rom)
"Time's Orphan"
-I am a Klingon warrior, and a Starfleet officer. I have piloted Starships through Dominion minefields. I have stood in battle against Kelvans twice my size. I courted and won the heart of the magnificent Jadzia Dax. If I can do these things . . . I can make this child go to sleep.
-Talk about losing perspective!
(Worf and Dax)
-She's anthropomorphized the landscape.
-Yeah, she loves to draw.
(Bashir and O'Brien)
-I'm disappointed in you, Chief. If anyone could break a prisoner out of a holding cell and get them off the station, I would have thought it would have been you.
(Odo)
"The Sound of Her Voice"
-And another thing. Contrary to public opinion, I am not the arrogant, self-absorbed, godlike doctor that I appear to be on occasion. . . . Why don't I hear anybody objecting to that statement?
-Well, I will, if you insist.
-I insist.
-Then I object!
-Thank you, Miles Edward O'Brien.
(Bashir and O'Brien)
"Tears of the Prophets"
-We were talking.
-For an hour and 45 minutes?
-It is a private matter.
-We're thinking about having a baby!
-. . . It was a private matter.
(Worf, Quark, and Dax)
-Legate Damar. Excuse the interruption, but we have a problem.
-What kind of a problem?
-Me!
(Cardassian soldier, Damar, and Dukat)
-You got here early.
-This is a momentous occasion. It's not every day I embark on a journey to liberate my homeworld.
(O'Brien and Garak)
-Pah-wraiths and Prophets. All this talk of god strikes me as nothing more than superstitious nonsense.
-You believe that the Founders are gods, don't you?
-That's different.
-In what way?
-The Founders are gods.
(Weyoun and Damar)
Homework, i.e. ARRGH I’M GOING TO DIE:
Chemistry:
Test (Tue.)
Lab (Wed.)
Physics:
Rube Goldberg (Tue.)
Exam (Fri.)
Spanish
Homework (Mon.)
Packets (who knows when)
English
Journals (Mon.)
Test (Tue.)
Exam (Thu.)
Nor the Battle to the Strong
Trials and Tribble-ations
The Ascent
Doctor Bashir, I Presume
Statistical Probabilities
Far Beyond the Stars
In the Pale Moonlight
His Way
He's genetically engineered. That's quite a responsibility. No, it was, it was, it was, I just didn't realize . . . It came out of a bolt, out of the blue -- "Say what? I'm genetically engineered? I mean, I have been all this time? I was engineered when I was six? So I'm really the bionic man, and I've been playing this, like, loser for the last three years?" It was one of those weird things that, uh, you know, TV does. It's like, "Ah, today, you're genetically engineered." Bing!
(Siddig El Fadil, DVD Commentary)
