Cold Rants
Mood:
cheeky
So did you ever notice that when it's really cold outside you start thinking about all sorts of strange things just to keep your mind occupied so that your not thinking about how ridiculously cold it is and how far you still have to walk and how many of your body parts are going to freeze off by the time you get there?
For example, let's say you're walking home, hypothetically of course, and it's ridiculously cold; kinda like being ridiculously good looking, but not quite, and a Ryder truck goes by and you think, man it would be nice to hop on the back of that thing and ride it for a couple blocks. So you picture this in your head, including the inevitable part in which you have to jump off the back, and you picture yourself landing horribly and scraping your face all up and then having to hobble the rest of the way all banged up and bleeding and walking in the door and being asked what the heck happened, and, feeling embarassed, refusing to divulge the details, and so everyone wonders from that day forward where that big scar on your face came from, and your silence on the issue only leads them to imagine that it was something fantastical and dangeresque, and so they call you Scar Face behind your back, but secretly admire your mysterious deeds, but really it was just a lame-o landing off of the back of a Ryder truck, and they'd be oh-so disappointed to know that your life-long secret was mere stupidity like that guy in the Onion. So musing about that theorectically gets you half of a block then you look down and see strange tracks in the snow that look like:
./.\../.\.../.
/...\/...\./.
\.../\.../.\.
.\./..\./...\. (if that doesn't look right on your computer than you're mising out man.)
And you're like, whoa, what sort of thing makes
those sorts of tracks. So you keep looking down for these tracks, and finally you see one that has roughly the shape of a boot around it, so then you realize it isn't some mystical robot at all, just a weird sole pattern.
So that took another half a block, but you still have two to go, and you can't even run home like you normally do because your stomach hurts, b/c all you had time to grab before heading out the door to your awaiting ride was a chunk of cookie dough. That's right, you're just that sad. But it's so cold you decide to run anyway, and your eyes start watering, but you can't even feel the tear roll down your cheek, it's too cold. And then your eyes start freezing shut, and you feel them trying to stick together with each blink of your eye. And then to boot it all, and city plowman comes rolling by and give you a look like you're the stupidest human in the world cuz your outside in whether like this. So you give him a dirty look and keep running. And then your legs get that weird tingly feeling cuz they're cold and all of a sudden there's blood flowing through them and you start thinking about horses and thermoregulation. And how your feet, just like a horses, are getting cold by conduction from the ground and the seemingly like of radiant heat hitting you and the overabundance of convective forces as you're running along. Then you have to shake your head as you realize how often you use equine anatomy and physiology on yourself, and that you should really cease doing that. And then you think that no one recognizes artistic writing anymore, and can't tell when you're using a sentence fragment creatively and purposefully. But it's so cold there's nothing else to think about, and you think it would have been a good idea to hop on the Ryder after all.
So the moral of the story is.. don't go outside unless you absolutely have to. It creates crazy people like that bum in Starbucks yesterday who thought that everyone was a hound dog, and that this place is a dump. I didn't mean to say dump, I meant. . . dump. I mean..... place.
And then there was the most entrancing person I've ever met Monday night at T.J Maxx. I'm just taking a peek darling, just a peek.
Love Gretel
irritated
hungry
energetic
celebratory
suave
caffeinated