KJ

Disclaimer:  All the characters in this story are the

property of Paramount.  The warped little story is

mine. 

                   Candied Courage        

Rated PG 

“Janeway to Chakotay” 

“Chakotay here Captain.”  The words were no sooner out

of his mouth then, he realized he had forgotten about

their dinner plans.  “Kathryn, I’m sorry.  I meant to

call you..” 

“Are you canceling on me, Chakotay?”  She held her

voice steady but he could still hear her

disappointment. 

“I’m sorry, something’s come up.”  He hesitated.  “Are

you alone, Kathryn?” 

“Yes, I’m in my quarters.  Why?” 

“Deck eleven.”  She heard him order the lift.  “I’m on

my way to see B’Elanna.” 

“Is something wrong in engineering?” 

“No.  Well, actually the only thing wrong in

engineering is that B’Elanna is there.” 

“I don’t mean to sound snide, but isn’t that where she

belongs?” 

“Yes, but not 24/7.” 

“What’s wrong that she is spending so much time

there?” 

“I’m not sure, but what ever it is, is not an

engineering problem.  Tom asked me to talk with her.” 

“Oh?  Tom asked you, this is serious.” 

“I hope not, but I know he wouldn’t come to me if he

wasn’t worried.”  The lift door opened with a faint

swish.  “I’m here.  OK if I stop by when I’m finished,

if its not too late?” 

“Yes, I’ll be anxious to know she’s all right.” 

“All right, I’ll see you later.  Chakotay out.” 

Chakotay glanced quickly around engineering; it was

quiet.  Carey was at his console, looking miserable;

no one else was in sight. 

“Joe.”  Chakotay strolled across the room. 

“Commander.”  Joe barely took his eyes off the

console. 

“I’m looking for…” 

“Over there.”  He nodded to the other side of the

room.  “Terrorizing innocent ensigns at the moment, I

believe." 

“Well, with any luck I can take her off your hands.” 

“Not likely, but you are welcome to try.” 

“That bad?” 

“Worse.”  Joe checked to make sure she wasn’t

listening.  “She’s been hell for a week or more. 

Nothing is good enough.  No one can do anything right.

 Says she has to do everything herself!” 

“I’ll see what I can do.” 

“Yeah, you do that.”  Joe shook his head.  “Good

luck.” 

Chakotay made his way over to where B’Elanna was

muttering and grumbling to herself having just scared

off two of her people. 

“Evening, Lieutenant.” 

“Commander.”  She didn’t look up. 

“How are you this evening?” 

“Busy.”  She grabbed a tool bag and brushed past him. 

“I see that, but aren’t you supposed to be off duty?” 

“Yeah, and if I had one competent person in this whole

damned department….”  She growled when he touched her

arm to stop her from walking away. “Look I’m busy.  If

you need something ask Carey, maybe he can help you.” 

She yanked her arm away and lifted herself into a

jeffries tube. 

“I came here to see you.”  He followed her in. 

“Well, you’ve seen me.  Now, I have work to do.”  She

crawled deeper and he followed. 

“I’ll help you.” 

“Don’t bother.” 

“No bother.”  He continued to follow her deeper into

the bowels of the ship. 

Chakotay crawled silently, behind the grumbling

engineer for a good ten minutes.  He nearly collided

with her when she stopped short and ripped the plating

off the bulkhead.  B’Elanna let go a sting of Klingon

curses as the plating skinned her finger drawing

blood. 

“Let me see that.”  He reached for her hand but she

yanked it away, sucking the blood off her finger. 

“It’s nothing, just a scratch.”   She examined the

finger and went right back to work.  “Here, hold this.

 If you must follow me around you might as well be

useful.” 

“B’Elanna, anyone in engineering could have done this

for you.” 

“Not a one of them knows their ass from their elbow

anymore.” She snarled. 

“Mind telling me just how they all got so stupid?” 

“Hand me that spanner.”  She held her hand out and he

place the spanner against her palm. 

“B’Elanna, you didn’t answer me.” 

“They’re just stupid.  How the hell do I know how they

got that way?”  She yanked on a bundle of wires and

sparks started to fly.  “Shit!” 

Chakotay sat back against the side of the tube and

watched her work.  Even in this state, she was the

best damned engineer he had ever seen; her movements

were fluid and sure.  It didn’t matter that there was

no real problem here, except the one she caused, just

watching her work was a pleasure.  After turning off

the shower of sparks, she fixed the wire, replaced a

relay, took readings, adjusted this and that, fiddled,

scanned and slammed the plating back against the wall.

“OK.”  She slumped against the wall.  “You won’t go

away, so you had better tell me what the hell you’re

doing here.” 

“I came to find out what’s going on with you.” 

“Nothing is going on with me.  I’m just busy and I

don’t have time to chat.  In case you missed it

earlier, I have a department full of morons and a ship

to take care of.” 

“And a husband who hasn’t seen you or heard a civil

word from you for weeks.” 

“That P’ahtk!  Did Tom send you here?” 

“He expressed concern, I came because you are my

friend and because I’m the only person on this ship

stupid enough to take on a raging Klingon.” 

“So it was Tom.” 

“I told you he’s concerned, but so am I.” 

“Well, thank you but don’t be.  I’m fine.”  She

started to pack up her tools, slamming each into the

case.  “Everyone around me is stupid, my husband is a

p’ahtk, my best friend is trying to smother me and my

body is expanding at an alarming rate making my job

that much harder and my life…” She threw the spanner

against the wall. “My life is just peachy!” She flung

the entire case against the wall. 

“Good, then maybe you will take a minute to satisfy my

mother hen instincts and stop wasting my time and

yours.”  Chakotay picked up the tools carefully

placing each of them back in the case.  “ You know, I

stood up Kathryn to come here.” 

“Who the hell needed you here?!  I didn’t ask for your

help.”  She joined him in cleaning up her mess

growling as she tossed the tools in the case. 

“Kahless, it’s not like it was a real date or

anything.”  B’Elanna regretted the words as soon as

she blurted them out, but it was too late; she glanced

sideways at him. “I’m sorry.”  She slumped down

against the wall again. 

“It’s OK.  You’re right.”  He leaned back next to her,

kicking the tools aside.  “I can’t even get the woman

to consent to a date, so what the hell do I know about

your lifestyle.” 

“Chak, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean that.  I’m just so

--- I don’t know, maybe this whole marriage thing was

a big mistake.”  She pulled a small plastic bag out

from under her tools and examined the colorful

contents. 

“So you’re going to do what?” 

“I don’t know, but I have to do something.” 

“Stop being stupid, that’s what you have to do.”  It

startled her when he slammed his hand down on the

deck.  “You have a great department, a husband who

loves you and a baby on the way— a life style I would

kill for and will probably never have!  So it has a

few bumps and you are going to what?!  Throw it all

away?!”  He was yelling and she could only stare at

him. “Why? What is so wrong with it? Tell me that,

B’Elanna.” 

“I can’t do this, OK—that’s why!  I..” She was yelling

back now but her expression told him it was only to

keep herself from crying. 

“Bullshit! 

“I can’t.  Tom can, he’s good at this stuff.  He knows

how to take care of people and let people take care of

him, sometimes.”  She tossed the bag in the air and

caught it again. “He knows about babies!  I – I know

about engines—that’s all.  I just can’t do this.” 

“You can’t or you won’t?  Oh, this is almost funny.” 

He gave her a sarcastic laugh. 

“I’m glad you are amused. My life is shit and you’re

amused by it.  Wonderful.”  B’Elanna took something

out of the bag and popped it into her mouth. “Great

friend!” 

“Tell me you don’t see the humor in this.  I give up

my plans to sit in this hot tunnel with my friend the

fierce Klingon warrior, who has a great life she is

ready to chuck ‘cause she’s scared!” 

“I’m not scared!” 

“Yes, you are!”  He grabbed her shoulders and glared

into her eyes.  “You are afraid Tom will be a better

parent than you, so you are willing to throw it all

away just because you are scared.” 

“He will be—he already is!  I don’t know how to do

this.  I’m lousy with kids.” 

“So you’ll learn.  We all have to learn—hell even you

had to learn about engines.  You had to learn all this

new technology.”  He waved his hands in the air. 

“B’Elanna the people on this ship all depend on you

and you never let them down. The baby will depend on

you even more and that’s scary but it’s not anything

you can’t do. ” 

“I don’t think I can.” 

“I know you can, so does Tom.  You’re scared and

that’s OK.  You know as well as I do that a person who

is never afraid is a dangerous person.” 

“It’s hot in here, can we go now?” 

“Nope, not till you admit you’re scared.” 

“It’ll be a cold day in hell….” 

“Well, the change in temperature would be nice.”  He

wiped the sweat off his face, smirking as he leaned

back against the wall. 

“You’re not funny.” She rested her head against the

wall. 

“Just admit you’re scared and we can go.” 

“It’s stupid to be scared of a baby.” 

“Maybe.”  He watched her out of the corner of his eye.

 “Maybe it’s just human to be afraid of what you don’t

know.”  He saw the human side of his friend recognize

the truth; the Klingon side jumped to over come it. 

“OK, OK, maybe what you say is true, but..” 

“I know, if I ever tell anyone you admitted to being

scared you will rip the heart out of my chest and eat

it raw.”  He smiled and she returned it, popping a

purple thing in her mouth, she handed him the plastic

bag. 

“Yeah. OK, so this baby scares the hell out of me.” 

She gave him a threatening look.  “What if I screw

this up?” 

“You won’t.”  He examined the colorful contents of the

bag she had handed him. 

“It’s not like an engine – engines I can fix.  If I

mess up the baby thing…” 

“You won’t and if something goes wrong or you need

some help, Tom will be there.”  He looked directly

into her frightened eyes.  “We will all be right here

with you.  No one on this ship is going to let

anything happen to your baby.  Understand?” She nodded

and smiled a little.  “So, what the hell is this?”  He

shook the bag in the air. 

“One of Tom’s little ‘comfort’ things.”  She rolled

her eyes.  “He tucks little things in my bags –

surprises.  These are jellybeans.  Tom says each color

gives you something different. Like red for love and

green for happiness and purple for courage.  Actually,

they’re not bad, try one.” 

“I don’t know.”  He held up the bag and inspected the

contents again. 

“Don’t be scared.  It’s only candy, you big p’ahtk.” 

She pushed at his shoulder.  “Try the purple ones,

they’re good.  Taste like gagh.” 

“Hummm, maybe I’ll try red.”  He fished one out and

dropped it in his mouth, nodding his approval. 

"So, you think its OK?  I can really do this?"  She

was uncharacteristically lacking confidence, she even

allowed him to lean her against his side when he put

his arm around her. 

"Of course you can.  You'll be a great mother and Tom,

well, he’ll be OK too." He laughed when she punched

him for that last remark.  "Besides, I'll be here too.

 I can't let anything happen to my godchild." 

They sat together silently for a while then the heat

became too much and they made their way back to

engineering. 

"Guess, I owe these guys an apology for the way I've

been."  B'Elanna looked at her crew, all silently

looking very busy. 

"They'll get over it." 

"Yeah, first I think I need to talk to Tom." 

"Good idea."  He put his arm around her again and

started toward the lift.  "Let's get out of here." 

"Hey, Carey."  She paused in front of his console. 

"Yes, Sir?" 

"Have a good night."  She smiled as they continued to

the lift.  "Chak, thanks." 

"That's what I'm here for." He stepped into the life

behind her  "Deck Three." 

"Maybe it’s not too late for you to stop and see the

Captain." 

"No. I told her I would stop by when we were through."

"Here."  She tossed him the jellybeans.  "Use these as

a peace offering." 

"Thanks."  Chakotay chuckled, grabbing the flying

beans.  "You going to be OK?" 

"Yeah, maybe not always but that's what friends are

for -- right?"  He nodded as they stepped off the

lift.  "Good cause I'm going to need all the help I

can get.  Now I have to go kiss up to that p'ahtk I'm

married to." 

"B'Ella, I'd start by finding another term of

endearment."  He chuckled as she waved him off and

started down the corridor. 

"Hey, Chak?"  She turned and walked back to him.  "Did

you ever ask her?" 

"What?" 

"Did you ever come right out and ask her what she

wants?  How she feels? --Not what she can do or feels

she has to do.  Ask her if she were free to do

whatever she wanted-- could do anything at all, would

she choose you if the choice were hers?" 

"I don't think I can do that, put her --or me-- on the

spot like that." 

"Why not? Sure it's putting yourself out there and

maybe she won't answer, but if she does than you'll

know where you stand.  If she says yes, you have

something to hang on to; if she says no then maybe you

can move on." 

"I don't know, B'Ella.  I'll think about it."  He

turned her around toward home.  "Now, go talk to Tom."

"OK and you go talk to her."  She nodded her head

toward the Captain's quarters.  "Isn't it funny how

clearly we can see the answers to each other’s

problems but never our own?" 

"Guess that’s why we need each other.  Now go home." 

"OK, but try the purple ones." She left him standing

outside the Captain's door. 

Chakotay rang the chime, tossing the small bag in the

air while he waited.  It only took a second for the

door to slide back, allowing him in.  Kathryn was

already at the replicator ordering them some tea. 

"That didn't take too long.  How did it go?  Is

B'Elanna OK?"  She called over her shoulder to him. 

"I think she will be.  You know B'Ella, she gets

herself all emotionally twisted sometimes."  Chakotay

sat across from her on the couch.  "She sent you

these."  He handed Kathryn the bag. 

"What are they?" 

"Jellybeans.  It’s a Tom thing.  Try one.  They're

good, but B'Ella says the purple taste like gagh." 

"Well, then maybe I'll just try red." She raised an

eyebrow and fished through the bag. 

"Good idea. Would you toss me a purple one?"  She

looked at him peculiarly, but passed it to him anyway

and watched as he swallowed it.  "Kathryn," He turned

and took her hand.  "can I ask you something?"