A FanFiction by Arabella

Based on the works of J.K. Rowling

Disclaimer: Joanne Kathleen’s - not mine

Warning: Brainless Fluff Ahead

This story was inspired by a moment in Zsenya’s "The Shrieking Shack"

(Disgruntled chess piece moment inspired by Honeychurch’s "That Corner of the Room")

"Oh, Ron — Harry — you’ll never guess what — come here!" Hermione had climbed through the portrait hole, eyes shining, holding something aloft in her hand. It was a large book, which she thrust in front of their faces as they approached. "Look at this, just look!" she cried.

Ron and Harry looked, then sighed together, none too enthusiastically. In Hermione’s hands was a copy of Hogwarts, A History. They glanced at each other and raised simultaneous eyebrows of warning. Hogwarts, A History was an old joke to them by now - a reference book they’d done their best to avoid reading at all costs for the past six years. Ron refused to pick it up for any reason, his argument being that he didn’t need to read it now that he had Hermione to give him his own personal lectures whenever he wanted them. Hermione didn’t always respond amicably to such comments, but then, that was sort of the point.

Indeed, Ron was the first to venture a comment now. Stepping up to Hermione, he shrugged easily, a smile playing about his mouth. "What’s that?" he asked innocently, pointing to the heavy volume she was carrying and knowing perfectly well what it was. "New book, is it?"

Hermione shook her head eagerly — for once she seemed far too excited to take up his sarcasm. Her face was positively glowing with happiness and she shone up at him. "No, it’s not new —" she explained breathlessly, the words spilling out of her — "well, I mean, it’s technically new — oh, and look at the binding, isn’t it pretty?" She held it up, beaming.

"It’s pretty all right," said Ron. But Harry noticed he wasn’t looking at the binding when he said it. Instead, he was watching Hermione.

Hermione didn’t notice a thing. She continued talking, very, very quickly — Harry was reminded of the very first day that he’d met her on the Hogwarts Express. "Well I’ll tell you what it is! It’s the two hundredth edition of Hogwarts, A History !" she exclaimed. "It’s a new printing! It’s just come out and Professor McGonagall’s had this copy shipped here especially — to show to me — and you can’t guess why — and I get to keep it and everything!"

Ron’s mouth now twisted into a mischievous smile that Harry supposed he couldn’t help. "Oh, well that is thrilling," he teased, and took the book nimbly from her hands before she could protest. "Great day, Harry, isn’t this?" he said seriously, holding up the cover for Harry’s approval.

"One for the history books," Harry jokingly agreed, enjoying watching his friends bother one another. They were really good entertainment, he thought, laughing inwardly.

Hermione made an impatient noise, finally realizing that Ron wasn’t taking her seriously in the least. "Give that back," she demanded, getting on tiptoe in order to grab for the leather-bound edition. But Ron held it high over her head, where she couldn’t possibly reach it, and grinned down into her annoyed face.

"You don’t need this, okay?" he said, as if denying candy to a very little child. "You already have two copies and you are a copy, Hermione. You’ve got it word for word inside that brain of yours."

"Ron," she huffed, "Really, do be serious — you don’t understand what I’m trying to show you!"

"Yes I do, that’s why I’m taking it away."

"Oh, come on!" She crossed her arms and Harry could see that her enthusiasm was quickly turning into irritation. He stepped in at once.

"Er — Hermione... why’ve they printed the book again?"

Harry knew it was the right question, because Hermione’s face became blissful again as she turned to him. "Well, they only publish the new printings when there’s new information to be released, of course. And there’s something in this new copy — well..." Hermione trailed off, looking the way she did when she was trying to be modest, and couldn’t. She turned back to Ron. "Do you want to know, or don’t you?" she demanded.

But Ron was still in the mood to tease her, and didn’t give a proper answer. "So there’s something new and groundbreaking in this old classic, is there?" he queried, examining it with mock-interest. He pressed the book to the top of his tousled red head and shut his eyes, pretending to sense something by way of Divination. "Ah yes... yes, I feel it..." he said, in a perfect imitation of Professor Trelawney’s misty voice, "My inner eye is receiving the new information... ah...."

Hermione rolled her eyes at Harry, who could only grin. "Do something," she demanded. "I really have news — make him quit being an idiot."

"Don’t think that’s possible," Harry informed her regretfully.

Ron ignored both of them; his eyes remained shut. "Wait... I’ve got it... yes.... that’s IT!" His eyes flew open and he eyed Hermione knowingly. "The fates have informed me that the laws of Apparition have been reversed — we can now Apparate and Disapparate on the Hogwarts grounds! All previous arguments on this subject are null and void!" He took the book off his head, and presented it to Hermione with a flourish.

Hermione didn’t take it — she crossed her arms and gave him a look. "No, it’s not about that sort of thing — honestly, Ron, I’m not going to get this excited about any old printing — this one’s really special. It’s special for me, anyway."

Her voice was truly earnest, and Harry finally found himself becoming rather curious. "What’s the news, then?" he asked her, eyeing Hogwarts, A History with considerably more interest than he ever had before. "What’s it say?"

"Well..." Hermione looked from Harry to Ron as though she had a secret bursting to get out of her. "Well... you remember when we took our O.W.L.’s last year?"

Harry snorted. "Remember?" he said. "Er — yeah, Hermione. I remember the O.W.L.’s."

"How could anybody forget?" Ron’s face took on an expression of agony. "Oh, bloody exams —"

"Don’t swear, Ron —"

" — my brain still hurts — why’d you have to bring up those tests and give me a headache?" he grumbled teasingly. Then he stopped, and held out one large hand like a stop sign in front of Hermione’s face. "Unless you’re setting up to tell us again how you broke the record for ‘Most O.W.L.’s Ever Achieved by a Student of Witchcraft and Wizardry’."

Hermione stepped back from Ron, looking slightly injured. She lifted her nose into the air. "I’m not setting up to tell you anything again, Ron. Honestly, you make it sound as though I talk about my test scores all day long."

Harry fought down a laugh. When Hermione had taken her fifth year tests, she really had broken the record for most O.W.L’s ever achieved, and everybody really was impressed about it. But she’d been so excited when it had happened that she’d spoken of little else for two weeks. Ron had finally, literally, clapped a hand over her mouth and threatened a Muting Charm. That had been a good row, Harry remembered.

Ron wasn’t interested in a row now, though, Harry could tell. Hermione was looking very sniffy and pouting at the floor. Ron was looking a bit contrite. "All right," he said, "you know I’m only joking."

"Well it isn’t funny," Hermione snapped.

Ron sighed. "Look, I’m sorry," he said. She looked at him as though she didn’t quite believe the apology, and was waiting for something more. Ron shrugged. "Well I am — I didn’t mean for it to bother you, it was a joke. You’re way too sensitive, you know that?"

Harry knew that this was the top of a fight, because Hermione’s eyes were beginning to flash. He backed away a step and wondered why Ron had to make dangerous remarks like that when he was already on the edge of trouble.

"Too sensitive? Why, because it bothers me that my boyfriend obviously thinks of me as a bragging know-it-all?" Hermione challenged.

"Oh, come on," pleaded Ron, "I don’t think you brag about it on purpose or anything —"

Hermione’s mouth opened in insulted surprise and Ron sucked in his breath, realizing his mistake. "I mean — Hermione — that’s not what I meant —"

But it was too late — Hermione looked completely offended. "You’re a good one to talk about bragging," she rejoined hotly. "Who still hasn’t shut up about the time he blocked a Quaffle and a Bludger at the same time, with only ten points up and the Snitch already on the field?"

Harry smothered a snicker. Ron now looked equally affronted. "I don’t know what you’re on about," he retorted. "But now we’re on the subject, who still goes on about the time she got a hundred and twelve percent in Charms — back in first year?"

Harry sighed ruefully. Sometimes this happened, too, and it wasn’t quite as entertaining for him to watch. He was always amazed at the number of ways Ron and Hermione could invent to be angry at one another — though secretly he suspected that they only did this so they’d have to do a bit of serious making up. However, there was no reconciliation in sight at the moment — rather, in five seconds, out of the clear blue, from a perfectly innocent joke, Hermione and Ron had managed to escalate things into a quick and ridiculous argument over nothing.

"I never!" shot Hermione. "And who still makes a fuss over the way he ‘saved’ a little girl in the Triwizard Tournament — when he wasn’t even awake?"

"Lie!"

"True!"

"Listen," Harry interrupted hastily, as other people in the common room began to stare at them. "Listen, Hermione — why don’t you just tell us what’s in there? Is it something about the O.W.L.’s?"

But Hermione wasn’t paying attention. She was looking scathingly at Ron, who glared back at her. "Give me my book," she said in a low voice. Ron held Hogwarts, A History out from his body as though it was contagious, and Hermione snatched it.

"Come on, Hermione," Harry coaxed gently. "Let us have a look at whatever it is."

But Hermione’s previous excitement had been squelched — she was no longer in the mood for sharing her news. "Never mind," she said, looking hurt. "It’s not important."

And with that, she walked away from Harry, past Ron, and up to the girls’ dormitory.

Ron watched her go, his face at once angry and dismayed. "She’s gone starkers this time for sure," he muttered, sounding grim. "How’d that happen, just now? I didn’t even see that one coming."

Harry couldn’t answer — he had no idea how his friends managed to make fights appear like that, out of thin air. After a moment, Ron shook his head and then said fiercely, "Well, if she thinks I’m going to be the one who caves in this time, she’s wrong."

Harry raised his eyebrows, but didn’t say anything. In his opinion, Ron shouldn’t have teased Hermione for quite so long when she was obviously desperate to tell them something. But Harry had made it a rule never to get involved in Ron and Hermione’s fights, and he wasn’t about to start now. Instead, hoping to divert Ron’s attention for awhile, he sat down in one of the good armchairs by the fire and dragged Ron’s old wizard chess set from underneath it. Ron, looking extremely disgruntled, sat down in the chair opposite and began to direct his pawns in an unusually reckless manner.

It was a good fifteen minutes of silent playing before a third person joined them. She slipped between the armchairs and settled lightly on the floor in front of the chessboard. "Ron, your knight!" she exclaimed immediately. "What kind of move was that?"

"That’s what I’d like to know," retorted the knight in a rather surly manner.

"Oy, shut up," snarled Ron, "You’re a chess piece, I know better than you. And Ginny, don’t interrupt me, I’m concentrating."

"Hey," said Harry warningly, feeling a bit protective. He smiled at Ginny and resisted the urge to kiss her, because he couldn’t, in front of Ron. Instead he tugged her crimson ponytail. "Hi," he said warmly. "What’s up?"

Ginny grinned, raising an eyebrow over at her brother. "Hermione’s up," she said easily. "Isn’t that right, Ron?" Harry repressed a smile. Hermione had obviously gone upstairs and told Ginny all about the fight.

Ron glared at her. "None of your business."

Ginny shrugged. "Fine. Here, Harry, want to see something?"

"Yeah," he said immediately. She smiled at him, knelt up, and placed a large book on his knee. It was Hermione’s new copy of Hogwarts, A History.

"Oh good — thanks, Gin," Harry said, flipping it to the index immediately. His curiosity was truly piqued from all Hermione’s mysterious behavior earlier, and he was interested to know just why she’d been so excited about this two hundredth edition.

He found the heading for ‘Ordinary Wizarding Levels’ and turned the book to page six hundred and fourteen. There he skimmed hastily through three long, impressive paragraphs on the history and necessity of the O.W.L. examinations at Hogwarts. He reached the end of the section and frowned. What was Hermione on about? Nothing there was out of the ordinary, and the next page was dedicated to the N.E.W.T.’s. Harry shrugged, assuming he’d skipped whatever it was, and skimmed through the section on O.W.L.’s again. But there wasn’t anything of interest — nothing he could imagine Hermione up in arms about. He looked down at Ginny in confusion.

"What am I missing?" he asked. "Am I reading the right part?" He noticed that Ron kept glancing over at the book, but was otherwise doing his best to appear that he didn’t care what Hermione had wanted them to see.

"Nothing there?" Ron asked casually. "All excited for no reason, was she?"

Ginny smirked a little and turned to face him. "That’s right," she retorted, and then went back to the book on Harry’s knee. "No, see — look at this."

Harry looked at the place where Ginny had her finger. He read it to himself.

Harry shrugged again. "Right," he said, "But I knew all that already." Across from him, Ron snorted and shook his head.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "The asterisk, Harry," she said, pointing again. Harry looked. The paragraph was indeed followed by a tiny star. His eyes went to the bottom margin of the page, where the asterisk was duplicated, along with the words:

Harry stared at the words, and then his face broke into a wide grin. Hermione had made the history books — and not just any old book, either. She’d made Hogwarts, A History. No wonder she’d been so flushed and excited — this was the reference book she’d been depending on for years. Every fact in it had been committed to her memory. And now she had earned herself a place in it, as Hogwarts’ most illustrious mind. Harry felt a rush of pride toward his friend and he looked at Ginny to find her smiling, too.

"Isn’t that just brilliant?" she said, sounding a little misty. "I’m so happy for her — she deserves it, she works so hard."

"Yeah, she does," Harry agreed, looking at the book again and shaking his head. "Look, would you get her to come down here so I can tell her congratulations?"

"For what?" asked Ron sharply, finally unable to contain himself. He had been sitting with his eyebrows pulled together, straining to see what it was Harry was reading.

Ginny looked at him pointedly, then lifted the book from Harry’s knee and placed it on her brother’s. "For that," she said, "you idiot."

Ron seized the book and hunched over it, scanning the page. Harry watched his eyes travel to the bottom margin, and linger there, reading. It was a long moment before Ron said anything.

"She’s in it." He looked up and Harry thought his eyes were a bit suspicious — they weren’t exactly wet, but they were a little red. "She’s in it — she’s in the book," he repeated, looking at the bottom margin of the page again. "Weird," he mumbled. But Harry could hear the admiration in his voice, and sure enough, when Ron looked up again, he was grinning. "This is fantastic — d’you know what this means?"

Harry and Ginny shook their heads.

"It means that I’m going out with the smartest girl in Hogwarts’ history, that’s what it means — and you know what that means, don’t you?"

Ron was obviously going to milk this for everything it was worth. Harry and Ginny exchanged exasperated looks.

"It means," Ron said, gesturing grandly to himself and nodding wisely, "that when really smart girls dream, this is what they dream about."

Ginny groaned audibly and buried her head in her hands. For his part, Harry went into a fit of laughter so strong that he accidentally kicked over all the chess pieces, who shouted at him and shook their fists. All the commotion attracted the attention of Seamus Finnigan, who was seated nearby.

"What’s so funny?" he said, edging his chair closer to the entertainment.

"Seamus!" Ron said happily, "take a look — right there, check out the star." He thumped Hogwarts, A History into Seamus’ hands and pointed to the asterisk.

Seamus read Hermione’s name in the bottom margin and whistled. "Well she ought to be pleased about that," he said admiringly.

"’Course she is," said Ron staunchly, pulling the book away again to look at it. "She’s a historical figure now, isn’t she?"

Harry, who had just managed to compose himself, was sent into another fit of laughter at this idea, and Seamus found it pretty funny as well. Ginny laughed along with them for a moment, then squeezed Harry’s knee and slipped away up the girls’ staircase again.

"What’s going on?" asked Lavender, who had just climbed through the portrait hole and heard Seamus laughing.

"Hermione Granger’s in the history books already," said Seamus. "Look, Ron’s got it."

Lavender looked at the book, squealed, said, "Oh, that’s just marvelous!" and called Parvati over to see. Parvati came at once, with Dean behind her. Neville wandered along a moment later. Within minutes, a knot of the Gryffindor sixth years had formed in front of the fire around Ron, and he was proudly displaying the book for anyone who asked to see it.

"That’s a real honor, getting in there," mused Parvati. "I mean, she’s our age!"

"She’s got some brain," said Neville, his voice slightly wistful.

"Damn right she does," Ron said swiftly, thumping the book for emphasis.

"Doesn’t always use it though, does she?" Seamus said, grinning. "Going ‘round with this one?" He jabbed a thumb in Ron’s direction and there was a general chuckle.

"Yeah," Dean said jestingly, "She can’t be too brilliant if she’ll take you, Weasley."

Ron sighed, obviously lost in his thoughts, staring down at the book in his lap. "I know," he said absently. "Makes no sense." Harry looked at him in surprise — it was unlike Ron to say anything so serious in front of people. Usually he just deflected jokes about his love life with jokes of his own. But now he was tracing his finger along the letters that made up Hermione’s mention next to the asterisk, utterly ignoring the rest of the room.

Behind Harry, someone let out a little sigh. He turned to see Hermione standing there, her cheeks very pink, looking quite as though she had overheard everything. Harry rather hoped she had.

"Hey," he said to her. "Congratulations, Hermione. I mean it. That’s really something, getting your name in that book."

The rest of the group spun around, and everybody interrupted one another, trying to tell Hermione how happy they were for her.

"You deserve it!"

"Do your mum and dad know?"

"Good going."

"It’s so exciting, really!"

Hermione beamed at them. "Thanks," she said, her voice uncharacteristically shy. "I — I know it’s just silly, but I really sort of am excited about it. But I’ll try not to talk about it too much," she said, with a little smile at Harry.

Ron, who had remained in his chair facing the fire all this while, now shot to his feet and turned around. He was holding Hogwarts, A History clasped against him, still open to the page about O.W.L.’s. "Silly?" he said hotly. "That what you just said? Don’t be mad! You’re in the book! That’s not silly, it’s...it’s... you’re..." he stopped, searching for strong enough words, but couldn’t seem find any.

Hermione flushed and grinned at the floor. Harry shook his head. Those two were a couple of idiots. He supposed they’d be going off to make up now, if he knew the usual routine. Sure enough, Ron cut through the knot of Gryffindors to Hermione, and linked her arm through his. He handed Hogwarts, A History over to Harry.

"Here, take this up to our room," he said. "I have to go out a minute."

"Your room?" questioned Hermione, frowning a little and reaching for her book. "Ron, I don’t want anything to happen to it —"

"You ask Professor McGonagall for another copy," said Ron, steering Hermione toward the portrait hole with authority. "That one’s mine."

Harry grinned after his friends — Ron pushed open the portrait of the Fat Lady and helped Hermione through it in an unusually gallant manner. And then, as Ron followed her out, Harry heard his voice say, "So if you’re the brightest girl in the universe, I guess that makes me the most intelligent choice, eh?"

"Oh, honestly Ron, you’re such a —"

But what Ron was, nobody in the common room found out. Ron had cut Hermione off with a deft kiss that Harry barely saw the beginnings of, and then the portrait swung shut.

All the sixth years laughed, and the knot dissolved into smaller groups. Harry resumed his chair by the fire and, momentarily, he saw Ginny descend the girls’ staircase, looking tremendously pleased with herself. She settled in the chair beside Harry, where Ron had been. He looked up at her and smiled.

"Good work," he said. "Whatever you said to Hermione."

"Thanks," she replied. "I just told her to come down here and get her book back. I said I’d given it to Ron and he was probably tearing pages out of it."

Harry laughed. "Nicely done."

Ginny nodded. "Want a game of chess?"

"Not really." He looked at her intently.

"Want to go nick some cocoa from the house-elves?"

Harry laughed again. "No."

"Want to help me study for my O.W.L.’s?"

"I want to get out of here with you for a minute," he said suddenly, and then blushed. "That all right?" he ventured.

Ginny blushed as well, and mumbled, "Yes, that’s all right... And anyway," she continued more airily, pointing to Hogwarts, A History, which was still in Harry’s hand, "it’s really Hermione I should have tutoring me for the O.W.L.’s, isn’t it?"

Harry grinned. Leaving the book on his chair, he let Ginny pull him out of the common room.

A/N: This author has no idea how many O.W.L.’s are possible. There are only 13 subjects at Hogwarts that we know of so far. But Bill and Percy got 12 each, so I figured 15 _ is probably fairly astronomical, and yet, I imagine that Hermione was aiming for 20. J