Literature and Writing...
My second favorite form of expression, just behind music, is through writing and poetry... I love to read and naturally most people who enjoy reading also like to be creative as well. Here are a few of my poetic works…

what i want

so what do I want?
what do I want from you? I want
to see your smile and feel more loved
than anyone in the world, to laugh
at your insecurities and to reveal mine,
to be able to tell you everything
and know it's all locked away inside of your heart...
I want to be able to hold your hand
and know that it means as much or more to you
as it does to me; I want you to love me
beyond my superficial traits, but still appease
my vain desires, my lustful needs...
and I want you to laugh at me for those things

I want to so intensely be with you
that our individualities fade away
and our desires coalesce
into one undescribable emotion

and I will wait for you, I will find you-
because you need me as much as I need you

through gilded trellises

through gilded trellises
the midnight light light embellishes
the faintest vision I could see

a tall, dark and handsome man
with a girl of the eastern lands
danced the night away before me

through gilded trellises
I watched- then soon he said
"I love you, but are you in love with me?"

the girl into a turnabout
cocked her head: "without a doubt!
"but how else could I be?"

through gilded trellises
the scene into the night progresses
love everlasting, dieheartening me

my thoughts were once in doubt
but nowadays they're just about
more sure than I'd ever hoped to be

through gilded trellises
two lovers lift chalices
toasting to love that was to be

first she screams, then he shouts
the poison seeping from her mouth
has left its stain on me

through gilded trellises
my guilty soul confesses
my sanity, fleeing, left me

rage first overtakes him,
the poison then sedates him...
I left them there for all to see

through gilded trellises
my adrenaline suppresses
any fear- no retribution for me

no more will they leave me out
no more will he have a doubt about
what our friendship meant to me

through gilded trellises
the midnight light embellishes
the faintest vision I could see

they both took me for granted-
now they're no longer enchanted...
simply because they no longer loved me

second period

anal-retentive psychotic megalomaniac-
punishing us for other people's faults,
gripping us tightly in a glove of mediocrity...
giving you the title of educator makes me sick
to think that I will one day be your colleague-
how revolting! no, what I will teach will be far more important

you treat us like five year olds,
you'd make a better babysitter than a teacher...
don't you ever get personal with me-
I want no part of you; well, at least not right now,
I'm sure you're a pretty nice guy, but the little shit you pull
has me so pissed right now I could scream...

"and I don't need ya, and I don't want ya!"

A Week Without

a week without you

the plane sets out into the air

amidst a sea of soft clouds

I think of how you are near—

flying far away from the crowds

my thoughts converge onto you

and of what I wish to share

that comes to mind out in this blue;

to your heart there is no compare

I sit in a terminal in O’Hare

wondering where you might be—

among all these people I hear a largo

expressing all my emotions for thee

now, halfway through the week

the chance to speak with you I seek—

I need to hear your sweet voice again

to set me to ease before I begin

to lose my mind thinking of you

I reboard the plane to come home

longing to find a secluded phone

because my next flight just got killed

and for five hours my patience is being spilled

like this $3.00 frapuccino across the floor,

spreading until I can’t take it anymore

I realize all this would be so light

if your face were in my sight—

I imagine you sitting across from me

and my heart settles a bit, calm and free

again in Chicago I long for thee

thinking back on Boston I have

so many vivid memories in my mind

but then I realize one particular fact—

never have I been among

so many people and felt so alone

my lullaby of love could not be sung

and I missed you so completely

because I love you so deeply

finding you

quite ironic enough, that upon first hearing about you

I would exercise true control for the first time in my life—

I would refrain from expressing my desire to know you

and my feelings that you must be vastly aware of now

ironic enough, that the first person to truly make me

feel all those things to which I have been numb all my life,

would be so deeply tied to a heart I could not bare

to bruise; yet my consideration is ignored and abused

in all this I fail to realize something so substantial—

I have found you! you exist! you are real, you are flesh

and not some abstract concept that I can only dream of…

you have deep eyes, a compassionate voice, and a warm smile

now I sit alone behind a piano, lamenting love I am denied

fearing I may have committed grave mistakes in direction

now that I have glimpsed a state of peace for a brief second

I attempt to recreate that emotion on strings and hammers

please tell me you realize this, please listen to yourself

and find that place within you that knows this is real!

listen to the whispers you cannot identify the source of

that are trying to remind you that this is not just about me or you

but that this is about you and me…

for an angel

its late now and I don’t know what to do—

my heart has found itself fixated on you

and while my sleep should come quite easily

I am deprived such knowing you’re not near me

because I’m not sure who I met those nights ago

on that sparkling floor calling my desperate soul;

I ponder what could grasp my attention as such

and who might be able to attract my devotion so much

so I think on those things I have so far experienced

to sort through this madness with indifference—

I’ve stared into crystalline eyes so blue yet warm

that I know deep down could cause no harm

I’ve held a hand as comforting as grace

and smiled as it caressed my face

I’ve kissed lips as soft as a child’s touch

and wondered what blessed thee such

I’ve touched a heart of which I haven’t begun to comprehend bounds

and I am developing feelings for which I cannot find grounds

your presence in my life frees me of its lonesome hell

and for all these things I must confess

I wonder if you are not possibly an angel

sent to free me of this worldly stress

glance to stare

why did I merely glance

when my intention was

so evidently to stare

and sadly enough I waited

to make my feelings known

when I knew I didn’t have long

to stare or even glance

your radiance caught my intrigue—

that look you flashed back

scarred me for two long days—

I couldn’t concentrate on my art,

the melodies fell short

of my usual vibrant expression

and I felt myself longing

to search for more of this beauty

that I’d only glanced upon

I had to find you again

it wasn’t but a question of when

and as I glanced about the racks

my stare fell upon that same face

that I couldn’t turn away from again

and so it was easy to make

my feelings known to you—

they rushed out quickly

and as my head began to spin

I found myself vulnerable again

after three long hours

I knocked on your door

severely close to shaking

but shortly the sweet voice

of another educated artist

and the sight of your tone body

completely enchanted me—

I found myself fighting

trying not to touch you

then as your wine stained lips

covered mine, I felt alive again

and horribly distraught

at the thought of leaving you

if I’d more than stared

on that first night I saw you

I might have had

the chance to glance

something deeper

hand in hand

sometime soon, so dearly soon

you’ll take my hand in yours

and forever together we’ll go

running through the grass, o’er the moors

we’ll go climb the trees of our love

and look out across the world we share

and considering what we hold between us

no other emotion will be able to compare

to that simple psalm I sing in your ear

of love I’ve found so sweetly true

hand in hand with only you

I love waiting tables

there’s just something to be said

for the insanity that comes

with being a server, and for some odd reason

I just love waiting tables

I love running around in the madness

of triple seating in a dinner crowd

making my money, doing my own thing

being social with clientele

and not being brooded over

every second of every second

but most of all its putting on the show

and that’s something that I adore

but right now I’m not so sure

that its all worth it—

because I’m falling fast

from this adrenaline, and its not over

the fifth two dollar tip in a row

its over far deeper interactions

than what the people that just shafted me

would ever think about

when you come walking down the alley

I find myself suffering shivers

in ninety degrees of air

and 360 degrees of existence

and I pass you wondering what to say

because I know we’d be at least great friends

and I guess now that’ll probably be it

but still yet I find myself looking

looking far away into your section

hoping you’re headed my way

hoping I’m gonna get an acknowledging smile

hoping I meet you in the tiny water station

and hoping you’ll say what

I haven’t the courage to merely utter

but you don’t… so I go tea my tables

and walk one of your table’s food

just so I can see if I can see you

but you’re not out there (sigh) and

I’ve got stuff to do and an order to ring

but you’re there already, trying to ring something

that your adorable new self can’t find

and you ask me for help… you ask me for help!

and the whole cycle starts again

and I recruit help in my tirade

only to find out what I didn’t want to know

so as I turn in my sales and skim off my tips

its not only the two dollar cheap ass pricks

that have me down tonight

then again, there’s always tomorrow night

and I might be your partner…

and in this random insanity

somehow I still love waiting tables

little boy

once there was a little boy

lost in a dark, suppressing wood

who desperately sought to escape

just as any scared child would

he fled down the path looking

as hard as his eyes would peer

for something familiar to cling to

but in his sight no one was there

eventually as the roots and crooks

wore his feet beyond exhaustion

he sat down all alone and cried

for fear of ceaselessly painful isolation

and as his little heart let go of hope,

his desperation eclipsing grief,

a single twinkling ray of light

pierced the canopy in relief

opening his tired, tear streaked eyes

he looked up into the trees

and in completely overjoyed relief

he fell forward to his knees

your heart brings my life serenity

as you are that light for me—

no other brings me such joy

and evokes my love so easily

lullaby

there are times when nothing more I wish

than to be near you, your cheek to kiss

because I know you need me there to be

your relief from despair, set you sorrow free

but for all those times that I’m not there

and you need something else, your pain to bear

think on this, your lullaby

and know its fine to cry

softly whisper into the air

my name and know, I’ll soon be there

and in my arms you’ll always be

for I need you as much as you need me

I know it’s hard and things aren’t fair

and its just too hard alone to bear

so when you wonder why I care

and can’t explain why I’m always there

think only of how great it feels

to know what we share is completely real

then think on this, your lullaby

and tell your fears good-bye

softly whisper into the air

my name and know, I’ll soon be there

and in my arms you’ll always be

for I need you as much as you need me

I’ll always need you as much as you need me

pianos

I hate those sickening nights

when the piano

won’t even talk back to me—

its too much to think

about how its not going to get

much better any time soon…

what have I figured out

that all those people out there

that are so ridiculously happy

haven’t realized yet?

because I know its not

that I’m missing something…

so instead of thinking

bittersweet (adapted from Rumi)

Through his hallucination
I saw my beloved's true heart

In my vertigo, in my dizziness
Through his drunken haze
Whirling and dancing for the first time

like a spinning wheel

I saw myself as a shoulder for his need

I was there in the beginning
And I tried to be the spirit of love
One long year later we are sober
There is only the hangover
And the memory of love
And only the sorrow

I know you yearn for happiness
I know you need love
I know you want mercy
And I say to thee:

Look at me and hear me
Because I am here
Just for that

I will be your moon and your moonlight too
I will be your flower garden and your water too
I have come all this way, eager for you
Without shoes or shawl

I want you to laugh
To kill all your worries
To love you
To nourish you

Oh sweet bitterness
I will soothe you and heal you
I will bring you roses
I, too, have been covered with thorns

untitled

what wondrous things pure chance brings

what fabulous fate befalls me of late

when upon a completely coincidence meeting

I happen to come across a man so pleasing

is it me, or could it be

random bliss out of nothingness

but oh well… what do I care?

I’m too busy feeding off his lusty stares

what a ride

I have these strange thoughts

that maybe I don’t understand what I want

because for the longest time I felt like it was forever

that I was looking for, and then when it shattered

I realized how hopeless a dream it really was in the first place

<< every new beginning comes

from some other beginning’s end >>

and as I attempt to come to terms with that

I rationalize that maybe I just want to have fun

and then I find myself without words

to describe such a new place I’ve found

nor to describe who I’ve found there

“remember also that I have yet to know you…”

and I let it go in the hopes that it’s a good thing

because it feels too good to be a lie

“… perhaps we have yet to know each other.”

and in that feeling I find simple uncontrollable ecstasy

you know what you are

and you love it, you wouldn’t give it up

for anything; I know, its hard being desired

“when there is love there are no demands…”

because there are so many people to appease

and so much bullshit to endure

but you and I both know we’d never trade it

“…no expectations, no dependency.”

for anything that would appear more simple

because then it would all be so boring

and we couldn’t have that, could we?

if this be a ride, I feel its as if we’re cascading

down a waterfall of immeasurable and flexible height

within which we cannot stop ourselves

“From fairest creatures we desire increase…”

and there’s no telling when we’ll hit the water below

but while we’re falling, just lose yourself in the flow

“…that thereby beauty’s rose might never die”

and when we do plunge, deal with it then—because…

you never know… we might delve deeper

and if not, it was a hell of a fun ride, wasn’t it?

staring into blue (thank you, “Never Seen Blue”)

its been dark for quite some time now

and I’m tending towards going to bed

but as thunder shakes the night

and runs deep through my emotions

I think about when we’ll be together

and how you’ll shelter me from this storm

its raining now and I sit here and ponder

just exactly who you are and when

it is that I’ll finally find you

as the thunder comes closer

I wonder when we’ll be together

and…

its going to be so intimate

when you put your arms around me

and we melt into one another… in front

of the roaring fire of who’s passion

we’ll only magnify

when that day comes that we’re together

and you hold me through these storms—

but for now I suppose I should go to bed

and not think on these things

because for now I sit alone in the dark

but I’m not worried at all…

or… well…

because… someday we’ll be together

and you’ll be with me through these nights

and I’ll wake up staring into blue

answering myself

I took a long walk last night

out under the stars and the clear sky

taking the time to reflect on things of late—

particularly what I’ve found in you

so what do I want?
what do I want from you? I want

and I realized that there’s nothing else out there

that I need in my life besides your passion

there’s nothing else out there that matters

quite like never letting go of what my heart feels right now

to see your smile and feel more loved
than anyone in the world, to laugh

to sleepily gaze every morning into your deep eyes

and to feel the warmth of that smile that I know

is shed for no one else but me…

at your insecurities and to reveal mine,
to be able to tell you everything
and know it's all locked away inside of your heart...

you are so much more than real to me

as if I’d never yet touched the world before this moment

and I know why I feel this way—

I want to be able to hold your hand
and know that it means as much or more to you
as it does to me; I want you to love me

because I have never truly felt before this moment…

that first night in your arms reality settled around me

like the comforting wings of an angel come to my relief

beyond my superficial traits, but still appease
my vain desires, my lustful needs...
and I want you to laugh at me for those things

I know I have found my solace in you

I want to so intensely be with you

that our individualities fade away

and our desires coalesce

into one indescribable emotion

to be with you in every regard

in every sense of the word together…

I am ready, I am fine

and I will wait for you, I will find you—

because you need me as much as I need you

I have finally answered my own question

and the answer is sealed in nothing less than your heart—

as these tears stream down my face,

as I ponder these sacrifices I am about to partake

I realize I have found you

I have finally found you

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