“Excuse me, miss, but visiting hours are over now.”
The nurse looked sympathetically at Rachel, who nodded her head and rose from the chair, leaving her daughter behind. She walked out into the waiting room, looking nervously in Lance’s direction. He was staring at a wall, his face expressionless and his jaw clenched. She could tell that he was upset with her. How could he not be? She had kept the biggest part of her life a complete and total secret from him. “Hey.”
She sat down in the chair beside him, her soul pleading with him to look at her. Lance kept his eyes fixated on the wall.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Lance—“ He turned suddenly to look at her, his eyes were red from crying.
“I thought I knew everything about you. I thought we were a couple. Aren’t couples supposed to know everything about each other?”
“Lance I was going to tell you. Really I was…but I didn’t want to bring an end to everything we have had going.”
“Why would it end anything, Rach?” He looked at her, his look so soft that all she desperately wanted to do was hold him.
“Because….because you have your own life, Lance. You don’t need a woman with a child involved in your life. It would make things more complicated than they are.”
“No it wouldn’t. It would make things so much easier. Yes, it was a shock. But Rach, I love you. More than anything. I just wish you would have told me.”
“Lance…God how can you not hate me? There’s so much you don’t know.”
“Why don’t you tell me? You’re tired, baby. You haven’t slept all night. Let’s go home, get some rest and we’ll talk about it.”
“I can’t leave, Annabelle.”
“You need to here for her and you being exhausted and sick isn’t going to do her much good. Come on, let’s go home, get some rest, and we’ll come back tomorrow.”
Rachel nodded her head and took his hand. The ride home was silent, both of them lost in their own tired thoughts. They climbed into the bed as soon as they got home, not even bothering to change their clothes. Rachel had a fitful sleep, tossing and turning until she couldn’t stand it anymore. She turned on the bedside lamp and nudged Lance awake. He smiled groggily at her and pulled her close to him.
“Can’t sleep, baby?” Rachel shook her head and sighed. Lance sat up and looked at her.
“I need to tell you everything now, Lance. It can’t wait. You need to know.”

“…And that’s that.” Rachel finished with a breath, looking at Lance, who was fighting to take everything in.
“Wow.” That was all he could manage to say.
“I told you I had kept a lot of secrets from you.”
“So let me get this straight. You fell in love when you were sixteen with an older man, as soon as you turned eighteen, you married him; he was still in the Marines so it really was a long distance love but then he got honorably discharged because of medical reasons…that being the cancer he contracted from the radiation he came into contact with during the Gulf War…you had Annabelle with the secret hope that she would be okay, but now she is dying of the same type of cancer that your husband died from.”
“Yeah…it’s a lot to take in, Lance…I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before.”
“Why couldn’t you? That first night when we met and we were talking…you could have told me then.”
“It hurts to talk about it, Lance. I loved Michael so much…and Annabelle is my life. I lost him and now I am going to lose Annabelle. The thought of losing her is killing me. It’s happening right before my very eyes and there’s nothing I can do about it. The last thing I ever wanted to do was bring you down and be a burden to you. Besides, why would you want to know all of the problems of some strange girl you had just met?” Her eyes filled with tears and Lance pulled her close to him. “Rach, I was intrigued with you the minute I saw you. The first time I looked at you at the meet and greet I was hooked. I wanted to be everything to you. It was silly. And talking to you that night, I would have loved to sit and talk all night long learning everything about you. As far as you losing Annabelle, everything happens for a reason…you may not know it now, but eventually you will. And you'll always cherish the memories you had with both Michael and Annabelle.” Rachel nodded her head and looked up at him.
“You don’t hate me?”
“How could I hate you? I’m in love with you. So in love with you that it hurts. Just promise me one thing?”
“What’s that?”
“No more secrets…we’ll tell everything to each other from this point on, no matter how horrible or how petty.” Rachel nodded in agreement. “Pinky swear?”
She laughed at him and hooked her pinky with his.
“Pinky swear.”

Chapter Eight

Rachel rubbed her eyes tiredly and fought the urge to curl up and go to sleep. Annabelle had undergone tests all day and they were still awaiting the results. Lance came up behind her, offering her a fresh cup of coffee. She sipped it quietly as he silently massaged her tired shoulders.
"Baby you really should get some sleep." He said after a few minutes. Rachel smiled tiredly, touched by how worried he was about her.
"I'm fine. Really. Besides, I can't get any rest until I know about Belle."
Lance sighed and sat down beside her, taking her hand in his.
"Have you thought about what you are going to do?" Tears filled her eyes and she squeezed his hand.
"No. I don't even want to think about it until the time comes. I just want to enjoy what I have left with her." Lance nodded and pulled her into his arms.
"I'll help you with whatever you need, okay? I'm here for you."

Annabelle returned to her room shortly after six that night. She was exhausted from the long day of testing, and she fought to keep her eyes open until her mother came into the room. Finally the door opened and Annabelle smiled gratefully as Rachel walked into the room.
"Hi, Mommy." She smiled wearily.
"Hey, Angel." Rachel leaned down and kissed her daughter tenderly on the forehead, brushing some of her blonde curls away from her face. "Are you tired?"
"Yeah" Her eyes drifted over her mother's head and landed on Lance, standing quietly by the door. Rachel followed Belle's gaze.
"That's Lance. He's my friend." Annabelle nodded and gave him a small smile. Lance took the opportunity to formally meet Annabelle before she was too tired.
"It's nice to meet you, Annabelle. Your Mom talks about you all of the time." He gently squeezed her hand and she smiled.
"He's cute, Mommy." Lance and Rachel both laughed, their laughter a needed break from the tension of the day. They stayed a few more minutes before leaving Belle. They all needed rest, Annabelle especially.

The drive home was relaxed but tense, both Lance and Rachel contemplating what the next days would bring them. Annabelle's oncologist had given them the worst- case scenario and had told them it would be best to prepare for it. The biggest tumor was two centimeters in width, large for Annabelle's brain mass. It controlled both her ability to eat and her ability to walk, which explained her drastic weight loss and her inability to walk over the last few weeks. Other small tumors ranging from a fourth of a centimeter to a half of a centimeter had broken off from the largest one and were slowly but surely harming more of Annabelle's functions. Soon she might lose her ability to talk, maybe even to see. The oncologist suggested radiation as a possible deterrent for the cancer, but the odds were one hundred to one that any of the tumors would even shrink. In the end, it had been Rachel's choice on what to do. She didn't want her little girl suffering anymore. She had decided to decline the radiation and only give Annabelle morphine to dull the pain. It was obvious that Annabelle was tired, and Rachel was tired of seeing Belle in so much pain. Now all they had to do was wait.

Chapter Nine

"Baby, wake up it's time to go to the hospital." Lance's face slowly came into focus as Rachel opened her eyes. She smiled sleepily and stretched, not wanting to climb out of bed just yet.
"Good morning..." She outstretched her arms, motioning for him to crawl back onto the bed. He obliged and crawled under the covers next to her, wrapping one arm around her waist and propping his head up on the other. "Now this I could get used to."
"Hmmm?" She looked up at him groggily.
"Waking up next to you like this. I definitely could adjust." He smiled at her.
"Good. 'Cause this is where you are staying forever."
"In bed?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her teasingly.
"If I can help it, yes." She giggled and pulled his face down to hers, kissing him softly. He pulled away and gazed into her eyes.
"Marry me."
"What?"
"You heard me. Marry me."
Rachel felt her heart flutter to life and almost spring out of her chest. She already knew her answer but decided to play with him a little more.
"Why?" Lance could see her answer in her eyes, but enjoyed the game she was playing.
"Well honestly? I just want sex. Yeah, that's it." She laughed out loud and playfully hit him.
"I knew you had to have some kind of fault. But sex addiction? Who would have thought!" She laid her head back on the pillow and looked up at him.
"In fifty years I'll be wrinkled up and have white hair and sagging boobs. Will you still love me?" Lance nodded his head.
"What if my face was all messed up and you couldn't see it. Would you still love me?" Lance nodded his head again.
"Okay but what if I lost both my legs and my arms and I just looked like a lump. Would you still love me?" Lance stuck out his tongue and shook his head.
"Lance!"
"Baby you know I would. I love every part about you." He slowly slid down the strap of her tank top. "I love your shoulders..." He leaned down and placed a kiss on the one closest to him. "I love your neck..." He brushed back her hair and placed light feather kisses down her neck, sending chills down her spine. "I love your eyes, and your smile, and your chin, your ears..." He placed a kiss in every spot as he named it.
"What about my fingers and toes?"
"Oh yes, those too." He grabbed one hand and pulled it to his lips, slowly kissing each fingertip and then doing the same to the other. Rachel laughed as he slid under the covers and moved down to her feet, making sure to kiss every toe. He kissed his way up her legs, to her stomach, her chest, and then finally he resurfaced.
"You know my favorite part, though?" Rachel looked at him expectantly. "These." He leaned down and kissed her longingly, not pulling away for several moments.
"So?" He looked at her, wanting her official answer.
"Where's the ring buddy?" He laughed at her as she burst out laughing. "Yes! Definitely yes. I'll marry you, baby."

Chapter Ten

“Rach, wake up…your phone is ringing…”
“Huh?” Lance’s voice slowly drifted into Rachel’s sleepy mind and gradually began focusing on the dull ringing of her phone on the nightstand. A strange feeling in the pit of her stomach caused her to jolt from her slumber and snatch the phone from its nest on the table.
“Hello?” Rachel anxiously mumbled into the phone.
“Ms. Matthews? It’s Dr. Anderson.”
Those words were all Rachel needed to hear before she leapt out of bed and threw on some clothes and shoes. Lance ran after her, grabbing a jacket, his wallet, and her purse in the process. The ride to the hospital and the events surrounding their arrival at St. John’s were blurry and the world seemed to spin in slow motion as the news unfolded. Belle was gone. The doctors had gotten to her quickly enough to keep her on life support, but Annabelle as Rachel knew her was gone. The doctors had only kept her so that Rachel could say her final good-byes.

The walk into the dark, cold hospital room had to be the longest and most dreaded walk Rachel had ever experienced. The heavy lump that once was her beating heart felt like lead when Rachel’s eyes focused on the little girl, laying peacefully in the hospital bed. The dull and resonant beeps from the life support machines were the only sounds filtering throughout the room, but Rachel’s mind was so numb from grief that she could barely breathe or think, much less hear. Rachel gently stroked the blonde curly locks of hair off of Annabelle’s forehead as silent tears fell from her eyes. Her little angel was dying, her only ounces of life coming from those cold lifeless machines. Rachel stood there crying softly for what only seemed like minutes, but after a half hour, the doctor came in and asked if she was ready. Rachel nodded and gave Annabelle a final kiss and squeezed her little hand tightly as the life support was turned off and Belle’s little soul drifted away from her body forever.

Numbly, Rachel walked from the room and met Lance’s arms in the hallway of the hospital. She wept tenderly at first, but as Lance held her tighter, the tears and the grief overwhelmed her and Lance slowly lowered both of them to the floor as Rachel cried tears of grief over her little girl that was no more.

Annabelle’s funeral was a sweet and simple one, celebrating the short life of the little girl. Rachel’s family and friends flooded the funeral home and offered Rachel shields of strength throughout the ordeal. Lance had taken a leave from the tour to be with Rachel, although she had fought him all the way. In the end, Lance had won and he had been there, too, as a pillar of strength for his girlfriend. Annabelle had been laid to rest in Rachel’s family plot in a small country graveyard in Tennessee, and the days and weeks following the funeral slowly became easier and easier to deal with.

Lance rejoined the tour and called Rachel every minute he could to check up on her and make sure she was alright. The funeral had obviously been both emotionally and physically taxing, but Rachel’s emotions seemed to recover faster than her body. For the past two weeks, she had been vomiting constantly and extremely exhausted from the past few weeks' events, and Lance was worried. He had expected the first weeks to be extremely difficult, but what he couldn’t have expected was the phone call he got almost exactly four weeks after Annabelle’s passing.

“Lance?” Her voice came through the line and Lance’s face immediately lit up.
“Hey baby. How are you feeling?”
“As well as can be expected.”
“Are you feeling any better? I’ve been worried about you, Rach.”
“Yeah, I’m doing much better.”
“Did you go to the doctor like you promised me you would?”
“Uh huh.”
“And? What did he say? Was it just exhaustion from everything?”
“Yeah and a little something else.”
“Oh? A little something else?”
“Yeah…some kind of baby bug.” Her light laughter on the other end hadn’t registered with Lance immediately, but after a few moments of contemplating, Lance understood.
“A b-a-b-y bug, Rach? As in you are having our baby?”
“Yes.” Her smile could be felt through the phone.
“Oh my God! Oh, baby…oh wow. I’m going to be a daddy? Seriously?”
“Yes…and I’m going to be a mommy again.” Her voice echoed only hints of sadness, but those were overshadowed with the joy and excitement of being a mother again.
“Rachel…this is amazing…I, I’m speechless.”
“Thank you, Lance.”
“For what, baby?”
“For giving me a reason to live again. I thought I didn’t have anyone for the longest time. I mean, Michael died, and then Annabelle got sick. But then you came along when I least expected it and showed me how to live again. You and this baby are the best blessings in the world. I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, baby. The both of you.”

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