Prologue

“Come on. It’s time for the press conference.” JC lightly brushed my shoulder and looked knowingly at me before walking out into the hallway and joining the other guys. I lingered for a few moments, not willing to leave. I turned slowly and looked at her. She was there, just like she had always been. Standing there in the shadows, waiting on me. I gave her one last longing look before meeting up with the guys. We walked slowly to the backstage area where the conference was being held. It wasn’t an unusual occurrence in our day. Actually, we had press conferences on an almost daily basis while on tour. Their purpose served to allow the fans time to ask us questions that they wanted to know. The shrieks and squeals of a hundred and fifty girls rang out in my ears as we walked through the doors. Blinding flashes of light penetrated my eyes and I had to fight my way through the room to the table. I sat and looked out at the small audience. All age groups, all ethnic groups...everyone was represented in the crowd. Some were crying, some were laughing, some were just staring in disbelief. I cleared my thoughts as the press conference started. Most questions were always the same...it’s not like we changed that much over a day’s time. We still wore the same brand of underwear, I still drove a Mercedes, and no, Joey was not getting married. The questions tended to get old after a while and we almost knew the answer to the questions asked before the fan even asked them. The last question shook me. It always did when they asked.
“Justin, do you have a girlfriend?” For a brief moment my eyes scanned to the back room, searching. I found her, standing on the back wall, hidden by looming bodyguards. Her eyes met with mine briefly before I turned my attention back to the fan at hand.
“No. No, I do not have a girlfriend.”

Chapter One

“Another day, another day.”
I sighed and smiled as well as I could that early in the morning for the TV camera. MTV was yet again in my presence, following us around to get footage for a TV special they were doing. The program was going to be called “All Access” and it was supposed to “document” our life on a daily basis so the fans could get a glimpse into *NSYNC’s world. Of course, on TV our life was sugar coated anyhow, so no matter what they did, it wouldn’t be the “real” *NSYNC. I climbed onto the bus and walked to the back of the bus, pulling the door to and plopping onto the couch. I pulled my cell phone out of my pants pocket and hit “1” on the speed dial. After a couple of rings, she picked up.
“Hello?”
“Hey, baby.” I smiled at the sound of her voice.
“Hey, J. I was hoping you would call.”
“Of course. Sorry I didn’t call earlier. MTV is here doing an ‘all access’ special and it’s kind of hard to find any private time to sit down and talk to you.”
“That’s okay. I understand completely. Trust me.”
“Oh, I know you do.” We sat in silence for a few moments, listening to the sound of each other’s breaths coming through the line. She finally broke the silence.
“I love you, J.”
I smiled and was about to answer her back when the camera crews came bursting in, my guess being they wanted to see just who “The Justin Timberlake” was talking to on his phone. Leave it to them to not give me any private time.
“Do you guys mind? I’m on the phone.”
I hated seeming like an uppity, all-knowing pop star, but damn, enough was enough. One of the guys rolled his eyes at me, something that didn’t go unnoticed. But they left. I sighed and turned my attention back to the phone.
“What was that all about?”
“The usual. Trying to dig into my personal life more than they should.”
“I’m sorry, J. Should I let you go?”
“NO!” My response was more enthusiastic than I had intended. “No.”
“Okay. This really is starting to get out of control, J. How long do you think we can hide it?”
“I don’t know. But I’ll fight it every step of the way. Everyone knows everything about me, Boo. I want to keep one of the most important thing in my private life just that, private.”
“Okay, but J, if you ever want to go public with it, it’s okay.”
“Alright.” I could hear commotion on her end of the line and the connection started to break up.
“Sorry, J. We are driving through hills right now. I’m losing my connection. I’ll call you back later.”
“Okay...I...” That was all I managed to spit out before the line went dead. I closed my phone and leaned my head back on the couch, thinking. I wasn’t able to tell her how much I loved her.

________________________

He was trying to tell me something right as my phone went dead. Stupid cell phones. They weren’t exactly the most reliable form of communication, but that’s all that we had. I looked at my watch and noted that I would be arriving at my hotel in an hour. I would call him back when I got checked in. Life on the road was hectic and having a relationship with someone who also lived on the road proved to be more than a little stressful. I never questioned why I did it, though. I loved him.

As soon as I got into my room I tried his cell phone, but it was off. I hadn’t even thought to check the time. I realized that they were doing their sound check right about now and then the meet and greet. He would have about ten minutes to call me before they started getting ready for the show. I laid down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. True enough, I was dating Justin Timberlake and it was already hard enough to keep secret. But then again, I was also in the public eye and my life was under just as much public scrutiny as his was.

I don’t know exactly why we fight so hard to keep our relationship out of the spotlight. Justin says he wants to keep this part of life private for his own sanity, and I think it’s just easier lying about it. It’s not that I’m ashamed to be dating Justin, God forbid, but it’s a double edged sword for me. If I say I’m dating him, his fans call me a whore, a fake, a bitch...really any name they can think of. Heck, they call me that without me even admitting that I’m dating him. If there’s the slightest possibility that any of the guys are dating, you can find a group of fans who are going to rip the girl apart like a piece of meat. On the other hand, if I say I’m not dating Justin they call me a liar and talk about just how fake I am and how stupid I am to believe that I could actually lie about something like that. You can’t make them happy no matter what you do, so I just opt to not say anything. I say that we’re “just friends” because in all actuality, we are. He’s my best friend. I sighed and sat up on the bed, bored. It had been a week since we had seen each other and every day became more unbearable than the rest. We were both on tour at the same time and with the exception of a few shows being kind of close together and awards shows, it was really hard to ever get to see each other. I clipped my phone to my belt and grabbed my room key. I needed to get out before I sat around and drove myself crazy thinking about him.

Chapter Two

“Hey, J.” I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I heard her voice finally come through the line. She had been so busy lately doing promotions and I was still stuck in the middle of the Boys of Summer tour that we hadn’t seen each other in two weeks or heard from each other in a couple of days. I was tired, I needed to see her, and I knew that wasn’t going to be possible.
“Hey.” I tried to not sound as disappointed and tired as I really was, but it didn’t work.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Her voice dripped with concern.
“Nothing.”
“J...stop holding back from me. I know something is wrong and you have to tell me.”
“I just miss you.”
“I miss you, too, J...I miss you a lot.”
“I wish you were here.”
“I wish I were there, too. But I’m so busy. If I even had one day off I would fly to see you.”
“When is your next day off?”
“In like two weeks.”
“Damn. Brit, I don’t think I can wait that long.”
The silence was deafening. I needed her bad...really bad right now. And she couldn’t be there with me, although I knew it wasn’t her doing. It was just a case of bad timing.
“J, what do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know. There’s nothing you can do, Brit. Our timing just isn’t right. I have to be patient.”
“So do I, Justin. So do I.”
“I’ll be in Memphis next Tuesday.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. We have a show in Nashville on the fourth and an off day on the third. So I am going to Memphis while all of the other guys are going straight to Nashville.”
“That’ll be good for you.”
“I know. I will get to see Jon and Stephen. And Daddy.” I smiled at the thought. My family and close friends were my happiness.
“J, I hate to do this, but I have to go. I have sound check. Will you be around later?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Bye, J.”

____________________

“What’s wrong, Brit?” I looked over at my cousin and closest confidante, Laura Lynn. We had grown up together and remained very close.
“Nothing. I just talked to Justin, that’s all.”
“And?”
“And what? There’s really nothing wrong.”
“You guys miss each other don’t you?” Her words stung. She had said everything that both me and Justin had been feeling in just a few words. Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at her and nodded.
“Come here, girl.” She pulled me into her arms and held me as I softly cried. After a few minutes I got myself together and looked up at her.
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Honestly, Brit...I don’t know what to tell you. Your schedules are too hectic right now. When’s the next time you guys are scheduled to see each other?”
“We are doing the Summer Jam thing. But we’re taping that at the end of August. That would make it six weeks since we’ve seen each other if we wait until then. That’s awful.” Laura Lynne nodded.
“When’s Justin’s next day off?”
“He said something about next Tuesday. He’s going to be in Memphis, though.”
“So why don’t you go down there that day? I’m sure you can work something out.”
“No. I’ve already checked my schedule. I have an autograph signing in Boston that day. No good at all.” I sighed in frustration and plopped face down on the bed.
“It’s obvious that you guys need to see each other. You’ll work something out, I’m sure. Just give it time.”

Time. Something I didn’t have.

__________________

“Hang on, just a sec. I’m coming!” I grumbled and slowly made my way to the door. The doorbell kept rining incessently and it was too early in the morning to listen to it. I yawned and rubbed my eyes before opening it.
“Brit?! Oh my God!” I stared in shock at her. There she was. On my Dad’s front doorstep. At first I thought maybe it was a dream, but she stepped inside, smiling brightly at me.
“Hey, J.” I swept her into my arms and held on tightly to her for a very long time, not wanting to let her go, afraid I wouldn’t see her again for a while. I relished in the touch of her and took in her scent. Fresh smelling and sweet, like she had always been. I finally put her down and looked into her eyes.
“Why are you here?” She simply shrugged her shoulders.
“To see you, J.” I couldn’t contain the smile and pulled her close, softly kissing her.
“Thank you.”

Chapter Three

“Fe! I can’t believe this! Who comes up with this stuff??” I threw this morning’s paper at Felicia, my assistant, and plopped down on a chair, frustrated.
“What does this one say?”
“Pop Princess Runs Off With Pop Prince. And then it goes on to say how I care more about my pop star boyfriend than my fans because any good celebrity wouldn’t have ditched the fans.”
“Well you did fly off to Memphis last minute and leave those fans in Boston.”
“Are you saying you agree with this paper?”
I rolled my eyes angrily at her, but I knew she was right. I had been fed up with not being able to see Justin and not being able to have my own life. It was touring, press, and more touring. Non-stop. I had gotten sick of it and flown down to Memphis to see him. It had only been a day trip, but it was enough. I had been at least a little irresponsible, leaving fans hanging outside a Boston autograph signing. I knew I had been in the wrong for that. After all, they were my fans. The reason I could even afford in the first place to fly unexpectedly to Memphis.
“Fe...what am I supposed to do?”
“Apologize profusely. And spoil them. They all had special VIP passes. Reschedule it for the next available time you can and give them some special perks.”
“Like what?”
“Use your creativity. It has to be something unisex though.”
“Okay. I’ll make it up to them somehow. But it was nice seeing him, Fe.” The scowl on my face was quickly replaced with a smile as I thought about the few hours we had spent together.
“I’m sure it was, Brit.”

___________________

“...So Fe ended up calling the people at Tommy Hilfiger and they are arranging gift packs for us to hand out to the fans. I know it’s not the same, but I hope it will soften them up a little.”
“I’m sure it will, Brit. Thank you for coming to see me, though. It really meant a lot.”
I smiled through the phone. Seeing Brit and my family had been what I needed. True, it had only been one day, but I felt much more refreshed and alive than I had felt in weeks. Plus, I’d see her at the Summer Jam taping in a week and a half. Thank goodness for that. We talked for a little bit longer and then had to hang up. I had another show to do in about an hour and she had more promotion. I hung up the phone and lazily walked into the lobby of the bus. Lance was sitting on one couch watching some kind of movie, Joey was eating, Chris was typing away on his laptop, and JC was writing. A pretty normal existence if you ask me.
“Hey Jayce...scoot over.” JC grunted a reply but moved over just enough to let me slide into the seat beside him. “What are you writing?”
“Just stuff. This song is really odd, though. I guess just something I pulled out of thin air.”
“Oh?” I tweaked my eyebrow up with interest. “Maybe going on the next album?”
“I don’t know,” he laughed. “It’s about the end of the world and flying through space. Maybe a little too funky for an album like ours.”
“You never know...”
My voice trailed off as I thought about the possibility of the next album. We had started the recording process with RCA but hadn’t liked the results. Actually we hadn’t liked anything of late with them. And our deal with Transcontinental seemed more crooked every day. Lance, being the business man of the group, had gotten our curiosities perked up about the true worth of our record deal. It did seem kind of odd that we were selling millions of albums and only making barely enough to pay our rent each month. JC’s uncle was looking over our contract and would let us know in a few days just what it was all about. Nonetheless we had already begun exploring our options. I’m sure that’s what Chris was up to on his laptop.
“Hey Chris, whatcha looking at?”
“Nothing really. Just stuff about hidden clauses in contracts and crap like that.”
He tried to look bored but I could tell that he was more than interested in the information he was reading. I decided to shrug it off, though. I chalked it up to it being our own insecurities making us doubt the people around us. They wouldn’t consciously try to hurt us and our careers? Would they?

Chapter Four

“Pop phenomenon *NSYNC announced today that they have jumped ship from their home label, RCA, to the premiere pop label, Jive, citing creative differences and crooked contractual agreements, among many other claims. Jive is currently the home of two of pop’s biggest powerhouses, the Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears. Stay tuned to MTV for more.”

I nonchalantly flipped off the TV, trying my best to prepare for the uproar that was sure to happen because of the announcement. We had been on the phone with our lawyers all day, fielding calls from RCA and Lou. True, we had jumped ship, but we believed whole-heartedly in our decision. JC’s uncle had read over our contract and pointed out just how crooked it really had been. RCA and Lou had over-allotted themselves too much of our profit. Added together they were taking about sixty percent of all of our total earnings. When you take the forty percent that’s left, pay off our debts, and then divide the remaining between five guys, it doesn’t add to much. Our efforts over the past three years had been fruitless.
“Great. The hotel is already surrounded by reporters. We’ll never get out of here.” Chris looked out the window of our shared hotel room down to the streets below. Sure enough the paparazzi had already begun to crowd around.
“We don’t have to go to Radio City until 4 anyway, Chris. Chill. I’m sure the boys will take care of it for us.” Chris shrugged his shoulders and muttered something under his breath. This was going to be one hell of a long day.

________________

“Britney, Britney! A few words, please?” I smiled politely and stepped over to John Norris of MTV News for a short interview on the red carpet.
“You look nice, tonight. What are you wearing?”
“Versace.” I loved my outfit, but I’m sure some fans would find a problem with me wearing extensions in my hair and my top being a little risqué with the sheer material. They always did.
“So, you are performing with *NSYNC. Anything you can tell us?” I wiggled my eyebrows at him in a casual manner.
“Nope. It’s a big surprise. But it’s going to be great. You’ll just have to wait to see.”
He thanked me for talking to him and I continued to make my way towards the front door. Once inside, I made my way to my seat, casually scanning my eyes over the crowd. I tried not to seem too obvious in my search for Justin. We had both agreed to sit on opposite sides of the music hall in an attempt to smother the flames of the rumor mill. The rest of the guys in *NSYNC had brought dates, but Justin was escorting his Mom. Although he loved spending time with his mother, he had an alterior motive in bringing her as his date. After the Boston incident everyone had been talking about our “friendly” relationship. And the rumors seemed to get more outlandish every day. My one day stay in Memphis had already been turned into a weekend getaway in Switzerland with Justin, complete with room service ordered cherries and hot fudge. If my memory serves me correctly, we ordered takeout in his father’s living room. You have to give credit to these people for being creative at least. Anyway, Justin and Lynn both thought it would do some good with him bringing her. The fans would think it was sweet of him to bring his Mom. The only time me and Justin would “see” each other would be on stage for our performance. I found my seat and continued looking for any sign of the guys. After a few minutes I felt a pair of eyes boring into me and turned my head slightly to the right. There he was, casually standing up in his row chatting with JC. JC’s back was turned to me and Justin’s attention was torn between me and Josh. He gestured with his hands and casually slipped in “I Love You” in sign language. Our sign. I smiled, trying not to smile too brightly. The last thing we needed right now was more rumors to come flying in our direction. I got comfortable and prepared for the start of the show.

__________________

“Are y’all ready for some real lip synchin’? Introducing *NSYNC and Miss Britney Spears!”
With a name like *NSYNC, you could never quite dispel the lip-synching rumors. It seemed too easy to link the two words together. I laughed at Chris Rock’s comment quietly, bowing my head on the desk below me. Here we were, performing together. The trick was to stay as in cognito as possible so no one caught on until the end. She appeared at the top of a stairway to begin her set and I could barely see her from the corner of my eye. I would have given anything to be able to jump out of that seat and get up and dance with her. Lord knows what people would say about that. I waited patiently, quietly watching her from my corner seat on the stage. I guess I had been staring a little too hard because Lance, his back turned away from the audience, glared at me and gave me a warning look. I smirked at him and sighed as Britney’s set ended and our cue to perform started. Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears dating? Never! I laughed sarcastically at myself and began to dance.

Chapter Five

“Silent night, holy night...all is calm...”
I quietly began to sing the words to Silent Night as the people in Rockefeller Center stood and watched. I tried to stop the chattering of my teeth, but the brisk New York wind won out. I was freezing standing up there singing the Christmas hymn and despite how terrible this sounds, I was looking forward to the end. Finally it came and amidst the cheers (and a few boos from the Justin fans of the world) I walked off the stage. I briskly walked to the trailer I had been assigned and welcomed the warmth. More importantly, I welcomed the sight of Justin, lazily strewn onto the couch.
“You did good. I’m proud of you, Brit.” He smiled at me and got up to hug me. His strong arms were always a welcome presence and I fell into them willingly. We stood there for several moments, not saying a word.
“You’re freezing.” He instinctively began to rub my shoulders, trying to circulate some warmth.
“I know. It’s a little cold out there, you know!” We stood looking at each other for a few more moments before a stagehand outside broke the silence.
“*NSYNC on in five minutes!”
Justin gave me a quick kiss and one last look before silently heading out the door. Once again it had been another short lived moment together. We probably wouldn’t see each other for the rest of the night. Sighing, I plopped down onto the couch that Justin had previously occupied. I’d take what I could get.

________________

I smiled devilishly at her as I quickly drug her away from the crowd and down a deserted hallway.
“Justin--” I silenced her with a long kiss.
“Mmm...I have been wanting to do that all night.” I wiggled my eyebrows at her and it was all she could do to stop giggling.
“Me too.”
“Happy birthday, baby.”
I took her in my arms and held her close. It was her eighteenth birthday and she had thrown a big party at a club in New York City. It worked perfectly with our schedules, too, so we were finally able to spend a day together. Although the only people invited were family and friends, both Brit and I knew that paparazzi would be able to sneak their way in. We still had to keep quiet about our relationship.
“Thank you.”
“So what do you want for your birthday?”
“J, you’ve already given me way too many gifts. I don’t want anything!” She tried protesting but once again I stopped her.
“I think Cinderella deserves a dance with Prince Charming.” I bowed to her and kissed her hand and slowly began leading her to the dance floor of the club.
“J, I thought we had agreed...no public displays tonight. You know reporters are here!” We made it to the dance floor and I swung her around to face me as I pulled her close.
“Who cares? It’s your birthday, baby. Live it up!” I felt her give in to me as we slowly began to dance.

________________

There they were. The National Enquirer had been the first publication to get their grubby little paws on the pictures of me and Justin at my birthday party. I guess I should have been flattered to know that I was front page material.
“Britney Spears with boyfriend Justin Timberlake.”
I read the caption aloud and laughed. It really was no use keeping this thing private. Especially with tabloids and their freelance photographers hanging around like leeches. Oh well. Just another day in my life.

Chapter Six

just wish I would have had some kind of warning about this. Do you know the commotion this is going to cause?"
"And it matters to you because? Why? Because you need Melinda to come up with some story about why I would say such a ludicrous thing? Right, Justin."
"No. I mean, I don't know."
"What do you mean, 'I don't know'? Justin, you've always told me that whenever I wanted to admit to our relationship that I could and you would back me up. Have you changed your mind?"
"Well, no…I guess I wish I could have just been warned, that's all."
"Whatever." The rest of our conversation was really tense and we hung up shortly thereafter. Men!

Chapter Seven

"Hey Justin! Have you seen Elle, yet?"
Chris's taunting voice resonated throughout the bus and the laughter of the rest of the guys filtered into my ears as well. They all knew that I had been a little upset with Britney over the comments that she had made in Rolling Stone. True, I had always told her that whenever she wanted to go public, that I would support her…but now that she had really gone public with Elle, I wasn't so sure anymore. I didn't know if it would get even crazier or if the rumor mill would finally calm down. I stalked into the den area of the bus and grabbed the magazine from Chris's hands.
"As a matter of fact, I have, thank you!" Chris just laughed at me.
"What are you going to do about it, hot shot?"
"Nothing. It's out now, isn't it?" Chris looked at me, obviously puzzled. I could tell from his face that he was in pure disbelief that I was actually going to maybe admit to dating Britney.
"You mean you are going to finally admit it?"
"Yeah…well, if the question comes up. And I'm sure it will eventually." I grinned and winked at him, finding his disbelief oddly amusing.

______________________

Well, I definitely gave the rumor mill something to talk about in my interview with Elle. I finally admitted to dating Justin, completely and truly. No loopholes, no maybes…I just laid it out there. And the response had been surprisingly good. The Justin fans hadn't tried killing me, I had no death threats of late. They seemed to be swallowing it pretty well. And Justin had called me. I knew it was him calling and I was kind of scared to hear his reaction. It turned out to be completely opposite of his reaction to the Rolling Stone comments. He was excited about me admitting to our relationship. Even wanted to know when we could make our first public appearance together! I have to admit, that shocked the hell out of me right then and there.

We decided to attend the 2000 VMAs together and arrived hand in hand on the red carpet, and snuggled up with each other during the show. It wasn't like we were trying to flaunt the fact that we were indeed together, but it was definitely nice being able to show affection in public finally. And I was glad to have him right by my side to calm my nerves about my performance. It was definitely risque and even Justin hadn't known the full details about what I was going to do. And when I did it, boy was he shocked! I guess he didn't know too much about his girlfriend after all.

Just kidding.

My little striptease had definitely caused a commotion, but I took it in stride. Sure, I had danced almost naked on stage, but I had Justin Timberlake at my side, too! So there!

__________________

I have to admit…it was definitely nice being able to publicly display my affections for Brit. Lord knows I had waited long enough. After almost two years of dating one of the most wonderful women in the world, I could finally show everyone just how much she meant to me. If I wanted to go on top of a mountain and scream out "I LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS!!!" I could have and no one would have cared. It felt good to finally be free to show my love for her.

We appeared on Rosie's show on Election Day. Just a normal interview. And I was expecting the question about Britney. To be honest, I had waited to admit to it on Rosie, because I was so comfortable with her as a host. She understood, she was a friend of the group's, and she had known for awhile about Brit and me's relationship. It wasn't a shock to her that we were finally confessing to our status, and it was the most comfortable I had ever been answering the question. When she asked, though, I answered carefully, unsure of how the audience was going to react. I braced myself for the "boos" but all I got were screams of approval. It was a huge relief from one of the biggest burdens in my personal life…one that I was glad to get off of my shoulders.

__________________

"Awww! Fe, did you see this?" I shook my copy of Teen People in the air and motioned frantically for Fe to come read.
"What? Oh, the Justin interview? I heard about it, but haven't read it, no."
"Listen to what he said. 'Look I love you, you love me, that's all that matters.' Awww, Fe, he's way too sweet."
I reverted into my blushing little girl mode for just a minute, gushing over what he had said. Although Justin had never hidden his feelings about me in private, it was in a way nice to finally see him talking about them in print. Letting the whole world see the Justin Timberlake that I had fallen in love with. Dating had definitely been easier now that we had come clean. The fans that had once hated me now seemed to love me. I guess Justin claiming me as his girlfriend proved to them that I wasn't as bad as they had originally believed. After all, if Justin was that crazy about me, then there must be something good about me, huh? We still had some fans that were upset with our relationship, but for the most part, things were good. It was hard to believe that we had survived that long. From best friends so many years ago on the Mickey Mouse Club to now as one of the happiest couples in the world, we had made it. Life was good.