ALWAYS
By: Rachel
© July 1999
"This Romeo is bleeding
But you can’t see his blood
It’s nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up
It’s been raining since you left me
Now I’m drowning in the flood
You see I’ve always been a fighter
But without you I give up
Now I can’t sing a love song
Like the way it’s meant to be
Well I guess I’m not that good anymore
But, baby, that’s just me.."
Justin Timberlake walked through the empty alleys and back streets of his hometown, his hands shoved in his pockets and his head bent in an effort to shield himself from the drizzling, cold rain. It always seemed like it was raining nowadays. Even on sunny days his life seemed dreary and bleak like a rainy day. He had been so strong with her by his side. Nothing could possibly come between them and he felt safe and secure in
her arms and her love. He had all but given up on love and the chance to feel that way about anyone ever again. It was Lauren who had his heart, and no one else.
"Yeah I will love you
Baby, always
And I’ll be there forever and a day
Always...
I’ll be there till the stars don’t shine
Till the heavens burst
And the words don’t rhyme
Baby when I die
You’ll be on my mind
And I’ll love you
Always..."
Justin got into his car and drove home to his old room at his father’s house. Sometimes he absolutely despised coming home to jaded memories that refused to fade away, and this was definitely one of those times. It had been two years since she walked away from him and she still had not left his heart or his mind and he wasn’t sure she ever would. He sat on his bed, his head in his hands, and closed his eyes, letting his
memory take him away to what he used to have.
"Now your picture’s there
You left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some they made us laugh
Some they made us cry
Well they made, you had to say goodbye
What I’d give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers
Try to understand
I’ve made mistakes, I’m just a man
When he holds you close
When he pulls you near
When he says the words you’ve been needing to hear
I wish I were him
And those words were mine...."
He remembered the days they spent in the countryside of Tennessee, spending as much down time as they possibly could. She was his first and only love. Her soft voice and shining eyes had instantly attracted him to her and shortly thereafter they started dating. She was his for two wonderful years, but as the touring picked up speed and his career took off, they slowly began slipping away from each other. Justin didn’t realize it until too late. Lauren told him she loved him and he did the same for her, but everyone knows that long distance phone calls and email could only go so far. It was rare that she got the chance to hold him and caress him and kiss his soft lips. The managers didn’t help the relationship either. Justin was seen as the young and desirable heart throb of the group and he had to remain single in the public’s eye to keep the female fans. He protested strongly at first, but eventually began the normal, daily routine of denying he had a girlfriend. Lauren always proudly stood to the side, not stepping in her boyfriend’s spotlight and tried to push it into the back of her mind. But after a year of not being able to make public appearances with her love and being innocently pushed aside, she had enough. That, mixed with the distance was too much for her, and she broke up with Justin, running into the arms of another man...someone closer to home and someone who was allowed and able to love her unconditionally.
"And I will love you
Baby Always
And I’ll be there forever and a day
Always..."
When she called him to tell him her decision, Justin hadn’t wanted to believe it. She begged him for a continued friendship. At first, it was completely unheard of by Justin, who didn’t want her as anything else but his girlfriend. Slowly, though, he began to realize that he would rather have her as one of his best friends than completely being without her, so he agreed. Justin promised her that he would always love her and be
there for her, and all Lauren could offer him were her deepest apologies for not being able to hold on any longer.
"If you told me to cry for you, I could
If you told to me to die for you, I would
Take a look at my face,
There’s no price I won’t pay
To say these words to you..."
The memories had hit him full force when he had come home for Thanksgiving weekend and had read the local newspaper. There, on the front page of The Leader , smiled Lauren and her new fiancé. The announcement said that their wedding was set for February, and shortly after, Justin had received an invitation to the ceremony as well as a personal note for Lauren requesting his presence there. She had told him that it would mean so much to her if he came, and although Justin knew his heart was going to break into a million pieces, he RSVPed anyway, and put on a fake smile for her.
"Well there ain’t no love
And it slowly dies
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We’ll find a place where the sun still shines.."
Justin wrestled with his mind and conscience about his decision to go to Lauren’s wedding. He remembered all of the dreams he had about marrying her and starting a family with her and felt guilty pangs in his heart as his jealousy rose against Brad, her fiancé and the man who was taking her away from him forever. Justin desperately tried to get over her before the wedding, throwing himself half-heartedly into relationships
and trying to force himself into falling in love. Nothing seemed to work, so he tried the next best thing by denying he ever had feelings for her.
"Yeah I, will love you
Baby, always
And I’ll be there forever and a day
Always
I’ll be there till the stars don’t shine
Till the heavens burst
And the words don’t rhyme
When I die, you’ll be on my mind
And I’ll love you
Always..."
February approached quickly and Justin found himself on the plane, looking out the window and thinking to himself about what it was going to be like hearing her profess her undying love for another man besides him. Those vows were supposed to be said to him, and only to him, and he couldn’t believe that the opposite was about to come true before his very eyes. One of Justin’s greatest fears was to die unloved, and after two years of battling with his broken heart, it seemed like his worst nightmare was becoming reality. He breathed deeply as he stepped inside of the church, and felt the pains tugging at his heart and he saw his angel walking down the aisle. Her eyes sparkled and the smile she had on her face illuminated the whole church. He felt the tears coming to his eyes and knelt his head down, trying hard to keep his strength. Although Justin hated to admit it, the service was beautiful and he waited patiently in
the receiving line to give Lauren and Brad their congratulations. Lauren hugged him tightly and whispered a soft ‘thank you’ in his ear as he kissed her cheek. He wanted so much to hold onto her and never let her go, telling her that he loved her and always would, but now it was too late. He walked away from the church, feeling his heart breaking with every step he took, and drove off, knowing that he would always love her.
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